Author DustySaltus Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 But she met you on POF too? Maybe she is thinking she is the idiot right now for that same reason. Of course, because when you meet someone on a site like that and they seem normal, in the back of your head you are waiting for the other shoe to drop. I've been great to her, a complete gentleman. Now she wants this? I guess she's tired of me being a nice guy.
Malenfant Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Of course, because when you meet someone on a site like that and they seem normal, in the back of your head you are waiting for the other shoe to drop. I've been great to her, a complete gentleman. Now she wants this? I guess she's tired of me being a nice guy. I dont understand why you feel she wants you to be horrible to her, just because she likes the odd golden shower. You're judging every aspect of her personality based on a sexual desire alone. you seem offended, as if she's asking you to treat her like sh*t across the board. So she's a submissive in the bedroom, that doesnt mean she wants to be treated like that day to day. I think you're reading way too much into this.
InspiredbyYou Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 She's in her early 30's, seems to come from a solid home..... Of course I met her on POF, I'm an idiot. I'm perfectly capable of meeting anyone, anywhere and I dabbled in this nonsense again... Hey hey hey don't be so hard on yourself. Coming from a good home doesn't mean she wasn't abused along the way by someone else outside her family. Unless she has deep seated issues, she might have just done it because she thought it might impress you. Women sometimes feel a lot of pressure sexually to be considered adventurous and sexually open, because of all the things you see in porn. I've her women say things like "I don't particularly like doing ____but it's the only way to compete these days" That's why I suggested in her twisted head maybe she thought she was going to impress you with that. Or maybe it is just as simple as its a fetish of hers. Just seems too soon to share something like that.... but what do I know about revealing twisted secrets?
InspiredbyYou Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I dont understand why you feel she wants you to be horrible to her, just because she likes the odd golden shower. Ahhh because it is an extreme act of degradation, that's why.
Author DustySaltus Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 I have to say i think Vertex is bang on here. I dont think its particuarly shocking that she would want that. OP, do you find it shocking that people like being weed on, or was it just because you were put in a position where you felt it was being asked of you? If it was the former, then i'd suggest you're a bit niave about sexual desires by the sounds of it, thats fine, but try to recognise that and be a little more open minded. That doesnt mean you have to try stuff you dont want to, but at the least it should help you not to judge a person over such an insignificant thing. Yes, I find it shocking that people like to get weed on. I accept the fact that it happens and everyone has their thing but I just can't understand this. If you were walking down the block and saw someone not only getting peed on but LIKING IT too, how would you react? Would you say, good for them or What the hell? and run like you have been stuck with a hot poker?? I reacted without thinking about her feelings and that was a mistake. I apologized and then she kept asking me about it so I had to shut her down and tell her that it would never happen. She equated that with me being insensitive whether I said it in a nice way or screamed at the top of my lungs. Either way I lose.
Malenfant Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Yes, I find it shocking that people like to get weed on. I accept the fact that it happens and everyone has their thing but I just can't understand this. If you were walking down the block and saw someone not only getting peed on but LIKING IT too, how would you react? Would you say, good for them or What the hell? and run like you have been stuck with a hot poker?? I reacted without thinking about her feelings and that was a mistake. I apologized and then she kept asking me about it so I had to shut her down and tell her that it would never happen. She equated that with me being insensitive whether I said it in a nice way or screamed at the top of my lungs. Either way I lose. Well i dont think people doing it in the street is really the same. Of course i wouldnt like to see it!! thats a silly example. Look,. i'm not saying you have to do it, i'm not even saying you should accept it. I'm just saying that this is one small facet of her personality and that a person shouldnt be judged by one desire (with obvious exeptions, paedophillia, etc that are harmfull to others) Your reaction was your instinctive one, and that is usually the best reaction as you were true to what you felt. I just think you're making her out to be a bad person now and thats not fair.
Malenfant Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Ahhh because it is an extreme act of degradation, that's why. yes, but only in the bedroom. People like all sorts of weird stuff. Some men like to be dressed in nappies and fed like they are helpless babies, but in their life they like to be in control and have normal, productive lives. You're talking about a person's sexual alter-ego, that doesnt mean thats how they feel all the time, that they like to be degraded in every aspect of their lives.
Simon Attwood Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Never take what a woman says on face value. My usual rule is to take it and reverse it. Using that rule, I would predict events to go like this; You pee on her, so she then turns around and says, well you've had your go, now it's my go. Ipso Facto; her real fantasy is to be able to pee on you
InspiredbyYou Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Look,. i'm not saying you have to do it, i'm not even saying you should accept it. I'm just saying that this is one small facet of her personality and that a person shouldnt be judged by one desire (with obvious exeptions, paedophillia, etc that are harmfull to others) Yes but it is one small facet of her personality that affects a big portion of their relationship. Having put this out there and for him to know he is not into it, would be trying. It's like meeting a guy who tells you from time to time he would like to cross dress for you, it could be a remote fantasy that happens infrequently but if it's something you are just not i not and it turns you off, then it will make you judge the person and a potential for a relationship with them as a whole.
Author DustySaltus Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 Never take what a woman says on face value. My usual rule is to take it and reverse it. Using that rule, I would predict events to go like this; You pee on her, so she then turns around and says, well you've had your go, now it's my go. Ipso Facto; her real fantasy is to be able to pee on you Damn, this is getting worse and worse. I just don't know where to go from here anymore. I guess i'm a little shell shocked from my ex-fiance not being the person I thought she was and now I open myself up and get shocked again...
Des Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 (edited) I have to say, I love how so many are trying to normalize the idea of urinating on somebody for sexual gratification. Oh yeah... that's real normal. Not shocking, disgusting, or potentially harmful... You must be sheltered if you're not down with that. So he is in the wrong for expressing his natural reaction to such an awkward statement? What do you say to a person who tells you they like to be peed on? "Cool?". What about someone who likes to be crapped on? Barfed on? Is it all normal? All something we shouldn't be shocked to hear coming from someone we thought to be psychologically stable? No, no, no... the line has to be drawn somewhere. We need not all become desensitized to the idea of urinating on our partners during sex, for crying out loud. Dusty, maybe you could've reacted differently for her sake, but it wouldn't have made it any less awkward or uncomfortable for you. Maybe she'll think twice before telling the next person she likes to be peed on. Believe it or not, it's not as normal as some people would suggest. Edited January 7, 2010 by Des
boogieboy Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Ahhh because it is an extreme act of degradation, that's why. You obviously havent seen 2 girls 1 cup... Ipso Facto; her real fantasy is to be able to pee on you Oooff! Well..hey...look on the bright side... she cant get mad at you saying no to THAT!!
Malenfant Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Yes but it is one small facet of her personality that affects a big portion of their relationship. Having put this out there and for him to know he is not into it, would be trying. It's like meeting a guy who tells you from time to time he would like to cross dress for you, it could be a remote fantasy that happens infrequently but if it's something you are just not i not and it turns you off, then it will make you judge the person and a potential for a relationship with them as a whole. yeah i totally get what you're saying. My only point was not to judge a person as being a bad person on the whole because of something like this. its one thing to break up with someone because of differences in the bedroom, but its another to completely condemn them. if a person finds the other's fantasies unacceptable, thats fine, you cant put up with something you find appaling.
Ms. Joolie Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 My only point was not to judge a person as being a bad person on the whole because of something like this. I do agree with this. Just because a person wants to be pissed on doesn't mean they're a bad person. Just a dumbass.
Malenfant Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I have to say, I love how so many are trying to normalize the idea of urinating on somebody for sexual gratification. Oh yeah... that's real normal. Not shocking, disgusting, or potentially harmful... You must be sheltered if you're not down with that. i've spoken to enough people to know that it is in fact quite a normal fantasy. that doesnt mean it should be welcomed by all, but its just a fact of life and how alot of people are. So he is in the wrong for expressing his natural reaction to such an awkward statement? What do you say to a person who tells you they like to be peed on? "Cool?". What about someone who likes to be crapped on? Barfed on? Is it all normal? All something we shouldn't be shocked to hear coming from someone we thought to be psychologically stable? No, I dont think he was wrong, of course it isnt wrong to feel the way that is natural to you. No, no, no... the line has to be drawn somewhere. We need not all become desensitized to the idea of urinating on our partners during sex, for crying out loud. no-one's asking for you to be desensitised, personally i wouldnt want to be peed on or pee on another person. OP opened this thread as a means of finding out people's opinions, so we are giving them. Dusty, maybe you could've reacted differently for her sake, but it wouldn't have made it any less awkward or uncomfortable for you. Maybe she'll think twice before telling the next person she likes to be peed on. Believe it or not, it's not as normal as some people would suggest. I dont think she should be afraid of being honest. Imagine getting years down the line then telling your partner you want them to pee on you? Imagine if your partner was then so appalled that they didnt see you as the same person? wouldnt you rather know early on so as to avoid this situation occuring later on? if its a deal breaker, its best to know early on. if its not, then no harm done by telling.
InspiredbyYou Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 You obviously havent seen 2 girls 1 cup... I have and much worse. That doesn't mean that a person has to feel comfortable with the notion that the woman they are dating wants to pool together a cup of semen from her guy and a bunch of other dudes to enjoy as an aperitif from time to time. It's still effn' disgusting.
Malenfant Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I do agree with this. Just because a person wants to be pissed on doesn't mean they're a bad person. Just a dumbass. it takes all sorts!!
InspiredbyYou Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 yeah i totally get what you're saying. My only point was not to judge a person as being a bad person on the whole because of something like this. its one thing to break up with someone because of differences in the bedroom, but its another to completely condemn them. if a person finds the other's fantasies unacceptable, thats fine, you cant put up with something you find appaling. Yes, that was more my comment. I get that there should be a certain level of tolerance in terms of accepting other's fetishes, and that really there is no "wrong" when it comes to sex. But the reality is that unless there is significant amount of trust built between two people and a level of respect, it is too much to ask for someone you barely know to be hit with a request like that and to not have them judge you. In fact it's almost inevitable. I think this is more the issue, even moreso than the request for the action itself. Besides, unless you have a fetish that you must play out sexually (as some people do) that otherwise you cannot enjoy a fulfilling sexual relationship, there really is no point in opening up THAT much so early one.
Vertex Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 What, the idea of getting peed on is so strange, yet the concept of, say, eating someone's semen is so much more normal on an objective level? You guys are buying too hard into societal norms as objective indicators of sexual sanity or something. Take things at face value. Different people find pleasure in different activities. Some are more socially acceptable than others. That's it. Some people get off on doing things in public. Some think it's hot to dress up. Some are into S&M. There is really no one flavor to sexual pleasure. It doesn't mean you have to like all or any of it -- you may even find certain things disgusting. As a result, you're not forced to do anything, nor are you bound to stay with someone whose views you're not sexually compatible with. However, that being said, I think it's important to realize that no matter what you may think of someone's sexual practices, it shouldn't necessarily cast doubt on other facets of someone's core values/integrity/personality/intelligence/emotional attributes/etc. Again, I could argue that anyone who enjoys blowjobs is secretly into powertripping -- we know this is not the case. Likewise, it may be unfair to generalize this woman and pigeonhole her into some derogatory category just because they happen to have a particular sexual desire you find offputting. Just some food for thought.
Author DustySaltus Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 Would anyone blame me if I ended it solely on this?
16thstreet Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 How old is she Dusty? I bet she doesn't even have that fetish I bet she is trying really hard to be edgy and say something that she thinks guys want to hear. Ask her is she was ever sexually molested, she sounds messed up. I have nothing against having fetishes and wanting to explore things sexually but this is not the kind of thing you introduce to someone early on in the dating process, unless you are somewhat emotionally unstable. You build up to it. Didn't you just meet her? I disagree with a few points here. Having a fetish doesn't mean that she is messed up. I grew up reading Savage Love and by the time I was a senior in high school, I came to the view that people need and desire all kinds of different things for all kinds of different reasons. And, although I am no expert on proper timing of fetish disclosures in a relationship, it does seem to me that I might want to disclose earlier rather than later to get an initial reaction and, if the issue was important to my fulfillment, assess if it there was going to be a long-term sexual compatibility issue. Just as I think she's probably perfectly normal, I think OP is perfectly okay for not wanting to go there. OP -- I agree with other comments here that you should probably have a frank discussion with her. See if this is the only fantasy she has. Maybe ask when it developed and if she knows why she wants it (many people really have no idea why). Share any of your own with her. Determine if these things are going to be key to your sexual compatibility. If so, better to know sooner rather than later. You might have to convince her that you won't make fun of her again for sharing (and really, try not to!) given your initial reaction, but if you really want to get to the bottom of things that shouldn't be too difficult. You seem pretty thoughtful. And, it is of course perfectly fine to take things a little slower and that is not an over-reaction. It pretty much never hurts to slow the pace.
Vertex Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Would anyone blame me if I ended it solely on this? You're perfectly allowed to do so, of course. My own opinion, though, is that it's perhaps a bit narrow to completely blast someone just because of one isolated sexual desire, especially if everything else is great. I think you're putting too much negative weight on this. Of course, this is MY opinion. Your type of compatibility seems to be with someone who isn't into these sexual practices, and that's fine.
InspiredbyYou Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 What, the idea of getting peed on is so strange, yet the concept of, say, eating someone's semen is so much more normal on an objective level? You guys are buying too hard into societal norms as objective indicators of sexual sanity or something. Take things at face value. Different people find pleasure in different activities. Some are more socially acceptable than others. That's it. Yes but societal norms also create boundaries for sanity, you might fantasize about screwing animals but fecked if you are coming anywhere near my dog! Or you may like to see the sight of blood right as you are having an orgasm so you might want someone to cut your up. If we accepted everything we don't know about or haven't heard of as normal, then the definition of "normal" wouldn't even exist. It exists for a reason and so do boundaries.
Vertex Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Yes but societal norms also create boundaries for sanity, you might fantasize about screwing animals but fecked if you are coming anywhere near my dog! Or you may like to see the sight of blood right as you are having an orgasm so you might want someone to cut your up. If we accepted everything we don't know about or haven't heard of as normal, then the definition of "normal" wouldn't even exist. It exists for a reason and so do boundaries. You're comparing screwing animals and peeing on humans, here. One is clearly far less acceptable than the other, for a variety of reasons along the moral, ethical (and legal, haha) spectrum. Of course boundaries exist, and they're not black and white. We can clearly show why a fetish for banging Sparky or a bloodlust is potentially unsafe, which brings an entirely new level of unacceptability into sexuality for most people. But peeing on someone? What's so harmful about this compared to other sexual practices?
Ms. Joolie Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 What, the idea of getting peed on is so strange, yet the concept of, say, eating someone's semen is so much more normal on an objective level? Because no one is going to spray their bodily waste - BM or urine - on ME and I am NOT going to put my bodily waste in that manner on another person either. It is this idea that is so repulsive, and distinguishes it from semen, which is not part of the excretory system. I don't care about normal sexual practices as much as I care about sane ones.
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