myhearthurtsbadly Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 well didnt expect it really didnt and its knocked me for six. After 5 days of no contact she calls me from an unknown number, i picked up heard it was her and hung up straight away. She tried to call me back twice and i have now turned my phone off. Im in tears, i was doing so well today, i will not be a doormat, i will not be her ego boost. Please help me stay strong.
LovelyDaze Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 well didnt expect it really didnt and its knocked me for six. After 5 days of no contact she calls me from an unknown number, i picked up heard it was her and hung up straight away. She tried to call me back twice and i have now turned my phone off. Im in tears, i was doing so well today, i will not be a doormat, i will not be her ego boost. Please help me stay strong. Sooo proud of you!!! Don't know if she was able to leave you a message but never and I mean NEVER accept crumbs. Talk when you are stronger and can take anything she says with a bitter pill swallowed. If you talk to her in the hopes of wanting to reconcile then you will end up hurt and going back to Day 1...the most horrid day of all breakups.
SadKitty78 Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 well didnt expect it really didnt and its knocked me for six. After 5 days of no contact she calls me from an unknown number, i picked up heard it was her and hung up straight away. She tried to call me back twice and i have now turned my phone off. Im in tears, i was doing so well today, i will not be a doormat, i will not be her ego boost. Please help me stay strong. Stay strong! I'm rooting for you! After 7 days, ex just contacted me too wanting to talk! It's up to you to determine what you want from her and what she wants from you. Does she want to work it out? Or is she merely using you for her own healing. If so, than that's unfair! I think that's what my ex wants, to have his little closure. I'm sorry, but you deserve to move on and her treating you like a doormat is unacceptable. However, if you think there is a chance and you want to work it out, than take her call or call her back. However, keep your objective clear and if she doesn't want to work things out, than accept that and move on again. However, you're right, that does take you back to square one, and there's the dilemma that I'm in! Good luck and stay strong!!!
SadKitty78 Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 By the way I just read your situation and I must say this girl treated you very poorly during the relationship and its aftermath. You deserve better.
Author myhearthurtsbadly Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 thanks guys. Lovelydaze just wanted to say how inspiring you have been for me, your advice is incredible, have you considered a career in relationship counselling?! I dont want to talk to her yet because even if there is a chance she wants to get back together i do not yet know if i want to, and then there is always the chance she will talk to me for ten minutes get her fill of me and then go again. Im just not prepared for that yet. So i will stick to this no contact for as long as i need. I will check if she left me a message tommorow and report back!
SadKitty78 Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 I dont want to talk to her yet because even if there is a chance she wants to get back together i do not yet know if i want to, and then there is always the chance she will talk to me for ten minutes get her fill of me and then go again. Im just not prepared for that yet. So i will stick to this no contact for as long as i need. I will check if she left me a message tommorow and report back! Wow, I think you and I came to the same decision at the same time! I'm doing the same thing! lol They can both WAIT! Doesn't this empower you a little? It allowed me to regain some my power back!
LovelyDaze Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 thanks guys. Lovelydaze just wanted to say how inspiring you have been for me, your advice is incredible, have you considered a career in relationship counselling?! I dont want to talk to her yet because even if there is a chance she wants to get back together i do not yet know if i want to, and then there is always the chance she will talk to me for ten minutes get her fill of me and then go again. Im just not prepared for that yet. So i will stick to this no contact for as long as i need. I will check if she left me a message tommorow and report back! Oh, thanks myhearthurtsbadly! I am blushing I just am another broken heart knowing I deserve better. I know that is every LS on this board, we want something BETTER for our hearts and lives. I won't have a lot of news on mine since my ex is fighting in Afghanistan. Hope he's safe but I am glad for the 1 year break we will get NOT to see each other for certain. Keep us posted on the latest! If you ever feel like picking up that phone to contact your ex, jump on LS and you know you will find comforting and supportive words here. Best place our hearts landed since they broke I say!
Author myhearthurtsbadly Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 well i phoned her back. BIG MISTAKE. She fooled me into thinking she wanted me back, told me she loved me, she cried for two hours straight. Said she has tried her hardest for a month to move on from me but cant. Eventually i came to realise that she didnt want me back, she just didnt want me gone and she claims she got lost in the moment. Effectively she wants me to be there, but doesnt want all of me. I told her that there is no way in hell im going to hang around for her and that i deserve someone who wants all of me. She wants to see me tommorow but i know she doesnt want me back, she just wants the part of me that she misses and in my heart of hearts know that as soon as she meets someone she likes shel be gone like a flash. So everyone yet another example why you never break no contact unless they explicitly say they want you back for good. Im not a bloody toy to be played with when in favour and then thrown out when something new comes along. please help me stay strong, it goes without saying that i have taken a few steps back but am still positive about the future. Oh yeah and her excuse for calling me was "i couldnt let you go with you hating me", and also she claims she lied about sleeping with that person "to make it easier her for me" and it was her being "selfless". Is this girl emotionally unstable?
bananaboat11 Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 By hanging up... you are truly an inspiration to me, at the very least. It's been 3 months... but she has done something that makes me expect it soon... and I hope I'm as strong as you.
HLP234 Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 I guess mine never contacted me at all and doesn't plan to because she has someone else now. But why would she anyway, she never let me know the relationship was over..kinda had to figure that out myself from what I was seeing and piecing together. Still hurts but oh well, I would of rather had hey I'm gona move on, sorry..but I got nothing, woke up one day to find out I've been completely removed from her life. I've been doing NC for about 3 weeks now, if I count the days when our "break" started. Because I'm upset and distraught about how she went about it, I have no intentions of speaking a word to her. Even with this, I still feel horrible and some days I drop to the bottom, but still no reason to break NC.
Author myhearthurtsbadly Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 HLP i feel for you man, that is now way to be treated. It really is sometimes easier to dislike your ex and you certainly have a reason to my friend. Now on to me. My god im stupid and weak and pathetic, she wanted to see me and we went for a walk in the snow, had a hot chocolate. She was being flirty all the time and we had one of those kisses, the kind of thing you get in films. She said "thats the kind of kiss that makes you want to run away with someone." To cut a long story short we ended up having sex. Afterwards she said "i still think we are doing the right thing" but now i know she is still completely in love with me,but it doesnt change that she "wants to play the field". Can i have some advice about where to take this and what to do now? I dont feel like it has sent me back to day one, but it did remind me of what is no longer mine, and i couldnt get it out of my head the idea of her doing that with someone else
HLP234 Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 If you guys still hang out, I would just try to remove myself from her slowly. It would suck if later you found out she is just having you there as a friend or so and then you later find out she has someone else. I would tell her how you feel about this, let her know that you need your time to figure things out, but you can't go on, and you won't go on if it always ends in flirting and ambiguous behavior. I think in time she will realize something soon and may come to you to talk it over. When that time comes, you should know what you have/want to say to her. Take your time to think it out and see if this is the kind of relationship you want with her. When you guys hang out or talk, just act normal and collected, don't give in to anything if you have doubts about what is going on or what she is doing. There is no reason to worry about what she is doing with other people, it will only make you wonder and bring the pain back. I would act not interested, yet still calm and collected. The thing is, when you do this, you can't let her know. When and if the time comes that you two have a talk about yourselves and the future, be prepared to tell her exactly how you feel and what you think would be best.
bananaboat11 Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 HLP i feel for you man, that is now way to be treated. It really is sometimes easier to dislike your ex and you certainly have a reason to my friend. Now on to me. My god im stupid and weak and pathetic, she wanted to see me and we went for a walk in the snow, had a hot chocolate. She was being flirty all the time and we had one of those kisses, the kind of thing you get in films. She said "thats the kind of kiss that makes you want to run away with someone." To cut a long story short we ended up having sex. Afterwards she said "i still think we are doing the right thing" but now i know she is still completely in love with me,but it doesnt change that she "wants to play the field". Can i have some advice about where to take this and what to do now? I dont feel like it has sent me back to day one, but it did remind me of what is no longer mine, and i couldnt get it out of my head the idea of her doing that with someone else I'm sorry man... ..the one thing I learned is the ONLY way I'll take back my abusive, sexually frustrated who loved my penis & body ONLY, bitch of a psycho ex girlfriend who said everything under the sun to make me miserable and sic'd her immature, slutty IN THE NOW friend (while she was here with me before going home)... is if she drives the 4 hours out of her way to come find me wherever in my college town I am.. and beg me to give her one more chance. She MUST say, "I am sorry. I was a fool. I can't believe how I acted. I was selfish. I was immature. I was arrogant. I realize now I did care about. I LOVE you. I want to spend the rest of my days making everything up to you." If she tried to act like nothing happened and the breakup wasn't as bad as it truly was... the no contact will continue as I give her the silent treatment and walk away... ..but for some reason I don't see either happening. You must envision this too, now. and trust me... wanting to break NC is easy... not breaking the NC makes you the stronger person.. regardless of how tempting THEY make it seem. Be strong! We are here for you.
0hpenelope Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 well i phoned her back. BIG MISTAKE. She fooled me into thinking she wanted me back, told me she loved me, she cried for two hours straight. Said she has tried her hardest for a month to move on from me but cant. Eventually i came to realise that she didnt want me back, she just didnt want me gone and she claims she got lost in the moment. Effectively she wants me to be there, but doesnt want all of me. I told her that there is no way in hell im going to hang around for her and that i deserve someone who wants all of me. She wants to see me tommorow but i know she doesnt want me back, she just wants the part of me that she misses and in my heart of hearts know that as soon as she meets someone she likes shel be gone like a flash. So everyone yet another example why you never break no contact unless they explicitly say they want you back for good. Im not a bloody toy to be played with when in favour and then thrown out when something new comes along. please help me stay strong, it goes without saying that i have taken a few steps back but am still positive about the future. Oh yeah and her excuse for calling me was "i couldnt let you go with you hating me", and also she claims she lied about sleeping with that person "to make it easier her for me" and it was her being "selfless". Is this girl emotionally unstable? :laugh: I had to laugh. Best example of what selfish is that I saw on LS today. LET? What is she, a parent to a toddler? She gave up the privilege to your impression of her the moment she broke up with you! You can love her, hate her, be apathetic towards her - and she should NOT care! Yet another example of a pitiful, insecure dumper. I know not all dumpers are heartless and some break-ups are done maturely, but this dumper was just priceless. Just my two cents? OP, you WILL find someone better and more mature. I'm glad she made the idiot move and you recognize idiocy for what it is and you're moving on. Stay strong. You will get over her. Keep moving forward.
LovelyDaze Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 :laugh: I had to laugh. Best example of what selfish is that I saw on LS today. LET? What is she, a parent to a toddler? She gave up the privilege to your impression of her the moment she broke up with you! You can love her, hate her, be apathetic towards her - and she should NOT care! Yet another example of a pitiful, insecure dumper. I know not all dumpers are heartless and some break-ups are done maturely, but this dumper was just priceless. Just my two cents? OP, you WILL find someone better and more mature. I'm glad she made the idiot move and you recognize idiocy for what it is and you're moving on. Stay strong. You will get over her. Keep moving forward. I concur. Very well written, Ohpenelope! The nerve of some dumpers! My ex also wanted me to wait around "just in case" he dumps his new fiance"! My jaw had to be down on the floor.... Keep NC. Your ex just wants to keep you on reserve to brush her ego or just in case things don't work out with some other person. Know this: There is someone who would give an arm and a leg to be by your side, be ready to open your heart to that woman someday by working on making yourself happy!
HLP234 Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 The worst part of those kind of people, the insecure ones is that if you give in because you are a nice person, and do what you think would make them feel better, you would think they wouldn't hurt you..but they do anyways. I wasn't expected other problems from my ex's past or whatever to affect me and truly, their problems should have nothing to do with the one they are with. Its a sign that if they leave you for someone else, because of their insecurities, that they are unstable and unfit at the time for a relationship with anyone. Yeh they may have someone else now and be happy, but when small arguments and problems come up, they are likely to follow the same procedure.
Author myhearthurtsbadly Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 Well she called me the other night after our day together. I didnt pick up the first 6 or 7 times but felt so mean so eventually i did. She was in tears and told me she had spent the whole evening crying and couldnt eat. We talked for a bit and i comforted her and she said "you know what is happening dont you?" i said no and replied "well you now know how i truly feel and i want to be with you forever". I told her that i couldnt just jump back in with her and she agreed because this time she wants to make it work and for once is looking at things maturely. So we eventually came to a plan of speaking on the phone but not seeing eachother and booking somewhere to go for valentines day which will be the next time i see her. It felt so good to have that option back, to have her being the vulnerable one and telling me she loved me. Now im back at university i'm not sure if i want this anymore, should you decide who you want to be with forever aged 19? I love her with all my heart but apart of me thinks she needs to pay for how she treated me and letting her straight back in is just letting her off the hook. Im stuck, i would have died for this a few weeks back, but now its here im not sure. How do i know if shes the one? How do i know that she wont do this again?
HLP234 Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I love my ex dearly too and after she just left without even letting me know, I know what you are feeling. As much as you want to be with them, you have been hurt and you are having doubts about what would happen in the future. You too would have to talk it out and cover everything, pretty much set the table for the future if you guys want it to work it out. Let her know how you feel and that she will need to gain your trust back and also work hard on improving not only trust, but herself. You are still so young, I'm only turning 23 and as much as I want my ex back, I doubt she will ever come back since she is with someone else. I wish that would happen. Right now I don't want to see or date anyone but finding someone else would help to hang out with and take my mind off this one. In order for it to work out, both of you have to change, and both people have to have learned something. Take it very slowly with her, but also don't have high hopes. You don't want to be hurt again. I'm actually happy for you that she was able to come back to you and have you guys talk things out..I wish the same would happen for me. Good luck with everything, and remember, take it very slowly and don't show her how you feel until you are confident and trust her again. Basically, start little by little and don't give yourself over to her so easily.
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