Mema Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 This is my second marriage, going on 14 yrs, no kids together. This relationship has been on the rocks for 6 yrs. I tried so many times to get my H to work on the M and he thinks there's nothing wrong with it. I told him about 5 yrs ago that if something better came along that I would take it still no reaction. About 4 yrs ago something better came into my life and we want to plan the rest of our life together. I care about my H but have not been in love with him for a long time.Is it wrong to stay in a loveless marriage? Thanks
SimplyBeingLoved Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 Many posters will disagree with me, but here goes. It's not about right or wrong, there are no universal "rules" for a marriage. It's about consequences. So... think of the consequences. Do you see that there's a chance to really change things? Have you tried couples counseling? If not, will your H go to counseling? Will you? If you truly feel the marriage is loveless and will stay that way, what about the other implications of leaving... Financially, will you and/or he be able to manage? You said you have no children together, do you have a business together? How will your H cope if you announced you wanted to leave? How will you feel if he is devastated? Will you feel guilty, and if so, will you be able to cope with the guilt? How about family? Will any of your family disown you? Does that matter to you? Do you have strong belief in the importance of vows and commitment, and will you feel as if you're breaking a strong moral and/or spiritual code if you do leave the marriage? I'm just tossing out some of the things to think about. It's a big decision and there are many layers of consequences, but that doesn't mean it's wrong. It just means that even if you know what you want, take your time to think through the different aspects of such a change. Good luck.
varaski Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Please don't take offence to this statement. You said it is a loveless marriage. It would be impossible for you to say that, you are only one person and can not speak for your husbands emotions about the marriage. The truth must be that YOU have no love/faith in the marriage. Speak to yourself and speak for yourself. That usually helps others that read, sort out their own emotions about their own situations also.
varaski Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 "About 4 yrs ago something better came into my life and we want to plan the rest of our life together." This statement SOUNDS like you have already made your decision, a four year in the making decision. Why are you even posting here? The marriage failed totally 4 years ago when you took away the part of you ( that belonged to your husband ) and gave it to another. There is no way to see anything loving in him at that point. Your attention is someplace else anyways. Thats some laughable stuff right there. Guilt must be doing a silent number on you, especially since you posted here. You would have the support and advise you desired posting in the om/ow section. They like affairs and deception over there, i don't think people like em over here. You checked out a long time ago lil lady, and whats worse is you are not even aware that you are proud of it. SKi
varaski Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Many posters will disagree with me, but here goes. It's not about right or wrong, there are no universal "rules" for a marriage. It's about consequences. So... think of the consequences. Do you see that there's a chance to really change things? Have you tried couples counseling? If not, will your H go to counseling? Will you? If you truly feel the marriage is loveless and will stay that way, what about the other implications of leaving... Financially, will you and/or he be able to manage? You said you have no children together, do you have a business together? How will your H cope if you announced you wanted to leave? How will you feel if he is devastated? Will you feel guilty, and if so, will you be able to cope with the guilt? How about family? Will any of your family disown you? Does that matter to you? Do you have strong belief in the importance of vows and commitment, and will you feel as if you're breaking a strong moral and/or spiritual code if you do leave the marriage? I'm just tossing out some of the things to think about. It's a big decision and there are many layers of consequences, but that doesn't mean it's wrong. It just means that even if you know what you want, take your time to think through the different aspects of such a change. Good luck. She is 4 years too late for advise sweety.Morally speaking she has been with someone for 4 years and already said she is going to be with them. She looking for something to justify her actions, its just that simple. But again its 4 years too late for that. You don't need any advise at all. Just 1 amen on your situation is all you are looking for to go ahead and finalize the thing that you have 4 years of pratice ruining. Some of these posts are heartbreaking, and some are just down right disrespectful. This one... wow.
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