Author should be happy Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 CCL-thanks! I'm really glad I told him too. I know I came on here super-scared and was trying to get some advice but I wanted to reason it out in my head if MY husband would do something like that to me and from what we've talked about (my H & I), I really am convinced he didn't do anything wrong. We hang with a bunch that can get pretty rowdy so our friend making this joke does not come as a surprise to me at all. You all should've seen my face when he told me the true meaning. Good luck to you in your new job! To the others: Wow, thanks for the support, guys....really. You know, when I think about it rationally, it's just as likely that he was in Nashville strictly for work (besides the bachelor party) that he was down there having an A. He hated his prior position, his bosses told him TN was his territory and he had to go down often to try and get new customers. He tried to get fired up about it and would go down every 2 weeks probably over a 6-wk period, then he started getting burnt out on the whole thing, the drive down there, the lack of new customers, so he stopped. Like I said, so many people who have commented on this have been in bad situations so you are so suspicious already and you are also jumping to conclusions, just like I did. I obviously can't tell my whole entire life story on here so there are some huge things that people didn't get to hear. I have trust issues, I'm insecure and have low-self-esteem. My mom always wrongly accused my dad of cheating. If you grew up in the family I did, you would know this is true. To me, those things alone are enough to wrongly accuse my commited husband of cheating on me. I came here wondering if there was a possibility he cheated on me. I hadn't made up my mind on if I thought he did or not. After reading on here, and after H & I talked, I know I have just been screwed up in the head and need to take a breather. Earlier this week, I changed some of the things I was doing and it's already having a positive impact on my entire family. (I am closing my online store). So this week, the house has been clean, the kids have been paid more attention, dinner has been ready, I've had time to actually put makeup on and work out...all things my husband wanted me to do since I am a stay-at-home mom (and I agree I should be doing as one) but worried he would be too controlling if he told me to stop. He was so relieved when I told him I was going to close it down. Just b/c he's seen me doing the things I should be doing has made him so much more helpful with the kids. I've known for a long time this was something I needed to do, I just wasn't ready to give it up yet. I thought I could do it all. I know we have work to do in our relationship and I need to learn to trust him but I feel like that is mine to deal with and learn to do. We're both very committed to this family and each other and we will work on it to make things right. I'm not just going to believe and do what everyone on here says and not believe him, that's kind of silly to me. Wow, I always write so much on here. It's a great way to get my feelings out..even if no one else reads it, it makes me feel so much better!
crazycatlady Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 SBH - I listen lol. I came from a better back ground then you relationship wise, but that doesn't mean I'm not insecure. I'm a horrible stay at home wife and mother. Horrible. I hate cleaning, I love cooking but I get ticked off that no one helps, I don't mind doing everything else that I do (which is pretty much everything but earn money lol). So I'm going back to work hopefully won't feel like as much of a failure that way . I think there are better forums for you now a days then the infidelity one. Most people here are going to think the worse, can't say I blame them, but man I'm sorry but I don't want to be that person. I like being positive and happy even if I'm nosy and insecure . But I'll keep an eye out for you posting other places and here as well. I don't know when I'll get the new job. i tested today to hopefully get certified. I'm not sure how I feel after the test. I didn't realize how poorly I remember how to handle fractions. Ugh. If I had taken the stupid practice test I would have known to get a quick refresher on them. Ah well. Such is life. It was only a few questions about them, but I missed them all. CCL CCL
BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 SBH- I totally feel you on they stay at home mom insecurities. Get that crap in check, or it will eat away at you like a disease. I still get a little jealous over tiny things like my H getting to conversate with adults..lol I started taking it all out on my running shoes and got my booty in shape. (its like therapy) make some time for yourself. I used to think since I stayed home I didn't need to spend money on myself..but in reality its one of the hardest jobs on earth and IT DOESN'T EVEN PAY MONEY...what it does pay is precious moments and precious time that you can't ever get back. Find confidence in yourself that you deserve and you will have more confidence everywhere else.
Space Ritual Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Earlier this week, I changed some of the things I was doing and it's already having a positive impact on my entire family. (I am closing my online store). So this week, the house has been clean, the kids have been paid more attention, dinner has been ready, I've had time to actually put makeup on and work out...all things my husband wanted me to do since I am a stay-at-home mom (and I agree I should be doing as one) but worried he would be too controlling if he told me to stop. He was so relieved when I told him I was going to close it down. Just b/c he's seen me doing the things I should be doing has made him so much more helpful with the kids. That is all well and good, but why do you see it as only YOU that needs to change. He worried he would be too controlling??? Are you seriously falling for this? Once again I am sorry, but I think you are sitting on a powder keg that will burn your butt You mentioned you hang out with a rowdy crowd and that is the behavior of them to send messages like that? That makes no sense unless you are hanging out with high school kids. Believe what you want to but I will tell you that "my friend sent me that message" is another stock in trade move of deflection. That is not the first time that this has been seen on this forum, with all too predictable results. (sighs) Well we can only tell you what we think. I pray that I'm wrong, but best of luck to you nonetheless.
dazzle22 Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Good luck. Creative explanation on the text. Loved the "don't know anything about it" part...and then 2 SECONDS LATER, oh, wait, he DOES know about it and has a long involved explanation....uh huh..... Anyway, did you read what I said about your son's medical condition??
moaningmyrtle Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 On 2 occasions, years ago now I caught my husband out in something wrong - it wasn't as damming as a text message but it was him being somewhere he wasn't supposed to be. The first occasion about 10 years ago was a speeding fine issued in a suburb where he wasn't supposed to be that night and the 2nd was about 5 years ago and involved him making a comment about a taxi driver taking him to a wrong address when he was going on a training course for work. The only problem was that he'd supposedly taken our car on that day to get to the course. As it turned out the course was the day before (and he took a taxi) and he took the car a day later for an entirely different reason - to see his OW. On both occasions my H came up with long convoluted explanations - both involving borrowed books by the way. I accepted them believing that my H would never be unfaithful - how wrong I was. he also managed to get me to believe that I was partly responsible and needed to make changes. Years later - ie just over a year ago I discovered that my H had been having an affair (for years obviously) and his explanations were false. My H's affair was conducted almost solely in working hours so don't assume that because he is home when he should be that it's not possible. You said the wife and the guy that sent the text message are friends of yours - why not ask the guy or his wife? They don't sound like "friends of your marriage" to me.
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