NoIDidn't Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 My H and I went all out for Christmas for our kids. We couldn't wait for them to open their presents. We sat with the camera ready to capture their expressions. They were only interested in finding out if they received specific gifts that they'd asked for. They did. I bought them. But it was really embarrassing to have them open other family members' gifts and just kinda toss them aside. I don't even like to celebrate Christmas, so they definitely haven't helped themselves in that department. Either way, my oldest is having a birthday soon. We almost always throw a party for him and a couple of his classmates. But I am rethinking that considering the way he and his siblings behaved at Christmas. Not to mention, most of the gifts they were given are already broken. Another post topic: just how long should the average toy last with a child before its okay if they broke it? I'm not buying two weeks. What would you guys do? Just curious as to what others would do in this situation. I am not planning to go all out with his party this year. I am thinking a cake and a couple of friends over to play video games should do it. That, and maybe $10 for the gift. Is this mean? All opinions are welcome.
laRubiaBonita Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 i see where you are coming from and i think it is very commendable! gifts/ present are not a necessity at holidays, they are a privilege. and ungreatful responses are a slap in the face. i think you should start to teach your kids about being more greatful and less materialistic. why not just a have a family celebration/ party? keep it low key, have a cake and if gifts need to be given why not have his siblings make him something? also, whatever is decided for his bday party needs to be applicable to the other kids bdays too- to be fair.
2sure Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 My daughter is a pretty good kid. She has been taught the full set of social graces. She is 14 this weekend. She is a bit spoiled, having basically 3 families. She was gracious at XMas, to both myself and our extended families from whom she received gifts. BUT. Since then, she has been rather demanding. As in, "I want", " I need"...and porky about it. I dont want a spoiled child, its MY responsibility to make sure she is not simply because, hey, life aint like that. So, I went to her last night and told her: I am obligated to feed you, shelter you, educate you, and keep you healthy. In addition to that I also love you - so I am going to do you a service. Unless you hand write thank you notes to every single person from whom you received a gift, no birthday party. (I always have MADE her do this and helped her - but this time its HER JOB). Also I told her that the next time she made any kind of demand, she could be sure of one thing----not to get it. Be it a sandwich or a car. Like I said, she really is a good kid...but yes, it is our job to teach them via whatever means necessary to be GRACIOUS. Its an important life lesson and skill - and will take them far.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 NID, How old are you children? Christmas time can be so overwhelming for kids. They start making lists or thinking about it early on, there is a long wait until the day. Much building up of the excitement and then its over before you know it. They open large gifts, small gifts, needed gifts (socks, underwear) and it can be a lot for kids. We usually give our kids a choice, now that they are older, of a large gift and a few surprises, or more average sized gifts of their choosing with a few surprises. These days they choose the large gift. Its less fun for me, but atleast they have something that they want and can use. We had one instance of a gift being opened and my 12 year old wondered why someone would purchase him a "baby gift" that he was actually into last year (they were not there so he assumed it was ok to react like that. ) Later that night before bed we had a discusion. They have both been taught from a very early age how to accept gifts. We have done role play since they were 3 in advance of birthday parties and Christmas time. Usually it ended up pretty silly, but they learned the drill and were prepared to respond to grandma's gift of knitted slippers, so that helped us. The toy in question didn't make it through the day but every thing else is in working order, but both kids are into expensive electronics with my son getting some games and such as well, to even the amount spent. Some of his games haven't been opened which is fine with me. I think that they enjoy them more when they can experience them a few at a time. In my house, if it breaks, you can save your money to replace it, or have it replaced next year. On the birthday party aspect, I have always given them the choice. My daughter always chose a party which came with a 50 or 75 dollar gift. My son has always chosen to take the money instead of the party along with a gift to open, and we would just go to dinner at a place of his choosing. This year was actually the first time he chose a party and we went all out for a boys slumber party which costed a fortune but it was so neat to see him enjoy it with his friends, they had a ball, he said he would take the money next year though! I'm sure you were disappointed with their behavior at Christmas, do you think if his birthday was later in the year that you would still have it on your mind? Friends over for video games sounds like a great party, and a small gift is fine, I just don't think it should be made to be as a punishment in their eyes, IMO, they should stand alone.
2sure Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Possible quick fix for small kids and a good habit to get into: On XMas be sure, as long as it takes - that only one child opens one present at a time while everyone watches. It takes a while but gives them pause enough to remember to be grateful and also gives the giver a chance to see them open it.
laRubiaBonita Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 (edited) Possible quick fix for small kids and a good habit to get into: On XMas be sure, as long as it takes - that only one child opens one present at a time while everyone watches. It takes a while but gives them pause enough to remember to be grateful and also gives the giver a chance to see them open it. ^^^^^ yep that is what we have always done and Still do in my family. Edited January 7, 2010 by laRubiaBonita
Author NoIDidn't Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 Possible quick fix for small kids and a good habit to get into: On XMas be sure, as long as it takes - that only one child opens one present at a time while everyone watches. It takes a while but gives them pause enough to remember to be grateful and also gives the giver a chance to see them open it. This is exactly what we do every Christmas. They have to sit and wait their turn. My family even does this to the adults. LOL. We like to see the responses. So you can imagine how horrifying it was to get the less than gracious ones.
Author NoIDidn't Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 NID, How old are you children? The oldest is about to turn 9. The others are all two years apart from that age on down. Except my toddler. Christmas time can be so overwhelming for kids. They start making lists or thinking about it early on, there is a long wait until the day. Much building up of the excitement and then its over before you know it. They open large gifts, small gifts, needed gifts (socks, underwear) and it can be a lot for kids. {snip} They have both been taught from a very early age how to accept gifts. We have done role play since they were 3 in advance of birthday parties and Christmas time. Usually it ended up pretty silly, but they learned the drill and were prepared to respond to grandma's gift of knitted slippers, so that helped us. We taught ours from an early age too. In fact, we also did the role playing when they were younger. Maybe they need a refresher? On the birthday party aspect, I have always given them the choice. My daughter always chose a party which came with a 50 or 75 dollar gift. My son has always chosen to take the money instead of the party along with a gift to open, and we would just go to dinner at a place of his choosing. This year was actually the first time he chose a party and we went all out for a boys slumber party which costed a fortune but it was so neat to see him enjoy it with his friends, they had a ball, he said he would take the money next year though! Even though we have four kids, we only do three parties because the middle two were born on the same day (just about). But every year a party of their choosing. We don't give them gifts for it because the parties are pretty expensive. So, I don't want to not do something special for his birthday, I just want him to appreciate the people in his life more than the gifts that he gets. KWIM? I'm sure you were disappointed with their behavior at Christmas, do you think if his birthday was later in the year that you would still have it on your mind? Friends over for video games sounds like a great party, and a small gift is fine, I just don't think it should be made to be as a punishment in their eyes, IMO, they should stand alone. My birthday is a few days before Christmas, so we have too many gift-giving occasions in such a short period of time in my house. Hubby's bday is soon too. LOL. I appreciate you reminding me of their ages. I hardly think 9 is old enough to have the gift/gifting thing down pat. But I would still like to impart a lesson of sorts, and I think it will be in the *refresher* to how to accept a gift - especially the kind you really didn't want.
Author NoIDidn't Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 i see where you are coming from and i think it is very commendable! gifts/ present are not a necessity at holidays, they are a privilege. and ungreatful responses are a slap in the face. i think you should start to teach your kids about being more greatful and less materialistic. why not just a have a family celebration/ party? keep it low key, have a cake and if gifts need to be given why not have his siblings make him something? also, whatever is decided for his bday party needs to be applicable to the other kids bdays too- to be fair. Thanks. I agree with everything you've stated. We will definitely apply the same rules for this party to the other children's parties this year - except the two year old, he has no clue LOL. I am going to invite some of his friends from church and a few of his classmates. My kids don't have any family their age that live close by.
Author NoIDidn't Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 My daughter is a pretty good kid. She has been taught the full set of social graces. She is 14 this weekend. She is a bit spoiled, having basically 3 families. She was gracious at XMas, to both myself and our extended families from whom she received gifts. BUT. Since then, she has been rather demanding. As in, "I want", " I need"...and porky about it. I dont want a spoiled child, its MY responsibility to make sure she is not simply because, hey, life aint like that. So, I went to her last night and told her: I am obligated to feed you, shelter you, educate you, and keep you healthy. In addition to that I also love you - so I am going to do you a service. Unless you hand write thank you notes to every single person from whom you received a gift, no birthday party. (I always have MADE her do this and helped her - but this time its HER JOB). Also I told her that the next time she made any kind of demand, she could be sure of one thing----not to get it. Be it a sandwich or a car. Like I said, she really is a good kid...but yes, it is our job to teach them via whatever means necessary to be GRACIOUS. Its an important life lesson and skill - and will take them far. I am with you. On the day after New Year's, I had a conversation with my kids about their behavior on Christmas Day. The second one, mind you. I told them that I was not going to have a repeat of that and the reasons why. Since then they have told me and my husband repeatedly how much they loved their gifts. Its interesting to me that the gift that the child that was rudest about getting at Christmas is the main one that's broken. He's now asking how much money he has in his bank account to replace it. He has to pay for it out of his own pocket. I'm really surprised at my kids because they are really good kids and don't normally act so ungrateful.. They, too, have gotten the what-I-am-obligated-to-provide speech.
Norman Bates Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Try get them into the habbit of picking out preasents for others and not only expecting to recieve things. You pay for it, they just pick it out. That way they will get into a "I hope they like my preasent" state of mind.
Tayla Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Try get them into the habbit of picking out preasents for others and not only expecting to recieve things. You pay for it, they just pick it out. That way they will get into a "I hope they like my preasent" state of mind. What a wonderful suggestion! Wish more folks could remember its in the giving and choosing that perfect gift that is most endearing. It took of their time,money and personal touch to make the recipient know how much they are thought of. It validates.
fooled once Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 NID, I think you are doing a great job. As you know, kids change all the time; their behavior and their actions. The GREAT thing is you are on top of it and want to correct it. In today's world, that is so commendable!! My son and step kids went through that too (the hurry up and see what else I got stuff). And all 3 of my kids have birthdays right around the holidays - one has one 3 days before Christmas, one has one in February and one in March. For my son who lived with me fulltime, I think he only had 3 'parties' outside of family. it wasn't something that was to be done (party outside the house) and he was really great about not expecting huge parties. Of course, he had his moments where he was a butt head. But he is about to turn 21 and really is very appreciative and respectful about gifts and all that. Keep reminding them about gratitude, keep doing the great job you are doing!
Angel1111 Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I think it's a phase that a lot of kids go through because kids are so innudated with toys and things these days that they eventually start taking it for granted. The trick is, you've got to kill the ungrateful behavior quickly and make sure there are consequences if it doesn't stop. My son always got a lot of gifts and I love buying things for him. But one year at his birthday - I think it was his 8th bd - he acted so badly that I was really annoyed. Kind of like what you're describing - not being appreciative and acting like a brat about the gifts. After the party, I took him aside and basically told him that if he ever acted like that again, he wouldn't have a birthday party the following year. I told him that anything someone gives him is a gift and whether he likes the gift or not, he is to thank them and be appreciative for the money and time they spent on it. I told him that people didn't have to buy him gifts, nor did I. I told him that people buy him gifts because they love and care about him. But that if he continued to act the way he did, people wouldn't feel so good about getting him things. And that was the end of that - he never acted that way again. He appreciates everything anyone gives him to this day and he's now 19. Just fix this now and it shouldn't be a problem anymore. Children just need a reminder sometimes.
Author NoIDidn't Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 NID, I think you are doing a great job. As you know, kids change all the time; their behavior and their actions. The GREAT thing is you are on top of it and want to correct it. In today's world, that is so commendable!! My son and step kids went through that too (the hurry up and see what else I got stuff). And all 3 of my kids have birthdays right around the holidays - one has one 3 days before Christmas, one has one in February and one in March. For my son who lived with me fulltime, I think he only had 3 'parties' outside of family. it wasn't something that was to be done (party outside the house) and he was really great about not expecting huge parties. Of course, he had his moments where he was a butt head. But he is about to turn 21 and really is very appreciative and respectful about gifts and all that. Keep reminding them about gratitude, keep doing the great job you are doing! FO, thanks so much for the encouragement. I need it more than those around me think I do. THANKS!
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