Blueberry7691 Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I was fine a few days ago breaking up with my bf. I was happy, set free!! These past few days have turned. I feel such a sense of loss. I'm soo sad. I feel lost. I feel I lost my best friend. How could this be when I didn't want him any longer. I don't want him anymore. But... my goodness, I feel sooo much pain. WTF!!! A few of you said maybe I still love him. I don't love him. I'm not in love. Maybe I love him as a friend. I guess I do. We spent 2 1/2 yrs together. Part of me wants to reach out to him but then I think, for what??? That's not going to help either one of us. And I wonder if he's going through the same thing. Wonder if he's waiting for a call.. UGH!!!! This SUCKS BIG TIME!!!
Author Blueberry7691 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 Oh, and to top it off, I saw him yesterday as I drove by town. And I saw him on Sunday as we drove past each other. We live in the same town. All of a sudden, we're running into each other. Or driving into each other. Talk about the law of attraction...
GrayClouds Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I know I am repeating myself but... Maybe some of your hurt stems from the fact of being alone. Many times we stay in relationship even bad ones because we are not comfortable with ourselves. It could be a result of abandonment issue from long ago. It could be that we never really have define ourselves as individuals. Never figure would what we want, what motives our self, who we want to be. What ever the case is, the result is the same we hold on to the pain of the break-up as a distraction to keep us from moving forward. If this is the case then it is the perfect time to do this work. Focus on yourself and the person you want to be. Learn how to enjoy having just yourself in your life, what excite you, how to enjoy a lonely night. How to build real friendship and began hobbies that you enjoy. Learn how to be self sufficient. And the fact the better you become at this the better your next partner will be for you. Good luck
Author Blueberry7691 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 Thank you.. I do want to move forward.. I really do. Yesterday I was reading 'The Power of Now' and I felt soo good, soo powerful. This morning, I was strong, feeling great!!! And then, a stupid song came on and WHAM! I got HIT by a ton of bricks!!!!!!!!!!!!
GrayClouds Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Thank you.. I do want to move forward.. I really do. Yesterday I was reading 'The Power of Now' and I felt soo good, soo powerful. This morning, I was strong, feeling great!!! And then, a stupid song came on and WHAM! I got HIT by a ton of bricks!!!!!!!!!!!! So what are you doing to get the bricks off you. Did you go for a run? Did you journal of a half hour? Did you start a new hobbie, sign up for ski lessons? Did you go and volunteer? I sould also suggest for you to pick up "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Turn the End of a Relationship into the Beginning of a New Life" by Susan Anderson. It not only help you to feel better but also figure out why your feeling bad and how to keep it from holding you back. Keep up the hard work and the bricks get lighter.
sedgwick Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Honestly? He probably is waiting for a call. His heart probably is in a million pieces. He's probably struggling to pick himself up off the floor. For most people, this is what happens after a breakup. But if you don't love him, you did the right thing. Whatever the case, you've made your choice, and you have to be prepared to lose him completely. He is no longer part of your life.
0hpenelope Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 (edited) But if you don't love him, you did the right thing. Whatever the case, you've made your choice, and you have to be prepared to lose him completely. He is no longer part of your life. Everything I wanted to say were said here. I just came in here to support this. When you're moving on, you have to leave things behind you and he might be one of them is one of them. *I really meant to say that he is someone that you might not be able to come back to as a friend. Sedgwick really said everything after all. Edited January 6, 2010 by 0hpenelope conundrum!
Author Blueberry7691 Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 Honestly? He probably is waiting for a call. His heart probably is in a million pieces. He's probably struggling to pick himself up off the floor. For most people, this is what happens after a breakup. But if you don't love him, you did the right thing. Whatever the case, you've made your choice, and you have to be prepared to lose him completely. He is no longer part of your life. I feel terrible if he indeed feels that way. It breaks my heart to think that. I know he's hurting obviously but I don't know to what extent. But I guess, pain is pain. Sometimes, I feel like calling him to make him feel better BUT, I think, I can't do these things for his sake any longer. I went back to him several times because i felt bad I was hurting him. In the meantime, all I kept thinking about was when I'd be able to break up with him again. Deep down, I just don't want to be with him. And if I call him, what purpose will that serve? We catch up, maybe laugh, act like nothing and at the end of the call,we're back to... ??? It's not going to be a good feeling. Yesterday, after reading what one of you posted to me (sorry, can't remember names), I thought about how eager I was to end the relationship so I could be set free from it all. It was an unhealthy relationship. I desperately wanted OUT. I can't dwell on the past, what was, or what I wanted it to be, but I have to live in the present moment..FREE from that relationship that was bringing me down. I have sooo much to look forward to in the future. And after thinking that, I've felt soo much better. I made the right decision for ME. I'm hurting, he's hurting, but in the long run, I will be a happier and more authentic person. Thank you all sooo much for your words. They are not taken lightlly.
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