hopeless4u Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Hey H4U Our ongoing sagas, eh? I'm so glad you're sounding better, and FAR more focused on you, which is fab. I'm trying to do the same; it's not easy when despite how much you try they still have the power to throw you sometimes. I am trying to get that power back though. Have a fab weekend, you. Maybe I'll do the same Well at least we can together, think we are in the same boat somehow:confused: maybe we should double date!!!! Its so hard to move on sometimes even if we know its the right thing to do. I really am just trying to make the most of the worst situation I have ever been in. ((BIG HUGS)) to us both babe x
silverplanets Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I am currently 3 months into same situation (but with MW, not MM) .. we'd been round the loop SO many times and i'd come to realise that I just couldn't do it any more ... I couldn't live of crumbs, i needed someone to be there for me, as someone else said help with the difficult descisions ... So it hit the fan ... and she knows it's divorce papers in hand or nothing ... It kind of kills me right now cause I have no idea if she is or if she isn't .. and part of me keeps thinking that by standing up for myself I have given her doubts a reason to convince her to stay. At the end of the day though I kind of know this is screwed thinking. I love myself and want to be in a real relationship (which she supposedly does to) so my stand is the only option I have. There is perhaps one difference this time as opposed to any other though - I mean it!!!! I am out running, at the gym, meeting people and just having a life ... I love her to bits and cant currently even imagine being with anyone else, but that's not going to suck me back in ever ... my line is drawn and I will never cross it. So, my only answer has been to do the same as you ...
Author Hazyhead Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 Well at least we can together, think we are in the same boat somehow:confused: maybe we should double date!!!! Its so hard to move on sometimes even if we know its the right thing to do. I really am just trying to make the most of the worst situation I have ever been in. ((BIG HUGS)) to us both babe x You made me smile I do kind of feel we're going through it together, especially when I'm on here - some of your posts I could have written. Thanks H4U. Whatever happens, we'll be ok. Gotta embrace life, eh? Instead of wallowing in misery. ((((hugs back))) xx
Author Hazyhead Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 Silver Planets - thanks for your response (I couldn't quote you because all of a sudden my pc has decided that it doesn't like doing that anymore!). I feel so similarly to you, I love and want him so much, but I can't continue as we were doing. I feel I've become more and more powerless as time has gone on and that can't be. Right now, all we can do is step away. What is meant to be will be. (((hugs to you too)))
hopeless4u Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 You made me smile I do kind of feel we're going through it together, especially when I'm on here - some of your posts I could have written. Thanks H4U. Whatever happens, we'll be ok. Gotta embrace life, eh? Instead of wallowing in misery. ((((hugs back))) xx I'm glad we can help each other, sometimes the tough love gives us the kick up the ass we need and other times we need to just do what we need to do just to get by:confused: xx
Author Hazyhead Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 As a MW who had an affair, the ex-OM and I "ended" the affair countless times but it never lasted. We worked together (and still do:eek:) and we could not avoid contact 100%. We would end up talking and then things would start up again. He started increasing the pressure for me to leave and I could not do it (because I did not want to leave my H). So it ended - and I was relieved. Yet contact was resumed although the affair did not but then it all came to a head when he started seeing someone else. I no longer had my "cake". Before, I knew he was there and I could basically feed my ego but then he wasn't, I panicked and then had D-day. My behaviour was selfish and thoughtless. I wanted it all - but on my terms so I played the situation and manipulated and lied to the ex-Om just as I did with my H. So yes, lots of to-ing and fro-ing but none of it with me really wanting to leave my marriage. I never responded to you earlier Anne, sorry, it wasn't because I was choosing to ignore, was just thinking more on your post. I appreciate hearing it from the other side of the story as I am aware that this is a possibilty, as much as I don't want it to be. Can I ask, were there moments when you genuinely did want to leave your M, even of you later regretted them?
anne1707 Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I never responded to you earlier Anne, sorry, it wasn't because I was choosing to ignore, was just thinking more on your post. I appreciate hearing it from the other side of the story as I am aware that this is a possibilty, as much as I don't want it to be. Can I ask, were there moments when you genuinely did want to leave your M, even of you later regretted them? Tough question to answer now as my H and I are doing so well with recovery. But to be honest there were times when I was close to that but there was a voice in the back of my head telling me that was not what I really wanted to do. At one stage I was a complete mess and said and felt all kinds of things. However when I consider all my thoughts, feelings and actions leading up to that particularly bad time (starting about a week before Dday), I know that I never wanted to leave my H. I know that means I also lied and hurt the ex-OM. However in his actions towards me in that week before Dday and the following weeks, he more than got his revenge. There is much more to all this obviously but I am not prepared to put it on open forum as my H posts here too and out of respect to him, I won't go into detail.
mybrowneyedgirl Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 H4U and HH. I'm right there with the both of you. Here's hoping that we figure it out soon. Until then...Hugs.
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