eyeswide Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I'm just not. I feel hopeless. The only reason I don't off myself is because I know my kids will never get over it. And because I'm too chicken. I don't even expect anyone to respond. I just needed to say that I feel hopeless.
McGrupp Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 i was there. time an a change of scenery has helped a lot. dont kill yourself. suicide hotline helped me a lot to. the fact your coming here and saying something means you dont want to do it you just want the pain to go away.
Catseye8 Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 eyeswide, this sounds awful. Please know that the way you're feeling will pass, one day. In the meantime, though, please please find a counsellor or a hotline to speak to about this - you shouldn't have to feel so hopeless.
Author eyeswide Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 Thank you McGrupp and Catseye. I don't really want to call a hotline because I know that I won't hurt myself and I don't want to take their time away from someone who might really be in crisis. I feel guilty for even feeling this way. My husband ended his affair and has rededicated himself to our marriage. I have recommitted to him fully too. Life looks good. But now -- 9 months later I see us sliding back into the old patterns, the old distance, and it seems so terrifying right now. I can't sleep. I can't work. I force myself to exercise but after 15 minutes feel exhausted. I cry every time I'm alone. I feel lame and guilty for feeling bad about any of it all. I should be grateful for what I have. So why can't I concentrate? Why can't I relax?
drew86 Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I would definitely recommend finding a good councilor to talk to. It is a huge help to talk through whats on your mind. LS is a great place to do that, but typing out your feelings just isn't the same as having a conversation with a professional listener who can provide immediate advice!
GrayClouds Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Your doing somethings really well. Keep up with the exercising, even if it is just a 30 min walk a day. It helps. And your commitment to the childern is something you should be very proud of. Though it seems like you have all the symptom of depression; sadness, guilt, lack of concentration and restlessness. The problem is when your in the middle of it, it is difficult to see how deep your in. There is things out there that can help. There is natural products over the counter stuff. They can really help often it is just a temporary thing until the body start producing what it suppose to be producing. You can and will feel better.
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