Sam Spade Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 (edited) well, it also shows that women find reasons to dump men. Sometimes superficial reasons, it seems if they look for failure they WILL find it. I am seeing this in my GFs extended family. A 33 mother of two, dumps her husband and 2 kids to hook up with her gym teacher. The guy's primary fault? He did put on a little weight - which he should certainly lose, though he isn't even close to the average fatso on the street. But, his wife got heavily into fitness, got a great body, a new job, and now that the kids are in elementary school, she feels entitled to 'trade up' . Worst of all, I've known them casually, and for a reason I cannot understand I had such an instict about her long before any of this happened! (which made me feel a bit more confident in my people-knowing abilities - if I think you're a bitch, then you probably are :laugh:; I guess if I could openly name names, that would save many people years of soul searching ). Edited January 7, 2010 by Sam Spade
sunshinegirl Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 What are you looking for apart from an attractive package? Certainly, you need to feel attraction for your partner, but looks are not the only thing that generate butterflies.
betamanlet Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Yes, top 60th percentile of U.S. women, keep on expecting that each and every one of you deserves a top 10th percentile husband. How's that working out? Tee hee, I have rock bottom self esteem yet feel I am entitled to the best!
threebyfate Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Exactly. This dynamic is so equal-opportunity. Perhaps that's what the OP needs to work on. I can't decide if we agree or not! Anyways, AU, I've gotten involved with two men who made me feel like this. In both situations, my gut instincts were right, where one did eventually cheat on me and the other, was a "grass is greener" commitment phobe. The rest of the men I've gotten involved with, never made me feel this way. My H. is totally committed and I knew this almost right away. Believe in your gut instincts about a man and don't try to rationalize it away! Your subconscious mind picks up so much more data, than your conscious mind.
AD1980 Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I think women let hollywood and the media brainwash them into thinking they should get Men who look like the ones on tv.. Posts like these are why i give up on women..An average or slight below average women wont settle for less then a 10 which they clearly cant get.. If a Man makes a post like this people jump down his throat and tell him his standards are too high and he doesnt deserve a oht women,a women does the same and Women tell her dotn settle you havea vagina that means you deserve the best..
Johnny M Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Why would you give them dirty looks? Nastiness induced by a sense of insecurity. This is quite common.
cognac Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I think women let hollywood and the media brainwash them into thinking they should get Men who look like the ones on tv.. Posts like these are why i give up on women..An average or slight below average women wont settle for less then a 10 which they clearly cant get.. If a Man makes a post like this people jump down his throat and tell him his standards are too high and he doesnt deserve a oht women,a women does the same and Women tell her dotn settle you havea vagina that means you deserve the best.. I got to say I agree 100% Judging from the OP's photograph, she is pretty alright looking, I doubt that even with her crappy attitude and nastiness there aren't SOME guys (probably all in her league) who are after her. I wonder what her definition of attractive is? Is it someone with decent looks and a good personality? Or is it like Meerkat said ,the top 10 percentile of tall, intelligent, rich, movie star looking guys that 90% of women feel entitled to?
AD1980 Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I got to say I agree 100% Judging from the OP's photograph, she is pretty alright looking, I doubt that even with her crappy attitude and nastiness there aren't SOME guys (probably all in her league) who are after her. I wonder what her definition of attractive is? Is it someone with decent looks and a good personality? Or is it like Meerkat said ,the top 10 percentile of tall, intelligent, rich, movie star looking guys that 90% of women feel entitled to? Judging by her picture shes not sniffing 10's,my friends who get women all the time wouldnt look in her direciton,thats not a slight to her shes by no means ugly but Men with that many options arent settling for an average looking women just as high demand women arent.. Her level of attraction seems to be the top 10th percentile but i think thats most women..I think most of them in their minds just "settle" Most women want hollywood looks,cute or average and charming isnt good ebough even if they arent a gem themselves..
OceanTropic Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Oh I hear you girl. I'm in the exact same situation. The men who approach me are either twice my age or really unattractive. The men that I DO like always end up being players, because the men that I tend to like are attractive, tall, good looking ones. And we all know that many of those take advantage of their looks and take as many girls as possible. We are in the same boat
AD1980 Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I never get people who would rather be with a hot stuck up person then a average good hearted person,looks fade Im not gonna say looks mean nothing to me they mean something to everyone but some people put everything into looks Is it because some people want to compensate for their lack of looks or insecurity about them and feel if they have a attractive partner that gives them worth and means theyre attractive? Where if they get a person on there level it reaffirms theyre level or lack of attraction maybe?
betamanlet Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I think women let hollywood and the media brainwash them into thinking they should get Men who look like the ones on tv.. Posts like these are why i give up on women..An average or slight below average women wont settle for less then a 10 which they clearly cant get.. If a Man makes a post like this people jump down his throat and tell him his standards are too high and he doesnt deserve a oht women,a women does the same and Women tell her dotn settle you havea vagina that means you deserve the best.. Nope, it's becaues just about every chick has had one night stand with a d runken, hot guy, and then they feel entitled to have a hot guy for a relationship.
AD1980 Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 (edited) Nope, it's becaues just about every chick has had one night stand with a d runken, hot guy, and then they feel entitled to have a hot guy for a relationship. That is true..My friends who are players have had nights where they bang some homely girl just to get their rocks off and the women ends up stalking them in hopes of getting with the guy..She probably now thinks in her mind she deserves a 10.. Being good friends with these plaeyrs has shown me women put even mroe value in looks then Men and that Women will put up with mor bse from a hot guy then even vice versa at times.. I dont know how many tirmes my friend treated a women like garbage todl her he had no intentions of being with her and the women continuted to stlak just because hes "hot" Its like a women wants a hot guy no matter the personaltiy just to show her friends or people she hates hey look what i have adn u dont.. Edited January 7, 2010 by AD1980
betamanlet Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 That is true..My friends who are players have had nights where they bang some homely girl just to get their rocks off and the women ends up stalking them in hopes of getting with the guy..She probably now thinks in her mind she deserves a 10.. That's how it happens. So any fat/ugly chick can get laid by a hot drunk guy, and then they think they can get a hot guy for a relationship, feel entitled to it. Hence why so many women can be so dismissive of average guys, becaues they feel entitled to better.
neowulf Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I don't thinkt the OP is saying she's chasing a male model. She just wants someone she feels a geninue connection for.. "Chemistry". I don't think that's a bad thing to go chasing for. For a lot of women, so long as they're "feeling it", it doesn't matter what the guy looks like. If I had a dollar for every time I heard the phrase "At first I wasn't really into him.. but then I fell *hard*".. I'd be a rich man. AU, I can relate to your position. I get the impression from your posts that somewhere in the back of your mind there's a fear that you'll never find the man or the love your searching for. That fear and insecurity can leak out into your bodylangue and general vibe in very subtle (and not so subtle) ways. You mentioned in one of your previous posts about seeing an attractive guy at a coffee shop, but not being willing to strike up a conversation with him. That's a good place to start right there. Work on the vibe you put out to those you're attracted too. Most. Men. Need. Queues. Speaking personally, I'm not likely to approach a woman who gives me dirty looks and refuses to make eye contact. Conversely, if she looks at me.. makes solid eye contact and smiles at me... Then yes... if there's any interest at all, I'm likey to approach her. Hang in there kido
shadowplay Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I feel for you, OP. In my observation most guys don't like truly offbeat/quirky/nerdy women, even many quirky men themselves. Not sure why this is, but a lot of men have the opinion that all women should fit into a society-approved woman box: bubbly, stereotypically girly with girly interests, not too intellectual. Maybe she has to be passably intelligent, but often that's it and sometimes far less. The type of "quirky" most men like usually resembles something more like Natalie Portman's character in Garden State. I think the problem is some/many guys go for the kind of girls who were popular in high school, because they feel like it will validate them in some way. Even quirky guys may crave some variant of this type if they have low self esteem and need a woman to boost their self worth. Later these quirky guys discover they're out of touch with what they truly need, because they won't have much in common with a girl like this and the relationship will fizzle. That said you will find a guy who appreciates you for you. They're out there, and I've met them. My current boyfriend appreciates women like me and you. You just have to be more patient, and you may have to make the first move or at least be very flirty. Also look around and follow your instincts. Usually you can tell just on intuition whether a guy values your type, even going on a small amount of interaction. Avoid men who seem cocky, superficial, insecure, passive, depressed, vain, identity-less. If you pay close attention you can sniff these traits from a mile away. Those are the kind of men who are least likely to appreciate you.
CaliGuy Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Hi all, it's Awesome. I have been feeling a little insecure lately. Every attractive guy I see I presume is taken, so I just seem to ignore them all or give them dirty looks (which I have really worked on, btw). The problem is, I do not want to date anyone who is unattractive to me so I'm at a sort of catch 22. It's not a problem of getting a man for me, it's the problem of getting a man that makes my stomach have butterflies! <3 I haven't seemed able to meet anyone in the last two years who has gotten that reaction out of me. Maybe my standards are too high or conversely, I'm too anxious to really date. Most of the men that come up to me are twice or three times my age, and at this moment in my life I'd like to date someone closer to my age. There are guys my age too, but noone seems to get my heart beating fast. It's not just about looks - I want a guy who is not a lazy bum, who is a genuinely good hardworking person who can save money. Does anyone else seem to feel insecure about this stuff? It's just hard sometimes to think that a beautiful, successful man would settle down with a quirky nerd who works crazy hours and pick a girl like me to stay with. However I don't want to settle. It seems that the most attractive men all have girls after them, so I would have to fight to keep him. It all sounds so exhausting. I'm attractive and available..... (I'm just out of the age range of most of the women I am interested in. I'm 40).
stevejohnson1976 Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I'm attractive and available. very attractive very available
Author Awesome Username Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 It might just be your mood lately. I have never, not once, ever looked at another man since I met my current husband. I mean, I tried but just couldnt muster up any attraction even vicariously. And now, with divorce looming I have to admit that the prospect of dating or even attraction is not something that crosses my mind. But you know...I'm just starting to think ...its a possibility. They are out there. You just have to be in the mood. Yeah, it totally could be my mood. A ton of things have changed in my life in the past week, and I'm trying to get settled. but THAT is exactly what I want 2sure, a man who makes me feel happy enough that I wont wish I was in another relationship, or single...someone I could see myself with for a very long time. I'm sorry about the divorce too, my heart is with you.
Author Awesome Username Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 What are you looking for apart from an attractive package? Certainly, you need to feel attraction for your partner, but looks are not the only thing that generate butterflies. I can overlook looks if the guy is brilliant, good with people, and always has projects and goals that he works on. I'd rather have an interesting man that is busy enough to give me my space than a male model who texts me 50 times a day, and only ever talks about superficial crap.
xbluudevilx Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 im attractive and not taken anymore.... i think. i <3 my self confidence.
Author Awesome Username Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 Not saying you should lower your standards but you say yourself you are a quirky nerd so why not pick a man who is the same. You seem just as shallow as the men you complain about. Honestly, I think I only resort to shallow thinking when I lose faith in the heart of humanity. A lot of people are like this. If I meet someone I really like, all of this crap goes out the window.
Author Awesome Username Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 Judging by her picture shes not sniffing 10's,my friends who get women all the time wouldnt look in her direciton,thats not a slight to her shes by no means ugly but Men with that many options arent settling for an average looking women just as high demand women arent.. Her level of attraction seems to be the top 10th percentile but i think thats most women..I think most of them in their minds just "settle" Most women want hollywood looks,cute or average and charming isnt good ebough even if they arent a gem themselves.. I never said I wanted a "10" in the looks department, I just want someone who fits me and makes me feel happy and attracted to them. Also, except for a few cases I'm not really attracted to the super tall, buffed, macho soul patch Prada glasses d bag type of dude that all guys think women think are 10s. A hot, smart software developer who is around my age and above a 5 in the looks scale would do swimmingly, actually. I also want a guy who laughs at my stupid jokes and doesn't tell me to conserve water.
AD1980 Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I never said I wanted a "10" in the looks department, I just want someone who fits me and makes me feel happy and attracted to them. Also, except for a few cases I'm not really attracted to the super tall, buffed, macho soul patch Prada glasses d bag type of dude that all guys think women think are 10s. A hot, smart software developer who is around my age and above a 5 in the looks scale would do swimmingly, actually. I also want a guy who laughs at my stupid jokes and doesn't tell me to conserve water. My mistake but the way you worded the initial post did sound like you just wanted a really hot guy but theyre all taken
alphamale Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 you just have to go to the right places...there are plenty of attractive single men in your age range. think like a single dude...where would you hang out?
Author Awesome Username Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 My mistake but the way you worded the initial post did sound like you just wanted a really hot guy but theyre all taken Yeah, I guess looking back it kind of does. Part of this I think is that I told myself I would not get involved with anyone I work with, or might work with in the near future. The problem is that unless I already know a man's personality, I cannot get butterflies from him so I'm having trouble looking outside of my bubble. If a guy gives me his number on his bus, even if he is physically attractive, I do not know him so I get nervous. Im now out of college and between jobs, and unless I find a reason to talk to strangers or go to a group setting where you can talk to people one-on-one, all it is is seeing people on the outside. I think I may be grabbing at empty shells here.
Recommended Posts