I hate that anyone can make me feel this way...

[soconfusedreally]

This is why I am so guarded going in to relationships. It is really hard for let down that wall. Well, somehow it was easy for him to break through. I assumed that it was so easy because he was the one...everything that was in me told me I would be with him forever. He told me that...he talked about future, told me we would make it through anything. 2 1/2 yrs later he dumps me out of the blue saying he just isn't in love with me anymore. Something has changed.

 

That was over 3 months ago. I don't think I'll ever get past this feeling. I don't know that I want to. I want to just give up. The hurt is never going to go away, it just keeps getting worse. I'll have a good day and think I am getting stronger and them bam...out of nowhere I'm in tears again. I have become this person that I don't even know. I didn't think I was capable of being effected by anyone this way. I didn't used to be an emotional person...until him. Now I'm a mess. I was doing what I know I shouldn't and just looked through some pix on facebook. His friends gf posted NYE pix. Well, I guess he was there and obviously had a date. As if that wasn't bad enough while flipping through I see one where he and her are in the distant background of the pix making out. So, guess he's moved on. And here I sit...the same place I did NYE on my couch alone still in tears over him.

 

I just deactivated my fb acct. Otherwise I will continue to see those sort of pix. I can't just unfriend him because I'm friends with all of his friends. They would be popping up anyway. So, I'm trying my best to do the NC thing and try to start healing. But when is it going to get easier? He obviously had no problem with it. I hate that anyone has this sort of control over me. I don't see any light ahead. I'm stuck here and he's out enjoying his life.

 

I feel so helpless...and broken. I just want it all to go away. And the worst part is, I still just want him back more than anything. I wish I didn't, I know I shouldn't but I can't help it. I still love him

[Pacino]

Yeah, that sucks. But eventually you'll get over it. Easier said than done, and right now that doesn't seem like much help, but its likely true. Hopefully you'll find someone better. At least he didn't drag you along forever.

[drew86]

So many of us here are going through the same situation... Mine sounds SO similar to yours. You 100% need to keep up the "no contact", trying to talk to him right now will just make you feel a lot worse . Don't do it as a plan to get your ex back too, do it so you can take time to work on healing yourself.

 

Trust me I know the pain you are going through. My ex broke up with me and spent the next 3 months telling me she wanted to get married one day! Except she wanted to see another guy and needed me to pretty much help her through the break up... Not cool.

 

Keep your chin up, exercise daily, and try to stop thinking about what he is doing. I still get hit most days by a wave of emotion that I can't seem to handle, especially at night before bed. Its normal to experience it -- don't try and suppress it!

 

There isn't any universal time frame on when you will start to feel better, but it will take time, and it will suck, and it will take work to reach the point you are indifferent of him. You will get there!

 

Make sure to read the No Contact Q&A and the Guide to Second Chances recommended by a lot of people here.

[soconfusedreally]

Thanks guys. Yes, I keep trying to tell myself that one way or another, it is for the best. Either time will make him realize what he gave up or I will find someone else who truly loves and deserves me.

 

I just wish the hurt would lessen....at least some.

 

Thanks for the links Drew. I had not read those before and they were very insightful. I'm really glad I found this forum. You guys are great and it helps to know I'm not the only person going through this stuff. I mean, I know I'm not, but it feels like you are out there all by yourself at times.

 

I'm going to take your advice on the exercise too. I really need to start working out. I know it will make me feel better and help me clear my mind.

 

Thanks for the encouragement!

[drew86]

I can't recommend the exercise enough, it's incredibly satisfying. The endorphins are totally worth it! This forum has really helped me too. I like checking it everyday to see how other people are progressing and coping since it helps knowing we're not alone.

 

You'll have your setbacks and you'll likely get discouraged along the way to your recovery, but when you're at your weakest think about the fact that you absolutely deserve to be with somebody who loves and respects you just as much as you do them. Don't settle and don't ever think that you somehow failed because I guarantee once you get back on your feet you'll look back at this and feel silly for wasting so much energy thinking about it. Spend this time to find out what makes you feel good, not who does.

 

You'll get through this, just take it day by day and do things for yourself. Now is the perfect time to be selfish . Get fit, talk to your family and friends about it, and remember that you are working on building a better you, for you

[sugarmomma]

Forgive him. Forgive yourself. Deal with your feelings but know that happiness really is a choice and you should go out and start living your life as well. I know it hurts but I have gotten through the worst heartbreak ever and can honestly say that I am glad I went through it. It made me a stronger person and let me know that I have the capacity to love but I also know when to stop throwing my love away and wanting someone that does not want me.

[soconfusedreally]

I'm just waiting for one day to go by where I don't think about him constantly. I want to move on. I know in my mind I deserve better. I know I gave all I could and did not get back anywhere near equal in return.

 

But tomorrow is a new day. That day will come. Whether he realizes what an idiot he is or not. One day I will realize it completely in both my mind and heart. I know that. I just need to truly believe it.

 

I've been reading more than posting on here. You guys are really awesome. You have made me realize I'm not crazy.

 

Sugarmomma...Thanks. I do forgive him. Which is why it is so hard not to want to continue some form of a relationship (friendship) with him. I honestly want the best for him and know that he needs help. He has issues that I hope he one day overcomes. I can't help but hope that day comes sooner rather than later and he realizes what he's done. But either way, he deserves someone loves completely as much as I deserve someone who loves me the same way.

 

But right now, I'm finally taking the steps for healing myself first...whatever happens from there, happens.

[sugarmomma]

He will be in your thoughts for a while and that is normal and okay.

 

Just know that that is a part of the process.

 

Trust the process and know that -----this too shall pass. (((hugs))))

[CrestfallenNoMore]

At times I hated it, but it helped me to stop and realize how amazing and wonderful it was that I had the capacity to love so deeply. I don't think all of us possess the ability to truly love another so powerfully and so deeply. I'm not sure I'll be capable of ever loving that much again (at least, I'll be a little smarter about it) but that really says something wonderful about you as a person.

[ginyi1111]

I understand how you are feeling...that is what im going through now as well. I hate that a pathetic lame-ass like my ex can make me feel so ****ty about myself. I feel like a fool, totally disrespected and like an used object..like a paper cup!!

 

There will be good days, there will be bad days. But remember that today shall be a good day because we do not need someone that has hurt us in our life. Not TODAY! Let go of the past, forget the sweet nothings he whispered in your ear, erase the hopes for the future that will never be realised....

 

Be strong! x