willowfields Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 There was a thread on gift giving. I was looking for opinions on what it means. Yest was my bday, yes I have talked to my mm. He made it home safe yest. He wanted to see me for my bday. To my surprise, he has never done this. He gave me a dozen roses and a card. Is it a special meaning to him? For his bday today I gave him a card and a beautiful wallet with an engraving. I gave this to him because I love and care about him. Just wondering what gift giving means to everyone. What are the motives.
carhill Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 1. Generosity - some people are generous with everyone they care about 2. Reminder - a gift is a reminder of the emotional dynamic of the relationship 3. Tool - to elicit a response 4. Means - to end on a positive note Many more I'm sure. Everyone is different...
greengoddess Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 lol How is he going to use a wallet from his mistress? Don't you think his wife would mind? Interesting gift he gave you.Something you only have for a week and then throw away instead of a lasting gift.
WhereToGoFromHere Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 lol How is he going to use a wallet from his mistress? Don't you think his wife would mind? Interesting gift he gave you.Something you only have for a week and then throw away instead of a lasting gift. Hmm....I think that was uncalled for.
greengoddess Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 what was uncalled for? The poster is his mistress and she gave him a very personal gift. I'm really curious, do you think he will be able to use that? How will that work since he's married.
WhereToGoFromHere Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 Interesting gift he gave you.Something you only have for a week and then throw away instead of a lasting gift. I was calling this uncalled for. It's vindictive. Why do you feel it is your place to say things like this?
greengoddess Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 Why is it vindictive? She was looking for thoughts on what the present could mean. Qhat I saw was a woman who gave him a very personal thoughtful gift and he gave her flowers. not delivered as a sweet surprise but given to her. I just don't place much meaning on that as a gift. What I said was honest. It was not a lasting gift, it was not one to keep but one that dies in a week and goes away with no evidence. It's also not very deep or thoughtful but it is a nice gesture.
Author willowfields Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 First off I love the flowers, it was a dozen roses. Secondly he does not live with his wife, she will never see his wallet. If he knows he is going to see her, he can switch his wallet out.
Hazyhead Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 I think that you might be reading a little too far into it Willow. It was a nice gesture and probably one he knew you'd like because what lady doesn't love a dozen red roses, right? He didn't have to think too hard on that - everyone knows what red roses symbolise. But, that doesn't mean that you should be thinking he is stating his devotion and commitment to you, though he may love you. You've done well standing up to him last week Willow, don't let him suck you in again. It was a nice gesture, but nothing more. Your gift was thoughtful, but nice as his is, they probably didn't require him to have to dedicate time and thought into getting them. Take them as what they are - a gift.
Author willowfields Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 I don't think of the roses as love, but a nice thought.
Hazyhead Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 I don't think of the roses as love, but a nice thought. It is a nice thought. Just you asked whether we think it means something specific, or special to him. I think he just wanted to get you a gift you'd like and red roses are a romantic gift that men use to charm. Don't read into it too much, it was nice of him to make the effort. Sorry if I offended you Willow.
herenow Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Just wondering what gift giving means to everyone. What are the motives. For me, the best kind of gifts are ones that I don't expect. I don't feel that flowers on a birthday, anniversary or Valentines Day are really gifts from the heart. I feel they are more gifts out of obligation. The gifts I cherish are the ones that I get because they mean something special to me or the person I get the gift from. The best ones are for no reason at all. It really doesn't matter if a gift is big or small, cheap or expensive. It really is the thought that counts. My H and I have a tradition. On every "Hallmark" holiday we give a donation to someone (a charity) who is less fortunate. I get more pleasure from knowing that, in a small way, the money was able to help someone. Like someone else said, you have flowers for a week and their gone. If my H does give me flowers, it's always on a random day. A few weeks ago he was up early on a Sunday morning and he got some fresh flowers and a card. I woke up that morning to an unexpected treat. That is how I like to give gifts as well. With meaning to the individual, not just because it is expected. The exception is kids, IMO, they should get gifts when expected. As far as adults, I'm big on donations for the holidays. We (my family) are lucky to have all our wants and needs met on a daily basis, so why not help those who are not so fortunate?
fooled once Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 What happened to you not starting up an affair with him again? And I agree with these 2 previous thoughts: Roses are an easy gift -- although I don't like roses because they are the 'common' gift and Roses are dead in under 7 days. Not a very thoughtful or lasting gift. It is something you pick up at the grocery store or 7-11.
2sunny Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 what do i think? i think he wanted to get you something so that he could stay in your good graces. men do this to keep women around - and to get their needs met... roses seem an easy way to fulfill that obligation to secure their desire.
Author willowfields Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 It surprises me how many women on here don't find roses as a beautiful sweet gift. I guess I'm in the minority. For me I love the thought of flowers. Maybe like some of you said, it did not take a lot of thought. Just the fact that he did was very sweet.
jwi71 Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 This A of yours has more lives than a cat. Most do actually. Own your decision to reenter the A. Just wanted to say that... Now...to the "Rose Issue". I will announce, proudly, I am projecting. WTF. First you females COMPLAIN about NOT getting ***** then you complain when you get it *****. That's just not fair. Can I please, just for once, win? Come on, throw me a bone here. One teeny tiny win? I mean...Red Roses. Come on. Sheesh. Its a GIFT. Who said it above..."give me a gift as surprise"? My reply: Let me get my Karnac the Mind Reader hat on. And, for the record, the last time I put on my Karnac hat the only thoughts I got involved Nordstroms or Tiffany's. (Where the roses are FAR more expensive than say 7-11). OK...mini-half-serious rant off. More seriously, we buy roses because we forgot to buy you something. Or maybe I spent all freaking day trying to find something (translates into 1 hour at the mall) and couldn't (except the red lacey panties...but I couldn't remember your size). Or maybe its because every woman "loves" getting red roses. I can see your face. Especially if its unexpected on a nondescript Tuesday. (wink to the aforementioned above poster here) But MOSTLY...we buy them because they WORK.
carhill Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 I used to make dates and girlfriends bouquets from the garden and wildflowers I grew in the orchard. After about ten years of that, and the general feeling the above poster shared, I stopped, and didn't get my wife flowers except once. She didn't 'miss' them. Lesson learned
OWoman Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 A couple of years ago I was going through a tough time at work and my now-H sent me two dozen scarlet roses, out of the blue! Not only was it an unexpected and very romantic gesture, it also was a useful one. The scent of the roses filled the office and relaxed me every time I walked into my office. They also relaxed everyone else who came in there. They lasted for almost a month, looking fresh and perky, and once they were finished, one of my colleagues made then into a potpourri for me. So no, I don't agree that it's a thoughtless, easy or transient gift. It can be really special - it depends on the circumstances. As with any gift.
Hazyhead Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 It surprises me how many women on here don't find roses as a beautiful sweet gift. I guess I'm in the minority. For me I love the thought of flowers. I don't think that's what was being said, I know I didn't mean that. I do find roses a sweet gift. If I was bought them I would like it; I wouldn't say 'What's this crap? How predictable; take them back!' I'd appreciate them. Really. All I meant was, I wouldn't receive them and think 'Oh my Goodness, how did you know I liked roses?' Because for me, it's a given that most women like flowers - especially red roses with all their connotations. But when you ask what do gifts mean, I think in this instance they are not really any more than just a sweet gift to help you keep him in your good books as your romantic interest.
Author willowfields Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 I just have to chime in, yes this affair does have more lives then a cat. It boils down to that I love him. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, or next week ect. I'm going to enjoy our time.
herenow Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 It surprises me how many women on here don't find roses as a beautiful sweet gift. I guess I'm in the minority. For me I love the thought of flowers. Maybe like some of you said, it did not take a lot of thought. Just the fact that he did was very sweet. Sorry, I thought the question was: "Just wondering what gift giving means to everyone. What are the motives." I didn't realize you were asking about roses specifically. Of course I like roses. They are beautiful and sweet. But that's about it. As a gift, they are easy and uninspired. Now in the case of OW's roses, that is an unexpected surprise that I would call special. As far as flowers for a holiday or other occasion where a gift is expected, roses have much less meaning. IMO. My original answer was more to the point of what you asked in your thread. Sorry I took it literally. My mIstake.
greengoddess Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 I just have to chime in, yes this affair does have more lives then a cat. It boils down to that I love him. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, or next week ect. I'm going to enjoy our time. This is soo sad. You have been in an affair with him for 3 years and this is the first time he wanted to see you on your birthday and give you a present? That's all it took? You dumped him because you know he is hurting you and the relationship is not good for you and he gives you roses on your birthday and that's it, your back in the affair? Have more respect for yourself. Come on a few roses doesn't make it all better. Leave this man until he loves you enough to be with you in the light of day. ugh I hate this manipulative jerk. He comes roses in hand and you fall all over him.
2sunny Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 this... This is soo sad. You have been in an affair with him for 3 years and this is the first time he wanted to see you on your birthday and give you a present? That's all it took? You dumped him because you know he is hurting you and the relationship is not good for you and he gives you roses on your birthday and that's it, your back in the affair? Have more respect for yourself. Come on a few roses doesn't make it all better. Leave this man until he loves you enough to be with you in the light of day. ugh I hate this manipulative jerk. He comes roses in hand and you fall all over him. because of this small gesture... what do i think? i think he wanted to get you something so that he could stay in your good graces. men do this to keep women around - and to get their needs met... roses seem an easy way to fulfill that obligation to secure their desire. look - MM ignores any holidays for 3 years. then, when he knows the chips are down and the R is on the line he brings flowers. BINGO! he gets the reaction and result from you with very little thought or effort. THAT is why it seems selfish on his part and ridiculous after 3 years... and you rewarding him seems silly given the fact that he did it to have you stay with him... he bought you off and you know it. SO - for what 2 dozen roses cost - he just bought your very soul... which he will continue to stomp on and treat with reckless regard... is that worth the roses he brought?
IfWishesWereHorses Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Of course I like roses. They are beautiful and sweet. But that's about it. As a gift, they are easy and uninspired. Now in the case of OW's roses, that is an unexpected surprise that I would call special. As far as flowers for a holiday or other occasion where a gift is expected, roses have much less meaning. IMO. These are my feelings exactly regarding flowers as gifts. I'm not a big rose fan but when my H show's up with a bouquet of seasonal flowers he picked up for the heck of it, I think its very sweet. Receiving only flowers from him as a gift for my birthday, anniversary, ect... feels like a cop out to me. I also hate the fact that I get to watch them wilt! I'm sure the gift was meant to let you know he was thinking about you on your birthday. That's a very nice thought. Some men aren't real big gift givers anyway.
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