NYgirlinLA Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 My ex and I broke up right before the holidays. It was an amicable break up though it took me by surprise as things seemed to be going great. We were dating for 5 months and he was the one who initiated everything. He was the one who told me he wanted to be exclusive, that he wanted me to meet his family and that I made him so happy. He asked me to meet his family over Christmas and then all of a sudden he felt he wasn't ready to be in a relationship. So I told him I didn't want him to be involved in something he wasn't ready for and I understood and sadly wished him the best the luck. There was limited contact in the weeks that followed, just a few "How are you" and "Merry Christmas" texts. We both live in LA and I was home in New York over the holidays and he was home in Boston. He called me on New Years Eve saying he was in New York too. We ended up meeting up and what was supposed to be one drink turned into spending New Years Eve and an amazing weekend together in the city. He told me he knew I was "the one" the first night we met and it was the most amazing feeling he had ever felt. But as time went on, he realized he wasn't ready for that feeling. He told me he cares about me so much and I am incredible but he feels I am on another level. He could see himself being with me forever, but his priorities are not "mature" at this time. So I told him maybe we moved too fast these past 5 months and I was willing to explore this and slowly work on giving it another shot because I see so much potential with us. I feel he is not running away from me, but he is running away from "relationship." But I told him that if he feels it would be better to part ways and walk away from this, I would let him go. I feel possesion is not love and I want him to be happy. During our last night together, he told me that he realized how much I meant to him and that our chapter was not closed. He flew back to LA a few days before me and we decided we would reconnect once we were both back in town and see how we felt after our great weekend. We texted here and there a few days afterwards but it was just friendly little texts. Nothing really flirty and that was disappointing. I felt he was distant again. I just got back to LA yesterday and he is coming over for dinner this Sunday and to help me set up my computer for my business. I am confused and my thoughts on the relationship are reenergized from our weekend together. He knows I am back in town, but hasn't reached out. I was hoping he would want to see me as soon as I got back, but I was the one who invited him over this Sunday. I was going to ask him while he is over if he thought about our weekend and what we talked about and ask him if he is willing to explore this again together, maybe a bit slower this time since I feel this could be something really great. However, now I feel I shouldn't even do it since he really isn't reaching out to me and maybe I should take that as my answer. But maybe he is taking his time and thinking? On the other hand, I feel I have to address our weekend and get final closure if he still feels he is not ready and then move on. Any suggestions on what to say or what to do? Or if I should just cancel this all together and wait for him to reach out on his own time? Thanks!
TaraMaiden Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 Remain distant, let him set up the PC, and say nothing. If he wants to broach the subject, let him do it, don't push.... If he doesn't, there's your answer.... If he does, tell him you'll have to think about things because as far as you're concerned, if you start again, you consider yourselves to be a committed couple. If he wants to enter into an R with you, you have to be both on the same page, because you're not prepared to be in a R with a guy who pussyfoots, prevaricates and keeps his distance. That's not a relationship, that's a FWB..... He's either in, or he isn't. There's no two ways about it. But I say again - only say this, if HE makes a move to open the subject. Otherwise, he's just there for a meal and to set up your PC. Expect nothing more, take nothing less.
gaudi Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 If his priorities are not "mature" at this point, then he's not "mature" enough to decide if someone is "the one". I say forget about him for now, if he truly wants you, he'll let you know. You live your own life and don't worry about this guy who doesn't know what he wants.
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