DustySaltus Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 So of course when I decide that I want to move forward with my life after my last "walking on hot coals relationship" and become serious with someone else, i'm already starting to question my decision. Not to move forward, but to get serious with this girl in particular. Why? She wants me to give her a GOLDEN SHOWER. Of course she immediately regretted telling me this when I told her it was disgusting and something I never wanted to be a part of. Now, i'm starting to get nervous that this really is all a facade and she is not the woman I thought she was. I'm about to become a monk. Please help, tell me I have a right to be worried.
Malenfant Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I can understand why you feel this way. I wouldnt neccesarily say that a penchant for golden showers was strictly a fetish, unless it is something that she feels she needs, but nonetheless its something that you cant abide, and thats fine. Your problem is now you're thinking that secretly she still wants you to wee on her, and if you wont, maybe she is better off with someone who will? someone who will allow her to be herself as it were. I would think about this if I were you. It may be just that its something she likes, maybe she doesnt need for you to engage in this with her, she asked, and obviously was very embarrassed and uncomfortable when you reacted like you did. It doesnt have to be a dealbreaker, maybe she's more experimental than you, or maybe you secretly would like her to do something that she wouldnt want, or rather, you think she wouldnt want. Actually i think it was quite brave of her to say what she wanted. too many people dont IMO. If you're really upset about it, talk to her. Tell her its not something you'd be happy to do, but dont make her feel dirty or ashamed. Tell her that if she wants that in her sex life badly enough then you cant be her sexual partner, because you'd never feel comfortable participating in.
Sam Spade Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Meh, it's not so bad. I wouldn't be crazy about the idea, but if I girl asks for it, no problemo; as long as she's the one who's changing the sheets after that and pronto (urine is close to sterile at the time it leaves the body; the bacteria'n stuff show up afterwards).
silic0ntoad Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Fail. Well, one thing I can say is good, is both of you were honest. If you can't piss on someone, bro, then she may be better off seeing someone who will, it's all gravy. Remember, we have all the time in the world to get with the right person. If something doesn't fit, it's hard to trim the edges to make it fit. I'd have a serious conversation with her about it. Nothing to make her ashamed, just a "I don't consider that to be something I would partake in, so if it's something you feel is necessary for sexual satisfaction, maybe it's best we see other people."
Jersey Shortie Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I will start by saying that "goldenshowers" is a huge turn off for me. However, these are the facts. You probably asked her about her fantasies. She openned up and told you. You judged her for it and told her you found her fantasy disgusting. You might as well told her you found her disgusting. She now regrets openning up to you and will think twice before every doing it again, if she does do it again, on any number of subjects. You now think all those good things about her are tainted by this fantasy. While I DO completely understand looking at someone differently once you dive down deeper in their pyschy, I also understand that humans are complex and can be any number of things at one time. Her desire to have a goldenshower, doesnt necessarily mean she isn't the person you thought she was. Do you have any fantasies that you feel vunerable admitting to? While I don't necessarily believe she is living a facade, I do think she might be more complex then what you signed up for. And it's okay if that's a deal breaker for you.
Author DustySaltus Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 Alright here's how the conversation basically went down *laying in bed* "So would you like to know a fetish of mine"? Sure. "I want you to pee on me" WHHHHAAAAATTTTTTTTTT???? Please tell me you're kidding. You're joking right? Why would anyone ever want that to happen? Please, c'mon.....huh, what? You're serious. Hold on, I got to get up a second.. "Oh man, I told you too much too soon" *silence" "So you would never do it"? HELL NO, it's disgusting. "I shouldn't have said anything" *awkward silence* I'm not upset with you (i was disturbed though), I just don't like the CONCEPT. "Forget I mentioned it". OK, maybe I could've handled it differently but the damage was already done....
silic0ntoad Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 In my simple mindedness, how does desiring a golden shower show anything of complexity? I thought golden showers generally were desired by people with a sense of insecurity, and a feeling of needed to be degraded and or dominated. That doesn't seem complex to me, it seems... like a dirty fetish. Coprophelia isn't complex. Nor is Bestiality. Or Rape fantasies. They are quite simplistic. Now, the causes of those desires, that's complex. Then again, most dullard common folk lack the understanding of human nature and insight to understand these urges.
Art_Critic Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I say drink a bottle of water and pee on her... then see how you feel.. Have you ever peed in the shower ?..
InspiredbyYou Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 How old is she Dusty? I bet she doesn't even have that fetish I bet she is trying really hard to be edgy and say something that she thinks guys want to hear. Ask her is she was ever sexually molested, she sounds messed up. I have nothing against having fetishes and wanting to explore things sexually but this is not the kind of thing you introduce to someone early on in the dating process, unless you are somewhat emotionally unstable. You build up to it. Didn't you just meet her?
InspiredbyYou Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Have you ever peed in the shower ?.. WTF does that have to do with peeing on a woman!!?!?
Vertex Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I would guess that some people are into those just because it's warm or something -- more of a sensual thing than anything else (not so much the issue of degradation or anything). Either way, I think your response to her was a little too strong. Nobody wants to come out with a fetish/fantasy only to be told it's disgusting. All that's going to do is incentivize her to close up and not share any more "fantasies" with you. It'd be better had you simply said, "I'm not sure I could get myself into that" at the very least -- just something a bit more objective and not so emotionally charged.
Author DustySaltus Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 You probably asked her about her fantasies. She openned up and told you. You judged her for it and told her you found her fantasy disgusting. You might as well told her you found her disgusting. I didn't ask her anything, it just came up right out of the blue. I'm sure I asked her what her favorite position was, but that was it. I just don't like the concept in general. She now regrets openning up to you and will think twice before every doing it again, if she does do it again, on any number of subjects. That's on her. I've opened up to her about a bunch of things and don't regret any of it. Then magain, it wasn't on this level. You now think all those good things about her are tainted by this fantasy. No, I just realized that she wasn't the person I thought she was. It's not necesarily a bad thing but it makes me want to take things a little slower now.
Ms. Joolie Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 She did mention it too soon... her fetish. Sounds like you all have been very casual about things so far? I don't know. I wouldn't feel ok mentioning my fetish to someone I wasn't too serious with yet. Or maybe I would, because I wouldn't be taking it seriously anyway. But don't feel bad. If you don't want to urinate on her, then don't do it. lol. She'll think twice about her fetish, maybe change her mind about it. I would have said the HELL NO if my BF wanted to give me a 'golden shower'. Not for me, not my style. Don't mean to judge her for it, but damn.
Author DustySaltus Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 How old is she Dusty? I bet she doesn't even have that fetish I bet she is trying really hard to be edgy and say something that she thinks guys want to hear. Ask her is she was ever sexually molested, she sounds messed up. I have nothing against having fetishes and wanting to explore things sexually but this is not the kind of thing you introduce to someone early on in the dating process, unless you are somewhat emotionally unstable. You build up to it. Didn't you just meet her? She's in her early 30's, seems to come from a solid home..... Of course I met her on POF, I'm an idiot. I'm perfectly capable of meeting anyone, anywhere and I dabbled in this nonsense again...
Simon Attwood Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 People are rarely the people we think they are. I would have thought people on the internet had worked that out by now. Anyway Dusty, where's your sense of adventure?
Vertex Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Maybe I'm acting as the Defender of the Strange here or something, but I don't think such a request is that far out of left field to warrant such an ostracizing remark. Plenty of people experiment with various things, and I still think that even if divulging sensitive information too soon is seen as a turnoff, there are better ways to turn someone's fantasy down. If you're not into that sort of thing, I hardly think it should cast doubt on the rest of her personality. It's a sexual nuance, just like any other nuance that anyone else may possess.
Author DustySaltus Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 Maybe I'm acting as the Defender of the Strange here or something, but I don't think such a request is that far out of left field to warrant such an ostracizing remark. Plenty of people experiment with various things, and I still think that even if divulging sensitive information too soon is seen as a turnoff, there are better ways to turn someone's fantasy down. If you're not into that sort of thing, I hardly think it should cast doubt on the rest of her personality. It's a sexual nuance, just like any other nuance that anyone else may possess. I understand where you are coming from but if she wants to feel something warm, why wouldn't a hot shower do it for her? I agree with you, I could've handled it differently by being a little more sensitive. However, to me it felt like it was coming out of left field. It wouldn't of mattered if we met yesterday or if it was said 10 years from now....
Vertex Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I understand where you are coming from but if she wants to feel something warm, why wouldn't a hot shower do it for her? I agree with you, I could've handled it differently by being a little more sensitive. However, to me it felt like it was coming out of left field. It wouldn't of mattered if we met yesterday or if it was said 10 years from now.... This is like asking "if you want to feel orgasm, why not just do it yourself"? People get different types of sexual pleasure out of various things -- golden showers being one such possible thing, for whatever reason that may be. Either way, it's still something she enjoys on a sexual level. I personally wouldn't be weirded off only because I know it's not an uncommon thing.
boogieboy Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Yeah Dusty, just try it. Put her in the tub...easy clean up. there are worse things, she could have asked you to give her a "Chili Dog". Besides, if you ever thought of doing anything to a woman, she would probably be up for it...she's experimental, you might even like it....
Jersey Shortie Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 In my simple mindedness, how does desiring a golden shower show anything of complexity? I thought golden showers generally were desired by people with a sense of insecurity, and a feeling of needed to be degraded and or dominated. That doesn't seem complex to me, it seems... like a dirty fetish. Coprophelia isn't complex. Nor is Bestiality. Or Rape fantasies. They are quite simplistic. Now, the causes of those desires, that's complex. Then again, most dullard common folk lack the understanding of human nature and insight to understand these urges. I think when anyone is into something that is outside the sexual norm, it speaks of complexity. That deeper level of human pysche. What we are at face value can be different on who we want or let ourselves be in sex. Even what are morals are in real life, can be different in sex. For exactly the reason you stated, the deeper insight into their personal human nature. Sally the School Teacher might be all kittens and rainbows in class but maybe in the bedroom she likes to be peed on. That's complex if you ask me. She's in her early 30's, seems to come from a solid home..... Of course I met her on POF, I'm an idiot. I'm perfectly capable of meeting anyone, anywhere and I dabbled in this nonsense again... But she met you on POF too? Maybe she is thinking she is the idiot right now for that same reason? I didn't ask her anything, it just came up right out of the blue. I'm sure I asked her what her favorite position was, but that was it. I just don't like the concept in general. I said maybe you asked her. Really, it doesn't matter. Most men do ask the woman they are with what her fantasies are. It's fine that you don't like the concept. Either do I. That's on her. I've opened up to her about a bunch of things and don't regret any of it. Then magain, it wasn't on this level. No. That's on you. We judge others on how they react to the things they tell us about themselves and decide from there to be more honest or less. You have to admit a certain responsilbity in your own reaction to the information. When you openned up to her on a bunch of things what was her response to you? To tell you you were digusting? Or other negative words? No, I just realized that she wasn't the person I thought she was. It's not necesarily a bad thing but it makes me want to take things a little slower now. Perfectly understandable.
Ms. Joolie Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I agree with you, I could've handled it differently by being a little more sensitive. However, to me it felt like it was coming out of left field. It wouldn't of mattered if we met yesterday or if it was said 10 years from now.... You WERE sensitive! Quite sensitive to the fact that she wanted you to piss on her. Hey, we all have our sexual boundaries. Gotta draw the line somewhere. lol
Vertex Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I think sexuality and social normality are inherently pretty complex subjects, but that's for another discussion.
boogieboy Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Piss on trees! Not women! HEY! I resent that...trees are people too!
Malenfant Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 This is like asking "if you want to feel orgasm, why not just do it yourself"? People get different types of sexual pleasure out of various things -- golden showers being one such possible thing, for whatever reason that may be. Either way, it's still something she enjoys on a sexual level. I personally wouldn't be weirded off only because I know it's not an uncommon thing. I have to say i think Vertex is bang on here. I dont think its particuarly shocking that she would want that. OP, do you find it shocking that people like being weed on, or was it just because you were put in a position where you felt it was being asked of you? If it was the former, then i'd suggest you're a bit niave about sexual desires by the sounds of it, thats fine, but try to recognise that and be a little more open minded. That doesnt mean you have to try stuff you dont want to, but at the least it should help you not to judge a person over such an insignificant thing.
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