Author LovelyDaze Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 Indeed, hearing her bellow ... 'mwahahaha.... mwaaaaahahahaha!!!' was creepy. Just saw this sean1970 & GrayClouds. LOL! It's a blessing to laugh & smile instead of how I was in October...numb and wishing I could die right then. Only 3 months but I think I can do this!
Author LovelyDaze Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 Funny, whenever I read stuff like this I go "yeaahhh!! thats right! THATS why im not going to contact him, THATS why if he wants me back he's gonna have to come and beg me back!!! ....and then i remember that it was me who dumped him.... ...and from his posts...he wants me to ask him to get back, as I was the one who ended things... But the thing is...I dumped him for a reason, and if i were to ask him back, it would never work. So....i wonder, how many dumpees feel like the dumper should be begging for a second chance, when the dumper feels like the dumpee needs to get his/her ish together, recognize their wrong doings and put the work that a healthy relationship needs??? hm....i suppose i would never know... First, thanks selena cat and myhearthurtsbadly so much! 4givrnt4gtr, I see your point. There are a lot of dumpers on LS (Kantor comes to mind, and he's a great guy) who are also hurting and would really like insight on what to do. Surprisingly, I have been a dumper before as well.Years ago, I had an ex boyfriend that was kind hearted and sweet. My crush at work asked me out and I was so excited that I took the bait. I was at a stage in my life that I did not care about how well I was being treated for my own horrifically selfish reasons. I dumped that nice guy within months and took up with my crush. NOt long after, karma bit back and the new boyfriend dumped me! I had some time where I knew I lost a good thing and went to calling and e-mailing him. He finally agreed to meet me so I could pore my heart out with a zillion apologies and another chance. Thing is, it was months and months later and he had already taken steps to move on and was no longer in love with me. We parted friendly enough and I haven't seen him since. He did tell me something that resonates with me to this day: " I hung on for so long, hoping you'd come back. But I realized we just weren't in the same place, so I kept moving on." Haunting. Now that I am the dumpee with a different ex to cope with, I understand fully what my other ex meant. I gave my current ex chance after chance and sadly it is apparent that by the time he may "wise up" I'll be in a different place in my life. As the dumper, I would advise to just figure out if you just miss your ex on the surface or if you truly want to make things work with them for the long term. Don't dangle carrots. And don't be afraid. Ask them if it is alright if you guys have an uninterrupted discussion about EVERYTHING. The relationship from start to finish..leaving no stone unturned. If your ex does not agree, that's okay. They are still healing. Let them. If you love them, you will leave them be. But if you truly think a reconciliation is something you want as the dumper, try again in a few weeks or months or so. Give them time to figure out what it is that THEY want in relationships and mostly, from you.
dreamer84 Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 yummy @ ex sex... made that mistake once (multiple times in one situation) but i so agree...she didn't have a hard time contacting me when she wanted her non existant inhaler and when she was planning on getting her things. but i will have to break the nc in march cause i need this stuff moved by then. right now she so caught up in her new lover...ugh (but lets hope by then she contacts me first, for the stuff and/or to reconcile )
4givrnt4gtr Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 (edited) As the dumper, I would advise to just figure out if you just miss your ex on the surface or if you truly want to make things work with them for the long term. Don't dangle carrots. And don't be afraid. Ask them if it is alright if you guys have an uninterrupted discussion about EVERYTHING. The relationship from start to finish..leaving no stone unturned. If your ex does not agree, that's okay. They are still healing. Let them. If you love them, you will leave them be. But if you truly think a reconciliation is something you want as the dumper, try again in a few weeks or months or so. Give them time to figure out what it is that THEY want in relationships and mostly, from you. Ohhh I wish it was that simple...i wish i had made a horrible mistake by dumping him, that I just didnt know what i wanted. But no. The truth is that I dumped him because HE didnt know what he wanted. He kept telling me he wasnt sure, that he wanted to love me but something kept holding him back. Also, we had just become a LDR, because he started school somewhere else, and he kept saying he was so busy and with me being so far away he wasnt sure he could hold on. The last straw was when he told me that his only priority was school, and that he wasnt sure he was ever going to be able to get to a place where he could love me (we had been dating for 9 months by then), that he was too messed up because of his last relationship and was afraid I would get sick of it. I told him that if that was the case then there was no reason why we should keep dragging something along that he knew was not what he wanted. That either he felt it or he didnt and apparently he didnt. He insisted that he was disappointed because he wanted us to work out but he didnt insist on us staying together. A few days after that I sent him a message telling him i miss him but he never answered...afterwards I kept seeing him posting really sad songs about break ups and wanting the girl back but never said anything to me. The last time I contacted him was to tell him i had to delete him from FB as his posts confused me and made me keep hoping he would figure things out when i knew that was not likely. He never responded to that. Yet, he still keeps posting sad break up songs and songs about if i want to come back, just to tell him etc. But I insist...i didnt leave him because I didnt love him. I left him because he pushed me away....so where does that leave me?? Just as most dumpees, he feels like since i cut it, i should come back....but that makes no sense See....sometimes being a dumper isnt as clear cut as we all think...so, honestly if you've been dumped, seriously think about what the reasons for the break up where. Was your partner cheating or just moved on? then yes, they need to fight for you. But if it was less clear cut, think about what your role on the break up was, where did you mess up and where did she/he mess up. If you decide that it was partly your fault (but honestly!) then do the necessary to repair the mess....and see if your partner is willing to fix their share. Sometimes dumpers love their dumpees to death, but it comes a point when enough BS is enough. Edited January 9, 2010 by 4givrnt4gtr
spacecowboy Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 (edited) I was so down thinking about the moments leading up to my breakup and her face as she said, "please leave". My last words to her were, " I hope you never feel what I am feeling right now". But, as The Law of Attraction would have it I focused my intent on not calling her after yet another breakup. I am tired of feeling miserably weak in my soul and not quite right in my heart and conscience after a temporary make up. I am the dumpee, always the one who calls, e-mails and shows up at her door... I took this well written advice on "no contact" and after 32 unanswered calls later within a 2 hour period I still have not made contact. It only took 24 painful hours of resisting calling, e-mailing or showing up at her door... I wonder what 48 will bring... perhaps a week and I will have this "virus" out of my system so that I may give someone more deserving of my beauty and perfection to a humble lovely woman who is right now, out there looking for me. Thank you from my sincere and grateful heart. Edited January 10, 2010 by spacecowboy grammer
spacecowboy Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 P.S. The phone continues to ring as I write... 56 calls and counting!
bananaboat11 Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 LD - thank you. I re-read this. I said **** it. I blocked the ex (as she just unblocked me on FB), the mutual friend, all the ex's friends that are no longer mine... I'm going to keep the NC until my dying day. All the things I WANT to do to get her back, I won't do... but if she wants me... she will have to figure it out. Anyhow, if she REALLY wants me.. she'll find a way to contact me other than FB.
DenverBachelor Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Just wait till you are over them... Thats when they do.... First Scene... Gotta love youtube comments: "that's cuz all women are nothing more than attention seeking whores, they want you to be heartbroken over them, it gives them allot of pride and self-esteem...if you were to forget about them then they'll do anything to get you back so they can continue feeding off your misery so they can feel better about themselves...it's a sick idea but true...0o"
spacecowboy Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 PPS: My mobile is on fire...I had to set it on silent... 76 calls and counting!
spacecowboy Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Gotta love youtube comments: "that's cuz all women are nothing more than attention seeking whores, they want you to be heartbroken over them, it gives them allot of pride and self-esteem...if you were to forget about them then they'll do anything to get you back so they can continue feeding off your misery so they can feel better about themselves...it's a sick idea but true...0o" It's sad but true DB (with exception that all women are "whores")... though, I am a hopeless romantic and believe that somewhere she's out there looking for me... and, that's the woman I AM LOOKING FOR!
Author LovelyDaze Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 PPS: My mobile is on fire...I had to set it on silent... 76 calls and counting! Oh.... my.... gosh! Doing good, spacecowboy! Just keep thinking what she wants realistically. Does she want to work things out seriously or jsut give you a few more crumbs then scram away? Has she left a message? If so, I would go ahead and listen only to decipher her honest intentions. Remember, if you feel bad vibes that she really just wants to keep you around like a default boyfriend, keep NC and let her call forever. You deserve a woman who wants to be good to you and good FOR you.
Author LovelyDaze Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 LD - thank you. I re-read this. I said **** it. I blocked the ex (as she just unblocked me on FB), the mutual friend, all the ex's friends that are no longer mine... I'm going to keep the NC until my dying day. All the things I WANT to do to get her back, I won't do... but if she wants me... she will have to figure it out. Anyhow, if she REALLY wants me.. she'll find a way to contact me other than FB. You are so very welcome! Yes, if she wants you and really wants to work things out with you, then she will work on her on demons, get rid of them, and clean her own act up. That's what we dumpees need to do as well. Make sure we clear our hearts of lingering for our exes, get on with our life, get rid of our own demons and be a happy, healthy, well-rounded person. Healthy always attracts healthy.
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