Silver_star Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 So here is my story.I guess i am looking for some people who know what im going through or have been through similar stuff and feel stupid now, like me. I had had relationships prior to this one that previously ended (2 weeks ago) but I had never been in love really. We were together for a little over 2 years, and serveral times througout the relationship he broke up with me. It hurt alot. Everytime he came back I took him back. I was always loyal to him, honest to him, and communicated any problems so we could work it out (which is what he told me he wanted more than anything in the world) and I treated him like a king. I let him get away with alot of things that I wouldnt have if I wasnt so blinded by "love". I made up excuses after excuses for why he acted sketchy sometimes like (he lost his mother a long time ago) and I would try and be forgiving for that reason. I wanted him to be there for me too and he let me down most of the time. He was never on time, he chose his friends over me, and he lied to me about trivial things and important things. When i was with him I would have nightmares of him cheating on me and admitting it but he just didnt care much how it afffected me and he would say it in a very nonchalant tone. (i had nightmares like this because of some of the issues throughout our relationship) I feel like an idiot for taking him back as many times as i did and having him break up with me and wear me down like he did. Im even more angry because I went into this relationship with no fear and all trust, and hes brought out the worst in me over time. He made me fearful to fall in love again. I am so angry at him for that. Im angry that my family and friends have to see this weak side of me, and have had to see it as many times as they have over these 2 years. Brokenhearted girl wants to get "her power back" and i feel the same way. I am not sure how, because I have been so used to fighting for something for two years that wasnt there. ANy thoughts?
Brokenhearted_girl Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 So here is my story.I guess i am looking for some people who know what im going through or have been through similar stuff and feel stupid now, like me. I had had relationships prior to this one that previously ended (2 weeks ago) but I had never been in love really. We were together for a little over 2 years, and serveral times througout the relationship he broke up with me. It hurt alot. Everytime he came back I took him back. I was always loyal to him, honest to him, and communicated any problems so we could work it out (which is what he told me he wanted more than anything in the world) and I treated him like a king. I let him get away with alot of things that I wouldnt have if I wasnt so blinded by "love". I made up excuses after excuses for why he acted sketchy sometimes like (he lost his mother a long time ago) and I would try and be forgiving for that reason. I wanted him to be there for me too and he let me down most of the time. He was never on time, he chose his friends over me, and he lied to me about trivial things and important things. When i was with him I would have nightmares of him cheating on me and admitting it but he just didnt care much how it afffected me and he would say it in a very nonchalant tone. (i had nightmares like this because of some of the issues throughout our relationship) I feel like an idiot for taking him back as many times as i did and having him break up with me and wear me down like he did. Im even more angry because I went into this relationship with no fear and all trust, and hes brought out the worst in me over time. He made me fearful to fall in love again. I am so angry at him for that. Im angry that my family and friends have to see this weak side of me, and have had to see it as many times as they have over these 2 years. Brokenhearted girl wants to get "her power back" and i feel the same way. I am not sure how, because I have been so used to fighting for something for two years that wasnt there. ANy thoughts? Hi Silverstar, We are on the same boat. I have had nightmares all throughout my relationship of him being unfaithful. I didn't have any proof then but I always had my woman's intuition. I should have heard my inner voice loud and clear when it was saying "RUN!!! LEAVE!!!" But I too was blinded by love. I always thought, how could he have ill intentions over me when he says he loves me? With our situation, I realize, as I am writing this, that the worst is over. The worst meaning, all the deception, the lack of trust, the stress of being with a cheater... all that is over. And we are still here, standing, surviving the pain. I'm not going to lie to you, I am still in pain, I am still hurt and unbelievably insecure because he left me for someone else. But like what my sister said, this is as rock bottom as I can get. There is nowhere else to go but up. So I am waiting for that time when I can say I lived through it and I survived. Till then, I can only hope for the better. Also, I will be seeing a therapist so I can sort out the mess in my mind... I can't live like this.
kristinabopp Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 So here is my story.I guess i am looking for some people who know what im going through or have been through similar stuff and feel stupid now, like me. I had had relationships prior to this one that previously ended (2 weeks ago) but I had never been in love really. We were together for a little over 2 years, and serveral times througout the relationship he broke up with me. It hurt alot. Everytime he came back I took him back. I was always loyal to him, honest to him, and communicated any problems so we could work it out (which is what he told me he wanted more than anything in the world) and I treated him like a king. I let him get away with alot of things that I wouldnt have if I wasnt so blinded by "love". I made up excuses after excuses for why he acted sketchy sometimes like (he lost his mother a long time ago) and I would try and be forgiving for that reason. I wanted him to be there for me too and he let me down most of the time. He was never on time, he chose his friends over me, and he lied to me about trivial things and important things. When i was with him I would have nightmares of him cheating on me and admitting it but he just didnt care much how it afffected me and he would say it in a very nonchalant tone. (i had nightmares like this because of some of the issues throughout our relationship) I feel like an idiot for taking him back as many times as i did and having him break up with me and wear me down like he did. Im even more angry because I went into this relationship with no fear and all trust, and hes brought out the worst in me over time. He made me fearful to fall in love again. I am so angry at him for that. Im angry that my family and friends have to see this weak side of me, and have had to see it as many times as they have over these 2 years. Brokenhearted girl wants to get "her power back" and i feel the same way. I am not sure how, because I have been so used to fighting for something for two years that wasnt there. ANy thoughts? im so sorry, me and my boyfriend broke up 2weeks ago this dec.24th. the night before xmas. he was my first love and first guy to live in with for 1 year and 2months. and i was his first girlfriend and first girl to live in with too. if i were u, try and observe your surroundings for signs. and follow your heart. your heart is the only one who can answer your heart problem right now. if your having doubts, it because u are scared,and thats normal because doubts is not right all the time, some doubts are true. but u gotta listen to ur heart and put a lil bit of mind thinking bout it too. sorry to say this, but it is really hard to move on with ur first love. some people dont get over it, even if they do get over it, they never forget and they feel regret.. me and him broke up many times too but after 10mins or 1day we get back again and say sorry and stuff like that. and i cant even believe he broke up with me the fact that he proposed to me and beg me not to leave him and saying he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, and then the next day he broke up. how painful is that? but im facing it right now. im facing depression, because of what happened. i thought theres no end on us, but he end us up. but im just following my heart and by that im willing to wait for him even if it takes him forever. you just have to follow your heart as well. follow your heart 95% and 5% for your mind. or if not, make it 50/50.. i know you feel angry and heartless. just keep yourself busy.
fresh-one Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 your ex sounds like my ex girlfriend. she broke up with me 3 times and each time i took her back.(within a month) I guess when you keep doing it you become and expendible asset. This is our 4th breakup and It went abot 4 months of nc contact before she randomly contacted me and when she did, i thought i was still in love with her and not over her at all and then i got a chance to evaluate her from a normal prospective and not a love blinded mess. and wow what a ****in nut job. so when you think about your situation, imagine its a friends situation and there telling you about it asking for advice. What would you say to them?... now tell it to yourselfe. good luck
Author Silver_star Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 Yes, its true i was an expendable asset. I know its not me. I am a very smart girl (despite my judge of character) and I am a caring person with alot of great friends and family whom i love and appreciate. It is more than i can say for him. IT has been 23 days now, and I have good days and bad days. I think about him sometimes, and I think about how i will respond this time if he comes back (his usual pattern is 3-6 weeks). I am really inspired by people on this forum and I know in my heart that I am not meant to be with my first love. My heart still aches about it, but I know whats right. I actually have a friend who is in a similar situation as me and we support each other with NC and with giving advice. So that helps big time. I had a dream last night that he came back to me, and started crying saying he was sorry and it was making me so sad and I ran away from him at that point...so i think its my bodies way of telling me that I am slowly moving away from him. Ive made alot of adjustments in my life but this is a hard one. I used to talk to him almost every day. Now i never see him or talk to him. Its tough, but neccessary. I havent deleted him from facebook (altho i should, and have done it in the past only to add him again when we get abck together) I hid his updates, so i cant see what hes up to because he always makes it seem like hes fine and having the time of his life, but then comes back and says he was miserable without me. Pffft.
Author Silver_star Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 I think im scared of not finding a connection with someone else. Im wondering if it will ever be the kind of strong emotion and passion I had when I was with him. Any one ever had the same strong love strike twice?
thepulse27 Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 I know what you mean about some of this. I went into my realtionship with no trust issues, and at times it turned me into a jealous mess (particularly since she broke up with me and has already found someone to mess around with). And I know about letting love blind you. I let her treat me in ways I would never let anybody else get away with. I know something will get better and I'll find love again but it is painful, and it is hard. And I feel the same way, I wonder whether I'll find that connection again. It's hard to believe right now, but I will, and you will, and deep down you know it. You said yourself your not meant to be with your first love, you know this isnt right for you. But I know how easy it is to say we will move on, and how hard it is to do. I'm in hell right now, I think we all are, but the only thing keeping my head up is the thought that someday soon I'll be happy again.
annxxdisaster Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 I think im scared of not finding a connection with someone else. Im wondering if it will ever be the kind of strong emotion and passion I had when I was with him. Any one ever had the same strong love strike twice? Yep! And it's always better the next time around.
Recommended Posts