WifeyandMommy Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 My two year marriage is on the rocks...bad! I am at the point where a large part of me feels like divorce is inevitable (whether next year or in 5 years). I smaller part of me feels like it is salvageable but only with me playing parent and being the only responsible adult in my marriage... but that's not fair to me, right? or am I being selfish? Long background... keep reading, it gets good (in an awful bad way)... We dated for 3 years, I always wanted to get married, he did too... but he never proposed (Red Flag, huh?). I got pregnant, and we decided to get married. He proposed, we got married when I was 4 months pregnant. Towards the end of my pregnancy AFTER we were married I find out 2 horrible lies about him. #1) I find out accidentally from a friend that he did not finish High School. The problem with this? He told me the whole 3 years we dated that he went to college and had a degree in Business. WTH!? #2) He confesses to me, only AFTER he was caught by the IRS and AFTER we got married, that he owes close to 40k in back taxes. Double WTF!?! So, I have tried to move pass these issues... but I am having an awful time. We separated this summer, went to counseling and reconciled. He has changed a bit. He has stepped up here and there but there are just underlying issues in our marriage that stem mainly from lie #1. I am a Director (in a highly respected position) about to start Law School with a husband who is not on the same wave length as me... we obviously don’t have the same education goals, career goals, etc. I found out about lie #1 almost 2 years ago and he has still yet to get his GED. He says he will... but he promises a lot with almost no return. He is a great father to our son... and when I say great... I mean he is AWESOME! But, I need advice on where to go from here. Should we continue counseling... will it really help repair the hurt, anger, resentment I feel? All of this has caused me to loose every once of respect for him... I know I love and care about him... but "in love" is being REALLY tested. I feel like I was conned into marrying someone who I thought I know. His reasons for lying were, "I knew you would never date me if I told you the truth". Is this awful of me to break up my family over something superficial as a diploma? Am I being heartless? Selfish? I have told him that he needs to right his wrong by getting his GED, and his Bachelors degree, and get a part-time job to pay off his IRS debt. He promises to do all of the above -although he said he may just get is AA degree instead (he says his not a school person). I feel like he is just feeding me what I need to hear to keep me again. What the heck am I suppose to do?!!? Advice? Opinions? Help!
Angel1111 Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 You wouldn't be breaking up your family over a diploma, you would be breaking it up because he's a habitiual liar. This isn't something I would be able to get past because these lies are very serious. And he obviously thought nothing of it. Now you're forced to wonder what else he has lied to you about, and what else he will lie about. This is a HUGE problem.
hopeful1980 Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 The problem isn't that he doesn't have a diploma, but that he's a liar. How could you not know he didn't even finish high school? I mean, could he even hold a conversation with you and your advanced degrees? IME, unless a person has maxed out their library card I can tell when talking to someone whether or not they finished high school or went to college.
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