Devil Inside Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Sometimes a guy will like what he sees. Feel its worth it to look, but not to approach. He also may have been trying the Jedi Playa trick of staring at you until you smiled or said hi...then he would have an in.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 I met the last guy I dated on the train -- on the same train line, in fact. But it was Saturday night, and I sat down right next to him on a crowded train, so that was a little different, I guess. Personally, I like being approached in non-pickup situations, like the grocery store, public transit, out at the lake, and so on.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 (edited) Some people's capacity for over-analyzing totally trivial occurrences never ceases to amaze me. See -- it's not just women who do it. I appreciate the ideas. It just hit me that I am a single woman in a BIG CITY for the first time ever. VERY different ground rules than dating in cities/towns with a more small-town feel, which is what I'm used to. The sheer volume of people you encounter in a day can be overwhelming. Edited January 9, 2010 by Ruby Slippers
Yukikazi Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 See -- it's not just women who do it. I appreciate the ideas. It just hit me that I am a single woman in a BIG CITY for the first time ever. VERY different ground rules than dating in cities/towns with a more small-town feel, which is what I'm used to. The sheer volume of people you encounter in a day can be overwhelming. lol.. did you just move here or something? Volume = variety.. But remember.. there are more women in Chicago then there are guys.. just an fyi
Author Ruby Slippers Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 lol.. did you just move here or something? Volume = variety.. But remember.. there are more women in Chicago then there are guys.. just an fyi I have been here for a few years, but I was "off the market" till recently. For the first couple of years, I was in a relationship. I have figured out that when I am in a committed relationship, I don't really even pay attention to other men, so I rarely notice this stuff unless the guy makes it impossible to ignore. After that, I took this Single Year, during which time I was in self-protective mode, dressing and behaving in a way to discourage flirtation from men. Now I am, as they say, single and ready to mingle. So I'm noticing a lot of things about men for the first time ever. Other than for very brief periods in my life, I have almost always been in a relationship, so I didn't have to figure out and navigate these single-people dynamics. I've got a lot to learn.
Yukikazi Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Now I am, as they say, single and ready to mingle. So I'm noticing a lot of things about men for the first time ever. Other than for very brief periods in my life, I have almost always been in a relationship, so I didn't have to figure out and navigate these single-people dynamics. I've got a lot to learn. You will be in for an interesting time.. just try to avoid the trixie places.. The weather here sucks for going out right now.. who the hell wants to carry a heavy jacket.. So you enjoy the daytime on the street approach. What do they do that impresses you enough in such a short period of time to qualify them getting your #?
Author Ruby Slippers Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 So you enjoy the daytime on the street approach. What do they do that impresses you enough in such a short period of time to qualify them getting your #? For me, I will only pay any real attention to a guy who does NOT use the player approach (dumb line, comment on my appearance, leering look, or similar). I might smile at a player and maybe even make a flirtatious comment, as a way of letting him know he's cute/sexy/sweet and the flirting is fun, but that's not what I'm looking for, so I quickly shut him down. I will only really talk to a guy who begins a legitimate conversation with me. This suggests to me he wants to get to know me rather than just get me into bed fast. And I will give him my number if it's clear he's intelligent, he asks for it, and I get the impression we might have some degree of real compatibility.
betamanlet Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 I was on the train today, and this guy (cute guy ) kept looking at me. He would hold my gaze for like 5 seconds, then look away. He did this four or five times, during a 10-minute train ride. Then it was my stop, so I got off the train. He did not approach me or make conversation. If he had no interest or intent, why the repeated lingering eye contact? And if he didn't, you wouldn't have thought he was confident, hence why you expected him to approach you but he didn't.
alphamale Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 If he had no interest or intent, why the repeated lingering eye contact? he was attracted to you but too shy to do anything about it...this is usually the scenario
betamanlet Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 he was attracted to you but too shy to do anything about it...this is usually the scenario Not confident, so hence less desirable than a pedophile serial killer on death row.
temple Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Not confident, so hence less desirable than a pedophile serial killer on death row. Err actually the OP seemed to be interested but the guy didn't do anything about it.
Hot Carl Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Not confident, so hence less desirable than a pedophile serial killer on death row. Exactly. Have you selected your first victim yet?
C-i-C-u Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 I was on the train today, and this guy (cute guy ) kept looking at me. He would hold my gaze for like 5 seconds, then look away. He did this four or five times, during a 10-minute train ride. Then it was my stop, so I got off the train. He did not approach me or make conversation. If he had no interest or intent, why the repeated lingering eye contact? If I did it you'd be grossed out but because it was a cute guy you think he was doing it for any other reason than I was? No. He was just visuallizing you naked.
Yukikazi Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Err actually the OP seemed to be interested but the guy didn't do anything about it. The OP didn't exactly seem to get off her ass either..
CaliGuy Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Vertex, I wish I could show y'all a picture, but I have found that I tend to attract Internet stalkers. Not saying anyone here would be , but I gotta be smart. Give me a buzz if you're ever in Chi-town, though. Haha. Internet stalkers. Oh wait -- I have a couple myself...
temple Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 The OP didn't exactly seem to get off her ass either.. Right, but that wasn't my point - I was responding to someone criticising the OP for something she did not do.
betamanlet Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Err actually the OP seemed to be interested but the guy didn't do anything about it. Really? Because he didn't approach her she was turned off. That act of lack of confidence was a turnoff to her.
temple Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Really? Because he didn't approach her she was turned off. That act of lack of confidence was a turnoff to her. and hence she's more interested in serial killers. Ohh RIGHT. I get your point now..
Author Ruby Slippers Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 If I did it you'd be grossed out but because it was a cute guy you think he was doing it for any other reason than I was? No. He was just visuallizing you naked. Actually, that the first explanation I came up with: he is gathering mental imagery for whacking off later. betamanlet, I never said anything about him turned me off. I was just wondering why he'd do sooo much lookin' but not approach.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 The OP didn't exactly seem to get off her ass either.. I never approach. I am capable, but I understand too well the reasons it's a bad idea.
Yukikazi Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 I never approach. I am capable, but I understand too well the reasons it's a bad idea. Enlighten us please
Johnny M Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 I never approach. I am capable, but I understand too well the reasons it's a bad idea. BS. You don't have the balls to approach a man and you rationalize your lack of confidence by imagining the supposed reasons for why it's a bad idea. Just admit it.
alphamale Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 The OP didn't exactly seem to get off her ass either.. indeed, with mutual eye contact it takes two to tango
xXMarlboro_ManXx Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Actually, that the first explanation I came up with: he is gathering mental imagery for whacking off later. Jees try not to feel too highly of yourself. He was probably just checking you out or maybe you just had something stuck in your teeth:D. For me I see some girls on the shuttle bus at my school but the bus really just isn't a good place to meet someone, the bus stop is a different story though.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 Enlighten us please Mostly the same reasons it would feel bonkers to (most) people if women opened all the doors, carried all the bags, and got down on one knee and proposed marriage. Gender dynamics are changing. But you can't flip them on their head overnight. Evolution doesn't happen quite that fast.
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