Metal_Muffin Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 So...I thought i would just write on here about how ive found it and what ive learnt so far. I used to come on here when i first broke up with my ex and read peoples post like mine that im about to and thought i would never get to that point or how i would love to fast forward to that point. We broke up about 4 months ago and were together for just over 3 years, spent all our time together. He had issues that in the end destroyed us..although i hold my hand up and will say i didnt make it easy either. I literally thought it was going to kill me, i cried for such a long time even when people thought i was ok i would cry on my own and i physically hurt. I would carry this empty ache around with me all the time and at the start i was a stalker lol. I just couldnt do that NC thing i would txt him every other day and i rang him once when drunk begging him home. I never did hear anything. The last time was when we split and he went from hard and distant to pleading and hurt like a yoyo but after that...not a peep. Now i know that was for the best. Friends and family will be there for you, your have some that im sure are flawless but they will grow tired of your moaning or constant conversational peice being about your ex. They wont tell you this but im sure you know. My friends and family were amazing but its normal to get bored lol. Thats why this website is amazing...sometimes you dont want a reply from someone just for them to listen and let you blab on. I got angry for awhile, things about that person that you maybe didnt like or situations where you argued or they wernt good to you seem bolder then the good ones...and you focus on them and tell yourself your better off...in which those friends will agree lol. In my case i really was better off...he knocked my confidence and i lost a lot of me trying to help rebuild him, you may find the same i dont know what to say if you dont...im sorry if you dont. I dont know how long it had been when i stopped sobbing or my heart and stomache stopped feeling too heavy for me to carry. I dont know when i stopped txting him when i was drunk or dreaming about him coming back. I just know that you will struggle at times. A reminder will slap you in the face of them thats too strong to ignore and the scab of them leaving will reopen but will heal a lot quicker, a hell of a lot quicker. Theres no time limit just allow yourself time, cry when you want to, scream when you want. Let yourself grieve for that person. Theres no right or wrong. Try to learn to focus on you. Its been 4 months for me and i still think about him but at the same time i dont want to know lol. Im not ready for anything else i realised im learning how to stop loving someone and even when you feel better that will still softly linger in your heart and you may not know untill you open if for someone new. Thats ok...you dont need anybody new and when you do..it will be right like it was with your ex. Im doing well though and im healing, really quite well! Im learning about myself again and im just doing what suits me and being selfish...and why not?! hehe! I just hope that if you read this and you feel really lost and your hearts breaking please know your be ok...maybe in a weeks time or a year....your get there, I know you will! Link to post Share on other sites
Always A Lesson Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 Hello Muffin, Just read your post and even though your situation is different and you're a lot younger, the pain of heartache is the same. My situation was different but I did the same thing as you. I constantly nagged and asked questions from my kids and people around me, is he gonna call me again?? etc. Some people were blatant " oh get over him" OH that hurt ! They were clueless to my pain. I never really posted my situation here but soon I will, by reading and educating myslef on LS , I kinda know the answers already. This site was a godsend, it got me through a very difficult time in my life, and I'm the kind of person who thought they knew it all. I hated to hear that over time the pain hurts less, but it does. I finnally stopped the crying. I used to cry going to sleep and waking up... I haven't cried in 2 weeks, its been 2 months. nc. You start to rediscover yourself and become motivated, I actually washed my clothes from last summer. I was so into him, I had forgotten myself. Hang on ! Link to post Share on other sites
mickleb Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Metal Muffin (that's a slightly weird euphemism, in the UK, btw!) - you sound really healthy. Well done. Carry on doing what you're doing. RRRRRRRRRRRR'SPECT! x Link to post Share on other sites
Author Metal_Muffin Posted January 8, 2010 Author Share Posted January 8, 2010 I am from england....! Oh...i dont get what it means then lol. Thank you though...to both of you for replying to my post! =) x Link to post Share on other sites
mickleb Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 I am from england....! Oh...i dont get what it means then lol. Thank you though...to both of you for replying to my post! =) x Hopefully, it'll just be my dirty mind that notices, then but as far as I'm aware, muffin=vagin.. do I have to spell it out?! Basically, an extension of the ubiquitous 'muff' (don't tell me you haven't heard the phrase 'tasty bit of muff' before! ) The Beastie Boys articulate the concept very well in their 'B-Boy Bouillabaisse' lyrics: With that big round butt of yours I'd like to butter your muffin I'm not bluffin' Serve you on a platter like Thanksgiving stuffin' Aah, ya gotta love 'em! (Actually, they're hardly British, are they, so I must be talking out of my big round behind.) It was the word 'metal' in your name that conjured up something a tad sinister..! Oh, and, of course you are welcome re. the reply: so good to hear from those who have moved right along. x Link to post Share on other sites
Author Metal_Muffin Posted January 8, 2010 Author Share Posted January 8, 2010 Right lol...I can honestly say I didn't know that! I only chose it cause I listen to rock and metal but muffin went well. Thank you though for pointing it out to me lol!! X Link to post Share on other sites
soconfusedreally Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Thanks for the words of encouragement MM. I am about 3 months in to my breakup and still waiting for the crying to stop. I have gone through many levels in the process and still the littlest thing can send me on a downhill spiral back to square one. It is really good to hear that you are doing better. Gives all of us who aren't there yet hope! Let's hope I'm not far behind you and by month 4 I'm even half way to the point you are. Sounds like our relationships were VERY similar. Although I know to a degree and keep trying to tell myself I'm better off...I still don't fully believe it. But I'm sure one day I will. Thanks for the post Link to post Share on other sites
bananaboat11 Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 MM - Hey. thanks for this post. You sound healthy =) I am entering 3 months of no contact now w/ my ex, but I feel like she is passively playing a mind game with me again... and it's only a matter of time before she strings the breadcrumbs for her own ego. I hope when I get to month 4, I'll be in your exact mental state. Hell... I should be already. I walked into CVS (pharmacy) today... a cute female clerk was checking me out (I noticed... she'd always turn her head when I caught her looking)... and when I went into starbucks... the girl who was making my latte keep giving me a very shy, but flirtatious smile... (I don't know if that's how she usually is when she makes eye contact with guys and laughs a cute laugh).. but it made me feel good. Butttttttttttttt... i'm still not over my ex yet. can't break no contact though... i know though, my heart will mend.. my emotions will be free and I'll be open to love once more... So thank you for this post. You are truly an inspiration. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Metal_Muffin Posted January 9, 2010 Author Share Posted January 9, 2010 Soconfusedreally...I really hope you will get there soon too but just don't rush yourself it's a bloody hard thing to get through and I still hurt and have the odd cry but i'm allowed too lol. I really do wish you best babe and hope this does ease for you!! Bboat....yeah I've had a few offers but that's actually why I wrote the post I why on a date and it just made me realise that I still loved my ex and although I thought I was doing really well it seemed that I still had awhile to go before I was ready for anything or anyone else. Good Luck though it seems your doing well and I do honestly hope it just gets better for you Xx Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts