welker Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Ok here is my story: Was with my girl and we decided to move in together because everything seemed to be going perfect but we were definitely rushing things. Both in mid twenties. She was busy studying for school while we were living together and we seemed to get distant. Figured after studying things would go back to normal. It didn't. She ended up seeing her ex who she had yet to have closure with since we got together so quickly. Got closure and told me all about it and told me she still loved me and wanted to work things out but needed space to clear her head. We took some time apart without much contact and then recently she moved back in but says she still needs time to figure things out because she misses me. Thinking about getting her own place and moving out as well.......she has talked about marriage and a future together and still will save she loves me. I am in love with this girl and do not want to lose her but I am unsure how to play this out. Wat do you guys think?
gaudi Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 We took some time apart without much contact and then recently she moved back in but says she still needs time to figure things out because she misses me. This part sounds like it could be a little detrimental to what you are trying to achieve my friend. Did she recently move back in at your insistence, and if not, then why did she do so if she still needs time to figure things ??
Author welker Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 Well we went for about a week long break to figure things out.......Xmas came along and we spent xmas eve together and then Tuesday we hung out again and she has been with me since(so last tuesday before new years) This week we have been together and kinda just doesnt feel right yea know? She is still telling me she loves me and all but needs space still. Thinking about getting her own place since we moved in together so fast but she will miss me too much. I guess alot going on through her head. We are going to talk later tonight and I am not sure how i should go about this
gaudi Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 If she is prepared to work it out with you then that's great, I'm sure putting your heads together and talking about stuff that you guys need to do will maybe be one way to working it out. But it really sounds like what she wants is something else. I'm sorry to say that mate, but it's from my own experience, this kind of **** happens. If it becomes apparent that she doesn't know what she wants, just that she will miss you. Then I think you need to leave her to it for a bit and let her get on with it..let her miss you. Let her know what it's truly like to be without you. That will be a lot harder than it sounds, but it could hopefully give you your answer. Best of luck chief.
Author welker Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 Solid thanks for the advice! We are talking about it later on tonight hopefully and I will be able to figure out what is going on at least. As of right now I am just confused about it all and want to either move on with or without her instead of just dragging on the inevitable.
gaudi Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Well from what you've posted so far, you need to get something out of tonight. That is either she's prepared to work everything out with you, or not. And working everything out with you should not result in "she's not sure what she wants right now", because if that's what comes out of all this, then you need to do some serious thinking about moving on yourself without her. And I mean serious thinking that does NOT involve you persistently asking her if "she's doing the right thing". If you guys can't work it out then I honestly believe you should leave this girl to figure it out on her own. You will either be happy with this girl or, you will take it hard but eventually will see what a lot of us are going through on here right now. That is accepting what has happened and starting to work on yourself and what's right for you in your life. But believe me mate, whatever happens, we are all here.
Author welker Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 Ok so it went well. She told me she was just real confused about moving out to her own place or not because she didn't want to lose me. She was thinking if she did move out I would go find someone else and just forget about her. Gonna take it slow from here on out she pretty much told me that she just realizes that I am the one she wants to be with for the rest of her life, start fam get married, white picket fence and all that. ha thanks for the help though man it really is funny how someone you care so much about can just throw you for crazy loops
HLP234 Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 I've gotten the "I don't know what I want" thing after my girl moved closer to me. It did not end good because when I would try to talk things out, she would just say she didn't want to talk about it and wanted time to herself. I gave her that time and she moved on without even telling me, she has a new bf now and has completely cut me out. Not even a word, I wish I had listened to everyone when our "break" started and told her myself that if she's not willing to work with me, than we no longer need to be anything. I did tell her that myself too but she complained about me not giving her the time and said I was complaining about waiting. If she really is not sure what she wants, most likely she wants something other than you and doesn't know how to go about it. Think about it and do something before you find out otherwise from her..because then it will hurt one day when you wake up and see she is with someone else. If that is the case, I would hope she would tell you before moving on, I never got that and now am stuck with a lot of pain and depression to deal with myself. Post on here and it helps, but really take it as a lesson from everyone..breaks generally never work out and are a way for the other person to leave without any guilt. If she was kind enough and not selfish she would talk things out with you and at least tell you she wants to move on or not. You pretty much still have some control as long as you guys are still talking. Just do something about it, for your own good before you get hurt completely like I did, and so many others.
Space Ritual Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 Ok so it went well. She told me she was just real confused about moving out to her own place or not because she didn't want to lose me. She was thinking if she did move out I would go find someone else and just forget about her. Gonna take it slow from here on out she pretty much told me that she just realizes that I am the one she wants to be with for the rest of her life, start fam get married, white picket fence and all that. ha thanks for the help though man it really is funny how someone you care so much about can just throw you for crazy loops I would be very wary of her motives.... All that "wanting space" and "finding myself" business was keeping you on a thread while she could see if she could work it out with her ex..."closure" is rare and fleeting my friend. You seem to be riding a wave of happiness right now, but take it from me...I was in a similar situation to you at one time...almsot could have written your initial post. She moved back in with me only to find out she had been cheating on me the whole time. That "I dont want you to find somebody else" business was told to me all the time she was banging other guys in my bed while I was at work. I hope to hell I am wrong, but I predict you are going to be very, very sorry.
Angel1111 Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 She probably does love you and wants to have a future with you but, as you said, you guys moved too fast and she's still reeling from it. I say let her get her own place and learn what it's like to live on her own - she needs to have this experience. Continue to date her, but give her her space. She will love you even more for not being controlling. If you try to make her stay, it will only work against you. If she decides to stay with you on her own, tell her that you don't want her to. She's only trying to please others and not herself if she makes such a decision and you'd be wise to recognize it. Being in a relationship takes a lot of energy and she hasn't had a chance to experience life in a way that will allow her to be her. If she doesn't take some time for herself, it will come back later to bite hard.
HLP234 Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 I guess just give her time to herself and during that time just move on. She should get back to you on her decisions though. It will suck if she just goes on without telling you anything and you will be hurt badly. I would of settled it myself by letting her know she can have her time but you are not going to wait around and that its her responsibility to let you know how she is doing later on, and if anything between you too still exists.
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