someone_here Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 i have been dating this guy for 3 months.. he is ok in general and i quite like him. it just that he is damn quiet and our activities are pretty much predictable.. either staying at home , watching TV (cooking chanel, Car chanel, bloomberg) or DVD at his place... going out for a dinner..or watching movie in cinema. He is such a quiet person and i dont want to bug him. When i asked him to go out somewhere new, sometimes he accepted but most of the time he refused and prefer to be at home. Compared to my ex bfs , i feel it gets boring now and i feel that he is not expressive enough.. i dont know what he feels...thinks.. and it is just so quiet.. is it a sign that we are not compatible? or is it simply he is not that into me?
sagetalk Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 It's a sign that he doesn't like drama and he just likes being with you. I don't know how many real men you actually know or have dated, but the majority of them are quiet and act just like what you are describing.
Author someone_here Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 I am in 30's so i have dated quite numbers of guys. Just that, when i was with my ex.. we had ideas what to do and my ex was pretty expressive person. When he was happy he told me, and when he was not he told me too. So it was easier for me to communicate with him and understand him. This guy is totally the opposite...i am just clueless...
carhill Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 (edited) OP, everyone is different; some guys go 1000mph; others like a relaxed pace. Some relish a new adventure each week; others return year after year to the same haunts. Etc, etc... The key is compatibility. If he's a homebody and will not bend, and you are not and will not, either you'll end up living largely separate lives or will break up, simply due to incompatible lifestyles. Here's a great example. I love to travel. I like big trips. Foreign countries for weeks. My stbx liked that but also liked to go out all the time at home too. I preferred staying at home (the house) when at home. Even if we went on big trips two or three times a year, she would always say 'we never go anywhere' and, then, when reminded where we had just been for a couple of weeks, it changed to 'we never go anywhere when we're home'. OK, let's go to dinner, or lunch, or whatever. We also tried the 'doing things separately' option. To me, it seemed like we were always going; to her, never. Too much bend. After awhile, I saw it was cheaper and more sane to get her a house, divorce her and let her enjoy her lifestyle without me in her life. I'm happy now and hope she is too. Edited January 9, 2010 by carhill
Author someone_here Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 (edited) hi Carhill..thank u for the example. I got your point . I am not looking for something extravagant or super exciting. Maybe he doesn't really like me?? I just hope that both he and i can build something in common and i want to share things that i like with a person i am with. If i like cycling, or fancy some movie, i want to show it to him or at least get him involved in my activities. But i feel like i am talking to a wall which doesnt respond. He doesnt say much yet i feel he wants to "hold me tight" ,in a sense if possible, he wants me to be around , stay over at his place every single night. and the annoying part is he didnt say it until i asked him straight to the point one night because he sounded a bit "different" - kind of moody. Honestly, we didnt have much sex. To me, the sex is not a problem and he told me he prefers cuddle than sex. I just feel that he is not even willing to open up to say what he wants and i am tired of guessing. Usually at the early stage, it is like honey moon period. But i dont feel that and start questioning if he really likes me or just want some companion? Edited January 9, 2010 by someone_here
betamanlet Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 It's a sign that he doesn't like drama and he just likes being with you. I don't know how many real men you actually know or have dated, but the majority of them are quiet and act just like what you are describing. Wow, I hope I meet a woman like you, I'm kinda like the guy described, though I like doing outdoors stuff. I think my exes wanted excitement like public sex and stuff like that. Stuff I have no interest in... But I'd be fine with staying in, going out occasionally, but if you need dancing in clubs, that's not me.
skydiveaddict Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 i have been dating this guy for 3 months.. he is ok in general and i quite like him. it just that he is damn quiet and our activities are pretty much predictable.. either staying at home , watching TV (cooking chanel, Car chanel, bloomberg) or DVD at his place... going out for a dinner..or watching movie in cinema. He is such a quiet person and i dont want to bug him. When i asked him to go out somewhere new, sometimes he accepted but most of the time he refused and prefer to be at home. Compared to my ex bfs , i feel it gets boring now and i feel that he is not expressive enough.. i dont know what he feels...thinks.. and it is just so quiet.. is it a sign that we are not compatible? or is it simply he is not that into me? the cooking channel? he likes the cooking channel?
sagetalk Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Wow, I hope I meet a woman like you, LOL, I'm a guy. Not very many women would post what I said but it is the truth. Most of the other guys are acting fake to get sex, the girls find that out after they get married .
sagetalk Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 hi Carhill..thank u for the example. I got your point . I am not looking for something extravagant or super exciting. Maybe he doesn't really like me?? I just hope that both he and i can build something in common and i want to share things that i like with a person i am with. If i like cycling, or fancy some movie, i want to show it to him or at least get him involved in my activities. Don't ever think that because a guy isn't doing exciting stuff with you that he's not into you. Are you coming up with exciting dates and asking him out? What if he's on another board posting, "All she ever does is watch TV with me, I think she doesn't like me." This post makes mores sense then your first post. I was worried about you after reading the first one. If you want to do something in common, then you have to work at it (). Tell him how you feel, if he still makes no effort, then I would be concerned.
Author someone_here Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 the cooking channel? he likes the cooking channel? He watched the cooking channel with me because I like the cooking chanel and in the end up I cooked for him what was shown in the TV.
skydiveaddict Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 tell him to take you skydiving or that's it! c'mon girl, live a little.
Author someone_here Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 Don't ever think that because a guy isn't doing exciting stuff with you that he's not into you. Are you coming up with exciting dates and asking him out? What if he's on another board posting, "All she ever does is watch TV with me, I think she doesn't like me." This post makes mores sense then your first post. I was worried about you after reading the first one. If you want to do something in common, then you have to work at it (). Tell him how you feel, if he still makes no effort, then I would be concerned. I am not a party type and have never been a party animal either. What i have been wanting is to do things together, sharing our interest, ideas. I had came up with ideas to go to beach or just to do jogging together - no crazy party all night kind of thingy.. it is all normal activities.. and the answer were just "no...i will be too tired ", or "let's stay at home ". once He told me he wants to go to gym and loose some weights , he feels he is fat. in my eyes, he is not fat and but since he wants to loose weight, i thought of accompanying him jogging or some sport together. Again the answer was no. on top of that, he has a habit of not replying text messages. only when on the phone, he said he wanted to see me. once he said " i am a quite guy and not the most communicative person. I will not tell my feeling until i have been with a person long enough" this morning when i woke up, i felt like an idiot who put so much energy and effort to a man who is not even willing to express or say what he thinks and feels while i could be with more normal guy. Am i asking too much?
temple Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 this morning when i woke up, i felt like an idiot who put so much energy and effort to a man who is not even willing to express or say what he thinks and feels while i could be with more normal guy. Am i asking too much? No, you're not asking too much. It's perfectly reasonable that you crave this emotional engagement and excitement that you're obviously not getting with him. That's not to say he's not a good guy, but you're staring facts in the face here: you're clearly not compatible with each other. It's only been 3 months - at least you found this out now.
skydiveaddict Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 do u ever date a dead boring guy? what did u do ? No but I dated a dead girl for a while. she never moved, or spoke, or even breathed. After a while her skin began to fall off and she began to smell bad. so we broke up. she didn't say a word. You're right! dead people really are boring
tami-chan Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 do u ever date a dead boring guy? what did u do ? No but I dated a dead girl for a while. she never moved, or spoke, or even breathed. After a while her skin began to fall off and she began to smell bad. so we broke up. she didn't say a word. You're right! dead people really are boring ROLFMAO!!!!! ! oh gosh, I live for these moments.....very funny!
Author someone_here Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 do u ever date a dead boring guy? what did u do ? No but I dated a dead girl for a while. she never moved, or spoke, or even breathed. After a while her skin began to fall off and she began to smell bad. so we broke up. she didn't say a word. You're right! dead people really are boring I think this guy is not only boring but also difficult to understand . He constantly distrusts me. I never cheated and never been a player either and have been telling him that I am serious with him, not string him along nor mind games but he doesnt believe it. He said it takes time to build trust and he got burned many times before. That's not fair for me, because it seems i have to be responsible for the hurt which were caused by others. And now I have to be constantly being suspected and introgated? Last Saturday night, he was upset with me and the only thing I could possibly guess is the fact that on Saturday morning I didnt go together with him to work. Most of the time we went to office together - sharing a taxi, but that day I felt so down because of his lack of expression so i said i will just walk to work since my work is near afterall . I was trying to be positive during the day, in the evening i called him if he wanted to go for dinner together or i could order food together yet i didnt hear anything from him , I texted him twice and nothing from him.I left him a message telling him that i would appreciate if at least he could reply when somebody asked nicely. on Sunday, i didnt hear anything and I felt that was it - that was the end- i am done. I knew I cant do this anymore. He had a habit not picking up a call when he is upset or has problem with someone. I noticed it and i saw him ignoring a call from his colleague who was trying to apologize to him due to small incidents at work place. this morning he texted me and apologized. He said that he was doing some thinking. I took him 48 hrs to reply ? it shows how he is going to react when one day i have a bigger problem with him... when i saw his message, what i have in mind was ....so far i am concerned, i am done with him. i know it may sound like i am not patient enough to him. I just cant think of other reasons to carry on...I still believe there are other men who are more normal than he is. Who are not difficult to deal with..
CaliGuy Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 OP, the way you are describing the situation, he is just a BORING guy. One thing I will tell you: I am VERY communicative and this is sometimes a big turn off to women. While many women say they want to know what a guy is thinking, in reality it's more entertaining for them to WONDER what he is thinking. Once a man removes all doubt, he's consider boring. There's nothing mysterious about him. I've learned to be more quiet -- but I am also energetic and like to do new and interesting things. I don't like the same old routine, especially when it comes to dating (which is why I might suggest an amusepark, museum or some other place where we can experience something new and still talk. Except on the rides themselves, haha). My point is this: If he can't meet your expectations for having fun, he's the wrong guy for you. You're looking for more chemistry than this guy is providing.
trenino Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 (edited) I think this guy is not only boring but also difficult to understand . He constantly distrusts me. I never cheated and never been a player either and have been telling him that I am serious with him, not string him along nor mind games but he doesnt believe it. He said it takes time to build trust and he got burned many times before. That's not fair for me, because it seems i have to be responsible for the hurt which were caused by others. And now I have to be constantly being suspected and introgated? from all the description...He sounds insecure and got some issues there... He is not the only man in the world. Insecure persons will not able to trust their partners because they cant trust them selves either. You will end up try to convince him again , again and again. They need to be assured ALL THE TIME that you really care, you love them, u need to tell your feeling to them yet they are afraid of opening their feeling to you. So they will expect you to do that while they will not do that. Because to them, if they open up they will get hurt and they dont want you to know their feeling. After a while you will feel exhausted and drained up emotionally. Based on my experiences, leave this one alone. Edited January 12, 2010 by trenino
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