knime32 Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Any of you out there had a break up end for something stupid and trivial (like not communicating well) and your ex move on to someone else immediately after and then them call you confused about what they want? I talked to my ex for the first time in 3 weeks about a week ago and we talked about the break up and both of us were not happy for outside reasons that caused strain on our relationship. He came to the consensus that had we just communicated with each other before we got to the breaking point, we never would have broken up. He was set up on a blinddate 3 days after our breakup and he's beeing "seeing' her ever since but I feel like he may not want to be with her anymore, but doesn't know if he wants to come back to us and is genuinely confused about what to do. I really feel like the fact that she is a rebound and he never had time to cope with our breakup is starting to catch up. He said he wanted to try talking again and he was sorry for how he went about things and things he said and told me that he wanted to make it up to me..somehow, someday. Its been a week and we've talked again, but he's just as confused. Anyone been here before?
LovelyDaze Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 Any of you out there had a break up end for something stupid and trivial (like not communicating well) and your ex move on to someone else immediately after and then them call you confused about what they want? I talked to my ex for the first time in 3 weeks about a week ago and we talked about the break up and both of us were not happy for outside reasons that caused strain on our relationship. He came to the consensus that had we just communicated with each other before we got to the breaking point, we never would have broken up. He was set up on a blinddate 3 days after our breakup and he's beeing "seeing' her ever since but I feel like he may not want to be with her anymore, but doesn't know if he wants to come back to us and is genuinely confused about what to do. I really feel like the fact that she is a rebound and he never had time to cope with our breakup is starting to catch up. He said he wanted to try talking again and he was sorry for how he went about things and things he said and told me that he wanted to make it up to me..somehow, someday. Its been a week and we've talked again, but he's just as confused. Anyone been here before? You'd have to check out my posts from October when I joined LS. Yes, my ex kept trying to get me back on and off until he left for Afghanistan this last week or so! Your ex is very confused for sure.Make it easy for him. Go NC. Give him the space and time he needs to think if the new girl is the right one OR if he knows he wants to reconcile with you. He obviously didn't really want to work very hard on himself being that he accepted a blind date after only 3 days of breaking up with you. Let that marinate before you decide to let him back in. If he is seeing another girl, let him. Doing all of that love triangle business only confuses you all more.
jlr Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 Yep. My ex did the same thing after our 5 year relationship. Well, she had been playing the field after the breakup, then reached out to me. We talked alot, started having sex. She was confused. Didn't know if she wanted to try us again. Then, in her confusion, met some dude and went off for a while. We didn't talk for a few months really, and then she popped up again. Again, she was confused about the new guy, about our past, etc. Long story short, after I built her back up again, she went back off with this dude she'd talked a bunch of **** about to me, and dropped out of my life. Again. So yeah, be careful.
skydiveaddict Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 You'd have to check out my posts from October when I joined LS. Yes, my ex kept trying to get me back on and off until he left for Afghanistan this last week or so! . That's incredible! A girl dumped me via email when I was deployed there last year. If this is his first tour there I bet he's already missing you like crazy. There's no bigger s..t hole on this planet than that place.
LovelyDaze Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 That's incredible! A girl dumped me via email when I was deployed there last year. If this is his first tour there I bet he's already missing you like crazy. There's no bigger s..t hole on this planet than that place. It's his 2nd tour and that's what he called it! LOL. Well, he actually kept wanting to dump his new fiance' before he left but she cried at the airport and told him she'd kill herself if he didn't come back and marry her. *rolls eyes* She used to text him threats of sleeping with other guys or killing herself constantly(he'd show us all the texts at work).Crazy stuff. My ex said multiple times that he might try dumping her while overseas but hopes I will wait for his return in 2011. Don't know if I can though....too hurt by him.
0hpenelope Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 That's incredible! A girl dumped me via email when I was deployed there last year. If this is his first tour there I bet he's already missing you like crazy. There's no bigger s..t hole on this planet than that place. I'm joining the "I was dumped thru an e-mail" bandwagon here. It's as bad as Sex and the City's Carrie Bradshaw's break-up through a Post-It on her door. Red flag on that jerk's character: cowardice. At the risk of sounding cheesy, I would like to say thank you for your service.
skydiveaddict Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 At the risk of sounding cheesy, I would like to say thank you for your service. believe me that's not "cheesy" thx very much
skydiveaddict Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 It's his 2nd tour and that's what he called it! LOL. My ex said multiple times that he might try dumping her while overseas but hopes I will wait for his return in 2011. Don't know if I can though....too hurt by him. Actually they really are called "tours", or more precisely "deployments". But if he's playing games with you like that I wouldn't waste anymore time on him. No better time to move on. you cant see him now anyway & why would you ever consider playing 2nd string for him while he "might try dumping her?" i've never met you but i can already tell that you deserve much better than him good luck to ya
ms.ac Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 I definitely have advice on this one, I wish I would have done in my situation. I had a relationship for 5 years. We broke up over stupid stuff a couple times and he would come crawling back and i would take him back without much of a fight. There was never someone else but this last time there was, but i didn't know. He was confused, came back and "wanted to be with me" blah blah but was confused... I didn't just take him back, but i did easily give in to hanging out with him, hooking up.. which is pretty much giving in completely, even if i said i didn't want to be with him right a way... long story short.. he decided to go to the other girl (who is no where close to better than me)... so don't give in!!!... i wish i would have played his game.. i wish i would have given him a hard time and did nc..... and treated him like i didnt care, he took me for granted becasue he knew he had me, your ex is being selfish... this behavior is beyond selfish.. dont give in.. you need to hold your ground.. or else... like me.. you become the doormat
LovelyDaze Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 Actually they really are called "tours", or more precisely "deployments". But if he's playing games with you like that I wouldn't waste anymore time on him. No better time to move on. you cant see him now anyway & why would you ever consider playing 2nd string for him while he "might try dumping her?" i've never met you but i can already tell that you deserve much better than him good luck to ya Oh, thank you skydiveaddict! I decided to keep pressing the forward button on my life without him. I listed a bunch of stuff on paper and it came out to him being a first class jerk! I know you will be great too! We all just need to keep in mind that our exes made the choice for US. We didn't have a say or an agreement that we also felt like leaving the relationship. We wanted to stay. They didn't. So for them to come back to us will have to take some serious construction work or for most just a project abandonment altogether!
Author knime32 Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 I took the step today and decided to seek professional help. It was a big step for me, but I decided that in order to be the best that I could be for myself or for anyone else, I needed to work on the problems that I had before the break up and on issues that were involved in the breakup. (ie communication skills). I'm getting my life back in order and if he decides that he wants to come back, I'll be a stronger person for me, for us, for our relationship and he'll have to do the same. If he doesn't end up coming back, then I'll be that strong person for myself and my next relationship.
0hpenelope Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 I took the step today and decided to seek professional help. It was a big step for me, but I decided that in order to be the best that I could be for myself or for anyone else, I needed to work on the problems that I had before the break up and on issues that were involved in the breakup. (ie communication skills). I'm getting my life back in order and if he decides that he wants to come back, I'll be a stronger person for me, for us, for our relationship and he'll have to do the same. If he doesn't end up coming back, then I'll be that strong person for myself and my next relationship. I hope it really works out for you. It helped me a lot. Good luck! Forward, forward, forward.
Author knime32 Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 Last time I went through therapy, my ex found out and came back and we were better than ever. I hope this time something similar happens, and if it doesn't I know I'll be one healthy person!
gaudi Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Hello there, I've read your post (and all subsequent threads). And I do believe in this case that NC will work wonders, although not for the ususal reasons ie) make him miss you/realise what he had/give him space/see things clearly. The reason I think NC would be the best course of action here is because your initial post makes it sound like you were BOTH suffering from communication issues (I know how that feels) and it doesn't really sound clearly like you're sure if this is the relationship that YOU want. NC should be actioned here for you. You need to decide if a relationship with this fella is what you really want. Are you sure that you want his guy, and want to make things work with him ?? If not. a period of NC will help you to work on your own mind (body/soul too if that's what it takes) and decide what you actually want from your life. and the reason it helps is because it will put any potential relationship on the backburner and make you focus on the things that are important to you. My own NC is getting on for 4 weeks now and I'm starting to realise things about me and my EX (who I initially wanted back so badly) that I never thought of in this light before. Give it a try chuck, you may well be surprised about what you learn.
Author knime32 Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 I think the confusion with me is his confusion. Before we broke up, I never had a single doubt about him or our relationship. I know that the relationship I had with him is something that I'm willing to work on because I really do love him and care about him. My posts may be confusing because I know what I want, I'm just afraid of getting hurt again. In our initial talks, I was hesitant, because I knew if I really admitted how I felt, I would just end up getting hurt again, and I guarded myself until he proves to me what he really wants. I've started NC again and going to counseling is to help me work on me and my issues. I know he'll come around at some point, he always does, but this time I've got my guard up and my wall is taller than ever before!! Its going to take a lot of effort and improvement to tear it down this time. I was weak before and I'm standing up for my heart this time! Thank you for your help and advice! It is very comforting to know that there are people out there going through similar experiences and that we're not in this alone!
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