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Posted
Yes it is 100% effective hate to burst your bubble. It changes your perception on the world when you get his point. You become very desirable to the other sex when you truly follow his plan. It's makes you less needy, more agreeable, and separates you from the herd of the average man, and that's what women want. The second part, the book does help you heal and move on also. If you follow it and use the methods in your next relationship, then it's going to be a success.

 

i think the point you've missed from me all along is that a person has to be happy on their own. it doesn't matter what someone else is or isn't doing - i am happy on my own or with someone else.

 

it was never this way in my M, my happiness was based upon making sure he was happy. i don't need someone to need or want me n order to be happy.

 

when i decided what a healthy boundary looked like for me - and i stick to it, i always have amazing days.

 

i didn't need to learn that from a book - and no book is 100% effective... there is no way to measure successful marriages in that regard.

 

happiness comes from within... no matter what the state of your M or your wife could you honestly say that you'd be happy on any given day?

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Posted
See bold above. Such a contradiction! Moving on = no longer wanting a reconcilitaion, right? I personally have moved on 100% and as a consequence I no longer want a reconciliation?!?! What am I missing? I would never date a woman to win back another woman. Maybe I respect women too much to use them? Why date (and possibly become emotionally attached) just to leave her when the W is ready to have you back? Seemd f***ed up to me.

So what's your alternitive then, sit back and wait for spouse, be bitter cause she left you high and dry, be the same old you and wonder why she hates the sight of you. If you date someone and are thinking relationship on the first date then what the hell is wrong with you. A date is supposed to be fun, and exciting. Do you feel bad about every girl you dated and it didn't work out. Sometimes two people just don;t click, so what's the difference, dating=moving on. The part everyone misses is this point: Once you separate the marriage is dead and gone. You start from scratch with her, and everything you two built. This is where most lose their spouse forever, they can't face that fact, or they don't want to. My success came from seeing that right away, I had to rerun the race. So instead of wallowing in the fact I had to start over, I ran back to the line and started running it again. I literally left 90% of the people here in the dust right away. That's why I have some much opposition on here. A lot of you are still at the starting line refusing to run the race. They don't get the point when I say "I don't care what she does, it's her life, and I can't change it, I can only change me." They think it's soft of me because she will walk all over me, not the case though if you see the big picture. She won't cheat on me again because I'm not like the rest of you, or anyone. I'm unique and that's attractive. She won't because she knows she will lose that unique person I've become. She knows if she does, I will find someone else and make them happy. I'm a challenge now, and women love a challenge, she wants to change me and she can't. She really wants to overpower me, and once she does she'll get bored of me. A separation is a lose of power, you lose that power you had over the other person. Now they have total control over you, especially when you say I love, or I miss you. They know they have you, and that feels good to them, but it's also boring to them. They want a challenge, the OM is a challenge. They have to lie, hide, and maintain to keep it from you, it's exciting. That's why exposing the A and saying "you can do what you want, I don't care." works so well, your taking the thrill out of it (making them face facts too.)

Posted
I literally left 90% of the people here in the dust right away.

 

You have shown your true colors and the real reason you started this thread. This IS all about your ego. Even consider that may be something that pushed your wife away in the first place? You have made one step towards reconciliation. It's only the first inning and you think you've already won the series.

 

Seriously watch that attitude, the higher the horse the harder the fall when/if it happens. Believe it or not (I'll assume you don't want to hear it) I'm trying to help you now.

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Posted
i think the point you've missed from me all along is that a person has to be happy on their own. it doesn't matter what someone else is or isn't doing - i am happy on my own or with someone else.

I too have stressed the point that my happiness comes from me, not others. That's a homer technique called state of mind.

 

it was never this way in my M, my happiness was based upon making sure he was happy. i don't need someone to need or want me n order to be happy.

I asked you this yesterday, what part did you play in the break down, and now here's the answer. When you try to please all the time you actually become dull, predictable and unchallenging. After years of this he got bored and seeked out a challange, the OW. His life was exciting then, he got to be a secret agent with you two. He had to lie and maintain those lies, he had to be cunning to avoid detection, and he had to wear disguises to keep you two on board. When you found and exposed, the game was over, and he had to make a choice, he chose you. Then it got boring again and he put his secret agent hat again, and started his next double life. This time you said you had enough and you were gone. That's why I believe too that he wants you back still. He loved you, but his boredom with you overshadowed his love, so he went astray. I think if you changed that boundary issue you have, and continue to be happy on your own you will find a man and keep him. You don't have to make him happy and that's a very powerful way of thinking, men love independent women, they're a challenge as well.

 

when i decided what a healthy boundary looked like for me - and i stick to it, i always have amazing days.

 

i didn't need to learn that from a book - and no book is 100% effective... there is no way to measure successful marriages in that regard.

 

happiness comes from within... no matter what the state of your M or your wife could you honestly say that you'd be happy on any given day?

Lose the boundries, that's akin to saying "I'm only happy when you stay where I say you can stay." Which is contradicting your "I can only make me happy" statement. No I am not happy every moment of everyday, or I would be commited, LOL. I'm happy because I turned a lot of things I thought I needed into wants. If I don't get what I want I move on to another want. Great example: the house is a mess, and I worked all day and I;m super stressed and super tired. My wife sat on her butt all day and didn;t do a thing. The old me because I used to need the house cleaned would have came home, cracked a beer and yelled at her. I would have called her lazy, and worthless, and I would have spent the night on the couch. The new will come home, look at the house and say "now that's what a lived in house looks like." I would still harbor some resentment that my W left the house a mess, but I wouldn't demand I need a clean house. Here's the point, fast forward to the end, and answer this question. Is the house clean. No it isn't, yet by just changing my reaction to it, there are 2 different outcomes. Thanks Homer.

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Posted
You have shown your true colors and the real reason you started this thread. This IS all about your ego. Even consider that may be something that pushed your wife away in the first place? You have made one step towards reconciliation. It's only the first inning and you think you've already won the series.

My confidence breeds arrogance I know. But if I don't stand up and sound off about what I think is right then what am I? read the post to steadfast.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2594980#post2594980

I am very humble as well. Don't just stick a label on me and walk away. I have learned a lot about Sunny in last few days by keeping my mind open to her ideas. I listen, and try to understand her points. It's far from the first inning, I'd say at least the bottom of the 5th. Plus I'm only declaring victory on the recon part, not the marriage as a whole. That's still and always will be a work in progress.

 

 

Seriously watch that attitude, the higher the horse the harder the fall when/if it happens. Believe it or not (I'll assume you don't want to hear it) I'm trying to help you now.

This post would be ineffective without your points, and I would be stupid not to listen to you. I'm open minded and I listen to everyone, but I don't let them make my decisions, that's up to me. I appreciate your concern and especially your help. Thank you.

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Posted
Simon, why don't you just come out and say Homer's technique will work if you're not an uneducated simpleton, or some kind of closet masochist. Like someone said earlier, you can tell advice or council is disingenuous if it's fool-proof; if it works the advice is validated. If it doesn't, it's because you did something wrong or something is wrong with you. Sorry, no.

The method works either way, if you divorce you are a better person because the state of mind it gives you. If you stay together it works because of the state of mind it gives you. The method is all about execution. I just point out how people say it doesn't work I tried it, then they something they did that went against the method, like not dating other people. This dating and NC techniques are only supposed to be used during the separation, you guys understand that right.

 

I'll even go so for as to agree that during the stages of a marital separation we can be our own worst enemy, but there is no shame in a normal reaction. In other words, I'd rather but genuinely screwed up and irrational than following some script of conquest like a robot.

So you are making a judgment on a technique you didn't try. Isn't that smack full of elitism also, your way didn't work yet you still preach it.

 

The 'I won, you can win too' position is faulty because every human has the basic right of choice..

It's a how to guide, here's how I did it, it works, why don't you try it. Failure lies in the faith level you have in the method. If you doubt it, then you will be waffling. If you follow it to the T you missed the point, it's up to you to find out what works. But trust me I've tried a lot of moving on techniques and this one works for me.

 

While the advice given by Homer is solid, we can never forget it takes two to tango. The key is making personal growth and working on your own inadequacies. For all the right reasons. Not control, not victory, not pride.

Homer preaches self control, emotional stability and you can only change you. Where in his retoretic do you see that using this will magically give you the power to control other people. The point your missing, changing your perception on someone, changes that person. We agree on the outcome, moving on is happy, but we disagree on getting there part.

Posted
it's up to you to find out what works. But trust me I've tried a lot of moving on techniques and this one works for me.

 

 

 

You said it right there Tim. It works for YOU. Others have been successful with different approaches. Go to MB and divorce busting sites. Each persons ability to execute their "plan" is only as good as their ability to believe in the related philosophy. I too tried many get your ex back techniques but for me Homers "plain talk" writing style and philosophy hit home for me, mostly because it helped me let go of wanting to be right. It was also the last one I looked at so I was at my wits end. You know the old saying "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy". Being a controlling "gotta be right" type person, I never understood that until I read Homers stuff and bought into it.

 

Each approach will affect a person in different ways. Homers approach helped you as it helps others, but that doesn't mean it will work for each person because they are struggling with the pain and damage caused by the breach of trust. Yes you might say trust is a want and not a need (as Homer says) or that love is a want and not a need (what about self love?) For some including me, love (even if its ony self love) is a need. Love from the person who betrayed you, well that I agree is a want.

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Posted

Floridapad fill me in on how your recon failed please?

Posted

 

So you are making a judgment on a technique you didn't try. Isn't that smack full of elitism also, your way didn't work yet you still preach it.

 

 

I did it Tim, I just didn't read it in a book. This is a partial guess on my part, but from what I've read Homer's take follows what's preached by Zuma, DeAngelo and many other 'relationship experts' out there. The exception is Dr. Love, who flatly states if a woman cheats, that's it. Done. No second chances. The make yourself attractive/a challenge/alpha male etc. is a common technique Tim, and not totally without merit. Still, at some point we all are who we are, so if the 'change' isn't genuine, it'll fail.

 

Finally Tim, please understand that my way did work. But, it wasn't my way as much as simply the right thing to do. I didn't want to be married to a woman who slept with other men, so I divorced her. I would and will recommend that course of action to anyone who's in a similar position. Just because I love this woman and care about her, does not mean I want to be in a marriage with her, nor does it mean I failed because we divorced. The failing happened when she looked into another man's eyes and said yes.

 

 

The point your missing, changing your perception on someone, changes that person. We agree on the outcome, moving on is happy, but we disagree on getting there part.

 

 

Our perceptions are meaningless if they aren't true. If you're point to to seek the truth, then we agree completely. A wise man once said 'we never regret the things we didn't say' andI believe this.No question I see my ex in a different light than I did when she first told me she was unfaithful, but I base my reality on her actions, not her words. The difference between you and me Tim, is when I said goodbye to her, I meant it. It wasn't a strategy, it was goodbye. It hurt, but I said it because I want better.

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Posted
. Each persons ability to execute their "plan" is only as good as their ability to believe in the related philosophy.

That's my point exactly, don't blame the plan, blame the guy following it. It worked for me because I did it right, plain and simple. People who apllied the technique and failed are faulting the technique here. They are saying Homer doesn't work, but leaving out what they didn't follow in the plan. I'm saying the part you left out is what caused the failure, not the plans fault. If you build a bookcase and say "I don't need the top of it because it doesn't work for me, and it's too hard to put on anway", then the bookcase tumbles over, they blame the plans, or the bookcase. Not the guy holding the allen wrench. If you don't put in 100% then your not 100% sure it is wrong IMO.

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Posted

 

Finally Tim, please understand that my way did work. But, it wasn't my way as much as simply the right thing to do. I didn't want to be married to a woman who slept with other men, so I divorced her. I would and will recommend that course of action to anyone who's in a similar position. Just because I love this woman and care about her, does not mean I want to be in a marriage with her, nor does it mean I failed because we divorced. The failing happened when she looked into another man's eyes and said yes.

That's great for LSers then, Steadfast can help if you want to divorce your wife, and I can help if you want her back. I will change my approach to newbies then, I will offer advice based on whether they want them back.

 

 

Our perceptions are meaningless if they aren't true. If you're point to to seek the truth, then we agree completely. A wise man once said 'we never regret the things we didn't say' andI believe this.No question I see my ex in a different light than I did when she first told me she was unfaithful, but I base my reality on her actions, not her words. The difference between you and me Tim, is when I said goodbye to her, I meant it. It wasn't a strategy, it was goodbye. It hurt, but I said it because I want better.

People perceived the world as flat in the 1400's, it was the truth because the masses believed it was true. It was reality in the 1400's, people were happy with a flat world. Then Columbus sailed to America, ahha the world is round. People's perception changed that the world is round now, they were happy with a round world, it was reality. So whats the difference in the two crowds, absolutely nothing. The truth didn't make them happy, their perception made them happy. The people that freaked out and said "no the world is flat, but I can't prove it." only suffer because their perception didn't change, and they were unhappy.

It's not burying your head in the sand, or being weak. It's being happy with what you have, and being happy about who you are. Say i'm blind to the truth you should be sad if your wife cheats, and I'll say but I'm happy with her, and I'm happy without her.

Posted
That's my point exactly, don't blame the plan, blame the guy following it. It worked for me because I did it right, plain and simple. People who apllied the technique and failed are faulting the technique here. They are saying Homer doesn't work, but leaving out what they didn't follow in the plan. I'm saying the part you left out is what caused the failure, not the plans fault. If you build a bookcase and say "I don't need the top of it because it doesn't work for me, and it's too hard to put on anway", then the bookcase tumbles over, they blame the plans, or the bookcase. Not the guy holding the allen wrench. If you don't put in 100% then your not 100% sure it is wrong IMO.

 

This is what I'm taking issue with. You place all blame upon one person, one factor. You say "Well you failed to reconcile because you didn't do it right."

 

You're basically telling everyone whose attempts to reconcile didn't work out that it's because they failed? That it had nothing to do with their wayward spouses, the OM/OW, families and every other possible factor?

 

It worked for you, in your specific circumstances. It can work for others depending on their circumstances. You make all these assumptions about others based on your experience so far. You have no real idea what each person is really like, what their spouse is like or their history.

 

You can follow the plan to a T but depending on the circumstances it may not work towards reconciliation. That doesn't make the technique wrong in of itself. It doesn't make the person who tried it a failure either.

 

It's been three years since I read Homer's book during my separation and subsequent divorce. Did it help me? Sure, there's some great advice in there. A lot of it I share with those going through what I went through. Did it stop my divorce? No. Will it stop someone else's ? Maybe and maybe not.

 

So an I going to allow anyone else to tell someone who is going through the hardest time in their life that it's because they failed?

Posted

 

That's great for LSers then, Steadfast can help if you want to divorce your wife, and I can help if you want her back. I will change my approach to newbies then, I will offer advice based on whether they want them back.

 

 

That's not fair Tim and you know it. Stop grouping me and making this you against me or whoever doesn't agree with you. It's better if people stay married, but things change when one is unfaithful or acts in a damaging way. At that point each must decide. Or in some cases the betrayed must.

 

 

People perceived the world as flat in the 1400's, it was the truth because the masses believed it was true.

 

 

That statement pretty much finishes this off. That's the best you have? Perceived reality? How about just reality? Honesty? Courage and strength?

 

Sorry man, your position has too many holes and the ship's sinking.

Posted
That's not fair Tim and you know it. Stop grouping me and making this you against me or whoever doesn't agree with you. It's better if people stay married, but things change when one is unfaithful or acts in a damaging way. At that point each must decide. Or in some cases the betrayed must.

Great point Sf.

 

Sorry man, your position has too many holes and the ship's sinking.

Man overboard - name's Tim. LOL. Just kidding Tim. All in fun ...

 

(I do side with Sf, FP, sd, sunny, etc.)

Posted

She won't cheat on me again because I'm not like the rest of you, or anyone. I'm unique and that's attractive. She won't because she knows she will lose that unique person I've become. She knows if she does, I will find someone else and make them happy. I'm a challenge now, and women love a challenge, she wants to change me and she can't. She really wants to overpower me, and once she does she'll get bored of me. A separation is a lose of power, you lose that power you had over the other person. Now they have total control over you, especially when you say I love, or I miss you. They know they have you, and that feels good to them, but it's also boring to them. They want a challenge, the OM is a challenge. They have to lie, hide, and maintain to keep it from you, it's exciting. That's why exposing the A and saying "you can do what you want, I don't care." works so well, your taking the thrill out of it (making them face facts too.)

 

Who wants someone like above? Not me.

 

What does the cheater do when life with spouse gets boring? They go F someone else. HA, go F them then.

 

The only thing a BS should do, is D them.

 

How remorseful is your W? I suppose with what is written above that doesn't really matter to you. As long as you keep her excited, guessing and not bored with you, then she'll keep her legs crossed when other guys look her way.

 

What a way to live. So sad.

 

She won't cheat on me again because I'm not like the rest of you

 

That pretty much says it right there. The BS, you, blames himself for the W's actions.

Posted (edited)
I'm saying the part you left out is what caused the failure, not the plans fault. .

 

Here in lies the rub Tim. Your earlier question about how my reconciliation failed is very much a baiting question but I don't care. You say my reconciliation failed. Well to be honest there was no real reconciliation process because the OM was NEVER out of the picture. She kept seeing him and lied about it. We seperated and she continued to lie about seeing him. I did my best homer, went LC, acted happy etc etc but the pull from the affair was too strong at the time. The affair lasted over a year and was VERY deep. "soulmate" "feelings I've never felt before ,even with you" were things I heard from my W. Homer helped me deal with my wants and needs and being more agreeable. But to be fair a true reconciliation can't begin until the OM is out of the picture. The affair had to run it's course because the addiciton was too strong. Now it is completely over and I am doing my best Homer impression not just for a chance at reconciliation but mostly for myself. The jury is still out on whether a possible reconciliation will fail but even if it does I will be able to take away his philosophies.

 

You have along way to go on your reconciliation Tim. These things take several years to fully work through. Your at inning #5 as you say but sometimes games go into extra innings. I do wish you luck. Your insight is valued even if your delivery may sometimes distort the message you are trying to get accross.

 

I do have a question for you since you had one for me. Has your wife truly gone through the entire healing and self discovery process she needs to go through in order for this reconciliation to be even stronger? This is not all (100%) about you. Your actions and techniques may help affect her behavior but IMHO she has some demons she has to get past.

 

BTW. I am not questioning HIS technique. I support it. Not sure if you see that because it seems like your a bit defensive (very unhomerish).

 

BTW#2. Aside from your delivery, which I find entertaining (see I'm changing my perception. Thanks Homer), the technique type of advice IMHO seems a bit fake and is difficult for the person to do unless they truly "buy" in to the "philosophy". Perhaps that is the other part of the problem some people are having with your posts. I for one can see past it because I now buy into Homers philosophies and I find your posts very insightful but IMHO standing from the outside looking in, I find your philisophical posts far more helpful in understanding that there is truly a philosophy behind this technique as apposed to a mindless mechanical process that seems so simple to execute (emotionaly speaking). Also, you mention Gunny so often and I see you admire him. We all do. Gunny is a stud and wealth of information but its his "delivery" that makes him so effective.

Edited by floridapad
Posted
Seperated with kids

I am 32 she is 29, married 9 years, and have 2 kids. A month ago I caught her texting another man, about 600 times in a month. I know what that means. I moved all of her stuff into our bedroom and I live in the living room. I was done with her at that point. After I cooled down I said we could work this out, and she said no. She said their was no passion, no love for me anymore. She hasn't stopped texting him, or seeing him. She says nothing is going on but I know I do not have anybody in my life that text and talk to that much. I know I'm going to hear it from you guys when I say I want her back. So save the insults, it doesn't help, and it won't wake me up. I have built a family with her and I want to continue it reguardless of whats she's done. I haven't made the mistake of begging her to stay, or say "but I love you" or the marriage vows speech. I have let her do her thing. I try to be happy around her all the time, and not show I'm dying inside. We talk each day, usually under an hour. We spend every Monday together to watch House. She has opened up to me about things in her past that bother her, not anything about us, which I think is good. I just listen and try not to offer any advice, let her be her. I am reading a book that says I should the opposite of what we are normally taught. It says to take this time to find myself again. Do things I wouldn't normally do, agree with everything she says, date other woman as friends, act like you've given up on the relationship, and have fun. I have done a lot of these things. I'm looking for what works. What can I do to better my chances of getting her back? I am prepared to let her go if she chooses. I know if something serious is going on she'll not be able to live here for very long, she'll want to be with him. I'm prepared for that outcome. I feel like since she is still living her I have a shot. I also know she could just like the comfort of having a semi-family and a new love.

 

the basic problem i have with your method Tim is that you are pretending... where is the truth in all of this for you?

 

and we still don't know what THE TRUTH s about her situation at all with her OM... we know that you still know very little. that's not enough to build a R on.

 

since you are unwilling to show her your TRUE feelings and she is unwilling to be totally honest - i have a hard time understanding how this will all work out well in the long run if both parties are just avoiding the truth... or some version of the truth.

 

 

btw, i do believe that pretending (as in your Homerish approach) is still be untruthful. it may last for a while - but eventually you will go back to the real version of yourself - and that is the one she cheated on.

 

that is not me trying to be pessimistic - just realistic. i would much prefer you find a solution to your dilemma by staying true to yourself and the real version of you.

Posted

2sunny

 

I hear where you are coming from on the truth aspect and that is why there is still a long ways to go on the reconciliation. I don't mean to defend Tim, But... the Homerish technique is not just about stopping the divorce, there really are quality philosophies in there that can help an individual deal with some of the pain they are currently going through and if an indivdual has true self realizations about themselves, (one of which might be they are too argumentative, which was the case with me), then the Homer Philosophy actually can help a person grow. It actually helped make me feel better because I wasn't doing the point counter point with my W or other people for that matter. Being agreeable (obviously not to an extreme. Cheating is wrong), actually made me feel better and made me realize that I don't have to be "right" to be happy. It kind of helps an individual "let go". Works for some but not all.

Posted
2sunny

 

I hear where you are coming from on the truth aspect and that is why there is still a long ways to go on the reconciliation. I don't mean to defend Tim, But... the Homerish technique is not just about stopping the divorce, there really are quality philosophies in there that can help an individual deal with some of the pain they are currently going through and if an indivdual has true self realizations about themselves, (one of which might be they are too argumentative, which was the case with me), then the Homer Philosophy actually can help a person grow. It actually helped make me feel better because I wasn't doing the point counter point with my W or other people for that matter. Being agreeable (obviously not to an extreme. Cheating is wrong), actually made me feel better and made me realize that I don't have to be "right" to be happy. It kind of helps an individual "let go". Works for some but not all.

 

i agree to a certain point - but how would one know if that is the true person now or just a phoney act that's being played in order to make the M work? seems almost as bad as the lies of a cheater...

 

i'm not saying don't try it - i'm just saying don't be a phoney or it's never going to work out long term. if it is an act and it eventually stops - then is the M doomed at that point?

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Posted
i agree to a certain point - but how would one know if that is the true person now or just a phoney act that's being played in order to make the M work? seems almost as bad as the lies of a cheater...

 

i'm not saying don't try it - i'm just saying don't be a phoney or it's never going to work out long term. if it is an act and it eventually stops - then is the M doomed at that point?

I'm not being phony, I am truly happy. Happier than I was before the separation. I don't think you guys understand the magnitude of what Homer did for me, it changed my life. That's why I'm so fired up about it. So I may come off as defensive, or attacking. I stand up for what I believe in, like my marriage. My delivery can use some polishing up, but some really get my point. I'm willing to hear any advice on how to hone my posting skills, so please offer away.

My wife is very remorseful about the A, she tells me and shows me she's sorry. My work slows down in winter so I am home a lot. I see her all day long, and we still manage different lives while at home. I know the OM is completely out the picture because she's here most of the time. I know its great now because it's like falling in love again, and it will subside. That's when the real work starts, and I think MC will be more effective then.

Posted

let me ask you - are you checking to be sure there is no text, phone, email correspondence... or are you turning a blind eye in hopes that there is no contact?

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Posted
let me ask you - are you checking to be sure there is no text, phone, email correspondence... or are you turning a blind eye in hopes that there is no contact?

Of course I am. I'm not getting crazy with snooping, I check though. She is here a lot, she goes to work and comes home. She used to go out all the time w/ her friends. She said she wants to spend time with me. She was supposed to go out Saturday but she said "I would rather go out with you." I said "let's rent movies, I'm kinda broke til monday." We don't spend too much time together either, we do our own things, and talk once in a while. I don't think it's a ploy, I can see her trying to make it better between us. We argue like every couple, but we make up really quick, mainly because of the Homer technique(agree w/ her negativity) She has always been emotional and during the A she tried to hide her emotions from me, all of them. Now she is letting it all hang out, and that's actually what I want, to know her feelings. Except now instead of trying to change her feelings, I support her feelings, and agree with her negativity. Now I'm trying to learn how to pick her spirit up while she positive, to support her. I also sometimes just let her work it out on her own. I'm trying to balance between being helpful and overbearing.

Posted

i'm really glad this is working out for you Tim.

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Posted
i'm really glad this is working out for you Tim.

Thank you, all I can do is left right left forward.

Posted
The difference between you and me Tim, is when I said goodbye to her, I meant it. It wasn't a strategy, it was goodbye. It hurt, but I said it because I want better.

 

Excellent sf!! Same here. When I finally said goodbye it was not in person necessarily, but in my heart, mind, and soul. Don't want someone I can not trust that strayed outside the M to sleep with another man. Don't want her because I changed or some technique I executed. Don't want to be her second choice when the A fizzles... After I said goodbye, THEN I started dating other women. I just could NEVER date someone else while still in love with another. Maybe I'm flawed because of this but that's who I am.

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