I reconcilled with spouse

[FeelingLonely98]

Whoa...pretty deep but I get it. I don't agree (in this case) but I understand the principle behind that rationale. It applies to many things.

 

I haven't read Honer's book and don't plan to. I mentioned in another thread the only book I've read was Michelle Langley's 'Woman's Infidelity' series (two e-books) and to be honest, that was enough. After I realized she wasn't clairvoyant and the 'symptoms' of divorce, marital breakups and cheating was more of a social disease than anything else, I didn't feel the need to expand my mind much more. Just common sense since then.

 

And that's where I am still. And while it's true that my mind was spinning, I didn't support my 'want' for a divorce by helping it along with some obsessive mental process. She cheated, then continued to, mixing it up with lies, deception, re-writing our marriage and basically abandoning me and her children. After absorbing that for months on end, I decided that I didn't want that life and filed. Looking back I waited too long, if anything.

 

So I humbly disagree, but only to the point where one might risk over - analyzing the situation, staying in limbo, and endless second guessing.

 

Steadfast... You rock!! Enough said

 

I second FP's note about SF!! And I NOW also disagree with Tim. Six months ago when I started this "journey" (aka D-day!) I would have believed in it wholeheartedly. I know better now (live and learn?!?)

Homer has good stuff but more for personal development IMO.

I too dealt with cheating, lies, deception, re-writing, ... and eventually said ENOUGH. Filed. Prepared myself mentally. Ended any desire to reconcile. MOVED ON. Just waiting for court date. A little over 5 weeks away. I used to count the days since D-day, since move out day, etc. Now I count the days 'til it is over. (37)

Edited January 12, 2010 by FeelingLonely98

[tnttim]

I second FP's note about SF!! And I NOW also disagree with Tim. Homer has good stuff but more for personal development IMO.

I too dealt with cheating, lies, deception, re-writing, ... and eventually said ENOUGH. Filed. Prepared myself mentally. Ended any desire to reconcile. MOVED ON. Just waiting for court date. A little over 5 weeks away.

How did you handle those lies, cheating and deception? The fact that you dealt with it only gets you a free LS membership, that's why we are here right, to find out why it happens, and what to do about it. Just by being here still implies that you can't let a part of that go. So your intention was to reconcile, you failed, and you say Homer doesn't work. WTF. Did you ever think your application was wrong. Food comes with instructions, and you can still mess it up. So who do you blame, the box, the oven, the cruel world, NO, you blame the jackass holding the burnt macaroni and cheese. Homer didn't work because you weren't open or brave enough to execute the process. I bet you didn't date, I bet you didn't push the divorce when they pushed, I bet you didn't agree with their negativity either. So one last question, How great is your life now, are you dating? well I guess that's 2 questions.

[carhill]

Sometimes, with the best of intentions, the meal just comes out wrong. The best ingredients, perfect technique, flawless execution. WTF...

 

Part of the process is to make such efforts; another part is to accept the results and know that, positive or not, they are not the sole definition of who one is. It is one meal (or one relationship/marriage/whatever). One will eat many times in their life. Bon Appetit

[sumdude]

How did you handle those lies, cheating and deception? The fact that you dealt with it only gets you a free LS membership, that's why we are here right, to find out why it happens, and what to do about it. Just by being here still implies that you can't let a part of that go. So your intention was to reconcile, you failed, and you say Homer doesn't work. WTF. Did you ever think your application was wrong. Food comes with instructions, and you can still mess it up. So who do you blame, the box, the oven, the cruel world, NO, you blame the jackass holding the burnt macaroni and cheese. Homer didn't work because you weren't open or brave enough to execute the process. I bet you didn't date, I bet you didn't push the divorce when they pushed, I bet you didn't agree with their negativity either. So one last question, How great is your life now, are you dating? well I guess that's 2 questions.

 

 

Sorry at this point I have to call like I see it.

 

You sure think you have all the answers now eh? At this point you are coming off pretty arrogantly IMO. It's great if things worked for you.. however it is RARE even if someone plays it by the book. You don't seem to get that and are even condescending towards people who have been through and are going through some painful times right now.

 

Are you trying to sell something or actually help people?

 

Do you honestly think you are the only one in the four years I've been hanging around this board to spout off Homer's book and every other marriage 180 idea?

 

Don't you realize the advice there is given by those of us who have been around the block here?

[tnttim]

Sometimes, with the best of intentions, the meal just comes out wrong. The best ingredients, perfect technique, flawless execution. WTF...

 

Part of the process is to make such efforts; another part is to accept the results and know that, positive or not, they are not the sole definition of who one is. It is one meal (or one relationship/marriage/whatever). One will eat many times in their life. Bon Appetit

So marrying over and over is fine. Marriage is more than one meal to me. IMO you cook one meal that you have to eat everyday of your life. It's the same meal, but as time goes on your perception of that meal changes. You hate it, you love it, your sick of it, you miss it, you find comfort in it, it leaves you feeling lonely. But whats the one constant in that equation, the meal is the same. It's you that changed. Whether that change was good soley rests on you. If you understand this, then you get my point. You can't change your wife, you can only change your perception of her. when you change your perception you change her, because perception is our reality. If you think the meal is great, then the meal is great, simple math. I know Gunny gets it 100%.

Edited January 12, 2010 by tnttim

[carhill]

So marrying over and over is fine. Marriage is more than one meal to me.

 

Accepting the results of the effort is fine. Learning from them is fine. Drawing positive feelings from one's growth is fine. The marriage is the by-product of that dynamic. If it exists, it exists. If not, not.

 

It would do you good to recognize when someone is agreeing with you. My wife (now stbx) would laugh at you. We went through this process and I've done all the 'work' and recognize the commonalities. It didn't work (the marriage) for us, but I believe the efforts and technique are valuable and continue to support those who wish to try.

[floridapad]

Tim,

 

I'm happy that your application of the Homer method is working for you.

 

In every case though there is the initial "got to get the spouse back" phase (because of the loss) and as you progress through the process the "demons" and images of what the spouse did greatly affect each spouse differently. Some can not be with a person who violated their sacred vows and others "say" they can but later still struggle with it, while others are able to over come it. No one reaction is the right reaction, it's just each individuals preferences and tolerances. I will let FL98 speak for himself but something tells me that as he progressed through this phase, the ramifications of what his wife did began to overcome his "need" to reconcile. With time we gain a clearer persepective on things.

 

As far as you having "reconciled" with the wife, I'm glad you made it this far. It is truly a wonderful thing. But....using the term "reconciled" here is one of interpretation. You feel reconciliation is having sex with the wife and having her apoligize for her actions, which certainly is a hell of alot of progress. Others definition of reconciliation is something more. There have been too many "false" reconciliations here. Reconciliation is a BIG word that means something different to each person. IMHO You seem to still be in the reconciliation phase and saying you have "reconciled" is a BIG leap.

[tnttim]

Sorry at this point I have to call like I see it.

 

You sure think you have all the answers now eh? At this point you are coming off pretty arrogantly IMO. It's great if things worked for you.. however it is RARE even if someone plays it by the book. You don't seem to get that and are even condescending towards people who have been through and are going through some painful times right now.

 

Are you trying to sell something or actually help people?

 

Do you honestly think you are the only one in the four years I've been hanging around this board to spout off Homer's book and every other marriage 180 idea?

 

Don't you realize the advice there is given by those of us who have been around the block here?

Did those around the blockers all suffer a divorce, YES. So what are you selling, advice to a quick painless divorce, the easy way out. Sorry I choose to fight for what matters. Most LSers come here for a reconciliation, not a divorce. What's your advice, give up it's the other persons fault, move on. why don't you tell them the facts: the second marriage divorce rate is 60%, and they happen quicker than the first divorce. That means few people change their ways and end up divorced again.

Yes I am arrogant, it's called confidence, I am a man remember. My confidence is what get my W in the first place, my absence of it is what got me here, and now I have it back. Plus, I firmly believe my homer method works when followed correctly, like cooking a box of mack and cheese, it's easy when you don't question the directions. Why don;t you ask Flightlevel how Homer works? If you haven't noticed I don't sugar coat anything.

[sumdude]

Did those around the blockers all suffer a divorce, YES. So what are you selling, advice to a quick painless divorce, the easy way out. Sorry I choose to fight for what matters. Most LSers come here for a reconciliation, not a divorce. What's your advice, give up it's the other persons fault, move on. why don't you tell them the facts: the second marriage divorce rate is 60%, and they happen quicker than the first divorce. That means few people change their ways and end up divorced again.

Yes I am arrogant, it's called confidence, I am a man remember. My confidence is what get my W in the first place, my absence of it is what got me here, and now I have it back. Plus, I firmly believe my homer method works when followed correctly, like cooking a box of mack and cheese, it's easy when you don't question the directions. Why don;t you ask Flightlevel how Homer works? If you haven't noticed I don't sugar coat anything.

 

You still don't get it. You make assumptions about my and others motives without even looking at any history.

 

There is no painless divorce. Mine sure wasn't. I wanted it to work out. I read Homer's book and a few others. I put those ideas into practice. I fought for it... but in the end there was nothing left to fight for in my case. It was a lost cause.

 

I almost always want and hope for others marriages to work out rather than end in divorce. I hate to see others going through the pain.

 

I also tell them the facts.. the facts I have seen over and over on LS and in others lives. No matter how much one plays the Homer game, pulls the 180 there are a majority of instances where the battle was lost before it even began. BUT it's worth trying, it's worth hoping and working to beat the odds.

 

So I say hope and work for the best yet be prepared for any outcome. Work on yourself, your own life, take care of number one and get your confidence back. However things end you'll be better off by doing this work.

 

But to come here and appear to rub in people's faces that 'for the moment' you have reconciled with your spouse while acting as if those who ended up divorced somehow have nothing to offer isn't entirely helpful.

 

Hopefully your reconciliation will stick and you will beat the odds.

 

That means few people change their ways and end up divorced again.

 

Heed your own words ...

Edited January 12, 2010 by sumdude

[2.50 a gallon]

tnttim

 

Be careful what you wish for. It might that in your case you did win the battle and perhaps the war, the importatant question is have you won the peace? This will take many years before the results are in.

 

Being quite a few years older, I have seen cases, were the marriage had cracked wide open, and the H was able to win back the WW. Only to realize 20 years later, he should never have fought for her in the first place.

 

Case in point, a friend of many years was devoted to the outdoors life, especially fishing, his wife took the wayward turn, and he did won her back. The second and third kids come along, and he happily raised them with occassional trips to the outdoors, and yes they all became fishermen. The spouse, very much enjoyed the outdoors trips with her family. But now an empty nester, both retired, he is miserably lonely. He firmly believes that God does not take from the days of man the hours he spends fishing. He has the financial means to take trips to Alaska,

Montana for dry fly fishing, but he does it alone. With the kids out of the house she has no interest in getting out of the city. Her thing is to go to Paris, Rome, etc, for the art, the wine and the coffee. Both are fulfilling their life dreams but doing it alone.

 

As he puts it he had a golden opportunity to get out 30 years back, and now totally regrets that he didn't take it. He has this beautiful RV but he drives it alone.

 

He won the battle and the war, and won her back, but in the end he lost the peace

 

Gallon

[Steadfast]

I'm sensing more than a little frustration and even anger creeping into this thread, and to be honest I don’t want any part of that. I’m happy if my posts help, but I’m only returning the favor. It’s not who’s right, but what. It isn’t (or shouldn’t be) a popularity contest, for that undermines the board's ability to give hope to those looking for answers and help.

 

Tim, I’m happy that you’ve reconciled with your wife and it’s clear that you love her very much. She’s a lucky lady. But, is it possible that your wife returned to give the marriage another try because she loves you, and not because of some ‘technique’ that you followed? We all seem to agree ‘NC’ and ‘The 180' often generates interest in the uninterested AND promotes healing, but I can’t help but wonder if this sped up a reconciliation that was bound to happen anyway.

 

Naturally, you know more about this than I, but it’s a good lead-in to my next statement.

 

I respectfully submit that no position or action will return a spouse that has decided love is dead, not strong enough for a renewed commitment, or overpower the desire to be with someone else. As posted before, my ‘getting on’ did incite an interested and emotional response from my ex, but for whatever reason she maintained her distance. I loved her and still do, but that love has changed because of an increased amount of love for myself. I too am confident Tim, but remain venerable. I’m happy about that, because it proves my heart can still feel. I feared it wouldn’t. Bottom line and knowing love is a decision, who knows? Strength is also humility.

 

I also must say the ‘technique’ of wooing back a separated spouse by dating others has some very large and unkind holes in it. For adults, dating soon turns into something else and I’m uncomfortable either using, or being used as a ploy in romance. The woman I’m seeing now is a kind soul -but not without problems and insecurities of her own. I wouldn’t want my ‘path of reconciliation’ littered with the hearts of those I used, for that would make me no better than the cheating spouse I divorced.

 

So Tim, while the advice you give and the success you’ve enjoyed because of it is a valuable resource here, let’s not fall into the habit of telling people what to think, but rather teaching them how. Last I checked, LS stood for ‘Love Shack’ not ‘Love Sick’. No doubt, patience, common sense and the desire to help is a good starting point.

[tnttim]

/QUOTE]

Wow that was a breath of fresh air. I appreciate your post it made me think and that's not easy to do sometimes. I agree with you there is no 100% technique to get your spouse back. I'm here to help, as you are too, so I think our differing opinions are great for this post. The people that come here are in a state where their emotions are running high, they are waffling on what to do, how to act. So I'm all for having a bunch of different angles, suggestions or quotes. I will stand up for what worked for me naturally, and besides I'm a rarity. I set out to get my wife back and I did. I am grateful to everyone that comes on here and posts, especially sunny. She has no lack of conviction, I can tell you that much. She helped me get to where I am today, all of you did. Gunny was a huge help also, I wish he could have had the opprutunity I had, I think he would still be married. His change came too late for his old marriage, but when he finds a new wife I can guarentee it will last, this guy f*cking gets it.

[FeelingLonely98]

Like Sumdude said your post sounds quite arrogant. I won't bother answering all your questions other than to say I did try. VERY hard. Dfiicult when it is one-way. Who is to say I am not still trying? How do you know what my intentions are? You likened this to cooking. Well, I rarely follow recipes and always come out with an edible dinner.

 

1. How great is your life now,

2. are you dating? well I guess that's 2 questions.

1. Two words can answer your 1st question --> EXTREMELY HAPPY

2. Yes

 

Just by being here still implies that you can't let a part of that go.

NO, I was helped so much by the good folks here last summer that I promised myself that I would check bak in from time to give my "advice" to try to help others. Maybe my advice is not so great, but I offer it up anyways. I've recevied many PMs from others saying that my resolve and determination to get on with my life has inspired them. That's why I'm here.

[FeelingLonely98]

Did those around the blockers all suffer a divorce, YES. So what are you selling, advice to a quick painless divorce, the easy way out. Sorry I choose to fight for what matters. Most LSers come here for a reconciliation, not a divorce. What's your advice, give up it's the other persons fault, move on. why don't you tell them the facts: the second marriage divorce rate is 60%, and they happen quicker than the first divorce. That means few people change their ways and end up divorced again.

 

I think most LSers come here because they are lost - I wasn't sure what I needed or wanted. I did know I wanted to share my story and find help / support. Would I have loved it way back then if everyone told me the guaranteed steps to take to "bring her back"? Sure, but it wouldn't have worked 'cause there is no guarantee. What most who come to LS need IMO is to take care of themselves. Like I said initially the Homer method is good - but IMO more for pesonal growth, not as an absolute guarantee to a successful reconciliation. I believe my STBXW has serious mental issues - i.e. depression, self-esteem, ... She wants nothing to do with me. Homer will not "work" for those that are mentally irrational - and that is only ONE dynamic that will alter the Homer path to reconciliation philosophy. You seem to think that one size fits all tim. Every separation / divorce is unique...

Edited January 13, 2010 by FeelingLonely98

[FeelingLonely98]

I will let FL98 speak for himself but something tells me that as he progressed through this phase, the ramifications of what his wife did began to overcome his "need" to reconcile.

 

FP is Correct... I would never be able to trust her again and realized that I no longer wanted her in my life. I wish her well and all the best and hope the woman who was with me 16 years can find happiness.

[Simon Attwood]

Tim, it was a great post.

 

It was also inevitable it would be attacked (see my thread on dysfunctionality, pain & hurt as aspects of identity in the Personal Rants forum).

 

Your system is a good and tried system that has worked in many relationship conflicts. It isn't guaranteed, nothing is, but people like to see things as simple dichotomies, it's a system that is only going to work in some cases, and there are many reasons why, in some cases, it won't work, mainly due to the obstacles people will put in it's way to unconsciously make sure it fails. The reason why it both works and fails are complex and many and impossible to go in to in a few paragraphs. but people don't want to know this, they just want black and white, does it work, or doesn't it. I think it might be a fear of hope thing. Find a hole in it, and then tear it apart, in order not to get lost and dizzy in a world of hope and uncertainties.

 

It's essentially a work around for the defence mechanisms that can bring conflict and dysfunctionality in to a relationship by putting up walls. it's a gentle dismantling of those walls

 

It's a system that will work for those that want it to work, but there are also people that either don't want it to work, or too afraid that it might work, or people so rigid, that it just won't work on.

 

Don't fall in to the trap of having to defend yourself, for those that are able to make it work, just leave it there and don't get baited in to squabbling over the details.

 

Dysfunction can dismantle function, just as well as function can dismantle dysfunction.

 

That's a truth, accept it

[tojaz]

- and that is only ONE dynamic that will alter the Homer path to reconciliation philosophy. You seem to think that one size fits all tim. Every separation / divorce is unique...

 

I've followed this thread for awhile and i think FL hit the nail on the head. Yes Tim, your wife is home, now what? Homers book is called "Stop your divorce" not "repair the damage to your marriage". Last I heard the misses was still talking to OM in your home. The problems remain. Your situation was a burning house and Homer told you to throw some water on it ,congrats, the flames are out, yet the embers still glow.

 

....and you still need a place to live.

TOJAZ

Edited January 13, 2010 by tojaz

[dgiirl]

I firmly believe my homer method works when followed correctly

 

That's the cop out "When followed correctly".

 

The 180 and all those rules are NOTHING new and a lot of people around here "followed" them to the best of their ability. Two people could follow the exact same rules, in the exact same way, one could reconcile another will not. Obviously the one who succeeded in reconciliation followed the rules "correctly"?

 

I do think the 180 etc have some benefits for healing, and since healing will boost self confidence and self confidence will help in attracting our partners, but there is NO sure fire way to make a spouse come back.

 

I would love to hear what your wife thinks about this? I'm sure she would LOVE to know that the only reason she came back to your marriage is because you followed a few "rules" as if she had no choice in coming back.

 

I'm glad you worked things out with your wife, but don't let that get to your head. You have not completely successfully reconciled with your wife until you both are 90+ years and on your death beds. And if you are this arrogant now, god help you if you reach 90 and still successfully married.

[tnttim]

I said it before and I'll say it again. The Homer method works either way, moving on or getting your spouse back. The people that applied the method fully it worked for 100%. The dating other people is the plans biggest attack point, but it is a crucial step for 2 reasons:

1. Shows your spouse you have definitely moved on, and she is losing you for good. Gives her a wake up call.

2. By dating you immediately see your self esteem rise, the spouse loses the strangle hold they have on you, and you just may fall in love again (which most in separation never see)

So if you don't follow the plan completely, then how can you fault the technique completely is my point. Flightlevel seems to be having a way better time since reading the book and following the technique. So why dis a system that is showing these results, like I said, show me a thread where the person used a different technique and it worked as effectively as the Homer one, and I'll go to bat for it as well. But until then my credit goes to Homer, he changed my state of mind and that's what got her back.

[Steadfast]

Simon, why don't you just come out and say Homer's technique will work if you're not an uneducated simpleton, or some kind of closet masochist. Like someone said earlier, you can tell advice or council is disingenuous if it's fool-proof; if it works the advice is validated. If it doesn't, it's because you did something wrong or something is wrong with you. Sorry, no.

 

You have an agenda; you got your feelings hurt and now you're drawing lines. When you post 'us' and 'them' statements it smacks of elitism and prideful arrogance. This is not an attack Simon, just thoughfully placed correction on matters of the heart. Be sincere. Humility is attractive.

 

Love, although complex in the many ways it's manifested, is a simple thing. We give it, we receive it and the exchange builds relationships. I'll even go so for as to agree that during the stages of a marital separation we can be our own worst enemy, but there is no shame in a normal reaction. In other words, I'd rather but genuinely screwed up and irrational than following some script of conquest like a robot. The reason all marriages are different is because everyone is unique. It's us. If you truly love and truly desire to do what's right you'll find that path. If you don't...if your motivation is revenge or control you'll reap what you sow.

 

The 'I won, you can win too' position is faulty because every human has the basic right of choice. Right or wrong, we can only choose for us. Any method of control that reaches past your own personal boundaries will -in time- fail under its own weight. You can't make someone love you, you can't (or shouldn't) choose for someone else. True love is given freely.

 

While the advice given by Homer is solid, we can never forget it takes two to tango. The key is making personal growth and working on your own inadequacies. For all the right reasons. Not control, not victory, not pride.

[FeelingLonely98]

I said it before and I'll say it again. The Homer method works either way, moving on or getting your spouse back. The people that applied the method fully it worked for 100%. The dating other people is the plans biggest attack point, but it is a crucial step for 2 reasons:

1. Shows your spouse you have definitely moved on, and she is losing you for good. Gives her a wake up call.

2. By dating you immediately see your self esteem rise, the spouse loses the strangle hold they have on you, and you just may fall in love again (which most in separation never see)

 

See bold above. Such a contradiction! Moving on = no longer wanting a reconcilitaion, right? I personally have moved on 100% and as a consequence I no longer want a reconciliation?!?! What am I missing? I would never date a woman to win back another woman. Maybe I respect women too much to use them? Why date (and possibly become emotionally attached) just to leave her when the W is ready to have you back? Seemd f***ed up to me.

[FeelingLonely98]

I would love to hear what your wife thinks about this? I'm sure she would LOVE to know that the only reason she came back to your marriage is because you followed a few "rules" as if she had no choice in coming back.

 

Great point dgiirl

[tnttim]

That's the cop out "When followed correctly".

 

The 180 and all those rules are NOTHING new and a lot of people around here "followed" them to the best of their ability. Two people could follow the exact same rules, in the exact same way, one could reconcile another will not. Obviously the one who succeeded in reconciliation followed the rules "correctly"?

Yes it is 100% effective hate to burst your bubble. It changes your perception on the world when you get his point. You become very desirable to the other sex when you truly follow his plan. It's makes you less needy, more agreeable, and separates you from the herd of the average man, and that's what women want. The second part, the book does help you heal and move on also. If you follow it and use the methods in your next relationship, then it's going to be a success.

 

I do think the 180 etc have some benefits for healing, and since healing will boost self confidence and self confidence will help in attracting our partners, but there is NO sure fire way to make a spouse come back.

The Homer method didn't get her back, I did. You see the method brought about great change for me. I was a better father, friend and person from it. I have very few needs, the rest are wants. I can live without a want, so if I don't get it, I just move on to the next want, I don't dwell on it. It has lowered my stress level to an all time low. I don't get as angry as I used too, and I wake up happy in the morning because I know my needs are met. Are you starting to get the picture now, I'm desirable again.

 

I would love to hear what your wife thinks about this? I'm sure she would LOVE to know that the only reason she came back to your marriage is because you followed a few "rules" as if she had no choice in coming back.

Nope, she had every choice to do what she wanted to do. I did more than just follow a few rules, like I said it changed my perception on life, which changed the way I saw life. Here's an example: Thi9nk back to when the separation happened, remember when the good memories with him turned to bad memories because he was gone. Well then what changed, the memory was the same, but your perception of that memory changed, hence it went from good to bad. The homer method changes your perception, which changes you, which changes your world. What person would not want to be with someone like that? That's why I'm not scared to lose her anymore, I know I can be happy with someone else, and they'll be happy with me.

 

I'm glad you worked things out with your wife, but don't let that get to your head. You have not completely successfully reconciled with your wife until you both are 90+ years and on your death beds. And if you are this arrogant now, god help you if you reach 90 and still successfully married.

When I hit 90 I'll come back here and tell you how the last 57 years went then. If you read more than a couple of my posts you'll see arrogance doesn't define me, I'm more than that. That's just one part of me. Plus, every woman I know says "I hate arrogant men." but when I go out I see the arrogant, confident men getting all the women, what gives. It's all about power, women love a powerful man, but they don't like to be overpowered themselves, that's where my humble, caring side comes out. You can't be one dimensional or your boring and predictable. Thanks for your input it's very valuable.

[sumdude]

Obviously this is mostly about you. You being right, you winning where you perceive others have failed. You defend Homer and the book as if it was part of your own ego.

 

In the process you do make valid points. I agree with a lot of it. But your delivery drips with smug pride.

 

Consider this... maybe just maybe that is something you also need to improve upon?

[floridapad]

Tim,

 

I'm not a fan of your arrogance because honestly this is not the ideal crowd to be arrogant with, considering that many people are still reeling from their predicaments, in a lot of pain and are still emotionally shattered. But..... I will say the last post to Dgirl (which thankfully was more respectful than your usual tones) was dead on. The Homer method, when truly "felt", can make the stress level go way down. I "get" the agreeable part and the want vs need, not because I'm putting forth a method to get my W back but because it helps ME heal. I was controlling and always needed to be right in arguments. The Homer approach helped me in overcoming this.

 

Now having said that it seems as though you are of the same nature (point counter point type of guy) and the Homer philosophy (I will call it philosophy because calling it a technique seems too fake), has helped you overcome this part of your nature (which really comes out here in your LS Posts). I could be wrong, just a thought.