I Miss the Kiss Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 If you've followed my threads... Today I've been begging for help here, not to contact the MM who has broken my heart... Just now... the email came. Six words: What the F did I do? :/ That little scared face... That's kind of a thing we do. He's feeling the regret, 5 days later. God help me...
moaningmyrtle Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 If you've followed my threads... Today I've been begging for help here, not to contact the MM who has broken my heart... Just now... the email came. Six words: What the F did I do? :/ That little scared face... That's kind of a thing we do. He's feeling the regret, 5 days later. God help me... My guess is he wants you to tell him what he's done, and maybe it won't sound so bad once you've got it out. He can then "explain" to you in soothing tones how you have completely misunderstood and that it is only a matter of time before he and you are together. He hopes that you will be reassured that everything is OK and that he still loves you (you get the picture). No doubt every fibre of you is crying out for this reassurance (from reading your posts). [Just my guess really] What do you plan to do? Does this relationship still give you pleasure and joy? If so go for it. Otherwise...
Author I Miss the Kiss Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 The second I saw the email pop up on my phone, I was gasping for air-- literally. I finally got my shaking fingers to open the mail... that second or two it took for it to open seemed like an eternity... I read those six words and started to sob uncontrollably... Now I have regained my composure... I'm not going to reply, at least not tonight. I plan not to reply in the morning, either, but right now I can't even promise myself anything that is more than a few minutes from now... I'll do my best, though. D*MN HIM! Today I was feeling a tiny bit better, 5 days out...
IfWishesWereHorses Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Seriously??? The :/ face??? He definately realizes the error of his ways!! Proof positive he's a changed man! For Godsakes girl. Read your own posts! What about his actions are you affraid to accept? Answer his email tomorrow instead of tonight, that'll show him! You can't change him. Unless you're willing to celebrate and accept the bad, walk away! NOW!
Author I Miss the Kiss Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 Oooooohhh no. Don't get me wrong.. I don't think he's a changed ANYTHING! I think he most definitely is trying to play on my heart. I didn't mean that answering tomorrow was to show him... I meant I have no plans to answer AT ALL, but I'm just being realisitc that I can't promise myself anything beyond the few minutes right in front of me. I KNOW I will wake up feeling stronger, after I've slept on it. He has ripped my heart beyond recognition, and he is going to have to show up at my door with signed divorce papers in his hand before I give him a chance to even TRY to tell me he has changed... and we all know that won't happen. I'm truly feeling quite certain that I can do this. Its just that I was blindsided by this email. I seriously didn't expect to hear from ever, ever again... and I thought if I did, it would be to tell me how amazing his life is and how he is once AGAIN "working on his marriage" and i am such a "great person" and he wishes me well... the usual bullshiz. I'm fine now... I'm going to bed
Angel1111 Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 You have every reason to be cautious because what he did to you was heartless. Is he actually asking that question like he doesn't understand what he did to you? I don't know what to tell you except that I hope you won't let yourself fall into this trap again. And answering his email only invites more conversation. He vascilates too much and he shouldn't be forgiven very quickly for what he has done.
sugarmomma Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 That's all he had to do was send a weak ass email? You are just as weak if you fall for that. Hate to sound harsh but you need a swift kick. Please wake up. You can't get effed if you're not in position.
crystal_lostheart Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Oooooohhh no. Don't get me wrong.. I don't think he's a changed ANYTHING! I think he most definitely is trying to play on my heart. I didn't mean that answering tomorrow was to show him... I meant I have no plans to answer AT ALL, but I'm just being realisitc that I can't promise myself anything beyond the few minutes right in front of me. I KNOW I will wake up feeling stronger, after I've slept on it. He has ripped my heart beyond recognition, and he is going to have to show up at my door with signed divorce papers in his hand before I give him a chance to even TRY to tell me he has changed... and we all know that won't happen. I'm truly feeling quite certain that I can do this. Its just that I was blindsided by this email. I seriously didn't expect to hear from ever, ever again... and I thought if I did, it would be to tell me how amazing his life is and how he is once AGAIN "working on his marriage" and i am such a "great person" and he wishes me well... the usual bullshiz. I'm fine now... I'm going to bed Tread very very carefully here. 6 words yes but what does it all mean? Do you even really want to know? I would stay NC... for good if you can
2sunny Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 he's still looking for that ego stroke you always were able to provide. don't do it... it's really only designed to make HIM feel better - as in "here i am and so happy you're paying attention to me." he's not saying he's willing to give you what he knows you want and need - so there's really no need to respond at all. he's just probably surprised you haven't come begging for him like he'd like you to.
mybrowneyedgirl Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 i know how you feel. somehow knowing that the other person is trying to contact you relieves some sort of the tension and makes it easier. in the long run i think it sets you back miles and miles, but for the short term it lessens the pain just a bit.
Angel1111 Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 That's all he had to do was send a weak ass email? You are just as weak if you fall for that. Hate to sound harsh but you need a swift kick. Please wake up. You can't get effed if you're not in position. I know how this feels, though. I used to feel exactly the same way when xMM would contact me after not talking for awhile. Every fiber, atom, and molecule in my body would come to life. I loved him so much that just one word from him could send me into orbit. Now, it has no effect on me at all. It's sad but he's the one who taught me to stop feeling the love I had for him.
whichwayisup Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 It's not about you..It's about him. He's going through his OWN withdrawal, and having a hard time with NC. Whatever..It doesn't matter (again) what his reasons are. NOTHING has CHANGED and him sending you that email is just HIM caving into NC, needing a fix, needing a reaction. THIS is where your pride and ego HAVE to take over. F**k him! Do NOT reply.. Not tonight, not tomorrow, not the next day either. WHO cares how he feels and how he takes it. He made his choice and now he has to accept it and leave you alone. EVEN if it breaks your heart, kills you inside, DO NOT email him back. Delete and block him! Stay strong, you have to stand up and take control here, don't get sucked back in!
sugarmomma Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I know how this feels, though. I used to feel exactly the same way when xMM would contact me after not talking for awhile. Every fiber, atom, and molecule in my body would come to life. I loved him so much that just one word from him could send me into orbit. Now, it has no effect on me at all. It's sad but he's the one who taught me to stop feeling the love I had for him. Its called "lazy communication". We should be insulted as women when MM even approach us. We have to get smart about these *******s. "hello, what's your name, are you married? If so, ABORT THE MISSION. I am so turned off by MM since my episode and I am just waiting for one to approach me so I can tear him a new ******* and ask "what is it about me that makes you think I would settle for the crumbs you have to give?" "Now go home to your wife." Forgive me I'm a little bitter.
WhereToGoFromHere Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Okay everyone wants to hang this guy and ask questions later. Maybe thats the correct way to handle this. When facing a decison such as this man tried to face, confusion is HUGE! I'm not defending his actions, I'm really not. But maybe there's another side to this. I'm just saying that if (big IF) he has good reasons, hear him out(if you want to). But the one thing I'd insist is that this goes nowhere without signed D papers. Stand firm on that. If he's even slightly a decent man, his heart is breaking too and he's just trying to do what those around him are saying is the right thing. Not at all what he wants to do.
silverplanets Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I feel the need for a standard web page we can all point to when we need to reply to emails like this ... it has one question ... So you're looking to contact me? One question: Do you have divorce papers signed? Click yes and message revealed "Please proceed" Click No and message revealed "Sorry - I value myself SO MUCH more than that. Please do not contact me." :-)
Brokenlady Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I don't really think that email requires a response. It wasn't a "I'm so sorry I never should have done this, I know I'm meant to be with you and am so sorry I hurt you" email. It was a question, as if he doesn't know the answer. It's "pity me, I'm sooo confused". He made his choice and has yet to reverse himself. As such he needs to live with that choice. If you feel the need to answer that at all, I would say: "You chose your wife. You will have to live with that choice as I have."
skywriter Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Very well put,BrokenLady, covers it all and gets to the point.
Angel1111 Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 (edited) We should be insulted as women when MM even approach us. We have to get smart about these *******s. "hello, what's your name, are you married? If so, ABORT THE MISSION. I am so turned off by MM since my episode and I am just waiting for one to approach me so I can tear him a new ******* and ask "what is it about me that makes you think I would settle for the crumbs you have to give?" "Now go home to your wife." Forgive me I'm a little bitter. I see it that way now - I just didn't then. And my xMM never told me things that he didn't follow thru with. If we didn't speak for a long time, it was because I broke up with him. I thought him coming back meant something. But it didn't. But I would've never spoken to him again if he did to me what OP's xMM has done to her. The email he sent doesn't even deserve a response. He should be apologizing for what he did. Edited January 7, 2010 by Angel1111
confusedinkansas Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 If you've followed my threads... Today I've been begging for help here, not to contact the MM who has broken my heart... Just now... the email came. Six words: What the F did I do? :/ That little scared face... That's kind of a thing we do. He's feeling the regret, 5 days later. God help me... I'd say IF you choose to respond (& you may have by now) Choose your words very carefully. Remember how painful the last few days have been for you. (Don't forget that).........Bitter - Of course you're bitter. You'll be bitter over this for a long time. (I'm 13 months into NC & I find myself bitter STILL...on occasion at my XAP) Personally I'd say something along the lines of........"You're EMAILING ME THIS?" WTF!! Then I would follow up with - - - Until you can 1) make an appointment to come & see me 2) come to my home 3) show me that you have filed for divorce ............ I have nothing else to say to you.........YOU have hurt me quite possibly beyond repair. Just an idea!
jwi71 Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I have a very different take IMTK. He got busted the W and is DESPERATELY trying to save his M. Part of that is the WS losing the cell phone, email and all that. Standard demands from the BS. So, your MM complies. Gets a new cell phone to save his M. And then he texts you what he did. Carefully worded to appear hopeful to BOTH women should BOTH read it. You read it and think "He's realized his mistake and is coming...yeah!" His W reads it and thinks "He's realized his mistake and is staying....yeah!" And thus he stays in his M and primes you for more of the same. This drama is NOT anywhere close to being over. There are 4 sets of little eyes watching you IMTK. They understand and know FAR more than you think. (That's always the case with kids...unreal how they pick up on stuff at times...little sponges)
hopeless4u Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Okay everyone wants to hang this guy and ask questions later. Maybe thats the correct way to handle this. When facing a decison such as this man tried to face, confusion is HUGE! I'm not defending his actions, I'm really not. But maybe there's another side to this. I'm just saying that if (big IF) he has good reasons, hear him out(if you want to). But the one thing I'd insist is that this goes nowhere without signed D papers. Stand firm on that. If he's even slightly a decent man, his heart is breaking too and he's just trying to do what those around him are saying is the right thing. Not at all what he wants to do. I agree that he may be hurting and if you are strong enough NOT to get sucked in to the A again then listen but only if its for YOUR closure.
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