jennie-jennie Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 My MM and I have decided to be exclusive, but we also realize that there is a risk one of us will break this agreement. I mean he is sleeping in the same bed as his wife every night. What if she comes on to him? Will he be able to reject her? /QUOTE] This is a weird thing to say about a husband and wife who sleep in their marital bed every night! 'Come on to him'? I should suspect that he initiates sex, as does she, on a regular basis as they are married. If he didnt want to sleep in bed with her and be close and intimate with her, he'd be sleeping in another bedroom-heck, another house-by now. I think you need to accept that he is lying to you about how frequently he has sex with his wife! I hope I don't come across as flaming you - that's not my intention!-it's just that sometimes the truth is SO in front of your face and when a husband sleeps with his wife every night but tells you he is worried about her 'coming on to him'....he sounds like a tool for saying it, and he is taking liberties with you in hoping that you'll believe it! I have questioned this too. I would not sleep in a bed with the man I love and not reach out to him, touch him, want to cuddle with him. But she just is not that kind of woman. The last time he remembers her initiating sex was when one of their children was conceived a decade ago. And as I have mentioned before here on LS, he was having sex with his wife up until 8 months ago. Why change the story if it was not true? I accepted status quo, why change it?
torranceshipman Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I don't know why he'd lie, if you said you were already accepting of his sleeping with his W on a regular basis...but then again, it is a good strategy for drama avoidance (if he assures you he never sleeps with her, that's less potential for jealousy, drama, confrontation, etc, and he probably just wants to ensure that you guys have an easy, relaxed time together). I guess he is probably hedging his bets, but I really would put my money on their having an ongoing intimate relationship...
jennie-jennie Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I don't know why he'd lie, if you said you were already accepting of his sleeping with his W on a regular basis...but then again, it is a good strategy for drama avoidance (if he assures you he never sleeps with her, that's less potential for jealousy, drama, confrontation, etc, and he probably just wants to ensure that you guys have an easy, relaxed time together). I guess he is probably hedging his bets, but I really would put my money on their having an ongoing intimate relationship... And then again, you don't know the guy, which I do. You don't know the basis of our relationship and what we have been through together, but I do. So if it were a real bet, your money would be gone. :bunny:
Author Charlemagne Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 I'm starting NC from now on. Please keep your fingers crossed.
fooled once Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Fingers crossed. Remember, you deserve to be #1; not a side piece, not someone who is fed lines and not someone fed empty promises.
Fallen Angel Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Good Luck to you, my friend. Do what you have to do to feel the way you need to feel. If the relationship is hurting you, you need to move on. Heal yourself. Only when you are whole alone, will you be able to find that lasting forever love you are seeking. When you feel weak, we are here.
Author Charlemagne Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 Thank you guys for support! I've received 10 txt messages from her since morning. She is crying, saying sorry, that will change etc. It's bull**** right? I can't trust her anymore..
jennie-jennie Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Thank you guys for support! I've received 10 txt messages from her since morning. She is crying, saying sorry, that will change etc. It's bull**** right? I can't trust her anymore.. We can't tell if she is trustworthy or not. You have to make that decision yourself.
Author Charlemagne Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 What's interesting I've cancelled our meeting, and I've just received a txt message from her saying that she will be waiting for me and hopes I will be there. Is she crazy? She will travel more than 5 hours for such a disappointment..
jennie-jennie Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 What's interesting I've cancelled our meeting, and I've just received a txt message from her saying that she will be waiting for me and hopes I will be there. Is she crazy? She will travel more than 5 hours for such a disappointment.. Either she really wants to see you or counts on you not being able to stay away or both.
Author Charlemagne Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 But how should I behave? Should I stay NC? What if she will call me tomorrow saying she is in Warsaw? I know she really wants to meet me. She wants to rebuild things, but I don't have desire to do that anymore. Would I be a jerk if I will not come and pick her up?
torranceshipman Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 And then again, you don't know the guy, which I do. You don't know the basis of our relationship and what we have been through together, but I do. So if it were a real bet, your money would be gone. :bunny: Ah yes, but you'd be making an emotional bet and mine would be a logical one - I still think my money is safer :D
jennie-jennie Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Ah yes, but you'd be making an emotional bet and mine would be a logical one - I still think my money is safer :D I will say it again, I have said it before on LS: It is better to listen to the string that burst than to never draw a bow. Love includes trust. If you dare not trust, you can not love. It amazes me that posters on LS keep on pushing their opinon about a situation they know not much of. In my case I am resilient, but what if it was a poster who would start to mistrust a guy who IS trustworthy? Are you not afraid of the harm you might be doing?
jennie-jennie Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 But how should I behave? Should I stay NC? What if she will call me tomorrow saying she is in Warsaw? I know she really wants to meet me. She wants to rebuild things, but I don't have desire to do that anymore. Would I be a jerk if I will not come and pick her up? You would certainly not be a jerk if you do not come and pick her up. You HAVE canceled the meeting. If she wants to come anyway, that is her problem. Your responsibility is to yourself. What do you want? Are you done with this relationship or not? Stay NC if you are done. You will not be able to keep NC if you do it for any other purpose. You said earlier that you feel you have wasted time on her. You need to ask yourself every day: If you knew that she would never ever leave her husband, would you still want to be in this relationship? That is the mindset you need if you are to stay with her: that every day in itself is worth it, regardless what the future will bring.
reboot Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 But how should I behave? Should I stay NC? What if she will call me tomorrow saying she is in Warsaw? I know she really wants to meet me. She wants to rebuild things, but I don't have desire to do that anymore. Would I be a jerk if I will not come and pick her up? Here's the thing about LS. When you ask for advice here, you WILL get advice here. Sometimes you get very conflicting advice. Sometimes you're told things that you don't like, only just because you don't like it doesn't make it bad advice, but on the other hand, it also doesn't automatically make it good advice either. You have to just sift through what everyone tells you and figure out which parts make the most sense, because when push comes to shove, you have to ultimately do what your heart tells you is best for you. No one here can do that for you.
Author Charlemagne Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 30 txt messages already sent including best photos together and saying I LOVE YOU so much..
TaraMaiden Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 5 syllables: Man ip pugh lay shone That's what she's good at, being the selfish person you describe. It would seem all this is to ensure she'll be happy.... Would you agree with that statement? And if so... what's in it for you...??
fooled once Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Tell her when she is divorced to look you up. I think you are doing the right thing. She is lying to her spouse; it isn't a big leap that she is lying to you too. If she wanted out of the marriage, and if you and her say it is so easy to get out, then she would have been out. But she isn't. She may care for you; but she is married.
TaraMaiden Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Run, Forrest, run!! With everything you've said about her, you need to put as much distance between you as possible! You are waaaaaaay too young to become involved in a mess like this!!
BettyBoo Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Run is right!! I have read through this thread and the time and care people have taken to offer advice is fantastic. I do hope you listen to it because you are just on an emotionally charged road to nowhere on this one. Its a no brainer!!
gopher Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 I will say it again, I have said it before on LS: It is better to listen to the string that burst than to never draw a bow. Love includes trust. If you dare not trust, you can not love. It amazes me that posters on LS keep on pushing their opinon about a situation they know not much of. In my case I am resilient, but what if it was a poster who would start to mistrust a guy who IS trustworthy? Are you not afraid of the harm you might be doing?[/QUOTE] First of all, LS is all about giving opinions and letting the poster decide what is applicable and what isn't. Second, if a poster is so easily led as to mistrust a guy or girl based on what's said in a thread, they have more issues than just their relationship.
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