viruspvf Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 I went no contact after our breakup. You can read about it here for more insight. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t203303/ She contacted me out of the blue about 3 weeks ago....she called and said "Did you just pass by on so and so street?" we talked on the phone for a good 30 minutes or so but I had to let her go because I was starting to feel sick missing her. That same day she proceeded to call back 5 more times, and a few of those times she was almost begging me to come hangout with her. It did not make SENSE. WHY? out of the blue, I was so taken aback that I did not hangout with her do to some sort of complication. Maybe she got pregnant and wants to pin it on me? THere are many possibilities....but after 4 months of not seeing/.hearing from me she does this! It was so bizarre that it scared me and rendered me to not go hangout with her. The next day no calls or texts.....until today.....3 weeks later. She texted me around 11am saying "If you have time I have a box of your clothes". I told her to throw them away or give them to salvation army, that I got new stuff and didn't need it. SHE INSISTED and basically twisted my arm as far as she could to get me to get the stuff from her....it's almost like her last ditch attempt at getting me to hangout. And when we did talk on the phone 3 weeks ago she had SO MUCH to say. I couldn't shut her up, and she acted as if nothing happened between us. Can somebody please possibly give me some idea of whats going on here? I agreed to meet up with her sometime next week to get my stuff from her......but I know there is another motive other then that....there has to be, why would she be so insistent? I told her I would contact her sometime next week to get my stuff....she said "Sounds like a plan" this was all through texts. I may just not ever get a hold of her.....I worked hard to do no contact for so long and now this is the second time she is contacting me, and I told her boldy and bluntly to just throw the stuff away or give it to salvation army....its just CLOTHES. Anybody? I need input please.
bananaboat11 Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 I'm expecting the same thing from my ex soon (she dumped me, too)... ...eventually, we all move on. We've dealt with the heartbreak... the anger... the denial... the coping... and sooner or later after trying so hard to pretend to forget them... we really do forget them. If there is one thing I always said... I don't give two sh*ts if you're the dumper or dumpee... you both are questioning the relationship... yourselves... and both feel hurt. Each party, though, due to the circumstances handles it differently... Typically, I've seen... the dumpee has to abide by the no contact just to get their ex back. And we all know (as a fellow dumpee) we want her/him back so badly... it hurts. It aches... my stomach churns... my eyes bleed... my heart still... I am dying to break no contact. But we know, if we do... it's back to square one. So we pursue other ventures... and try to forget... and when we do... Meanwhile, the dumper has filled that immediate void (that we had torn from us without explanation) with some other person or thing... but soon... with time... their new infatuation's fire begins to simmer to a naught more than a speck of ash... and they remember. They remember you... me... that one they let get away.... and suddenly, if you let them go and were strong like a good dumpee... they begin to miss. Miss you... miss your touch.. miss your smile... the feel of your lips... your kiss. All the while, where are you? Not there... and they begin to question that... what's different? Are they no longer attractive? The way we were eaten alive immediately after they left our souls to rot... they too, begin to feel this (unless they are mentally ill... or seriously cold/cruel/heartless... - which, if he/she is the latter... I pity their next s/o and I'm definitel better off without her and so are you) ....Be strong. You learned so much about yourself after your breakup... do not fold. There will be feelings that may be rekindled... their may be a stirring of infatuation once more... BUT REMEMBER... do you really want someone who rejected you? Who dumped you for whatever reason... someone who didn't want to be with you. Be warned... they possessed those feelings of resentment ONCE... what's to stop them from breaking your heart again? Continue the No Contact, I say... be you. Be the stronger, smarter, sexier, more testosterone flared alpha male you have become. Let her want you... ...If she can sincerely prove to you she's changed and you really want a second chance... ...otherwise move on. Good luck =) 2
Author viruspvf Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 very good way to put things....I enjoyed reading that.
WiseOne1 Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 I have experience with this, me and a EX broke up and was apart for around 3 months, the next thing you know after ignoring the HELL out of me, she started coming on VERY strong. She started calling, calling me baby, texting me 24/7, talking like we never broke up, turns out she found out that the new guy wasn't what he was portraying, she wanted me back and admitted it after I allowed her to test the waters.
Author viruspvf Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 That's the vibe I am getting as well....but I dunno if I want that back. Its used goods now you know? She thought life would be better without me....I think I would end up bringing up the other guys she possibly dated or whatever in the past 4 months the second she pissed me off once things got back to normal and BANG no relationship again. Either that or things were so bad with her rebound that she's willing to put up with my crap regardless as to if I changed or not because in reality she realized I wasn't that bad.
bananaboat11 Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 That's the vibe I am getting as well....but I dunno if I want that back. Its used goods now you know? She thought life would be better without me....I think I would end up bringing up the other guys she possibly dated or whatever in the past 4 months the second she pissed me off once things got back to normal and BANG no relationship again. Either that or things were so bad with her rebound that she's willing to put up with my crap regardless as to if I changed or not because in reality she realized I wasn't that bad. Now we have to realize... do we really want to be second best? They put us on the backburner, man.... we can do so much better than them! This is the time we need to be selfish for ourselves. We know we're great guys. You know you're a great guy. If you're thinking it... you know the person/girl... if you're over analyzing it... then there's a good chance it's possibly true. If you break the NC, that's the same for everyone... unfortunately... gotta forget the one for the one to come back... but by the time they come back... where are you? I said it above... you've moved on and are happier. =)
gaudi Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 I have experience with this, me and a EX broke up and was apart for around 3 months, the next thing you know after ignoring the HELL out of me, she started coming on VERY strong. She started calling, calling me baby, texting me 24/7, talking like we never broke up, turns out she found out that the new guy wasn't what he was portraying, she wanted me back and admitted it after I allowed her to test the waters. What was the result of this ?? I know you say she is an EX, but did you get back with her at the time or what ??
WiseOne1 Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 What was the result of this ?? I know you say she is an EX, but did you get back with her at the time or what ?? We got back together, she flirted with me for days, and around her friends she even started referring to me as her BF.....I was like WHAT??? BF??? I said are we back together or something, and she admitted that she wanted me back and we got backtogether, and stayed together for around 9 months later. She then broke up because she said that I treated her diffrently after that, I told her to kick rocks and get the HELL out of my life because she's the one that caused the issues in the relationship. So yea, The Result : We got back together
dreamer84 Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 We got back together, she flirted with me for days, and around her friends she even started referring to me as her BF.....I was like WHAT??? BF??? I said are we back together or something, and she admitted that she wanted me back and we got backtogether, and stayed together for around 9 months later. She then broke up because she said that I treated her diffrently after that, I told her to kick rocks and get the HELL out of my life because she's the one that caused the issues in the relationship. So yea, The Result : We got back together lol @ kick rocks wow...im seeing so many male perspectives on women and its so similar to how it happens to me... my ex contacted me once (well on more than one occassion) and was upset/surprised i didnt want to allow her back in...she said something awful but o well...then she tried to get me to give my opinion on this blouse that showed a lot of cleavage...but she wa sin a relationship...THEN she calls me crying and apologizing for being such a bitch to me when we were together because her new girl is treating her like ****.... but to the poster...sounds like she wants you back...or at least some ex sex could be hitting a dry patch. 1
Author viruspvf Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 I just don't know if I am ready to have sex with her....I have no idea if I will be sent back to day 1 of the break up or not. I think what I'll do is this. If she seems to want sex, or to get intimate in any way shape or form....I'll stop the process in its tracks and explain to her that I am not capable of doing it unless she wants to resolve our issues and work on things between us and see where it goes....and after a bit of time if all is well and I can feel that she is interested in anything further than sex THEN we can get physical. I cannot just hump her and forget her, I think it would personally put me in a horrible mood for weeks if I got to have sex with her once or twice then not see her for months at a time again. Seems like the smartest route to take....that or just avoid her period.
sugarmomma Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 That's the vibe I am getting as well....but I dunno if I want that back. Its used goods now you know? She thought life would be better without me....I think I would end up bringing up the other guys she possibly dated or whatever in the past 4 months the second she pissed me off once things got back to normal and BANG no relationship again. Either that or things were so bad with her rebound that she's willing to put up with my crap regardless as to if I changed or not because in reality she realized I wasn't that bad. This is the same girl that dumped you for being mean and abusive toward her? The same girl that you claimed to love so much? If you have not changed please don't get started with her again because she will just dump you again for being abusive. Work on YOUR issues.
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