BobSacamento Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 So I'm on a dating site right. I've conversed with a nice woman for a week or two. I didn't go by my usual procedure and get FB info BEFORE setting the date. Big mistake. So now I have a date with someone I don't have any real interest in (looks). Why do women have to be so secretive about their looks to where you have to do these stupid background check procedures. Shouldn't you want to weed out all the shallow ones (apparently like myself) anyway? Also, another kicker, while cruising her photos I came across one of her (very attractive) friends who is on the same dating site. Kind of an awkward situation. I feel like I have to go on this date rather than cancel just in case I can get a date with the other. This is what I get for breaching my usual procedure.
tami-chan Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 So I'm on a dating site right. I've conversed with a nice woman for a week or two. I didn't go by my usual procedure and get FB info BEFORE setting the date. Big mistake. So now I have a date with someone I don't have any real interest in (looks). Why do women have to be so secretive about their looks to where you have to do these stupid background check procedures. Shouldn't you want to weed out all the shallow ones (apparently like myself) anyway? Also, another kicker, while cruising her photos I came across one of her (very attractive) friends who is on the same dating site. Kind of an awkward situation. I feel like I have to go on this date rather than cancel just in case I can get a date with the other. This is what I get for breaching my usual procedure. LOL....keep us posted....this is funny
dazzle22 Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Well, just move her into the "friend" zone. ...friends have friends..!
Author BobSacamento Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 I have a feeling this is a recipe for disaster so I'm getting out. I've canceled the friend connection. Now to send the message to the friend lol.
OceanTropic Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 This is why women are so secretive about their looks, because one look and men like you won't even give them a chance. She might be the best woman you will ever meet, but just by her looks, you are already dreading the date, and that's the attitude you will go with.
Author BobSacamento Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 If I'm not attracted then why even waste our time?
temple Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 If I'm not attracted then why even waste our time? I'd agree with that. There's no point in forcing attraction to someone. Good luck on your other date!
Lucky_One Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 If I'm not attracted then why even waste our time? What if she takes bad pictures? Some people just aren't photogenic.
Always A Lesson Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 This is all part of the dating process, I just learned something from you. Didn't think to check out FB first (I'm a newbie). As I'm somewhat out there too, I would appreciate the honesty, if you're not interested (by looks) then don't go any further. I look at pics fist before contacting too. But you must keep in mind, sometimes people don't take good pictures. I'm a stunner and my pics are so-so. LOL I don't think anything is wrong with wanting to get to know the friend. I know these are dating sites, but the honesty is "MAJOR" at least to me, it's kind a like... the way you start out is the way you finish! The ladies in you situation can only appreciate the truth....
Author BobSacamento Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 What if she takes bad pictures? Some people just aren't photogenic. Perhaps. It was a lot of bad pictures. I don't want to have the attitude that I'm entitled. I have gone out with women, trying to see if perhaps they aren't photogenic and didn't really get happy responses when I didn't think it would work out. I don't enjoy going through that. I'd rather come off flakey than completely reject them.
Author BobSacamento Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 This is all part of the dating process, I just learned something from you. Didn't think to check out FB first (I'm a newbie). As I'm somewhat out there too, I would appreciate the honesty, if you're not interested (by looks) then don't go any further. I look at pics fist before contacting too. But you must keep in mind, sometimes people don't take good pictures. I'm a stunner and my pics are so-so. LOL I don't think anything is wrong with wanting to get to know the friend. I know these are dating sites, but the honesty is "MAJOR" at least to me, it's kind a like... the way you start out is the way you finish! The ladies in you situation can only appreciate the truth.... FB is something you need to request when you've built some trust. I usually wait until I've developed a pretty good and consistent conversation.
Des Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Doesn't this sort of defy the point of on-line dating? I thought part of the appeal was that you could find someone you were compatible with on a more serious, less shallow level, where looks were sort of a low priority. Good looking / shallow people don't really need the Internet to date people, do they? I'll never understand people, always thinking about sex first, and everything else later.
DiscoChick Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 I'll never understand people, always thinking about sex first, and everything else later. Haha. Pretty soon you will learn to give up trying. There are just some types of people you will never understand.
Author BobSacamento Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 Doesn't this sort of defy the point of on-line dating? I thought part of the appeal was that you could find someone you were compatible with on a more serious, less shallow level, where looks were sort of a low priority. Good looking / shallow people don't really need the Internet to date people, do they? I'll never understand people, always thinking about sex first, and everything else later. I always looked at it as casting a wide net. Just another tool. It's not the only place where I look for women. I got to book stores and hit the bars. I just like to cast a wide net but sometimes you get people who don't present themselves honestly. When that happens I guess it makes me shallow. I'm willing to accept that because I've tried. I've gone out with women I didn't find physically attractive and it was awkward. If I'm at a bar I am not approaching every woman in the place am I? Are you?
New_Life08 Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Oh boy, Shallow Hal syndrome. If the other (more attractive) woman is more your standard, then I would cancel the date. You do not want to put any undo pressure on their friendship. Hypothetically: You could blow off the one who seems is not to your standard, get with the good looking one (who turns out to be a b**) and through social events you get to know the one you blew off and realize you should have dated her instead. That friend is Karma ....
Always A Lesson Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Bobsac, I've been looking at the Millionaire matchmaker on Bravo. I've learned a lot about people in general from this show. I know this show sounds really shallow, but I've picked up incredible tips and reinforced some I already knew. All of these cable dating shows educate us (in some way or another). If nothing else I've learned what I don't want to date. Being in the dating world and making good choices are based on intuition, wisdom, and common sense these are all critical to possess. Everyday I seem to learn something new, just when I think " I know what men are all about" then some new guy comes along with a new GAME. By educating myself I now have the ability to see through the BS. Just my opinions and sharing what I've learned. TO DATE:::: THE MOST IMPORTANT THING I"VE LEARNED FROM LS IS: If a man says he's married or separated...... R-U-N and RUN fast, cause only heartbreak follows. Yep, you already know my story.
Left in a Lurch Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Perhaps. It was a lot of bad pictures. I don't want to have the attitude that I'm entitled. I have gone out with women, trying to see if perhaps they aren't photogenic and didn't really get happy responses when I didn't think it would work out. I don't enjoy going through that. I'd rather come off flakey than completely reject them. I was set up with one once and saw her picture and was not the least attracted, did not think she was even cute. When I met her she was actually really hot. I don't come off well in pictures either, so I try to give the benefit of the doubt. It's kind of like when you see someone on tv and think she's nothing special but when you see them in person they are one of the hottest people you have ever seen.
carhill Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Bob, IMO, after a couple of weeks of correspondence, if you were interested enough to correspond, meeting in person wouldn't be out of the question. I don't recall your age, but, at my age (50), when I look at 'pictures' of women my age on dating sites, there's a huge gamut of both picture quality (professional to webcam) and appearance (photogenic or not). Out of 57 nearby potentials, I could see maybe 2 or 3 being shallow (meaning their pictures are 'hot') potentials. The rest run from OK (like myself) to 'whoa' (who would put that picture online). I've known a few 'whoa' types in real life and they've been wonderful, loving, and ultimately very attractive ladies. The one I wrote a lot about in my journals is like that. She can't photograph to save her life, and old pictures of her have me wondering who I fell in love with all those years ago, but in real life the aura and attraction is there. OTOH, my stbx photographed like a queen, even though she's always been overweight. The camera loved her. Like I said, go on the date if you haven't already blown her off. I'm meeting women now and, for myself, always keep first dates casual, like lunch or an afternoon snack/greet. So, if online doesn't transition into real life, no harm, no foul, but we both accepted the potential and gave it a try. BTW, IMO, stay out of FB while you're dating. Don't clutter your psyche with that stuff. Evaluate each person in the real. FB is electrons. Avoid real or contrived mystery and drama. Hope it works out for you
phineas Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 This is why women are so secretive about their looks, because one look and men like you won't even give them a chance. She might be the best woman you will ever meet, but just by her looks, you are already dreading the date, and that's the attitude you will go with. and this is the same reason why you've got a bunch of guys with no selfesteem posting on this site. Because women do the same thing. Everybody does it.
Author BobSacamento Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 (edited) Let me just put it this way. If I went by my usual procedure, at this point I would have moved on. I must sound like I'm hot sh*% haha. But whatever. There are too many factors working against this situation. The main reason I want to avoid the date is to be less recognizable. I know she hangs out at the same places as she mentioned some of them. As you can see deep doo doo kinda sums it up. * I just signed on to my account and they are both signed on at the same time. This will probably work itself out. I envision a very nasty message in my future. Edited January 9, 2010 by BobSacamento
carhill Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 TBH, if you're that recognizable and/or popular, you shouldn't be using online dating. Just meet women IRL, like at the places you're talking about. Sounds like the electrons are just wasting your time.
Always A Lesson Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 What are electrons ???? I understand his (Bobsac's )point well, women are very saavy and will figure this out. Bobsac's best bet is to walk away from the situation. Let the lady down easy ( the one he's been conversing with for a while), she's gonna want to know what did she do wrong. In time.... contact the friend. He's got the right to do it.
carhill Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Loveshack is electrons. Real life interaction with friends is real. Looking into a woman's eyes across a candlelit table is real. Healthy love and attraction happens in the real. Bob says he's 'recognizable'. That means he's popular in the real. Popular people have access to many potentials through many real avenues. It's easy (the path). If the pictureless lady and her FB friend are 'real friends', I give Bob's chance of success with the 'hotter' friend a minimal level of support. Good luck
Author BobSacamento Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 I like my chances better when they are minimal. If I were to meet with the fraud I'd put my chances as a snowballs in hell kind of scenario, wouldn't you agree? I don't understand why we can't take some things as a case by case basis rather than turn this into what I'm doing wrong in my approach as a whole.
carhill Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Hey, you should have seen the ladies spare no mercy when I asked about how I should describe my marital status in my dating profile. If you want to hear only exactly what you want to hear, LS is the wrong place for that
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