minute made Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 My girlfriend of over 1 year dumped me because she was worried about my financials and when I will graduate college. An hour after we broke up we spoke on phone for 45 minutes in a calm and caring demeanorabout the relationship. She was so happy I didnt freak out. We were best of friends and she did not want to lose that. Nor did I. That night she texted me saying she was going to be at a local bar tonight, and that I should go. I was already there by that time. She came with her friends and eventually we ran into eachother and had a little talk and a hug. Soon therafter I left without telling her, and she texted me wondering where I went. I went to a bar that was less busy. She continued to text that she missed me badly and that her and her friends were coming to the bar I was at. We hung out like friends and I even borrowed her 30 bucks. At closing time she stood by me awkwardly and i said " arent you going home" she didnt answer and I said "what, you want me to come over" she replied "yes", in a shy manner. So I did and we just ended up talking and cuddling just like when we were together. A few days later she went home for Christmas break about 3 hours away, we continued to be in contact and she kept telling me how she felt soooo bad about it. That night I was on Facebook and she messaged me and we had another good relationship talk. She stated that we could start seeing eachother again when I had my things figured out. During her 6 day break we video messaged, talked, and texted eachother. Much on how upset her family was, they really love me like a son. We giggled a lot and just had fun talking. The night she came back to town we ended up sleeping together and it was like normal. Then the next night she texted at 1am stating she could not sleep without me by her. I invited her over and we had sex again, everything was normal...again. I think she feels like she made a mistake, but doesnt want to look bad by taking me back right away, because in the first place she just wanted a break. She has told me she wonders what her roomates (best friends) think, and If they think down on her for us seeing eachother. I need some input on how long to do this, I know were in love still and I dont want to wait too long so it is all lost. HELP ME
and.then.some Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 (edited) Red Flag = She is worried whether people think less of her for going back to you... but not for breaking up with such a great guy? My first mind tells me that someone helped to at least encourage a particular line of thinking in your ex-grilfriend. Maybe they didn't create it, but they may have backed up a concern. It sounds to me that she's worried about future security. However, I can't say if that's a very deep fear she has or a shallow concern. The best advice I can give to you is to work out those other concerns in life, for your own sake. If I were you, I would judge where all of this is coming from with her based on her character. Like... Is she overly concerned with what other people say or with being able to afford a certain lifestyle? Or, do you get the impression that she's generally concerned about "making it" after graduation? If the latter, I say it's probably something the two of you could work out together. If the former, you're probably in for more heartache, headache, and drama down the road if you continue with her. Generally insecure people rely too heavily on having others to make them look good. While they may try to look good on their own, they want those around them to make them look even better. In other words, just being a good person with good character or just being attractive, isn't enough if what they need to live up to states that your "quality" should be more plainly displayed in other things (i.e. clothing label, income, profession, popularity), and so forth. Anything other than what others perceive to be the best is always lacking. In life, finances go up and down. Is it that you're being lazy and allowing your problems to get worse? Or is your situation merely something that needs time to work itself out? Edited January 8, 2010 by and.then.some
Author minute made Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 Thanks for the Input, good stuff in there. I have talked with her roomates her sister, and her mother e-mailed me . My ex is genuinely sad about this as are the people close to her. I started no contact with her on Wednesday night to see what happens.
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