sultry33 Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 hi, i have been in my rs for 8 months now and im just about hanging in there i see big red flags and honestly i feel like i want to be on my own. im worried that 1, i will break his heart by staying as i think its going nowhere 2, that its wrong decision. reasons are many here are some examples: i like to have time with my family espically as my son has autism so i need to spend lots of time with him.. i like me time to just watch telly, play games.. chill out. personally id just like to see a guy weekends:-) as i think they need time out too.. as it became more serious then sure id see them more often but not insist on it every day. my bf however wants to see me everyday and wants me to sleepover at his all the time.. and when he comes over which is every night but pos one.. he demands us time exclusive ie for sex.. which is difficult for me as i have no private room but he has own flat.. if i stay at his on weekend i get like 3 hrs sleep and he is constantly all over me and wakes me up early.. gets in mood if i turn him down etc.. then starts hassling me on the tues about me staying over again. he invited himself for xmas day/dinner which meant he stayed here xmas eve/xmas day night.. then he was expecting to stay until the tuesday after 5 days! he drank everyones beer did not bring any, then took whole crate of 15 which was xmas present id given him.. everyone else bought beer..which he drank.. i was so embarrased. he sat right next to me and even squeezed chair between my daughter and me.. kept me up all of xmas night as we couldnt have sex and he was moody.. he copies me, i buy chrome for kitchen now he does.. i change my fb pic so he does.. he tells everything on fb too.. where we go, his money situation. i feel emiotionally and psycally suffocated .. on one hand he is damn tight like new yrs eve i said we was havin drinks at mine before club so bring some beers.. he said got some in your fridge already.. which was 3 beers! i mentioned that and he was like they are communal beers.. then he drank my friends drinks. he wanted to go on holiday so asked me i said i had not got money he was like its ok i pay.. then in the shop he said we going dutch.. i had 4 weeks to pay £400 so i said it be next yr then.. so he paid..but tells everyone he paid. now he has booked us for NY for 4 days and he i paying.. but i dont really want to be with him.. but all my friends/family say go.. its free. there are lots more examples but i have no time tonight.. plus probably already bored you all , sorry just unsure what to do. tonight h finally left at 3 30am moaning saying oh i probably crash car now, maybe one day i can stay.. i stayed at his last night so its not like he is gagging! damn i need space. any advice? sorry for spelling mistakes etc im on an apple and im being talked to at same time lol.. kids x
OceanTropic Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Are you happier with or without him? Your answer should tell you what to do.
tami-chan Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 ugh....sounds like a nightmare...bail out! bail out!
Art_Critic Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 ugh....sounds like a nightmare...bail out! bail out! Yeah... I think when a relationship with a SO degrades to the point of being embarrassed of the things they do then it is time to bail
Author sultry33 Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 thanks everyone, i am happy without him , just i hate hurting peoples feelings which i think is why i give him so many chances. i know if my friend was asking i for sure be saying move on. i think my friends and family want me to stick it out as he has some money and they think i deserve bit fun.. but id rather be with the right guy not the wrong one.. trouble is he has just booked us in for New York.. its 4 weeks away and i dont think i can last another day.. i dont want him to loose loads of money though. any ideas? x
sparkle Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Leave him! The only way you'll really hurt him is by staying with him when you're not happy.
Malenfant Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 in your OP you didnt mention one nice thing about him, thats says a lot. leave him, and do it sooner. he'll get over it, you cant stay with an idiot cos you're afraid of hurting his feelings when the guy is such an insufferable prat
Malenfant Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 thanks everyone, i am happy without him , just i hate hurting peoples feelings which i think is why i give him so many chances. i know if my friend was asking i for sure be saying move on. i think my friends and family want me to stick it out as he has some money and they think i deserve bit fun.. but id rather be with the right guy not the wrong one.. trouble is he has just booked us in for New York.. its 4 weeks away and i dont think i can last another day.. i dont want him to loose loads of money though. any ideas? x you cant stay with someone for that reason, you know that. he doesnt sound like any fun at all really. you'll know when the time is right to do it. its not about it being the right time for him, you'll just find you cant keep it in any longer. once you do you will feel so relieved. think of all that 'me' time and time for your children you'll get back.
harmfulsweetz Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Leave him. The NY trip? It's not a reason to stay, sure he'll either lose money, or he'll take someone else. You can't stay out of fear of hurting him, it'll hurt him more the longer you stay knowing you don't want to stay. Trust me, I knew months ago I didn't want to be with my ex, but I stayed because I didn't want to hurt him, and in fact, it led him on. And hurt him more. He sounds overbearing, and rather like my ex in fact. He used to sulk if I didn't have sex with him, and make me out to be bad because of it. It won't change, so get out.
counterman Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 If it's half as bad as it sounds from your opening post then you know what you should do. You ever said it yourself that if it was one of your friends going through this then you would tell her to leave. Hurting his feelings? You have to think about yourself too and like you said you are feeling drained and you are obviously suffering in this relationship. Yes, if you hurt his feelings you're bound to feel guilty but you'll be saving him from a world of hurt, and yourself too, if you stop it now and don't let this drag on. It's unfortunate that there is a trip planned but if you're not gonna enjoy yourself and when you come back there's still gonna be these problems, why go? Also consider that he would be feeling pretty stupid if he went on the trip with you and this is what happens. But yes, that doesn't matter right now. What matters is how you feel and what's most important i.e. your family. I hope it all works out for you and our hearts are with you during this very difficult time. You will find someone who understands you better and who is right for you. - CM
temple Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 You just sound hugely irritated by him. I don't think a relationship like this would ever work out long term.
Author sultry33 Posted January 20, 2010 Author Posted January 20, 2010 Thanks everyone, You are all so right and espically the last poster.. im very irritated with him and my tummy is in knotts and not the good ones. I have barely seen him these last weeks and it has helped me realize more that i dont want to be with him. Im never a coward and i am dreading telling him, im not sure where or how but i know it has to be later on today. I think it will be messy and i really hope it dont for my family sake more than mine. I did see red flags early on and pointed it out but i got the :i can change: line.. i said then i didnt want him to change and that maybe we are just not suited. im sticking to that. wish me luck and stength as i hate to do this but i know its for the best x
harmfulsweetz Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Thanks everyone, You are all so right and espically the last poster.. im very irritated with him and my tummy is in knotts and not the good ones. I have barely seen him these last weeks and it has helped me realize more that i dont want to be with him. Im never a coward and i am dreading telling him, im not sure where or how but i know it has to be later on today. I think it will be messy and i really hope it dont for my family sake more than mine. I did see red flags early on and pointed it out but i got the :i can change: line.. i said then i didnt want him to change and that maybe we are just not suited. im sticking to that. wish me luck and stength as i hate to do this but i know its for the best x Good luck, I hope it goes as well as can be expected. Just think about where you want to end up, and stick your ground, don't let him talk you around. It'll all work out in the end.
Author sultry33 Posted March 18, 2010 Author Posted March 18, 2010 Im a faliure, He did manage to talk me round even though i told him im not completly over my ex and i told him all the things that bug me he said he would change and that if he didnt know he couldnt change. I said i didnt want to change him... anyway its still not really working out.. i dont miss him it has to be done and i will feel bad but im not being fair on him or myself I try and be strong x
boogieboy Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Just so you know Sultry, all his behavior that you dont like is your fault. You think you arent a coward, but you are...because you didnt communicate he things you didnt like to him when he started doing them, and you let them slide and pile up. I hope you wont do this in your next relationship. Are you one of those people who expects the relationship to be naturally perfect without any communication whatsoever? Do you avoid telling people things because you dont want to feel guilty about possibly hurting feelings?
LovelyDaze Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 I he said he would change and that if he didnt know he couldnt change. I said i didnt want to change him... Hey sultry33, Your BF is smothering you like a 500 pound man sitting on a kitten. It's unhealthy for him to cling to you that much and you do need space in a relationship just for your own sanity. Your BF WON'T change unless he really wants to for himself. That's what you need to do to. Change the situation if you really want a better life. Forget the money wasted on the NY trip. It's not worth being driven crazy with him, much less here in America. Wouldn't be much of a vacation if he drove you bonkers the whole time.
Author sultry33 Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 Just so you know Sultry, all his behavior that you dont like is your fault. You think you arent a coward, but you are...because you didnt communicate he things you didnt like to him when he started doing them, and you let them slide and pile up. I hope you wont do this in your next relationship. Are you one of those people who expects the relationship to be naturally perfect without any communication whatsoever? Do you avoid telling people things because you dont want to feel guilty about possibly hurting feelings? Hi, I did point out many times what was annoying me the trouble was that it was so many things... i started to think maybe it was me being extreme fussy or something but seriously it was not. Its true im not great at confrontation and i dont like to hurt anyones feelings but sometimes you just have to.. rather the pain now than later i say. Well thankfully its over now and unfortunantly it took many times for him to get that.
Author sultry33 Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 Hey sultry33, Your BF is smothering you like a 500 pound man sitting on a kitten. It's unhealthy for him to cling to you that much and you do need space in a relationship just for your own sanity. Your BF WON'T change unless he really wants to for himself. That's what you need to do to. Change the situation if you really want a better life. Forget the money wasted on the NY trip. It's not worth being driven crazy with him, much less here in America. Wouldn't be much of a vacation if he drove you bonkers the whole time. Hi, I did end up going to NYC and it was hell at one point i had to shout at him to get a cab as we had taken 8 tubes/metro in the wrong direction... but he knew where we was going:mad: we was heading for Times sq... but we was in the Bronx... i was very scared. When we returned i told him i could not be with him anymore as there was just too many things about him that was not for me.. He promised to change.. booked us for Egypt trip 2 weeks... we actually was getting on better although he did moan about not seeing me much.. maybe twice a week or more but we got on better. However, in Egypt we had a huge argument and he went insane.. it started as we went into a bar and because the guy took more than 10mins to bring our drinks he said, lets just go.. i was like u sure? he was like yes quick go now.. i left, then this guy was in my face stopping me, so i said i just seen 10 friends so im gettin them, we will be back:eek: he was angry so i went quick.. outside another guy was followin me saying i come with you, i just said go away... then i realised that my bf was not behind me.. i waited an walked for like 20 mins.. still he did not come, so i had to go back plus fight off lots of guys who wanted me to go into there bars.. I got back an he was sittin there with the 2 beers back away from the door i shouted at him .. then left to go to hotel. he was that tight he didnt want to leave the 2 lousy beers as he had paid. I told him i was scared an that the guys was hassling me big time, he said well i couldnt get past the 1st one! so i told him to manup... i had to be really angry to get rid of them but i did it... anyway.. was on day 2 of our holiday...spent the next 12 days telling him it was over.. i got off the plane in England and jumped for joy. Never again, have spent the last 2 weeks now ignoring him... NC thanks for advice everyone I did feel mean but after Egypt it made me realise i was stronger than him.. so thats never going to work.. he told me to get over it.. lol it was the scary in a strange place with very persistent guys.. then him turning into an insane idiot.. i nearly had to call security.. phew deep breath yes its over thanks all xxx
Diezel Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 So you told him that it was over after NY but as soon as he said he was going to take you to Egypt for 2 weeks, you went anyway? Knowing every single detail that's gone down in this thread for months? I hope this time, you TRULY stay NC. I really hope it doesn't become a case where he contacts you again and then you go out for another "vacation" with him.
Author sultry33 Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 So you told him that it was over after NY but as soon as he said he was going to take you to Egypt for 2 weeks, you went anyway? Knowing every single detail that's gone down in this thread for months? I hope this time, you TRULY stay NC. I really hope it doesn't become a case where he contacts you again and then you go out for another "vacation" with him. NC all the way, we had got on better before Egypt hence why i went but all the problems was still there.
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