Author willowfields Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 The reason why we never exchanged actual gifts before is because we where living with our S0. It was not something we did. Even so for Christmas eve, we still spent time together, our bdays we called each other, and would spend the day together, same for Valentines day. We both agreed on this.
Author willowfields Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 This year we both gave gifts and cards.
Author willowfields Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 Please click one of the Quick Reply icons in the posts above to activate Quick Reply.
Author willowfields Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 Someone said that he wants me to keep him as a romantic interest, I agree with that.
Heather1 Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 That's all it took? You dumped him because you know he is hurting you and the relationship is not good for you and he gives you roses on your birthday and that's it, your back in the affair? Have more respect for yourself. Come on a few roses doesn't make it all better. Leave this man until he loves you enough to be with you in the light of day. ugh I hate this manipulative jerk. He comes roses in hand and you fall all over him. All it took for me was an email on my birthday. Ugh. Thoughtfulness means something. Double ugh.
Author willowfields Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 i guess i happen to be a bit more realistic then some people about expectations. you paint my AP out to be some bad guy, and he's not.
2sunny Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 (edited) i guess i happen to be a bit more realistic then some people about expectations. you paint my AP out to be some bad guy, and he's not. What are the motives. i am realistic as well... you ask what his motives are? his motives are to get laid... the roses just secure getting what he wants. THAT is being realistic. if he wanted to marry you - i'm sure he would make sure that happened too...but he hasn't. and never once did i say he was neither good or bad - that never entered my mind or the exchange here. i'm just working from the facts you have given through your written word. Edited January 10, 2010 by 2sunny
Author willowfields Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 Getting married him, I never want that. Being his only love interestn I want that.
2sunny Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Getting married him, I never want that. Being his only love interestn I want that. it's not possible since he's married. he sleeps with his wife, makes love to her, dines out with her, showers with her, socializes with friends and family with her, goes to kids school and sporting events with her... you get the drift. after all - the things listed are what loving couples do together. if being an only one for a man's love interest is what you want, why not date a single guy?
mybrowneyedgirl Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 interesting comments here. i never wanted to be his wife. just his love interest. i was perfectly happy just to be the one he thought about as he was falling asleep.
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Fantasy, self serving and ego feeding. Sorry, but that about sums it up.. That isn't love..
IfWishesWereHorses Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 interesting comments here. i never wanted to be his wife. just his love interest. i was perfectly happy just to be the one he thought about as he was falling asleep. That's sad MBEG.
Author willowfields Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 Someone said not wanting to get married is sad. Explain why you feel this way. Committied in dating imo mAkes a happier relationship.
AmIParanoid Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 interesting comments here. i never wanted to be his wife. just his love interest. i was perfectly happy just to be the one he thought about as he was falling asleep. Most likely he was thinking of a ham sandwich.
fooled once Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Willow, No one said not wanting to get married was sad. You are picking and choosing words - not actually reading what was written. If you want to stay with this guy - despite all your protests earlier this month - go right ahead. On Dec. 31, you posted Not sure if I made the right choice. I told my ap that I wanted 2010 to be a year of honesty and integrity and that I could no longer be in a relationship where I was a secret. I told him to make his marriage work and bring passion into it. If he does decide he wants an honest relationship I will be there. I feel sick. I have not heard anything from him and I know that I would not. I could not keep going like I was. Thanks. And even though his wife moved and he lived here i was still a secret. i would say hey lets hang out friday night, and he would say well i'm picking up my son, so that meant we would not see one another until late sunday night when his son left. that use to hurt. he teaches a class he would never let me watch him teach. i still could not be enough of a part of his life. his friends even after his wife moved never met me. i just know in my heart where his heart lies and after he sells his house where he will move to. sometimes i wish we never met, then on the other hand i have no regrets for our time together. right now i feel an overwhelming sadness. i also decided i'm not going back to my husband niether. i need time alone to heal. i can't go back to my husband and mourn my ap. my ap is who i really want to be with.
Hazyhead Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Willow, No one said not wanting to get married was sad. You are picking and choosing words - not actually reading what was written. If you want to stay with this guy - despite all your protests earlier this month - go right ahead. On Dec. 31, you posted And I agree with you FO. Willow, I think you are looking at this affair very much through rose-tinted glasses, and whilst you're doing that it isn't going to get you anywhere because you look at his good behaviour to make up for his bad, and that doesn't mean I think he's a bad person, I don't - don't know the guy so could never think that, but to you and his wife he is bad. I know you love him, but if you look at this situation objectively no roses or any gift could make up for the fact that whilst he is with his wife you are second to him. Therefore the motives for the gift don't matter - he stays with her. Please, look after yourself here.
Author willowfields Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 This is why I said for now I will enjoy our time. I do love him, I don't want to even think of dating anyone else. I have not lowered my standards but I have to realistic in the situation.
Heather1 Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 You & I seem to be in similar situations we can't get out of....except I really didn't expect anything more & have told him so several times. I'm a little over a year into the PA & don't really want to hold out 2 more years for some roses on my birthday. I googled what gifts mean, etc. They do mean something. After 4 days of not hearing from my OM, I'm REALLY hurt by our whole conversation & how it all went down. If you only get roses after 3 years, I wouldn't expect much, let alone him making an honest relationship out of you. It's a pacifier, and it was sweet, but there's no romance in the gesture. From what I've google researched, men do give gifts to their mistresses...and like doing it to keep them happy. You & I seem to settle for? Well, nothing really. I mean, the sex is great but only because I thought he cared about me. Love, no, cared about me, yes. Obviously, I found out he doesn't. If I were you I wouldn't ask him about the gifts though. You might get the answer I just got. We're the lowest on the mistress ladder.
fooled once Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Enjoy your time together? I thought you said the affair was over? I am confused...
2sunny Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 i pray that you will want more for yourself than what you've stated... you deserve more.
Author willowfields Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 I just could not amagine being with out my AP. I would never ask him about the gifts. It was a very sweet thing to do.
Heather1 Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I didn't mean to project my lame situation. It was a nice gesture, and I'm jealous. I didn't want to be without my AP either, and I didn't think I really rocked the boat by asking him, but I needed to know. I'm glad I asked actually, he couldn't have been colder about it. You're not done.....I am.
2sunny Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I didn't mean to project my lame situation. It was a nice gesture, and I'm jealous. I didn't want to be without my AP either, and I didn't think I really rocked the boat by asking him, but I needed to know. I'm glad I asked actually, he couldn't have been colder about it. You're not done.....I am. good girl! stay strong and be sure to expect more than that from any man. you deserve more/better...
torranceshipman Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 He did give you a good gift, in a sense...he let the mask slip and showed you exactly how he felt - i.e. disrespectful, dismissive, and a user. This makes it 100% easier to move on - use the opportunity and never look back. If everyones MM was as honest with their OW I think a few A's going on right now might end pretty damn quick. As it is, the MMs continue to string along OWs with lies and omittance of truth, and the A sadly continues and the OWs time gets wasted.... 2010 will be a great year for you, if it started with walking away from this waste of space! Use the opportunity to move forward.
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