Husband is Selfish I'm Ready to Cheat

[MochaMilkMaid]

I have been married to my husband for 16 years. Some years good, a lot of them bad. Over the 16 years I have twice caught him cheating on me to get oral sex which I feel is really the root of all of our problems. Prior to us getting married we may have pleased each other that way once or twice and I felt that we both were just saving it for when were married. Why didn't I see this as a red flag 18 years ago, young and dumb I guess.

 

Well we get married and he has no problem receiving oral but never offers to reciprocate. I've asked, begged given him awesome bjs hoping for something one day in return and always end up disappointed. So once I realized he wasn't going for it, I pretty much stopped doing it for him and would oblige him occasionally when he got up the nerve to ask or just put it up in my face!

 

So he begins to cheat, not sure when it happened but I caught him, we faught for about a year and I finally forgave him. Five years later same thing again I forgive him like an idiot. The other thing is communication is pretty much non-exsistent when it comes to sex or anything remotely deep.

 

So here we are still singing the same song 16 years later although I do have an agenda at the moment. I know most people would say to just leave and I intend to but not before I finally finish school. He is military and I have been following him around the world since I was 19 he owes me this if nothing else.

 

Last night was my breaking point. I thought I would give him an awesome bj followed by some awesome sex but half way through it I just got sick with the whole thing. I finished him off allowed him to collect himself and told him that I will more than likely start sleeping with other people and said pretty much the same thing I'm saying now when he asked why. Afterwards he wanted to cuddle like nothing happened, unbelieveable!

 

I used to wonder what aould make someone want to cheat on their spouse and now I know I'm beginning to understand that and why some people stay in marriages they have no business in.

 

Thanks for listening!

[HeyThere]

Cheating or thinking about it, is an indicator of other unsatisfying issues going on in your marriage. If you’re not connecting emotionally or blocking important needs, sex maybe used as a negative. Have you thought about individual and marriage counseling?

[Jeff1962]

First of all. Do yourself a favor and remain faithful. This is for your emotional benefit. If you want this relationship to work you first have to decide if forgiving him again for infedility is what you want to do. If not, my advise is to move on, then find someone else after you both are thru. Work on yourself. If it is over for you and you want revenge, then get revenge by living a good life and being happy, not cheating. Being cheated on smacks you right in the core of self esteem, you know that. Do you really want to be that person that cheats? Even if you do not want counseling for the both of you, seek it for yourself.

 

Now, the sex issue. I don't understand men that don't perform cunnilings because this is a great turn on for most men.

 

Sex is such a big issue. Good luck.

[Austen]

He sounds very selfish if he is not willing to reciprocate on the oral. Many men don't realize that most women don't "get off" by intercourse alone. And since many women like sex as much as men, this can be an enormous point of friction in a relationship. Some won't agree with me, but I think GOOD sex is one of the most important things in a relationship. Communication is also essential. It sounds like both of these things are lacking in your marriage.

Of course you're feeling this way. He's been very disrespectful of you and your needs, and seems to have no problem looking elsewhere to fill whatever he thinks is missing.

I think you two either need to get counseling or get out. But it's pretty clear that things can't continue this way. And good for you for voicing your hurt to him.