Lizzie60 Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 OK.. here's a question: Let's say you meet someone online.. you are very interested... do you delete your profile... or keep on checking daily. My new guy is online each day (dating site)... he's down south. why would he still be there? I haven't been there since.. (I know because my BFF checked for me).. WHY????
CarrieT Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Lizzie, I would say that until there is a ring on your finger, your profile stays there...
Bejita463 Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I toggle my status to reflect that I am in a relationship, if it is clear there is exclusivity. If there is not clear exclusivity, I do not do this. If there is reason to doubt exclusivity, your having not checked it does not mean it lists you as other than single. Which would mean you are probably still receiving messages. The equivalent of you receiving messages while being listed as single is him sending them while listed as the same. Fair's fair, after all. If you are exclusive, or your profile DOES state you are in a relationship and his does not... maybe you two aren't on the same page. Perhaps you ARE on the same page, but in different books.
silic0ntoad Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I met someone I am interested in, so I don't bother checking my page anymore. IDK, it's not that I'd feel unfaithful, I just feel its rather pointless.
stevejohnson1976 Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 OK.. here's a question: Let's say you meet someone online.. you are very interested... do you delete your profile... or keep on checking daily. My new guy is online each day (dating site)... he's down south. why would he still be there? I haven't been there since.. (I know because my BFF checked for me).. WHY???? how many times have you gone out? did you have an exclusivity talk? im totally interested in 1 girl, but thankfully I kept my options open since she is being a total flake now. until you have 'the talk', its fair game to be on the dating site checking emails and what not. i wouldnt look into it if you havent had the talk. he is being smart, keeping his options open and you should probably do the same!!
Author Lizzie60 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 I met someone I am interested in, so I don't bother checking my page anymore. IDK, it's not that I'd feel unfaithful, I just feel its rather pointless. Exactly..that's how I feel...
Author Lizzie60 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 how many times have you gone out? did you have an exclusivity talk? im totally interested in 1 girl, but thankfully I kept my options open since she is being a total flake now. until you have 'the talk', its fair game to be on the dating site checking emails and what not. i wouldnt look into it if you havent had the talk. he is being smart, keeping his options open and you should probably do the same!! We only met once for coffee and went for a drink after (same night)... we have talked over the phone for hours.. he left for a trip down south.. he seems to check the site from there... my-my... I have no patience for this kind of thing..
CaliGuy Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 (edited) OK.. here's a question: Let's say you meet someone online.. you are very interested... do you delete your profile... or keep on checking daily. My new guy is online each day (dating site)... he's down south. why would he still be there? I haven't been there since.. (I know because my BFF checked for me).. WHY???? If you are in agreement on a commited relationship, then the profile should come down or be deleted. End of story. If it's not a committed relationship then that's up to the individual. Edited January 6, 2010 by CaliGuy
Author Lizzie60 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 If you are in agreement on a commited relationship, then the profile should come down or be deleted. End of story. If it's not a committed relationship then that's up to the individual. Yeah.. I guess... we're still far from a committed relationship though.. It just feels weird... I'm interested.. so I find it pointless to still 'cruise' on the site..
stevejohnson1976 Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 We only met once for coffee and went for a drink after (same night)... we have talked over the phone for hours.. he left for a trip down south.. he seems to check the site from there... my-my... I have no patience for this kind of thing.. hey, i hear you...im the same as you are. i want exclusivity. but until you have been out at least 3-4 more times and have the talk, its perfectly normal for him to be online. he has no idea that you could be the one or that you want the exclusivity, especially after coffee and phone convos..... i understand how you feel..BELIEVE ME....i'm dating 4 or 5 right now and ready to kill myself! ahaha
tigressA Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Yeah.. I guess... we're still far from a committed relationship though.. It just feels weird... I'm interested.. so I find it pointless to still 'cruise' on the site.. Yeah, that's kind of the mindset I have. But like CaliGuy said, if there's no exclusivity then it's up to the individual. One of the guys I'm seeing now deleted his profile, but I know he's also seeing one other person. The other guy I'm seeing still has his profile up, but he's said I'm the only one he's seeing. You never can tell.
donnamaybe Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 We only met once for coffee and went for a drink after (same night)... we have talked over the phone for hours.. he left for a trip down south.. he seems to check the site from there... my-my... I have no patience for this kind of thing.. If you are still employed in your extra-curricular activities, do you have a right to be annoyed at a guy who, after only coffee and a drink and some phone conversation, still has an online dating account?
Author Lizzie60 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 If you are still employed in your extra-curricular activities, do you have a right to be annoyed at a guy who, after only coffee and a drink and some phone conversation, still has an online dating account? Yes... because he has no idea about my extra-curricular activities...
grogster Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Lizzie, you compartmentalize. As the OW, you express no surprise about male infidelity. As the GF, you have difficulty grasping why your new BF is still checking-out the field online. Men will be men regardless of your role: OW or GF. It's your expectations that shift when you're in a committed relationship, not his. As for your query, I've noticed real gender differences on timing in exiting the online dating scene. When a woman believes she has found her man, she's offline. Guys... not so much. That hinges on how online dating is viewed. Guys view on-line dating as a sexual playground. Women view it as a way to find a serious mate. When she finds her mate, she's jumps offline. Her man is still curious about what else is out there. He lingers... Are these stereotypes? You bet. Are these stereotypes basically true? You bet. Good luck with your new guy!
donnamaybe Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Yes... because he has no idea about my extra-curricular activities... Never mind. ISH!
GorillaTheater Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Lizzie, you compartmentalize. Amazingly so. Lizzie, you could give lessons to most men on putting things in boxes.
flc Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Not sure you can delete a profile on Match but once I was exclusive I quit logging in. I still got hit with emails for about 6mos but I just tossed them. Once you stop paying then your access gets limited and eventually the emails stop. Most of the sites you can see when someone was last online and if there is no activity for over a few months pretty good indication that someone is off the market. I have known people who got dinged by their GF who was watching their profile for activity. Once they saw the guy had been online they started complaining.
Author Lizzie60 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 Lizzie, you compartmentalize. As the OW, you express no surprise about male infidelity. As the GF, you have difficulty grasping why your new BF is still checking-out the field online. Men will be men regardless of your role: OW or GF. It's your expectations that shift when you're in a committed relationship, not his. As for your query, I've noticed real gender differences on timing in exiting the online dating scene. When a woman believes she has found her man, she's offline. Guys... not so much. That hinges on how online dating is viewed. Guys view on-line dating as a sexual playground. Women view it as a way to find a serious mate. When she finds her mate, she's jumps offline. Her man is still curious about what else is out there. He lingers... Are these stereotypes? You bet. Are these stereotypes basically true? You bet. Good luck with your new guy! I think you're right..
grogster Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 You're only human, Lizzie. Of course your expectations will shift with your roles. Nonetheless, it's still heart breaking. I hope it all works out for you. I'm rooting for you!
Mac McMenamin Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 After a date or two like you described, I would still be visiting the site to see if anything new had come in. You're so early in the relationship and until I'm sure that someone's really into me, I keep my options open. It's not that I'm looking to have a stable of girls; I just want to make sure I don't have all my eggs in one basket. It's different once we've established that we're a couple or exclusive. Once it gets to that point there's no need to log back into my account.
alphamale Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 why would he still be there? the question really is "why shouldn't he still be there?"....you two are far apart and its just a casual relationship
Ruby Slippers Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Lizzie, you compartmentalize. As the OW, you express no surprise about male infidelity. As the GF, you have difficulty grasping why your new BF is still checking-out the field online. Men will be men regardless of your role: OW or GF. It's your expectations that shift when you're in a committed relationship, not his. As for your query, I've noticed real gender differences on timing in exiting the online dating scene. When a woman believes she has found her man, she's offline. Guys... not so much. That hinges on how online dating is viewed. Guys view on-line dating as a sexual playground. Women view it as a way to find a serious mate. When she finds her mate, she's jumps offline. Her man is still curious about what else is out there. He lingers... Are these stereotypes? You bet. Are these stereotypes basically true? You bet. Good luck with your new guy! Excellent, smart post, grogster! And a tangent: You have put into words one of the reasons that I have always avoided online dating, but did not find adequate words to express myself. I don't like the catalog browsing element of it -- seems to reduce it to the equivalent of an online shopping experience. It's in the best interests of the dating sites to keep users coming back endlessly, increasing their site traffic and boosting subscription and/or ad revenue. So I would not be surprised to find that these sites use every psychological tactic they can think of to keep users coming back and "browsing the merchandise". It seems to me that the whole process supports the idea that there is always someone better out there. Some are more susceptible to this sway than others, sure, but we are all only human.
grogster Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Excellent, smart post, grogster! And a tangent: You have put into words one of the reasons that I have always avoided online dating, but did not find adequate words to express myself. I don't like the catalog browsing element of it -- seems to reduce it to the equivalent of an online shopping experience. It's in the best interests of the dating sites to keep users coming back endlessly, increasing their site traffic and boosting subscription and/or ad revenue. So I would not be surprised to find that these sites use every psychological tactic they can think of to keep users coming back and "browsing the merchandise". It seems to me that the whole process supports the idea that there is always someone better out there. Some are more susceptible to this sway than others, sure, but we are all only human. Well said, Ruby. I'm off those sites, too. To some extent, the shopping aspect is really off-putting. We're all just merchandise.
Author Lizzie60 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 That's what I'll do.. say nothing.. and wait to see what he does... I'm not 'in love' with the guy.. so if I see that he's still shopping after a while.. I won't answer his calls.. or his emails... that should do it..
meerkat stew Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Were online dating not involved, he would likely be doing the same thing, via the pages of a little black book, just not as transparently in a monitorable way. In one respect, seeing him logged on the dating site is a good sign, as we usually don't log onto dating sites while we are in bed with a woman. They tend not to like that. If you are looking for a relationship, and not another stable mate, when exactly will you feel a need to reveal your activities with other men to this one?
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