Lizzie60 Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 Do you have the feeling that if you would ever snoop on your SO.. you'd find something? Do some of you.. prefer not to snoop in case they find something? Do you totally trust your SO.. so you don't feel the need to snoop? If you had a feeling something was off.. would you snoop?
ladydesigner Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 Do you have the feeling that if you would ever snoop on your SO.. you'd find something? Do some of you.. prefer not to snoop in case they find something? Do you totally trust your SO.. so you don't feel the need to snoop? If you had a feeling something was off.. would you snoop? Yes I do have the feeling if I snooped I would find something, but I don't think I have snooped deep enough. I do not trust my H as he has already cheated on me, all times caught by me once an OW emailed me to let me know, but yet he still denies everything I would say always snoop if somethings off, ALWAYS. I'm really not sure why I stay married...mainly for the kids.
bentnotbroken Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 Do you have the feeling that if you would ever snoop on your SO.. you'd find something? Do some of you.. prefer not to snoop in case they find something? Do you totally trust your SO.. so you don't feel the need to snoop? If you had a feeling something was off.. would you snoop? 1 & 2 didn't apply to me because I totally trusted him. I believed he was emotionally abusive, but not a cheater. But when I didn't feel that trust anymore, when I felt something was not right....I did snoop. Got info, he lied, others confirmed including ow's H and the rest is the historture.
silktricks Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 Do you have the feeling that if you would ever snoop on your SO.. you'd find something? Do some of you.. prefer not to snoop in case they find something? Do you totally trust your SO.. so you don't feel the need to snoop? If you had a feeling something was off.. would you snoop? From first to last: :) (answers are based on present, not past) Nope. Nope Yep Absolutely, no question, immediately and with depth!!!
alphamale Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 i snooped a couple times and found items i wish i hadn't i don't snoop anymore
alphamale Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 in the first instance i found a stashed book on a psychiatric illness that she did not tell me she had. i did not tell her i found the book but later on she did tell me about her malady. in the second instance i found pictures of her and her previous bf engaged in sexual acts
Author Lizzie60 Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 Yes I do have the feeling if I snooped I would find something, but I don't think I have snooped deep enough. I do not trust my H as he has already cheated on me, all times caught by me once an OW emailed me to let me know, but yet he still denies everything I would say always snoop if somethings off, ALWAYS. I'm really not sure why I stay married...mainly for the kids. all times... humm... if you stay because of the kids.. maybe it would be better for you NOT to snoop.. and believe he's being faithful... you only torture yourself if you keep snooping.. find he's still cheating and stay with him for the sake of the kids... In your case, I think it's pointless to snoop..
Author Lizzie60 Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 1 & 2 didn't apply to me because I totally trusted him. I believed he was emotionally abusive, but not a cheater. But when I didn't feel that trust anymore, when I felt something was not right....I did snoop. Got info, he lied, others confirmed including ow's H and the rest is the historture. This is also my feeling.. most people don't snoop because they fear the truth..
Author Lizzie60 Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 i snooped a couple times and found items i wish i hadn't i don't snoop anymore silly you.. you're single..
Author Lizzie60 Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 From first to last: :) (answers are based on present, not past) Nope. Nope Yep Absolutely, no question, immediately and with depth!!! Good for you..
Author Lizzie60 Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 NoNoI won't ever trust anyone 100%, maybe 98% but not 100I would but I'd think about it long and hard first I would also think about it long and hard.. if I have no intentions of leaving the guy... like a lot of people who snoop.. find out they're cheating.. and do nothing about it..
ladydesigner Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 all times... humm... if you stay because of the kids.. maybe it would be better for you NOT to snoop.. and believe he's being faithful... you only torture yourself if you keep snooping.. find he's still cheating and stay with him for the sake of the kids... In your case, I think it's pointless to snoop.. Yes I believe you are right. I must sound like a complete idiot. For the record and I hope all of you hold me to it, I told my H that if evidence presents itself again I will leave with kids and all. I just can't keep doing this to myself anymore. I would rather be by myself.
Author Lizzie60 Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 Yes I believe you are right. I must sound like a complete idiot. For the record and I hope all of you hold me to it, I told my H that if evidence presents itself again I will leave with kids and all. I just can't keep doing this to myself anymore. I would rather be by myself. No you don't sound like an idiot ... not at all... I know many many people who would sacrifice themselves for the kids.. it's very common.. Although scary.. sometimes separation is in the best interest of all parties involved.. including the kids.. if they feel something is not right at home.. or if they know what's going on... I totally understand people who stay for the kids.. trust me..
skylarblue Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 I don’t know if my MM’s W has ever snooped, but I think it’d be very difficult for her to find evidence without an investigator. We don’t really generate any physical evidence. We don’t text or contact thru any internet medium (email, facebook, etc) or use credit cards or generate receipts. He only uses his cell phone which is job issued so she can’t get records. I asked if he worries about his W ever checking his phone and noticing my number or seeing pics of us. He says no. He doesn’t keep the pics long (he might erase my number too IDK) and he always has his phone with him, but she’d never checked it anyway. Plus, his job would allow him to explain it away, even at odd hours. Even an investigator would be difficult because he’s been in that line of work. I’ve seen him surveillance areas that we were before. She has really only discovered “evidence” twice by accident, not snooping, both about 3-4yrs into the A already. A receipt from VS, but he was able to placate the situation. And empty body oil that sparked a week long argument where she continuously threatened him with divorce. She told him “I knew there was something going on; I just couldn’t put my finger on it”. Ironically, he says she explained things away herself. I think his W trusts him more than her suspicions.
Author Lizzie60 Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 I don’t know if my MM’s W has ever snooped, but I think it’d be very difficult for her to find evidence without an investigator. We don’t really generate any physical evidence. We don’t text or contact thru any internet medium (email, facebook, etc) or use credit cards or generate receipts. He only uses his cell phone which is job issued so she can’t get records. I asked if he worries about his W ever checking his phone and noticing my number or seeing pics of us. He says no. He doesn’t keep the pics long (he might erase my number too IDK) and he always has his phone with him, but she’d never checked it anyway. Plus, his job would allow him to explain it away, even at odd hours. Even an investigator would be difficult because he’s been in that line of work. I’ve seen him surveillance areas that we were before. She has really only discovered “evidence” twice by accident, not snooping, both about 3-4yrs into the A already. A receipt from VS, but he was able to placate the situation. And empty body oil that sparked a week long argument where she continuously threatened him with divorce. She told him “I knew there was something going on; I just couldn’t put my finger on it”. Ironically, he says she explained things away herself. I think his W trusts him more than her suspicions. I could be wrong.. but I have the feeling you're not trying to take him away from his M... It's the same for me... It would be almost impossible for her (them) to find out..
Contemplating Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 This is also my feeling.. most people don't snoop because they fear the truth.. Funny, I have snooped, will snoop again! I don't fear the truth, I fear what I don't know and being blindsided.
Author Lizzie60 Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 Funny, I have snooped, will snoop again! I don't fear the truth, I fear what I don't know and being blindsided. Then why do you snoop? insecurity? something is off?
crazycatlady Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Yes No No Yes I think....I did snoop, I did find something. I mostly trust my H but knew something was off. I even knew who it was off with because otherwise I would have known about it before hand. I snooped to find out what was off. And then I kept snooping because I wanted to be reassured that he loved me too. I'm not thrilled with the situation, but I've accepted it and am making the best of it, and I think it was mostly caused by the crap we were going through and how I handled the initial situation. I'm trying not to snoop now because I hate snooping - I would rather just flat out ask him, but haven't yet because I know from snooping and that would piss him off and I don't want him pissed off. I'm not afraid of him or his temper, but haven't been in the mood to wrangle over this so not doing it. Not sure if I will ever do it. Will I snoop again? Ohhh maybe if the off feeling comes back. Just to make sure the status quo hasn't changed any, which is pretty much why the inclination to snoop now comes up when I see his phone laying around. He's not exactly trying very hard to keep it a secret. But he loves me. If it weren't for who it was I would be acceptable to it being open admitted to. And if it wasn't who it was, he would be open and admit to it. But, I have to say this, I would be a little pissed if I found out that he was snooping on me. If he was reading my phone messages, or going on my computer to see where I post like on here, or checking my IMs. I haven't done anything that I wouldn't want him to see aside from my own snooping, but it would still piss me off. Would it piss others off? CCL
kimmi Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 I do snoop when I find things to be off course . I am normally pretty good at this gut feeling . I always find things (all my ex's think I should be a detective) I only fear that they will lie to cover the first one then I have to dig deeper. Every one of my ex's except for 1 (been in 3 LTR) have cheated, But the one that did not cheat he lied non stop. I do not have any trust left in me for relationships. I have decided that I will remain single just so I do not have to deal with the complex issues that a relationship tend to bring. :bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny:
Fallen Angel Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 I snooped on my now ex-husband in the beginning of our marriage.. yes, he was cheating. I continued to snoop for awhile, I was always right, every timei looked, i found a new one. Then, i quit snooping, because I simply no longer gave even the tiniest little sh*t if he was cheating or not. I have snooped a little on My MM.. never going through his phone, wallet, etc. But i have kept my eyes open while sitting in his truck.. read a few reciepts.. nothing serious, nothing that I wouldn't/haven't told him about. We also have each other's passwords to our online accounts, and I have permission to read any email, deny any "friend", delete anyone from his friends list.. and i have excercised those options on occasion.. though it is not something I do regularly. I guess the fact that he is so willing to let me see it all means he is not doing anything he feels the need to hide from me. (Yes, yes.. I am aware that i shouldn't expect 'honesty' and 'commitment' from My MM.. but I do..) He has 'snooped' on me as well.. lol.. once while I was taking a shower, he was on my laptop, and was checking out my 'history'.. I think it is funny, as I am as open and honest as any man could possibly ask a woman to be. *shrug* I asked him about it, he apologized. I offered him the password to the account of mine he was looking at. If he has checked up on it or not i don't know... nor do I care. My life is open to his scrutiny. I have nothing to hide, so I am not bothered at all if he wants to 'snoop'.
fooled once Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 (edited) Do you have the feeling that if you would ever snoop on your SO.. you'd find something? Do some of you.. prefer not to snoop in case they find something? Do you totally trust your SO.. so you don't feel the need to snoop? If you had a feeling something was off.. would you snoop? I have no need or desire to snoop. I don't worry that if I did, i would find something. IMHO, if you have to snoop, then there is a reason for it. A feeling of mistrust. I totally trust my husband and I am not naive or stupid. I know the man he is. IF I had a feeling something was off, I would talk to him. He has no need to snoop on me and even if he did snoop, he wouldn't find anything LOL. I am hopelessly devoted to him. If I wasn't, i wouldn't be with him. Why waste life on something that doesn't bring you joy or happiness? Why waste life on something that brings negativity and sadness to your life? Life is too short for that! I do not understand women who stay with men who cheat. I just personally don't get that. I can't see me every staying with someone who cheated on me. Edited January 9, 2010 by fooled once
White Flower Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Do you have the feeling that if you would ever snoop on your SO.. you'd find something? Do some of you.. prefer not to snoop in case they find something? Do you totally trust your SO.. so you don't feel the need to snoop? If you had a feeling something was off.. would you snoop? 1. Depends of the moment. 2. I prefer to snoop because I can't deal with it if I don't know it's going on. 3. If I totally trusted him I would not snoop. If I didn't I would. 4. Yes, if I had a feeling something was off I'd definitely snoop. People who don't are just afraid of what they'll find. You can't fix what you don't know about. Even then, sometimes you still can't fix it.
pureinheart Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Do you have the feeling that if you would ever snoop on your SO.. you'd find something? No, I doubt it Do some of you.. prefer not to snoop in case they find something? I just prefer not to snoop at all Do you totally trust your SO.. so you don't feel the need to snoop? This may sound strange, I don't put anything past anyone, all men/women are capable of cheating...what ever will be will be, right? If you had a feeling something was off.. would you snoop? No, snooping IMO is a waste of time...lol.... Lizzy, this may sound arrogant, and I really don't mean to, although I know what I've got and what I'm worth. If he cheats on me then I don't want him and don't want to deal with it, there will be other guys...you know. I also realise how things are and how people are...I've cheated, been cheated on...hey things happen....if someone doesn't want me...oh well, someone else will right! One time in my life I went through a big depression for about a week, my H had left me....my friend saw me laying on the floor all jacked up....she said get the hell up and call H and tell him to get over here and watch these kids because we are going out. We went out and the guys were all over me like white on rice....my friend told my H this and he moved back home that night. To heck with them I will be depressed when they are gone, but I will get over it...you know!
doushenka Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Do you have the feeling that if you would ever snoop on your SO.. you'd find something? Nope. I trust him completely -- as I've said, he'll have two women ready to kill him if he cheats, so where's his motivation? I mean, he's got two of us free and clear, honest, with both our permission. If he could find the time for lover number three without damaging his finances or limiting the time he spends with us, he would be well within his rights to suggest her, just as I have every right to find a man or woman to bring into the arrangement. (Our fair one is monogamous, so my darling is all she wants, but if she were to give it a go, no doubt she'd do so as brilliantly as she does everything else, and we'd be happy for her.) We are as open with each other as open gets. There is no need for suspicion.
pureinheart Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Wow...it amazes me the differences in people concerning "snooping" and monitoring people. Some of the ones that have been cheated on trip hard on it and police the WS to no end....I wonder how many of these M's last after this, and if they last why? Is it truely a M? Wow...too much, I'm a 60's baby, you know. I have heard BS's control every aspect of the WS's life...what kind of life is that...there is no freedom in that...whatever. You know what Lizzy, this is your thread so I think this is ok to do this....I definitely owe you an apology....there was one thread that you discussed your romance of a younger guy and that he was mad at you....I said you were trying to provoke....I was wrong...k.. What I was doing was people pleasing and being uncool to you because of my own guilt. I felt for a long time that I owed BS's something because of my EA. I was also very uncool to MM....and for the record I am referring to exMM's ex W.... You know....ex MM has many faults and we went through a lot. Neither of us did things the right way, but who among us is perfect? Thanks for reading this....
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