Bulletino Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Hey All, Last summer my ex girlfriend broke up with me. First i had chased her, like everyone is making that mistake;). But she didn't answered back and more of such things. On NYE I started to think; I will leave everything behind, what reminds me on her, her familly or anything. Perhaps that it never had to be ( to be together ) on 1 o'clock am I recieved a message, from her sister:|. She never had contacted me by phone, so i didn't recognized the number but the message was something like: Happy new year! . So one day later I respond back on the message and found out that it was her sister. 2th of January I had recieved another message, somewhere in the night 22.00 or something. Happy holidays and new year. Sorry for everything i've made u life through! I still care for u and hope we can still be friends. I just needed time for myself, i hope you understand. I feel really sorry. Kiss What do i have to think about that? not that i'm thinking or hoping on something, just curious. So I messaged her back, but she didn't reply on that. 2 days later we spoke with each other on MSN. I started but it took 2,5 hours before we ended, she explained everything to me, why she broke up and more of such things. We even make some jokes with each other, quiet funny but true. So i asked her a simple question: Did you removed me from msn? ( i found out after 4 month's or something ) And she admit it directly, She couldn't stand it any more by seeing me coming on-line. isn't strange when you are saying that it's totally over for you? So told me about her exam, this Thursday so yesterday evening i wished her the best by message: Without a respond. Saw her on-line today so i asked her about it, if she did it well. her only answer was: Yes:). I have no clue what she's thinking or trying to reach with this. But something is wrong, she knows that i moved on with my life, and for some reason she were trying to make contact, but also holding back. What i always had noticed is that: If she broke up with somebody she never would have contact again, never. Block,remove and never let him come inside again. I'm curious what you people will say about this. Thanks Alot, Bulletino PS: Sorry for the bad English; I Never ( or should I say: Never followed )had it on school and I'm not from the States.
LovelyDaze Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 Your story was clear, so don't worry about the pronunciation. bulletino, what your ex is doing is what most of us healing LS members call "crumbs" or "dangling carrots" She doesn't want to get back with you, either right now or ever. What she does want is to know that you still want her and be there just in case things fall apart on her end such as a new broken romance or just plain loneliness. If she doesn't want to reconcile and you do, then you need to go NC. It would be different if she has been talking about working on whatever past issues cost the relationship but she is playing the lets-be-friends game. You can't be friends with your ex until you feel indifferent about them. Impossible. When all you want is to be intimate(not so much sex, just close like a couple) again, then how are you supposed to listen to your ex brag about a new gf/bf or how much they are having fun WITHOUT you? I have a few exes from high school to just a few years ago on my Facebook. They are good buddies with some of them married, single, engaged, dating, etc. I don't care what love life they have. THAT'S the only way you can really be friends with an ex-love. Do NC, until she either states she wants to fix the breakup or you could care less what she's doing. Take care of YOU first.
xbluudevilx Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 she just wants to be friends and keep things cool. dont look into it too much. youre just gonna hurt yourself.
Author Bulletino Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 Your story was clear, so don't worry about the pronunciation. bulletino, what your ex is doing is what most of us healing LS members call "crumbs" or "dangling carrots" She doesn't want to get back with you, either right now or ever. What she does want is to know that you still want her and be there just in case things fall apart on her end such as a new broken romance or just plain loneliness. If she doesn't want to reconcile and you do, then you need to go NC. It would be different if she has been talking about working on whatever past issues cost the relationship but she is playing the lets-be-friends game. You can't be friends with your ex until you feel indifferent about them. Impossible. When all you want is to be intimate(not so much sex, just close like a couple) again, then how are you supposed to listen to your ex brag about a new gf/bf or how much they are having fun WITHOUT you? I have a few exes from high school to just a few years ago on my Facebook. They are good buddies with some of them married, single, engaged, dating, etc. I don't care what love life they have. THAT'S the only way you can really be friends with an ex-love. Do NC, until she either states she wants to fix the breakup or you could care less what she's doing. Take care of YOU first. Hey, First at all thanks for you quick and good answer! I've stayed for over 5/6 months in NC. So i already decided for my self to get back in NC, and if she will send a other message, I will not respond on that perhaps on the second one. I think it was lonely ness what moved her on to send the message. But i will keep it posted if something else will happen ( what I don't think ) Greets
LovelyDaze Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 Hey, First at all thanks for you quick and good answer! I've stayed for over 5/6 months in NC. So i already decided for my self to get back in NC, and if she will send a other message, I will not respond on that perhaps on the second one. I think it was lonely ness what moved her on to send the message. But i will keep it posted if something else will happen ( what I don't think ) Greets 5/6 months and keep it going. I hate that a lot of our exes think we can be a person-on-reserve anytime they get sad and lonely. It is insulting and demeans us as a human being. Keep NC until she is dead serious of wanting you back or until you could be her friend and not give a damn who she is dating.
Author Bulletino Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 she just wants to be friends and keep things cool. dont look into it too much. youre just gonna hurt yourself. Thanks! Seriously!
bananaboat11 Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 There's usually a GOOD reason why someone is with you in the first place.. eventually, they begin to miss THAT. ...the problem is HERS. don't let it affect you. LD gives GREAT advice.. I cannot say it ANY BETTER. Be strong!
Author Bulletino Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 5/6 months and keep it going. I hate that a lot of our exes think we can be a person-on-reserve anytime they get sad and lonely. It is insulting and demeans us as a human being. Keep NC until she is dead serious of wanting you back or until you could be her friend and not give a damn who she is dating. Hey there, Well yesterday I had a conversation with her sister. She were suprised that she had send me a message, especially, that kind of message. Today I had a conversation with my ex girl. We spoke about the : I still care for u moment, but she were giving weird answers. I asked her ( because i just got back from the gym and were eating ) if it were possible to give her a call. First she answered: NO, why should we? Second answer after that i said: well forget the question, it's not necessary to think about that, respond; well I don´t want to, not yet Second thing is; She said that she don't trust me any more, because i were thinking that she had cheated on me or anything else. After a couple of more words she said finally: u messed up and i don´´t trust u anymore, and i don´t want to and well i don't feel comfortable with keeping in touch with. But the strange thing is; She stays in contact with me, keeps reply on what i do no mather what. If you are seriously think to that your not comfortable with someone your not keeping reply on his questions or anything else. isn't? Well correct me if i'm wrong, but this lady has some strange way to act and to pretend that she got over me. She's not a person who while admit her mistakes like she did in her message on the 2th of January. Is there a person who ever had this before, or a lady who will describe this behavior, why keep in touch after such things.
bananaboat11 Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Hey there, Well yesterday I had a conversation with her sister. She were suprised that she had send me a message, especially, that kind of message. Today I had a conversation with my ex girl. We spoke about the : I still care for u moment, but she were giving weird answers. I asked her ( because i just got back from the gym and were eating ) if it were possible to give her a call. First she answered: NO, why should we? Second answer after that i said: well forget the question, it's not necessary to think about that, respond; well I don´t want to, not yet Second thing is; She said that she don't trust me any more, because i were thinking that she had cheated on me or anything else. After a couple of more words she said finally: u messed up and i don´´t trust u anymore, and i don´t want to and well i don't feel comfortable with keeping in touch with. But the strange thing is; She stays in contact with me, keeps reply on what i do no mather what. If you are seriously think to that your not comfortable with someone your not keeping reply on his questions or anything else. isn't? Well correct me if i'm wrong, but this lady has some strange way to act and to pretend that she got over me. She's not a person who while admit her mistakes like she did in her message on the 2th of January. Is there a person who ever had this before, or a lady who will describe this behavior, why keep in touch after such things. ...I hate to say it man, but she's feeding her ego. You can do so much better. Sounds like something I'm expecting my recent ex to do... HEH. Be strong!
Author Bulletino Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 ...I hate to say it man, but she's feeding her ego. You can do so much better. Sounds like something I'm expecting my recent ex to do... HEH. Be strong! Thanks buddy! Well it's strange she stays on someway in contact with me, can't close it off. Block her on msn? she will message me, either way she constantly remind me of everything. Try to pretend, it's ****ing Annoying! From now on, i'm not going to respond or talk with her by msn. I can do much better
bananaboat11 Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Thanks buddy! Well it's strange she stays on someway in contact with me, can't close it off. Block her on msn? she will message me, either way she constantly remind me of everything. Try to pretend, it's ****ing Annoying! From now on, i'm not going to respond or talk with her by msn. I can do much better Someone like her doesn't deserve you... she may be realizing that to a fine point... but still, being selfish by laying these 'bread crumbs' as everyone on LS refers to to make sure she can still 'have you' even though she doesn't want you... an ego boost to uplift her own self esteem at your expense. I say, not worth it. I personally believe my ex was ABOUT to do that to me after 3 months of NC (when she FINALLY unblocked me on FB after going through a lot of trouble to block me, etc, etc)... so I blocked her to holy hell and back. If THEY want US... they have to do some leg work. I'll want to see my ex drive 4 hours to come beg and plead for forgiveness... tell me she loves me and always has... she was stupid, foolish, tell me she loved more than just my body & my penis (b/c this is what our relationship was apparently)... and that she's willing to spend the rest of her days making it up to me.... and even that won't be enough to win me back. Stupid girls... Find yourself a confident, attractive, smart, intelligent, funny, poignant, high-self esteem, independent woman... I find a lot on these boards... so i'm learning they DO exist. Good luck man
LovelyDaze Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 ...I hate to say it man, but she's feeding her ego. You can do so much better. Sounds like something I'm expecting my recent ex to do... HEH. Be strong! I have to concur. She is just my ex in female form. Most exes who contact their exes just want the dumpees to hang around like a fire extinguishe: You don't pay a lick of attention to it until there is a fire. Meaning, our exes want to be elsewhere doing other things with their time but just in case they don't find someone better, they love the very sight of you again. Not cool.
Author Bulletino Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 Someone like her doesn't deserve you... she may be realizing that to a fine point... but still, being selfish by laying these 'bread crumbs' as everyone on LS refers to to make sure she can still 'have you' even though she doesn't want you... an ego boost to uplift her own self esteem at your expense. I say, not worth it. I personally believe my ex was ABOUT to do that to me after 3 months of NC (when she FINALLY unblocked me on FB after going through a lot of trouble to block me, etc, etc)... so I blocked her to holy hell and back. If THEY want US... they have to do some leg work. I'll want to see my ex drive 4 hours to come beg and plead for forgiveness... tell me she loves me and always has... she was stupid, foolish, tell me she loved more than just my body & my penis (b/c this is what our relationship was apparently)... and that she's willing to spend the rest of her days making it up to me.... and even that won't be enough to win me back. Stupid girls... Find yourself a confident, attractive, smart, intelligent, funny, poignant, high-self esteem, independent woman... I find a lot on these boards... so i'm learning they DO exist. Good luck man Hehe, your funny buddy! Seriously. You had maked my day well Send me a pm message, perhaps we can talk later on:).
Author Bulletino Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 I have to concur. She is just my ex in female form. Most exes who contact their exes just want the dumpees to hang around like a fire extinguishe: You don't pay a lick of attention to it until there is a fire. Meaning, our exes want to be elsewhere doing other things with their time but just in case they don't find someone better, they love the very sight of you again. Not cool. Hey:), I really can appreciate your advice, your honest and at least somebody who you can trust on some way (like with advice). I'll go my own away again, hopefully if she contacts me it will be worth to reply other wish i wouldn't. Thanks for all your support, i'll keep it posted when there's something change, but don't count on it! X Me
Author Bulletino Posted January 17, 2010 Author Posted January 17, 2010 Update: We were having a conversation by MSN with each other. but still she's saying; I can't trust you and etc.. Why is she seriously contacting me then:|.. If she's not able to put me into her live. Sometimes i seriously think that she had used Voodoo on me:P, haha. And with the conversation i quiet with like 10 min, more then enough:D But also so strange!!!
LovelyDaze Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Update: We were having a conversation by MSN with each other. but still she's saying; I can't trust you and etc.. Why is she seriously contacting me then:|.. If she's not able to put me into her live. Sometimes i seriously think that she had used Voodoo on me:P, haha. And with the conversation i quiet with like 10 min, more then enough:D But also so strange!!! That conversation right there is why you should go NC. It's like the fire is out but the embers are still simmering with smoke blowing all over the face. Although I am glad you seem like you don't sound worse for having the MSN convo, you will eventually have her telling you things that will bring you to a place of hanging on to the very string that she keeps you on. Snip it and go NC.
paleblue Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 yup, another classic example of trying to relieve the guilt. you talk to them - they feel better - and now your head is filled with questions about what they want. but the only thing they want - is to know that you're cool again with things, that you dont hate them. it makes them feel better to know you are there when they are in between relationships - or feeling lonely. but other than that you are not good enough for them anymore.
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