Woman In Blue Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 Oh good gracious - you're chasing after a 20 year old??? Good luck with that.
TaraMaiden Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 They are officialy married in Poland. If they don't have any kids or any mutual property then it's really easy. If she really wants to leave him she can do it in 30 minutes, and this is not performed by sending a postcard it was just a methapor. My English is not very good, but I was saying as simple as sending a post-card not by sending a post-card. Now I hope this is clear. A divorce that is uncontested by both parties must be lodged in court. It goes before the judiciary, and can be presented by one person, as long as the other has also signed their agreement. Providing both members are in agreement, the timeline for the dissolution of the marriage is 4 months. During this time, the person who has agreed the divorce, but not the original petitioner, can withdraw consent and contest the divorce. There you go. I know my situation and I really understand how stupid it is. I should have never allowed her to come into my life, but this has happened. And now, you should just end it here and now. That can happen, too.... Why shouldn't I promise her something like "I will be there when you leave him" or "I will not see anyone else etc" If I won't be there for her so who will be? That's the most important part. She doesn't know anyone in this city, and her husband and their friends are the whole world for her. I MUST be there for her and she must be certain about it. And when I will be seeing anyone else what example I will be giving her? I love you but I can f.. other girls? So you love me and you can do the same? It's not ok, and I'm trying to show it. you don't owe her anything. NOTHING!! She is playing with your emotions and dragging your heart over sharp glass and hot coals.... You owe her nothing at all! Why SHOULD you promise her anything?? We will see in the next week for 2 or even 3 days. She told me that this meeting is crucial and after that she will make a decision. If not I will leave her. I will give her an ultimatum. Him or Me. 2 weeks, not talk, just a decision. I think it's right. no, what's right is that you tell her you consider this to be finished, but if she does the right thing by you, you'll reconsider. Until then, you are a free agent, because until she commits 100% to you - then you have no obligation to commit to her. Remember, she's a liar. She is.
Author Charlemagne Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 TaraMaiden I don't know which translation of polish legal system you've read, but according to my knowledge, and some legal boards in Poland the divorce is that simple. She needs to send her resignation to the local court, then they want them to reconsider the decision, and if there's no objection from both parties they are divorced after sending a fee of 600 polish zloty. Seems easy and doable. I will not end it here and now, becuase then I will have this thought that I didn't do all I can for this love. LOVE. It's crazy, but it's true.. One meeting, two weeks, and then her decision. This way I will preserve peace of mind, whichever decision she will made.
TaraMaiden Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 Could I ask how old you are? Because I'm sorry, this isn't love. if Love is not tempered by Wisdom, then it's utter folly, and really, you're not behaving very wisely. At all. perpetuating an affair with a married woman, who is deceiving her husband, and more than likely, deceiving you too, is really rather foolish....
Gabriele Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 The only thing more ridiculous than a MP promising their OP they won't sleep with the spouse is the OP believing it. Afairyland must be an interesting place to live. I second that, this is really laughable......and I truly don't mean disrespect.....but come on, the whole relationship is based on lies...he is really good at it.
crystal_lostheart Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 But let's she: is determined to be with mewants to leave her husbandsays she love meknows that it hurts me and promised me she won't do that Hey there. I have been in this place with xMM. He swore to me on his 'sons life' he was not sleeping with his W and was even sleeping in the spare room. I have no doubt their M was in trouble even before me but did I believe the above completely? No. Even after he swore on his kids life? Sorry but no I still didn't believe him. Words are words unfortunately. And his words didn't fit his actions. And that gut feeling told me something wasn't right. Obviously the whole thing from the start wasn't right! How long have you been with her? Don't get caught up in the whole sleeping thing situation. If you are feeling very uneasy about things now, that's a sign for you to step up and make a decision for you.
Author Charlemagne Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 I was wrong since the beginning of this affair. She isn't a good woman for me. Period. And you know what? I've lost every minute I gave her, and I want them back! She is a really deceitful person, and sometimes I feel disgusted.. I hate her for her selfishness.. adultery.. immaturity.. I'm going to work more on myself, focus on my essential goals, and will let her fade away, or even go NC in a week or two.. Please don't try to convince me that NC is the best way right now. Need time to think.. Tara: I'm 23..
Author Charlemagne Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 How long have you been with her? More or less 2.5 years. A lot of breaking up with each other.. We tried I think 5 or 6 times.. I know this time is the last one..
Author Charlemagne Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 I feel that I've lost so many beautiful moments in my life becuase of her.. And I've lost myself.. I felt so much pain because of this unrequited love.. I wish I have never met her.. She has never given me a happiness, only pain. 2.5 years in this mirage.. It hurts..
crystal_lostheart Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 I was wrong since the beginning of this affair. She isn't a good woman for me. Period. And you know what? I've lost every minute I gave her, and I want them back! She is a really deceitful person, and sometimes I feel disgusted.. I hate her for her selfishness.. adultery.. immaturity.. I'm going to work more on myself, focus on my essential goals, and will let her fade away, or even go NC in a week or two.. Please don't try to convince me that NC is the best way right now. Need time to think.. Tara: I'm 23.. You're putting things off just like she puts things off.... so you're willing to torture yourself even more? NC NOW is the best way. I know it's hard. I have had to do it but when they cause you so much pain, really you are better off alone. The pain slowly starts to heal. You are so YOUNG. Get out and live!!!! Don't spend another 2 years going through this crap. I made a choice NOT to feel like this anymore. It's a choice. Don't let other people make choices for you.
fooled once Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 I feel that I've lost so many beautiful moments in my life becuase of her.. And I've lost myself.. I felt so much pain because of this unrequited love.. I wish I have never met her.. She has never given me a happiness, only pain. 2.5 years in this mirage.. It hurts.. I am going to say this as nicely as I can. You are 23 years old. You are not 50 or 60. You are 23. How much time can you really have lost? 2.5 years of on again, off again? Basically, not that much time. You have been on again, off again since you were 20 or so. She was what - 18 or so when you started this? And you really think an 18 year old girl knows what she wants? She is 18 - barely an adult. I have a feeling, in a few weeks, you will be here posting about how she broke your heart because you met up with her, had sex with her, believed her lies and when she goes back home, she will let you know she chose her husband. I know you think you know the legal system, but do you really think her husband is just going to grant her a divorce? Come on.... do you think he wants to lose his wife? He is going to probably fight for her; UNLESS he sees her for the lying cheat she is. You are barely out of adolescents -- you really don't know what you want. You have barely LIVED. There is SO MUCH MORE life out there for you. Stop wasting your life on this girl - this immature, irresponsible, disrespectful, cheating girl. I know you don't want to let go and like most young adults, you will have to make your own mistakes in life so that you can learn from them. We all are just trying to help you and unfortunately, you can't 'believe us' or see things from where we do. But you will, one day. One day, you will look back on this and laugh at how guilable and naive you were and realize that this isn't love, it is infatuation. Good luck and I do really wish you the best.
crystal_lostheart Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Its really quite simple D-I-V-O-R-C-E. Do things the right way and you won't have to come on here and post such silly things.. I agree. But if it was that 'simple', then so many people wouldn't be posting on here with these sort of problems. No matter how 'silly' these posts may seem to others-it may be very painful and hurtful for the person involved. And it stems from alot more than just getting involved in a not so good relationship. Point being - unfortunately it's never that simple.
jennie-jennie Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Hey there. I have been in this place with xMM. He swore to me on his 'sons life' he was not sleeping with his W and was even sleeping in the spare room. I have no doubt their M was in trouble even before me but did I believe the above completely? No. Even after he swore on his kids life? Sorry but no I still didn't believe him. Words are words unfortunately. And his words didn't fit his actions. And that gut feeling told me something wasn't right. Obviously the whole thing from the start wasn't right! How long have you been with her? Don't get caught up in the whole sleeping thing situation. If you are feeling very uneasy about things now, that's a sign for you to step up and make a decision for you. This is scary in my opinion. Your MM swore on his kid's life and you did not believe him? Well, either he is a very untrustworthy man or you have trust issues. In either case there would seem to be no future for such a relationship unless one of you worked with your issues.
TaraMaiden Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 No, not scary at all. let's be logical. If a man can bare-faced live a lie whilst married to the woman he vowed he'd be faithful to - what's to say he can't lie just as easily in another area? Where the poster would be foolish, is to believe him unreservedly, and pin her future hopes on him, unconditionally. Now THAT would be scary....
jennie-jennie Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 I feel that I've lost so many beautiful moments in my life becuase of her.. And I've lost myself.. I felt so much pain because of this unrequited love.. I wish I have never met her.. She has never given me a happiness, only pain. 2.5 years in this mirage.. It hurts.. Why regret the past? The past is the past. Now make a decision today of where you want to be today. A decision you can live with whether or not your love stays in her marriage. If you feel you are wasting your time in this relationship unless she leaves her marriage, then you should end it now. We can't live for tomorrow, we need to live for today.
crystal_lostheart Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 This is scary in my opinion. Your MM swore on his kid's life and you did not believe him? Well, either he is a very untrustworthy man or you have trust issues. In either case there would seem to be no future for such a relationship unless one of you worked with your issues. xMM - and that's why he is an X. Yes very scary that someone could lie like that. But they do.
crystal_lostheart Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 no, not scary at all. Let's be logical. If a man can bare-faced live a lie whilst married to the woman he vowed he'd be faithful to - what's to say he can't lie just as easily in another area? Where the poster would be foolish, is to believe him unreservedly, and pin her future hopes on him, unconditionally. Now that would be scary.... exactly...!!
jennie-jennie Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 No, not scary at all. let's be logical. If a man can bare-faced live a lie whilst married to the woman he vowed he'd be faithful to - what's to say he can't lie just as easily in another area? Where the poster would be foolish, is to believe him unreservedly, and pin her future hopes on him, unconditionally. Now THAT would be scary.... If you don't trust someone you are in a relationship with, you should not be in a relationship with that person, in my opinion. That does not mean you pin your future hopes unconditionally on them, nor does it mean that you do not use your good sense to see if they earn that trust. It is in fact the vow that makes the MM lie in the first place, so perhaps one should think twice before getting married at all. You can not vow to love someone forever, a future emotion is in fact impossible to promise. So being the MM has made no vow to the OW, the situation is completely different from that of the marriage. No comparison can be made of his trustworthiness. xMM - and that's why he is an X. Yes very scary that someone could lie like that. But they do. I am with you there.
AmIParanoid Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 I mean he is sleeping in the same bed as his wife every night. It is a 100% certainty your MM is having sex with his wife.
TaraMaiden Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 If you don't trust someone you are in a relationship with, you should not be in a relationship with that person, in my opinion. Well, they'd have to go some to rebuild that trust. It can happen, but in my view, a broken trust that's repaired, is never, ever as good as an 'unbroken original'. It is in fact the vow that makes the MM lie in the first place, so perhaps one should think twice before getting married at all. You can not vow to love someone forever, a future emotion is in fact impossible to promise. I completely agree. I always say that Desire is Natural, but Commitment - and fidelity - is a choice. So being the MM has made no vow to the OW, the situation is completely different from that of the marriage. No comparison can be made of his trustworthiness. I wish I could agree with you, but there are many posts, from many OW/OM bemoaning and lamenting the fact that the MM/MW they've been having an affair with promised them something, then did the opposite, and broke their heart..... They believed that the fact that the MM/MW was having an affair with them, had to mean that they were more important in their lover's eyes, than the BS. What a harsh wake-up call they got....!
jennie-jennie Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 It is a 100% certainty your MM is having sex with his wife. So you do have the capability of being funny. Have you been in their bedroom lately? Have you not read about the sexless marriages here on LS? My MM's wife used to give him mercy sex. Now when he has stopped asking for mercy sex, she is fine without it.
TaraMaiden Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 I'm sure he means "it is a 100% possibility....";)
Author Charlemagne Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 I've just told her that we are not going to meet this week. I don't have willingness to spend my time with someone who doesn't respect me. I feel a little bit happier. I've just started the process of removing trash out of my life. I feel good, ta ra ra rara rara ra!
Author Charlemagne Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 Update: Her: "Please meet with me, everything will be fine then. You would like to postpone our meeting again. It's not ok.. You want things to be better but you are taking away a chance to do it. I'm sorry..
torranceshipman Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 My MM and I have decided to be exclusive, but we also realize that there is a risk one of us will break this agreement. I mean he is sleeping in the same bed as his wife every night. What if she comes on to him? Will he be able to reject her? /QUOTE] This is a weird thing to say about a husband and wife who sleep in their marital bed every night! 'Come on to him'? I should suspect that he initiates sex, as does she, on a regular basis as they are married. If he didnt want to sleep in bed with her and be close and intimate with her, he'd be sleeping in another bedroom-heck, another house-by now. I think you need to accept that he is lying to you about how frequently he has sex with his wife! I hope I don't come across as flaming you - that's not my intention!-it's just that sometimes the truth is SO in front of your face and when a husband sleeps with his wife every night but tells you he is worried about her 'coming on to him'....he sounds like a tool for saying it, and he is taking liberties with you in hoping that you'll believe it!
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