nickh Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 (edited) Yesterday I hacked into my girlfriend’s email and facebook accounts. Why? She has never cheated on me as far as I know, but we have had major, and repeated problems over her behaviour with other men. She has done things I think are completely inappropriate – most recently asking two of my male friends to look at her breasts to see if her nipples were showing through her shirt. I told her I would leave her if such behaviour continued, and she has respected my wishes for the last few months, but I still have a hard time trusting her completely. Anyway, in her email, I found a note from her in Spanish, replying to an email from a guy she had a fling with in Barbados a couple of years ago. She says to him, How are you, Happy New Year, my love. That’s it, nothing else. As far as I can tell she has not been in contact with him since we started going out eight months ago. Prior to that they would exchange emails filled with I miss you, love you, etc. ]I’m pissed -- and I know she would hit the roof if I referred to a former girlfriend in such a manner – she also is against maintaining contact with former lovers. She told me she would not stand for if I was friends with a former girlfriend. [/FONT][/sIZE] I also found a note on her facebook wall from a guy I’ve never heard of, telling her how beautiful she is. He also sent her a note in facebook mail telling her she was hot, etc. She has not replied to the note. She only checks facebook and email every couple of weeks. I ‘m looking for opinions as to how I should handle this, and whether or not this is worth leaving her over. Thanks, in advance. Edited January 7, 2010 by nickh
New Again Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 You don't trust her, and that is what is worth breaking up with her.
reservoirdog1 Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 She says to him, How are you, Happy New Year, my love. That’s it, nothing else. As far as I can tell she has not been in contact with him since we started going out eight months ago. Prior to that they would exchange emails filled with I miss you, love you, etc. ]I’m pissed -- and I know she would hit the roof if I referred to a former girlfriend in such a manner – she also is against maintaining contact with former lovers. She told me she would not stand for if I was friends with a former girlfriend. So, at the very least, she's a complete hypocrite. She refuses to adhere to the same rigorous standards she expects of you, and goes behind your back. This fact, plus the fact that you have had to repeatedly call her out on her behaviour towards other men, is reason enough to not trust her at all. I wouldn't be surprised if she's gone considerably further with other guys than you're aware of. Any relationship where you have to actively stress and worry about your partner's fidelity isn't worth staying in, IMHO.
Space Ritual Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I think asking the guys to look at her breasts would have about done it for me. Regardless of whether you looked in her accounts or not, I suggest that you now have a snapshot of how your relationship is going to be. You will be wary and suspicious. She will continue this behavior. You know where this is going....dump her now before you end up a blubbering mass of goo
Author nickh Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 yeah -- I don't feel too good about us right now -- in her defense she has changed quite a bit for me but calling a former lover mi amor is pretty far over the line to me
zetkin Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Nick, you don't trust her and that's a very bad sign. Checking her e-mail? No matter what she does or how she acts you shouldn't do this. If you question her fidelity you'd better talk to her about it. Respect both her and yourself.
Space Ritual Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Nick, you don't trust her and that's a very bad sign. Checking her e-mail? No matter what she does or how she acts you shouldn't do this. If you question her fidelity you'd better talk to her about it. Respect both her and yourself. Why ask her, so she can lie to him? So she can tell him not to talk to any exes while she goes about this? If she didn't have anything to hide then it wouldn't be a problem now would it?
zetkin Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Why ask her, so she can lie to him? So she can tell him not to talk to any exes while she goes about this? If she didn't have anything to hide then it wouldn't be a problem now would it? What I ment was that checking her e-mail is appalling. Ok maybe she's dishonest, but then you're dishonest too. And this won't do any good. My ex knew all the passwords from my accounts - i had nothing to hide, but him checking it constantly was appalling and that was the cause I dumped him.
OceanTropic Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 You hacked her FB account? Thats enough reason to dump you right there. You sound exactly like my ex, and he can never hold on to a girl. Jealousy is not a good thing. If you don't trust her, then why are you still in a relationship with her? Did hacking her account make you trust her more? Obviously it didn't, so what are you still doing with this girl?
Author nickh Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 I'm not proud of violating her privacy like that. I just had a feeling something wasn't kosher, and it turns out I was right. I never had any proof until now that she was doing stuff behind my back. I'm looking for opinions on how serious a transgression this is -- eg writing to a former lover behind my back and calling him my love. So for me the issue isn't should I or should I not have hacked into her account. I know it was wrong, and I know a lack of trust is usually a death knell for a relationship.
O'Malley Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 she also is against maintaining contact with former lovers. She told me she would not stand for if I was friends with a former girlfriend. She can have her double standards, but you're not required to stay around and put up with it.
OceanTropic Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Calling him "my love" could just be how she shows her friendliness. I call everyone "babe" it doesn't mean im having an affair with them. If I had to be brutally honest, I don't think its a big deal, the only reason she would hide it from you is because you're so jealous that you would make a big deal anyways (im assuming this because you hacked her account). I hid alot of things from my ex, not because they were bad (I never, EVER cheated or did anything behind his back) I simply hid things because he would make unecessary drama cause of it. Then when he would find out, he thought I was doing things behind his back. He had the idea that "If you don't tell me, its cuz your hiding something" which is not true at all. I think maybe you are uptight, and she hides simple things like this because she doesn't want to fight or argue.
Green Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Seriously dude you don't like this girl anymore and you are just looking for reasons to fight with her. Just break up. What you did hacking into her email and facebook was worse then anything she has done though. In the future when you have lost trust for a girl I sugest you just break up instead of invading her privacy to confirm your feelings. Was the nipple thing really that bad? Did she just ask them are my nipples showing in this shirt? is that all she said, because I agree I wouldn't like my gf asking my friends if her nipples showed in the shirt she was wearing but heck it wouldn't be the end of the world if that was all she did. You make it sound like she flashed them her bare naked breasts and had them motor boat them. I would be really mad about the my love thing to a former lover, but I don't know if I would break up. I would really want to break up if my gf ever hacked any of my private accounts.
DustySaltus Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 When you check someone's email without them knowing, you are breaking their trust even if you don't find anything. When you look at someone's things without knowing what you are looking at things can be misinterpreted.
xbluudevilx Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 no matter what position youre/were in, going behind someones back and logging into their social websites or personal things is ridiculous and stupid... let the flaming begin.
OnlyJake Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Seriously dude you don't like this girl anymore and you are just looking for reasons to fight with her. Just break up. What you did hacking into her email and facebook was worse then anything she has done though. In the future when you have lost trust for a girl I sugest you just break up instead of invading her privacy to confirm your feelings. Was the nipple thing really that bad? Did she just ask them are my nipples showing in this shirt? is that all she said, because I agree I wouldn't like my gf asking my friends if her nipples showed in the shirt she was wearing but heck it wouldn't be the end of the world if that was all she did. You make it sound like she flashed them her bare naked breasts and had them motor boat them. I would be really mad about the my love thing to a former lover, but I don't know if I would break up. I would really want to break up if my gf ever hacked any of my private accounts. I couldn't have said it better myself. Dude, you don't trust her, so just break up with her. Why do you feel the need to make her the "bad guy" in this?
samspade Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 If you don't trust her and you know you're not being paranoid, it's her fault, not yours. Remember that men will always tell her how beautiful she is. How she acts and reacts is where you judge her. Anyway...just dump her already.
Yukikazi Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 Its funny how people are telling this guy that he is a lowlife for going into her email.. But in plenty of other threads here they are happily suggesting girls to install keyloggers on their BF's computers.. ****ing hypocritical double standards
Johnny M Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 (edited) Its funny how people are telling this guy that he is a lowlife for going into her email.. But in plenty of other threads here they are happily suggesting girls to install keyloggers on their BF's computers.. ****ing hypocritical double standards Exactly. I'm willing to bet that nearly every single person who's giving hims a hard time for "violating her privacy" would succumb to curiosity and check their significant other's email and facebook accounts if they could figure out a way to do it. It's just human nature. This forum is forum is FULL of threads that start out something like this: "I didn't mean to snoop on hm, but I walked into his room and his email was open on the computer, and then I saw this message and clicked on it..." The fact that OP's suspicions were right pretty much vitiates any bad karma he may have gotten from disrespecting her privacy. The bottom line is that his GF is a slut, liar and hypocrite. Either get rid of her - or better yet, keep her around for sex while searching for a suitable replacement. Edited January 8, 2010 by Johnny M
Rollercoasterr Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 Him logging into her things is bad, yeah, but so what? The problem here is that she is expecting him to uphold something which she herself doesn't follow. She said no exes, but what is she doing? Talking to an ex and calling him "my love". That's a big betrayal right there. She then asks guys to look at her boobs. But yet some people here say he's trying to make HER the bad guy??? She makes herself look like scum. Two wrongs don't make a right, but his wrong can let him get out of it before she does something worse.
phineas Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 If my wife hadn't left her e-mail open & I hadn't noticed a lot of e-mails from a man I didn't recognize I never would of found out she jad been lieing & cheating on me for 3 out 4 yrs of my marriage. I'm not sorry I did it & if the next woman gives me a gut feeling & starts acting fishy like my wife did I won't bother trying to look at her stuff, i'll just break up with her & not look back.
Author nickh Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 thanks to all who replied. I confronted her. she insisted it was innocent and that for her, mi amore was not meant romantically -- at least in this instance. I still have major doubts -- i wouldn't write that to a woman I knew was interested in me -- even if she did live in a different country, as this guy does. she apologized for using the words, and agreed not to contact him again -- she also volunteered to delete the guy who was hitting on her via facebook from her friends list -- she said she hadn't seen the note on her wall. she does only check her fb once every few weeks.
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