kimmi Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Through recent event I am wondering why commited people seek a realtionship with married people? My ex was having a afair with a married woman, I thought that it was way out of his means to do so but apparently not. This is why I am wondering.
confusedinkansas Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Through recent event I am wondering why commited people seek a realtionship with married people? My ex was having a afair with a married woman, I thought that it was way out of his means to do so but apparently not. This is why I am wondering. In the beginning of my affair - my X-MM - said he would only be in an affair with a married woman. Because, most married people don't want commitment & obviously CAN'T have one while still married to someone else. Also in my situation, our kids were the same age, we'd been married to our respective spouses for the same amount of time. We had a lot in common & a lot to talk about. If the other partner were single, they would demand more time & not understand some of the "Problems" within the marriage. No commitment - But with All the fun neither person involved in the affair is getting in their respective marriages.
2sure Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Some people looking for an affair think it is safer as far as discretion to hook up with another married person. Someone who has the same constraints, someone who has as much to lose. Ultimately however, most married people generally enjoy affair with single people because they have more availability, they offer some sense of exclusivity , and often are more emotionally needy than married partners - which makes the affair work. My feeling was always that a married person having an affair with another married person is actually DOUBLING the risk. But I guess a lot of people have gotten burned by their single partner making demands.
Lizzie60 Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I've met MM who 'preferred' MW because they felt comfortable with someone who would not want more.. I've met other MMs (most) who preferred single women because of the availability and a place to go.. (they don't always feel comfortable getting a hotel room)... but it's mostly for the availability..
Author kimmi Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 To me it seems that the MW is more needy, She calls him all the time telling him to save the messages that she sends to him telling him that she loves him. I was unsure of what to do so I came on here and asked if I should say something or not. I decided not to and left it alone. Well her husband called me last night and questioned what I knew. I gave him what I knew and played a message that she had left for him. The husband on the other hand seemed monitone through out the conversation. This scares me for the reason that I do not know them at all. But he did ask where the ex was on new years and I told him then he said his wife was there also and stayed there for 3 days after.
Lizzie60 Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 To me it seems that the MW is more needy, She calls him all the time telling him to save the messages that she sends to him telling him that she loves him. I was unsure of what to do so I came on here and asked if I should say something or not. I decided not to and left it alone. Well her husband called me last night and questioned what I knew. I gave him what I knew and played a message that she had left for him. The husband on the other hand seemed monitone through out the conversation. This scares me for the reason that I do not know them at all. But he did ask where the ex was on new years and I told him then he said his wife was there also and stayed there for 3 days after. wow.. I have no clue what your role in all this is!!! confusing..
Author kimmi Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 I know, I am his ex girlfriend , though out our relationship he has been with other woman. I have moved on past that but I had a hard time moving past the MW afair. Thats what it is. So I had asked the question about why married people want single guys/girls because that is confussing to me. I am tossed and torn up ...
moaningmyrtle Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Sorry to hear about this Kimmi. Has he only recently become your ex? It sounds like you may have had some concerns for his state of mine. Did you get the impression he might do anything violent? If so it might be best to warn your ex and the MW. I can personally attest that finding out about an A causes one to consider doing and actually do things which one wouldn't have otherwise thought one was capable of. I have never been an OW or been in a R with an attached person so I can't be sure. But to answer your question, my WH says that when he had his affair he felt that a married woman had the same imperative for secrecy as he did, that she wouldn't put pressure on him to leave me and that she would be supplementing her marriage just like he was.
Author kimmi Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 It is a kinda recent break up ... BUt I am not looking to be with him anymore. I think maybe I am looking to see the mind set of him. I am shocked in this, But then again in some ways I am not... I am more thinking about how a person that I thought that I knew would come between a family. I do have friends in the past that would only date MM. Myself I never have and do not think I ever would.. However know the future ..
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