monkey00 Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I was on the train today, and this guy (cute guy ) kept looking at me. He would hold my gaze for like 5 seconds, then look away. He did this four or five times, during a 10-minute train ride. Then it was my stop, so I got off the train. He did not approach me or make conversation. If he had no interest or intent, why the repeated lingering eye contact? I actually do that sometimes when I see an attractive woman I'd like to talk to. It's also hard to gauge the situation, because he's unsure if she's interested also. The last time I approached a girl on the subway, she gave me the 'I have a bf' line. Nonetheless we had a good chat before my stop.
Chicago_Guy Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I was on the train today, and this guy (cute guy ) kept looking at me. He would hold my gaze for like 5 seconds, then look away. He did this four or five times, during a 10-minute train ride. Then it was my stop, so I got off the train. He did not approach me or make conversation. If he had no interest or intent, why the repeated lingering eye contact? Was it a crowded train? The guy probably didn't know what to do and may have thought from your body language that you were not interested. Sometimes women will do this to men whom they do not want to date, so it can be hard for a guy to determine whether the woman is actually interested.
Chicago_Guy Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Actually, that the first explanation I came up with: he is gathering mental imagery for whacking off later. betamanlet, I never said anything about him turned me off. I was just wondering why he'd do sooo much lookin' but not approach. You obviously have a very low opinion of men and very high opinion of yourself if you honestly believe that.
Chicago_Guy Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I was on the train today, and this guy (cute guy ) kept looking at me. He would hold my gaze for like 5 seconds, then look away. He did this four or five times, during a 10-minute train ride. Then it was my stop, so I got off the train. He did not approach me or make conversation. If he had no interest or intent, why the repeated lingering eye contact? You might not notice these things because you only recently got out of a relationship. However, I can tell you that I have had women stare at me at the gym I use but it frequently doesn't mean anything. One time I went up to a girl who I noticed staring at me a number of times and simply talked to her, but did not hit on her, and she was somewhat unfriendly. I don't know what her deal was or why she had stared at me a number of times, but I don't think she was interested.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 You obviously have a very low opinion of men and very high opinion of yourself if you honestly believe that. I think I have just been reading LS too much. I never thought that way before I started coming here.
Yukikazi Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I think I have just been reading LS too much. I never thought that way before I started coming here. Just realize that some will look and nothing else. Whether because they have a gf or bf or they think you are attractive looking or they want to approach you or they just think you are not their usual type but their is something oddly alluring about you (my personal annoyance.. ) There could be a bunch of reasons.. but unless you smile or show some sort of outward sign that you are approachable, you wont get anyone coming up to say hi much. This is the EL and time is fleeting.. you gotta stand out enough to be noticed. Smile and wave dear.. smile and wave. overcome the fact that most people don't want to get hit on by a stranger on public transit. So thats something you have to make clear.. that you wont mind that 1 guy coming over to say hi.. cause you showed you would be accepting of an approach by smiling or some other outward signal... subtlety can be a pain in the ass
Author Ruby Slippers Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 Yes. I have been told that I don't make it clear enough that I'm approachable. The last guy I dated told me that on our first date, he was waiting for some small signal from me that I wanted him to kiss me, and I never gave him one. He said he wasn't used to that, that most women will let you know in some way they want to be kissed. He went for it and kissed me anyway, and I happily kissed him back. But all throughout the date, I was smiling, making lots of eye contact, being a little flirty without going over the top. What am I supposed to do? Pucker up and make a kissy face?
Vertex Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Yes. I have been told that I don't make it clear enough that I'm approachable. The last guy I dated told me that on our first date, he was waiting for some small signal from me that I wanted him to kiss me, and I never gave him one. He said he wasn't used to that, that most women will let you know in some way they want to be kissed. He went for it and kissed me anyway, and I happily kissed him back. But all throughout the date, I was smiling, making lots of eye contact, being a little flirty without going over the top. What am I supposed to do? Pucker up and make a kissy face? I think if you're the kind of woman that intimidates a man (e.g. having attributes that make you desirable enough such that people aren't going to want to screw up around you), there's a higher degree of variance involved -- people will be more hesitant to make moves if there's a good chance that it may backfire, hence the risk-aversion/keeping a lookout for some sort of sign that it's ok to go for something.
Yukikazi Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Yes. I have been told that I don't make it clear enough that I'm approachable. The last guy I dated told me that on our first date, he was waiting for some small signal from me that I wanted him to kiss me, and I never gave him one. He said he wasn't used to that, that most women will let you know in some way they want to be kissed. He went for it and kissed me anyway, and I happily kissed him back. But all throughout the date, I was smiling, making lots of eye contact, being a little flirty without going over the top. What am I supposed to do? Pucker up and make a kissy face? Define a little flirty Well a kissy face would be a very unsubtle signal.. yes it would work. But I would say more along the lines of the triangle rule and licking your lips a bit.. maybe give him the doggy dinner bowl eyes.
Vertex Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I don't think one has to make a kissy face, haha. But I think being very close to someone is a good "in." If your body language shows that you enjoy being very up-close, especially where the face is concerned, that type of closeness plus smiling is probably pretty good interest indication, but who knows.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 I think if you're the kind of woman that intimidates a man (e.g. having attributes that make you desirable enough such that people aren't going to want to screw up around you), there's a higher degree of variance involved -- people will be more hesitant to make moves if there's a good chance that it may backfire, hence the risk-aversion/keeping a lookout for some sort of sign that it's ok to go for something. There is something to this. Either I give off the impression that I expect perfection, or I attract the kind of guy who strives for it himself, because I often get comments to suggest that. Just about every guy I've been with has said to me in more than one way "I don't want to mess this up". If I compliment a guy on something great he did, he will often make a comment like, "I hope I can keep raising the bar in the future" or "You bring out the best in me". My last boyfriend even went so far as to say, "I want to be the best boyfriend to you that I can be, and it makes me sad to think that someday I might let you down." I asked him why he was expecting perfection from himself, because I didn't. Either I am choosing insecure men or there is something about me that makes men feel that the stakes are higher. I don't know which it is.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 I don't think one has to make a kissy face, haha. But I think being very close to someone is a good "in." If your body language shows that you enjoy being very up-close, especially where the face is concerned, that type of closeness plus smiling is probably pretty good interest indication, but who knows. Hmm, yeah, I guess I am pretty old-school, in that I wait for the guy to get close to me, to come to me. Licking my lips, Yukikazi? On a first date? That sounds so desperate. The way I see it, if I'm on a date with a man, smiling, talking, laughing, being playful, I like him. Then he's gotta step up and do something about it. If he doesn't have the courage and confidence to do that, it's probably not gonna work out, anyway.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 Well I'm not talking the ultra seductive, sexy, slow, I wanna eat you alive lip lick.. just moisten them when he is watching around the time you want him to kiss you.. its sort of the universal indicator that you want to be ready and not have dry lips when kissing. This sounds so obvious and desperate to me! Seems like begging for a kiss, which I don't do. I prefer to let things happen naturally.
Phateless Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Well if you considering hoping he figures out what you want w/o any signals or indication from you to be natural rather then him groping blindly.. hey.. to each their own.. but know that alot of guys wont make a move unless they know you are open to it.. and no just going on the date with them dosen't necessarily mean you are open to it.. just read a few threads and you will understand that some times it takes awhile to be sure.. and that could very well be due to not getting a clear signal till the 3rd date. This is so true! I can think of two separate instances from when I was younger of girsl bringing me home to her house and us sitting alone on her bed. The whole time I was thinking that I had no idea what to do. They were just sitting there, waiting for me to make a move! I don't think those girls could have made it any more obvious for me. Boy, was I stupid...
Author Ruby Slippers Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 I don't think those girls could have made it any more obvious for me. Boy, was I stupid... I know you're talking about when you were younger, but still... I have to be honest and say that it's a major turnoff to me when a guy has NO moves. I don't want player-level moves, but he's got to know how to instigate the magic with at least some degree of agility. I could make moves all day long (and have fun doing it), but it always seems to work out much better (for many reasons) when the guy initiates.
samspade Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I was on the train today, and this guy (cute guy ) kept looking at me. He would hold my gaze for like 5 seconds, then look away. He did this four or five times, during a 10-minute train ride. Then it was my stop, so I got off the train. He did not approach me or make conversation. If he had no interest or intent, why the repeated lingering eye contact? Because, like 90% of men, he's a chicken. As a guy, I can say, we've all been there. This is why it's good to say something - anything.
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