Heartbrokenandinlove Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 So quick low down: She left me a month ago - said she didnt feel the same - still stayed in contact. Told me a few days ago she had feelings for someone else although shes a mess and doesnt know what it means. I asked her to leave our house - broke down - told her I want NC (2 days ago) She now thinks im out of order. I want to text her saying sorry for throwing her out and that she can come back, this is her home too after all - I know I shouldnt apologise - I just feel guilty. I shouldnt contact her - but thats all Ive thought about this morning. Help!!
Vampire Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 DON'T be her safety blanket, or there's a chance you'll be going through this a few months down the line again. Ler her think you're out of order. Chances are, she's going through a range of emotions as well - you're not alone in that sense pal. She will go through the spectrum of emotions I daresay. Are you going to react to every one? I know how tempting it is. I really do. I still think about contacting/texting my ex-fiance, but there comes a time where self preservation and pride collide. If you don't look out for number 1, who will? Stay strong. Don't devalue yourself.
Author Heartbrokenandinlove Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 Thanks Vampire - what you said makes totally sense...I think i'll have to keep revisiting this now everytime I want to text her or contact her. She is sleeping on peoples sofas at the moment and has no where to go.We have lots of mutual friends which is how I know she think I am out of order. I hate being this mean - leaving her with no where to go but at the same time I did nothing wrong so don't see why I should leave and sleep on peoples sofa's for the immediate future. I just worried about her. I know she's a mess and she doesn't know whether she's coming or going - hense why I just want to tell her to come back. But I know I need the space and I know I need NC. Its so difficult to only think of myself when for the past two years all I've thought about is putting her first!
Vampire Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 Well for what it's worth, I put my ex first for the 10 years we were together. She didn't miss a heartbeat when she asked me to leave. 10 years gone in the blink of an eye and no care as to what I'd do or where I'd go. It's easy to get stung by a guilt trip, but realistically, what's the alternative? Here's a scenarios: you leave, she brings her new bloke back home, they bang in every room of your house and they live happily ever after. You do the couch trip until you find somewhere to call your own. If you ever do get tempted to meet her, and there's only so much support you can get from a website, just make sure you do it on neutral ground. Don't invite her back home as the shared memories will come flooding back. Remember how in the old Tom & Jerry cartoons, where Tom would get suckered into doing something, and then halfway through, he'd morph into a donkey and the word 'jackass' would appear above him? The moral of this story, is don't be Tom. Be Johnny Bravo and be indifferent.
Author Heartbrokenandinlove Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 Thanks for the advice Vampire!! Im not going to contact her today - I need to make sure I am strong enough to receive any response she gives before I do contact her. This will probably end with me moving out - but at least I will leave with my dignity knowing I rose above her mess!
Vampire Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 at least I will leave with my dignity Amen brother.
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