hopesndreams Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Do you have the feeling that if you would ever snoop on your SO.. you'd find something? Do some of you.. prefer not to snoop in case they find something? Do you totally trust your SO.. so you don't feel the need to snoop? If you had a feeling something was off.. would you snoop? If something was "off" of course you would snoop. That is a no brainer. You pandering to the dimwits? Of course you are. I'll move on.
pureinheart Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 1. Depends of the moment. 2. I prefer to snoop because I can't deal with it if I don't know it's going on. 3. If I totally trusted him I would not snoop. If I didn't I would. 4. Yes, if I had a feeling something was off I'd definitely snoop. People who don't are just afraid of what they'll find. You can't fix what you don't know about. Even then, sometimes you still can't fix it. Interesting take WF....this isn't due to control or because you fear....most of what I hear IS out of fear and control....wow....cool
pureinheart Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 If something was "off" of course you would snoop. That is a no brainer. You pandering to the dimwits? Of course you are. I'll move on. Wow....that was mean:lmao:
pureinheart Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 I do snoop when I find things to be off course . I am normally pretty good at this gut feeling . I always find things (all my ex's think I should be a detective) I only fear that they will lie to cover the first one then I have to dig deeper. Every one of my ex's except for 1 (been in 3 LTR) have cheated, But the one that did not cheat he lied non stop. I do not have any trust left in me for relationships. I have decided that I will remain single just so I do not have to deal with the complex issues that a relationship tend to bring. :bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny: You know Kimmi, I have never had to snoop, things just happen, people say things and I pick up on everything. My ex was in the Military and we were 3000 mi apart, trust me, you would not believe what a small world it is....I found out he was cheating from all of that distance....I just know, you know...lol... I really am sorry you have given up on relationships, but I do understand....good fortune to you!
marlena Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 I have snooped in the past and have hated myself for it BUT I hate being deceived even more. I must know the truth at whatever cost. And then decide what to do about it. I can understand affairs and why they happen. I can also understand why people lie. I may even forgive both very human behaviours. However, I would seriously question my compatibility with someone who constantly has affairs and lies. And this would be the primary reason I would end the relationship.
OWoman Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Do you have the feeling that if you would ever snoop on your SO.. you'd find something? Do some of you.. prefer not to snoop in case they find something? Do you totally trust your SO.. so you don't feel the need to snoop? If you had a feeling something was off.. would you snoop? I'm a naturally a skeptical person. I'm not inclined to trust ANYBODY, until I've established the truth for myself. Someone could say it was snowing outside but until I'd stuck my head out and seen for myself it was snowing, I wouldn't believe them. So, no, I don't habitually snoop to find something "off" - but I need evidence before I believe that everything is perfect. So, I'm always in "evidence gathering" mode - I suppose that's part of being a researcher, anyway - and I draw my conclusions based on the evidence I gather from a range of different sources.
Author Lizzie60 Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 Nope. I trust him completely -- as I've said, he'll have two women ready to kill him if he cheats, so where's his motivation? I mean, he's got two of us free and clear, honest, with both our permission. If he could find the time for lover number three without damaging his finances or limiting the time he spends with us, he would be well within his rights to suggest her, just as I have every right to find a man or woman to bring into the arrangement. (Our fair one is monogamous, so my darling is all she wants, but if she were to give it a go, no doubt she'd do so as brilliantly as she does everything else, and we'd be happy for her.) We are as open with each other as open gets. There is no need for suspicion. You're in a polyamorous relationship? In that case, I can see how he wouldn't need any more women... unless he's an addict or something..
Author Lizzie60 Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 Wow...it amazes me the differences in people concerning "snooping" and monitoring people. Some of the ones that have been cheated on trip hard on it and police the WS to no end....I wonder how many of these M's last after this, and if they last why? Is it truely a M? Wow...too much, I'm a 60's baby, you know. I have heard BS's control every aspect of the WS's life...what kind of life is that...there is no freedom in that...whatever. You know what Lizzy, this is your thread so I think this is ok to do this....I definitely owe you an apology....there was one thread that you discussed your romance of a younger guy and that he was mad at you....I said you were trying to provoke....I was wrong...k.. What I was doing was people pleasing and being uncool to you because of my own guilt. I felt for a long time that I owed BS's something because of my EA. I was also very uncool to MM....and for the record I am referring to exMM's ex W.... You know....ex MM has many faults and we went through a lot. Neither of us did things the right way, but who among us is perfect? Thanks for reading this.... I can see why a former BS would constantly snoop... s/he's been burned... so until s/he gets the trust back.. s/he'll snoop.. and I think this is quite normal... I have never snooped on my 2 'exes'... I didn't feel the need.. I completely trusted them... plus it's a lot of work... especially when the SO is a business owner.. or on the road a lot... it would cost thousands for a PI.. or one would have to spend soooo much time and energy just following ... it's nearly impossible in some cases.. I do not recall your post on my previous thread (about the young guy)... so don't worry about it... I don't hold grudges on anyone .. except for the nasty, vile posters (they know who they are) who take every chance they get to post a snide comment...
doushenka Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 You're in a polyamorous relationship? In that case, I can see how he wouldn't need any more women... unless he's an addict or something.. *taps nose* You got it. Happiest I've ever been, too. I, er, have it on good authority that he's plenty fulfilled.
crazycatlady Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Doushenka - man I still love that name, and I love how you refer to each other in your triad - would that be the correct term? A part of me wants to ask so many questions about your situation, but I don't wish to be rude. No one answered my question....how would you feel if you were the one snooped on? CCL
herenow Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 No one answered my question....how would you feel if you were the one snooped on? CCL If my H snooped on me, I would do whatever it takes to assure him I have nothing to hide. If he felt the need to snoop, it would tell me that he is feeling insecure about our relationship. I would take a look at why he would feel that way. I think in most cases people snoop because their gut tells them there is something wrong. In many cases, they are right.
You'reasian Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Do you have the feeling that if you would ever snoop on your SO.. you'd find something? Do some of you.. prefer not to snoop in case they find something? Do you totally trust your SO.. so you don't feel the need to snoop? If you had a feeling something was off.. would you snoop? I've been in a relationship where there was close to 100% trust and it was real. She was very, very trustworthy.
White Flower Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Interesting take WF....this isn't due to control or because you fear....most of what I hear IS out of fear and control....wow....cool Very true. If I have a gut feeling I won't bury my head in the sand. I'll do the research, then make a decision based on what I find. If your car acts funny and you don't find the problem then you can't fix it. If it goes on too long, you may end up in a ditch all alone. You may choose to stay alone after you have the car repaired or you may choose to take your partner on further rides. Either way, you still have to work on the car.
doushenka Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 CCL, ask away -- maybe in another thread, though; we don't want to t/j poor Lizzie. <3 Triad is correct in the sense that the three of us are committed to each other in some way, be it friendship or love; "vee" describes it more vividly, with my beloved as the hinge and his ladies on either end. I would feel betrayed if I were snooped on. Trust goes both ways, and that means believing me when I say something's true. I have the kind of conscience that doesn't let me lie; it eats me up inside and I end up confessing, even if it's something little and stupid. If someone I'm with can't trust me enough not to snoop on me, I wonder if s/he even trusts me at all. S/he wouldn't find anything, either. I'm an open book to the people who matter to me.
pureinheart Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 I can see why a former BS would constantly snoop... s/he's been burned... so until s/he gets the trust back.. s/he'll snoop.. and I think this is quite normal... I have never snooped on my 2 'exes'... I didn't feel the need.. I completely trusted them... plus it's a lot of work... especially when the SO is a business owner.. or on the road a lot... it would cost thousands for a PI.. or one would have to spend soooo much time and energy just following ... it's nearly impossible in some cases.. I do not recall your post on my previous thread (about the young guy)... so don't worry about it... I don't hold grudges on anyone .. except for the nasty, vile posters (they know who they are) who take every chance they get to post a snide comment... Yes I can understand also why a BS would be suspicious....it's hard for me to understand why some go back. When it happened to me, I realised that there were serious issues in the M, either him/me/both and so I walked. This may sound weird, although the main reason I don't snoop is because I don't care:confused:....lol....wow, I would rather do something else....I just have so much to do all of the time. LOL, being hyperthyroid does have it's advantages, I like to stay busy. Hey:D:love: thanks for understanding "my bad"....I'm finally getting on the right track now. As far as the haters...wow....my heart goes out to them because that kills from the inside out....
Fallen Angel Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Doushenka - man I still love that name, and I love how you refer to each other in your triad - would that be the correct term? A part of me wants to ask so many questions about your situation, but I don't wish to be rude. No one answered my question....how would you feel if you were the one snooped on? CCL I answered your question.. one page ago.
NoIDidn't Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 I'm a naturally a skeptical person. I'm not inclined to trust ANYBODY, until I've established the truth for myself. Someone could say it was snowing outside but until I'd stuck my head out and seen for myself it was snowing, I wouldn't believe them. So, no, I don't habitually snoop to find something "off" - but I need evidence before I believe that everything is perfect. So, I'm always in "evidence gathering" mode - I suppose that's part of being a researcher, anyway - and I draw my conclusions based on the evidence I gather from a range of different sources. What she said. I'm the same way. I must verify for myself. I *trust* no one but myself.
pureinheart Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Very true. If I have a gut feeling I won't bury my head in the sand. I'll do the research, then make a decision based on what I find. If your car acts funny and you don't find the problem then you can't fix it. If it goes on too long, you may end up in a ditch all alone. You may choose to stay alone after you have the car repaired or you may choose to take your partner on further rides. Either way, you still have to work on the car. ROFL !!!!!!! This is GREAT!.....Really people must laugh a lot at me because I usually "think" about everything, rarely do I have a quick response, but once I do get it, and could take days sometimes...it's there and it stays there. Call me "whatever", although I never expect for people to be uncool, and it always catches me off guard...the people I grew up with acted right or they got their a** beat, I do not like pain. Also everybody always "protected" me....yet from experience I can pick up on tones, body language, writings, and all sorts of signals....so even with being a bit "spaced out" and slow...I still get it!!!!!!!!! I love what you had to say:D
Meaplus3 Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Well YES! If I felt something was off I'd snoop.:laugh: And if I was wrong and got caught snooping I'd feel like a fool. Mea:)
silktricks Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Yes But, I have to say this, I would be a little pissed if I found out that he was snooping on me. If he was reading my phone messages, or going on my computer to see where I post like on here, or checking my IMs. I haven't done anything that I wouldn't want him to see aside from my own snooping, but it would still piss me off. Would it piss others off? CCL Well, I figure what's good for the goose.... I know my H snoops on me, because he's questioned me about things he would only know by snooping. (Not trying to hide anything, just never thought important... ) So, no, it doesn't piss me off, but it makes me sad that at times he feels insecure enough to need to do it.
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