Fitness Dude Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 OK, here's my dilemma. It's been 4 months since the start of the end of our marriage. We've gone through the various stages of separation, and she's been out of my home for 3 months. Up until about a month ago, we were still talking and actually still getting together from time to time to go on "dates". At one point maybe 6 weeks ago, my wife talked about moving back into the house. It's gone down hill ever since. So much that we haven't talked for about 4 weeks now. OK, OK, so the dilemma part.......I've done most of the effort to reconcile our relationship with obvious little success. However, if it wasn't for me trying there might not be any trying because my wife is really embarassed about everything that she did to me (she told me this). What if, there could still be a chance but it has to be initiated by me? I feel so silly at times sitting idly by while time slips by and we continue to grow apart. What if she's waiting for ME to contact her....... Ahhhh....forget it. What am I saying? God, I hate this. As I sit here typing this I know what I should do, but I continue to kid myself. I guess I still don't understand what happened to us, to her. It's still surreal to me, like it didn't happen and she'll walk through the door sometime soon. I just can't seem to move forward. WHY! I want to contact her soooooo badly. God, I hate this!
canadaman111 Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 You guys are married, that is a commitment forever. You need to contact her and find out if she wants the marriage to work. If she does then it can work. Maybe you guys could go to counceling or something. My wife moved out a week ago now and i hope at some point we can be at the point of going on some dates and talking about her moving back in. Good luck with the marriage
knime32 Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 I'm not married, but I was in a serious committed relationship for 6 years with my boyfriend before he just walked out on our relationship. I think because you guys are married, things are different than they are for us people who are just in relationships without that level of committment. Like you said, she's feeling embarassed and may be afraid to take the initiative to call you, you be the better person and do it, if you want to save your marriage. Counseling is a great idea for you guys to work through the issues and it makes things less one-sided since you seem to be the one putting in all the effort. It will make her face her issues and work through the problems that you guys have. Another suggestion that I think could help is a book called Couple Skills: Making your Relationship Work by Matthew McKay. Its not very expensive. Someone suggested this book to me, and if we ever do decide to reconcile I think this will be a very useful tool to getting our relationship back on track and then making and keeping it strong. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best of luck and know that we're here to support you with whatever happens!
Author Fitness Dude Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 I don't want to break NC, it's been almost a month with NC. I'm getting better but still have waves of weakness. Maybe she's thinking of me also, and has thought about calling but can't bring herself to do it? I HATE this NC thing, I just don't know if it's working in THIS scenario. I'm soooooooo confused as to what I should be doing. We're still married, she's my wife, I would do almost anything to get her back.
WiseOne1 Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 I can see what you mean....I've had many ex GF's that have stated that after they've done to much "burned the bridge" would not be able to bring themselves to ask for me back. After all you really can't blame them, most of the time they do sooo much, they say stuff they don't mean, they flirt or sleep with other guys. If I was in this sistuation, at that point you would have to ask for them back or atlest give them some signals that the door is open, that means let them know that you are OPEN to getting back together, so that they don't feel like there fighting the tide, ya know??
HeavenOrHell Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 As far as I'm concerned marriage is no more of a commitment than a long term committed relationship, the level of commitment was the same for me and my ex as a marriage, we lasted 18 years which is longer than most marriages. I'm not married, but I was in a serious committed relationship for 6 years with my boyfriend before he just walked out on our relationship. I think because you guys are married, things are different than they are for us people who are just in relationships without that level of committment. Like you said, she's feeling embarassed and may be afraid to take the initiative to call you, you be the better person and do it, if you want to save your marriage. Counseling is a great idea for you guys to work through the issues and it makes things less one-sided since you seem to be the one putting in all the effort. It will make her face her issues and work through the problems that you guys have. Another suggestion that I think could help is a book called Couple Skills: Making your Relationship Work by Matthew McKay. Its not very expensive. Someone suggested this book to me, and if we ever do decide to reconcile I think this will be a very useful tool to getting our relationship back on track and then making and keeping it strong. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best of luck and know that we're here to support you with whatever happens!
dreamer84 Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 ive been contemplating this same situation about my...situation (lol) she's kind of reached out to me but then pulled back, and again recently she wrote something about she made some mistakes because we had start semi talking again...she said some awful stuff to me, but somehow...i didnt believe her....i don't really take too much seriously when people argue, its when things are calm is when i take it seriously, anyway, the stuff she said publicly would make her look like a total bitch if she came back to me...so i see what you're saying. I think you should signal that the door is open.
Recommended Posts