hurtyetagain Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 ok so im about ot make my self sound like a bad wife and friend but its life. okk so here is the deal my husband and i are taking time apart. he is doing his thing and im doing mine well in june of 09 we desided to get a divorce. then not a week later my best friend leaves his wife (i had no idea) and i was prego at the time so about 2 weeks after i had the baby he calles me and we hang out just like we always had and had a little to much to drink and he ended up pouring his heart out to me about how he has liked me since high school and not a day goes by that he dosnt think about me and just wants to be with me. well hello im a girl that has been in the same boring relationship for 5 years now and i have had feelings for him for the last year or so but never acted b/c A he was married and B i was married and C didnt want to mess up our friendship. but now he is opening up he is everything i have ever wanted in a guy it perfect anyway long story short he and i start to plan a future and then new years day he calls me and tells me that he needs time to make sure this is what he wants and im ok with that b/c things are moving so fast hell i need time myself. but then i get a msg from his ex (so i though) and she is telling me not to contact him ever again b/c they are working things out. so i ask him about it and he said no that he and i are ok he HOPES but he is just trying to get her off his back till there divorce is done. now here i am left high and dry without the man of my dreams not knowing who to trust. it hurts so bad im more mad at myself b/c i let myself get sucked into something so fast i dont ever do that. but you know when people say they fell for someone well he tripped me and i fell hard and fast never saw it coming. ok so what do i do do i move on. or do i wait and keep telling myself that we will be together soon and he really dose love me. im at a loss please help...
It_Is_What_It_Is Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 Well, what makes you think your A with this OM is different from any others? Reading between the line you are rationalising your A with this so-called high sweetheart.You should be focusing on your marriage rather than looking for excuse to find another 'perfect' (or lack of) man. U are now one of the statistics. U either need to focus on your marriage or take time out and figure what you want.
ladydesigner Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 Well, what makes you think your A with this OM is different from any others? Reading between the line you are rationalising your A with this so-called high sweetheart.You should be focusing on your marriage rather than looking for excuse to find another 'perfect' (or lack of) man. U are now one of the statistics. U either need to focus on your marriage or take time out and figure what you want. Yeah those stinkin' statistics I became one 2 years ago. If I would have come to LS first I don't think I would have become one. Hurtyetagain I would run so fast and far from this man. Then next thing you know you'll get thrown under the bus and made to feel worthless like most of us here. Take your power back now and tell him to eff off.
pureinheart Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 Hey Hurt, I don't like the fact that his "ex" called you...that's not cool as he should have done that. Hurt, you should let go, what will be will be....this is not meant to sound cold and indifferent, it just means all of this is out of your realm of control. He may have wanted one more try with his W, although in most cases they end up leaving again. If you believe in God, the sun, the moon, any spiritual deal , try to give it to that and see what happens and try not to do anything.... Hey, I'm thinking about you and hoping the best (((((((((hugggs)))))))))))
fooled once Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Step away from him and let him and his ex figure things out. Don't wait for him. Don't obsess about him. Don't keep contacting him. IF he comes to you, divorce papers in hand, then SLOWLY start a relationship - but ONLY if there is a divorce signed, sealed and delivered.
Author hurtyetagain Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 as far as me and my husband we are over he knows and so do i. but he is deployed as of now as we are waiting on him to get home then our divorce will be taken care of. (he just needs to sign off on it all) and as far as the other guys goes i really do want to just let go and walk away but for some reason i cant im still sleeping in his shirts and crying everytime i hear a song on the radio i cant take off his ring my kids are still asking about him and when they ask if they can call him or when we will see him again it hurts that much more. the whole thing behind his ex calling me was she found my number in his phone bill and called him and asked me about it and then called me and told me not to call anymore. but since i have became aware what is going on with them or what i think is going on (from her b/c he wont talk to me) i have not bothered him or her for that matter. but im at the point that i want and need to know what is going on so that i can let go. b/c the last time i talked to him he did tell me he loved me and did want to be with me but cant do that with her up his butt. so that is why he is pushing me aside so to speak. i just done know i went from talking to him everyday and all that crap. feeling like i was in high school again. all stupid and giddy over him. to nothing im lost i feel empty. and since all this has happened i have been asked out on a date and i told him no b/c i cant bare to look at another man and take the chance of hurting again. i just want my life back...
fooled once Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 as far as me and my husband we are over he knows and so do i. but he is deployed as of now as we are waiting on him to get home then our divorce will be taken care of. (he just needs to sign off on it all) and as far as the other guys goes i really do want to just let go and walk away but for some reason i cant im still sleeping in his shirts and crying everytime i hear a song on the radio i cant take off his ring my kids are still asking about him and when they ask if they can call him or when we will see him again it hurts that much more. the whole thing behind his ex calling me was she found my number in his phone bill and called him and asked me about it and then called me and told me not to call anymore. but since i have became aware what is going on with them or what i think is going on (from her b/c he wont talk to me) i have not bothered him or her for that matter. but im at the point that i want and need to know what is going on so that i can let go. b/c the last time i talked to him he did tell me he loved me and did want to be with me but cant do that with her up his butt. so that is why he is pushing me aside so to speak. i just done know i went from talking to him everyday and all that crap. feeling like i was in high school again. all stupid and giddy over him. to nothing im lost i feel empty. and since all this has happened i have been asked out on a date and i told him no b/c i cant bare to look at another man and take the chance of hurting again. i just want my life back... Why in the WORLD are you kids asking about him???? Seriously? Why do you ASSume she is "up his butt"? She is his wife - they are spending time together, possibly rebuilding their marriage. And their marriage is NONE of your business. Stop trying to insert yourself into it, stop trying to tell yourself it is your business. IF he wanted to talk to you, he would. IF he wanted to see you, he would. IF he wanted to be with you, he would. Take his shirts off, stop crying over him and focus on being the best possible MOM to your kids.
Author hurtyetagain Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 Why in the WORLD are you kids asking about him???? Seriously? Why do you ASSume she is "up his butt"? She is his wife - they are spending time together, possibly rebuilding their marriage. And their marriage is NONE of your business. Stop trying to insert yourself into it, stop trying to tell yourself it is your business. IF he wanted to talk to you, he would. IF he wanted to see you, he would. IF he wanted to be with you, he would. Take his shirts off, stop crying over him and focus on being the best possible MOM to your kids. my kids are asking about him b/c he was around and they like him. as far as me saying she is up his butt, thats what he has told me and i agree there marriage is none of my business and to tell you the truth i dont want to know about what is going on with them but if they are rebuilding there marriage then why is he still in contact with my family and did he tell me the last time i talked to him that he dose love me and wants to be with me. all in all i just wish he would be real with me and or himself and tell me whats up (if he is going to be with me then do it)
tami-chan Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 yes, let him be...you are setting yourself up for heartache...
2sunny Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 looks like he lied. looks like they had a DDay. looks like he's in NC with you. looks like he's willing to work on his M. typical of MM behavior when he's caught. get it? his actions are showing you that his M is the priority... he's not allowed to talk to you if he wants to stay married to his W... he wants to stay married so he doesn't talk to you. simple really - when you trail his actions.
Author hurtyetagain Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 thanks so much for all the help you all have really help me see that i do just need to move on. let it go!! so anyone know where or how to go about meeting mr right lol b/c it seems that i have an issue with that. no really thanks again im better off without him i need someone that is true and honest and knows what he wants in life and is willing to stand by me thick and thin.
pureinheart Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Step away from him and let him and his ex figure things out. Don't wait for him. Don't obsess about him. Don't keep contacting him. IF he comes to you, divorce papers in hand, then SLOWLY start a relationship - but ONLY if there is a divorce signed, sealed and delivered.[/QUOTE] Is there a way to get a giant neon sign with bright ledgible colors with these words in bold either put across the sky or on every street post?????????? If this rule could be followed it would save sooooooo much grief. I am not saying this to be mean I am saying this because it is something I need
pureinheart Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 my kids are asking about him b/c he was around and they like him. as far as me saying she is up his butt, thats what he has told me and i agree there marriage is none of my business and to tell you the truth i dont want to know about what is going on with them but if they are rebuilding there marriage then why is he still in contact with my family and did he tell me the last time i talked to him that he dose love me and wants to be with me. all in all i just wish he would be real with me and or himself and tell me whats up (if he is going to be with me then do it) My kids are grown, but it was my little guys (grandkids) that asked about "him" (I do that because I don't know who he is really, exMM, ex BF). All of this is just very hard and taxing on all....Hurt, I am trying so hard to have compassion for the MM, so here goes: They are, or he is confused, there could be some arrogance mixed in with this, who knows....you know, two women fighting over him...priddy good for the ego, ya know! By taking yourself completely out of the equation, you are forcing him to make a decision....you, or his M....in this case he cannot have both...this also moves some of the arrogance. My thoughts are with you....
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