Do You Like it When a Woman Approaches You?

[CrestfallenNoMore]

I've read that men don't like when women "take away the chase" and approach them, but prefer that women at least give them the "signal" to approach (a look, smiling, being solo to be more approachable, etc). I've heard that sets up a bad dynamic and can appear too pushy or too forward and sets the woman up as the chaser.

 

But men that I have spoken to have told me they would LOVE it if a woman walked up to them and no matter what they say, started a conversation and displayed interest directly. Honestly, that makes a lot more sense to me than the first line of thinking.

 

I used to be pretty passive, but am more likely to approach a guy now, but I admit that I'm pretty clueless about dating. So, what is the general consensus? Yay, or nay?

[Woggle]

In theory I do but as long as women keep being nasty to a man who even smiles at them I will be nasty right back to strangers who try to engage me.

[zetkin]

Actually this question interests me too. I used to approach guys first. And some of them said they liked it and one even said he thinks girls should be more active and none had ever rejected me. But I don’t know why - I don’t feel courage any more.

This summer I met a man who told me that it is absolutely inadmissible for a woman to approach first and that for him such a woman is appalling, maybe because she was robbing him of his right – to come first. When I told about how I used to met guys he said I should never ever take the initiative with men. He also said that man are hunters, chaser and they would approach you if they’re interested. If they don’t – they’re simply not attracted. I don’t know if I have to believe this because he was quite an unusual and unique man in many ways.

But my personal opinion is that younger guys like when a girl approaches them because they often don’t have courage to do it themselves and they are relieved when you take the initiative. But older confident man may prefer the initiative to be left for them.

[Noob7_0]

I have no issue with it, but I can be kind of the shy and quiet type. On this issue there is likely two camps the aggressive alpha males that need the "chase" and to be in charge and the more passive ones that really don't care.

 

That being said it is kind of weird when the roles kind of reverse but that is more traditional/stereotypical thinking.

[Stockalone]

So, what is the general consensus? Yay, or nay?

 

There is nothing wrong with women approaching men.

 

However, if women approach men, they face the same problems as us guys. They might get rejected. In fact, I have turned down all the women who did approach me.

 

Don't get me wrong, I was flattered that they had the guts to do that. And I didn't turn them down because they approached me, it's just that they weren't my type.

[sagetalk]

I love it, but make it obvious your there to get his attention romantically. Don't say, "So this weathers great isn't it?". The more attractive you are, the less likely he's going to think you're interested in him (unless he's arrogant) and that you really just wanted someone to talk to.

 

However, when the light goes off in his head, he will turn into the pursuer. So I wouldn't worry about that, if he's a cool guy he'll take over right away. If he doesn't, you might want to reconsider him.

 

Love love love it when attractive women make the first move, many guys just assume you have a boyfriend. The first shows them that you do not, and that makes it much easier.

[counterman]

Years ago I had two girls that approached me first and then shared how the felt about me. I didn't really know how to handle it and, to be honest, it got quite messy because I wasn't interested and when they realised, they tried to quickly shy away from the issue. I felt really guilty because it had never happened to me before so I didn't know how to take it and they were really embarassed.

 

Anywho, I would love it if a girl approached me just as long as it's relaxed and not too overwhelming. Also, if she is really keen and not trying to lead me on (as I have known some to do). Like sagetalk said, the guy will take over if he's really interested in you too.

 

Like guys, there's always a chance of rejection.. he might not seem too keen. Just shrug it off and go approach someone more worthy.

[adamt]

nothing wrong with women doing the approaching. modern society it should happen more often. all you need to do is break the ice and then just get the man chatting. dont need to be overly keen. if conversation goes well drop a couple of hints to test the water. if you are too keen thats when men may lose interest

[AD1980]

AS a guy with ltitle confidene id loce for a women to appraoch and show somewhat of an interest

 

I dont know too many men who love the chase they just want the women

[Yukikazi]

You need to realize.. men approaching women is very common..

 

A woman approaching a man is like finding a gold needle in a haystack whilst blindfolded and riding a unicorn. It just happens so rarely that its a big thing for alot of guys.

Not necessarily for the high end guys that got women pawning all over them but for your less then adonis guy.. its something that has happened rarely enough to count the occurrences on 1 hand.

[Johnny M]

I've read that men don't like when women "take away the chase" and approach them

Where did you read that?

[Rhythmic]

I've only met two guys who hated the idea of women approaching them and ruining the chase.

 

Both were players who view women as nothing more than something to conquer and move on.

 

 

The one thing a woman does have to worry about however is getting stuck with a guy who doesn't exactly like them but go with it because he is a guy who doesn't get many girlfriends. I've seen that before as well and he cheated on months later as soon as a girl he really found attractive was interested in him back.

Just saying.

[burning 4 revenge]

In theory I do but as long as women keep being nasty to a man who even smiles at them I will be nasty right back to strangers who try to engage me.

Is it possible that this is a New Jersey thing as opposed to a woman thing?

 

Ive seen that show Jersey Shore

[Johnny M]

This summer I met a man who told me that it is absolutely inadmissible for a woman to approach first and that for him such a woman is appalling, maybe because she was robbing him of his right – to come first. When I told about how I used to met guys he said I should never ever take the initiative with men. He also said that man are hunters, chaser and they would approach you if they’re interested. If they don’t – they’re simply not attracted. I don’t know if I have to believe this because he was quite an unusual and unique man in many ways.

This sounds retarded. And the whole "hunters" analogy is hilarious. I always chuckle when girls bring it up. You do know what hunters do to their prey, right? If men were hunters, our dates would all eventually end up on the slow roast

[adamt]

This sounds retarded. And the whole "hunters" analogy is hilarious. I always chuckle when girls bring it up. You do know what hunters do to their prey, right? If men were hunters, our dates would all eventually end up on the slow roast

 

 

actually, roasting has many inuendos attached to it:eek:

[harmfulsweetz]

I think it depends on the guy. Some guys like women approaching them,whereas others, don't. If you feel like approaching a guy, then go ahead. I think you can get the impression of what a guy is like by judging how he interacts with his friends, and with other people. Does he often approach people? Does he seem socialable and not shy? Or does he seem shy? I think women should look for the same signs men look for when approaching a woman.

 

i.e. looking over, little smiles, etc. Play it by ear, and see where things go, if you sense he's interested but shy, go over and break the ice. If you think he's just plain not interested, then don't.

 

I'm in the same predicament, to approach or not to approach? I think I'm going to because heck, there's nothing to lose and all to gain. He seems shy so I think it may have to be me to break the ice.

[meerkat stew]

The top 5% of men in looks and height get approached about as frequently as the top 35-40% of women, so the attitudes are going to be similar. Ask a good looking woman whether she likes to be approached, and you will get a mixed bag of replies centering around who is doing the approaching, same with most of the men women approach. The answer is that -everyone- of good emotional health likes to be approached by people they find attractive and interesting.

 

In essence, if you are approaching men who are very good looking, expect them to be less receptive generally than men who are more average. Same with women.

 

IMO, has nothing to do with factors such as "taking away the chase" unless the men in question have character flaws of some sort.

[zetkin]

This sounds retarded. And the whole "hunters" analogy is hilarious. I always chuckle when girls bring it up.

 

But that's not me bringing it up - that's the man I was talking about )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[CrestfallenNoMore]

Thanks for all the responses.

 

I don't generally take it personally when someone isn't interested in me. We all have our preferences and if a guy that I think it cute isn't into me, that certainly his right. It stings for about a minute, and then I move on, so I'm not terribly worried about rejection when approaching a man. I spent my 20s feeling insecure around men and I don't really have that fear or mindset now.

 

I definitely prefer a guy to approach me, but it's not often the kind of guy I really want to meet who does, so it's good to know I can take the initiative.

[alphamale]

I've read that men don't like when women "take away the chase" and approach them, but prefer that women at least give them the "signal" to approach (a look, smiling, being solo to be more approachable, etc).

yes we prefer the latter