FiendAlice Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 (edited) I think this belongs here, but it also falls in the "long distance relationship" category since my ex was deported right before we got together. We were friends for a long time before this happened, and I'm looking to get that back, to face my demons as it were. Skip to the question if you like, it's all I'm really asking for here. The history has been analysed to death, it is what it is. Without going into the complicated history, I will summarise by saying that the "breakup" was strange and happened after roughly five months of his being 5000+ miles away in china, at home with family, having been raised in england. The stress seemed to make him irritable, so far as blaming me for silly things, and we had a lot of troubles because of distance and contrast communication styles, as well as our individual issues. I made mistakes with how I acted, emotional dumpage, not going to visit, etc. In the past during the friendship I've "disappeared" on him once (was going through a rough patch, he irked me with flirting, etc), and admittedly didn't appreciate him or how I felt until it I suppose it was too late. He used to worship me and maybe I didn't know how to deal with that. So finally he gave me silent treatment for months, barring one reply email that gave no clarity... returned a few months ago (Sept) for a few weeks regular chit-chat, only for me to later discover he was newly seeing someone else, via a profile picture. We haven't spoken since the conversation that this little fiasco sparked, and he gave somewhat mixed messages (let's just say the gf wouldn't have been too impressed, him saying how I shouldn't go there in case we got together then messed up, or how with him not knowing how long it would take to return that we'd be waiting indefinitely and he wanted someone close physically as well). This despite chasing me for -well- years. Finally after he said something hurtful I blocked him on messenger and deleted him on fb. He wanted to "stay friends" but I was so hurt by everything that I've pulled away, telling him I couldn't watch someone I love love someone else (cliche and silly, I know). I'm no longer on his msn (since that convo/blocking) list but he's not deleted me anywhere else, which for him suggests he'll not ignore me forever. Dunno where exactly he is, or anything going on with him. If contact is gonna happen, I want it to be on my terms. I don't want too regular contact, I just want to be on speaking terms. Question: What do you say to an ex when there's been so much miscommunication and hurt? I don't want to discuss stuff that happened, I just want to be on casual speaking terms and maybe recover the friendship that meant so much. It won't be a picnic, I know. Any pointers on what to say and where? Thank you. Edited January 7, 2010 by FiendAlice
sugarmomma Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I think that since he is seeing someone else you will set yourself up for further hurt by trying to "be friends" at this stage. Maybe you can focus on yourself for a while and then maybe revisit being friends once you have emotionally detached from him. You are still attached and friendship probably isnt a viable option. Focus on you. Sounds like he is moving on.
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