benjo0101 Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Hi, im new to this forum and so far have found some unbelievable advice that seems like it was tailor written for me, im seriously struggling to follow the advice though and i decided to sign up and post my story and hopefully get some motivation: I was going out with this girl for coming up to 3 years, i love her. I really do, this isnt just some young love that comes and goes. Every time i saw her i thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world, every day for 3 years. I started to do a degree course part time as well as my job and some serious physical training and so my week was extremely hectic and busy. We didnt see a great deal of each other but i always tried to make the effort to allwwayysss see her on a thursday and sunday no matter what. Then the other day she text me ( the week before xmas :-((( ) and told me should didnt want to be with me anymore: This totally ripped my heart from my chest, i just didnt know what to do. judging by the advice on here i did everything wrong, i pleased, kneeled, begged, hoped, wished and cried. I managed to chat to her and she said that she wanted a months space and we could go out again, but over xmas this was soooo hard. She text me first and i replied in the same whining pining way i was trying so hard to avoid. i managed 3 days NC and asked her if she fancied going out, she said yes and i took her to the cinema and we had a very nice meal. Afterwards we ended up sleeping together and i thought (foolishly) she might take me back. We then didnt talk for nearly 5 days over new year and then one night i went out and got drunk and ended up texting her some really nasty stuff. She didnt want to know me anynore as you can expect, and that sent me even deeper. I managed to get to talk to her and we made up as friends. Ive been really trying not to talk to her but she occasionally texts me!! i can believe it and i always reply gracefully and sweetly with no talk of the relationship. To throw into the mix, about halfway through this where she said give her a month I asked her if she would move in with me (as this is what i should have done before we broke up but was too chicken!) and she said she would. I found a nice place to look at and shes even agreed to come and see it with me now... im not sure its as friends or what but i get the feeling she is very very tempted. I really dont know what to do and i would really like to live with her. Since we broke up shes been out partying with her girl mates and loads of new guy 'friends' ive never met before. Not that that bothers me at all but i just dont want to lose her. Its snowing outside and she was being real friendly to me earlier on a text or 2. Should i ask her to go out with me for a walk tonight in the snow and have a little play around or should i just break contact completely, what on earth should i do.... Any help is gonna save me...
Jade 02 Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Hi, im new to this forum and so far have found some unbelievable advice that seems like it was tailor written for me, im seriously struggling to follow the advice though and i decided to sign up and post my story and hopefully get some motivation: I was going out with this girl for coming up to 3 years, i love her. I really do, this isnt just some young love that comes and goes. Every time i saw her i thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world, every day for 3 years. I started to do a degree course part time as well as my job and some serious physical training and so my week was extremely hectic and busy. We didnt see a great deal of each other but i always tried to make the effort to allwwayysss see her on a thursday and sunday no matter what. Then the other day she text me ( the week before xmas :-((( ) and told me should didnt want to be with me anymore: This totally ripped my heart from my chest, i just didnt know what to do. judging by the advice on here i did everything wrong, i pleased, kneeled, begged, hoped, wished and cried. I managed to chat to her and she said that she wanted a months space and we could go out again, but over xmas this was soooo hard. She text me first and i replied in the same whining pining way i was trying so hard to avoid. i managed 3 days NC and asked her if she fancied going out, she said yes and i took her to the cinema and we had a very nice meal. Afterwards we ended up sleeping together and i thought (foolishly) she might take me back. We then didnt talk for nearly 5 days over new year and then one night i went out and got drunk and ended up texting her some really nasty stuff. She didnt want to know me anynore as you can expect, and that sent me even deeper. I managed to get to talk to her and we made up as friends. Ive been really trying not to talk to her but she occasionally texts me!! i can believe it and i always reply gracefully and sweetly with no talk of the relationship. To throw into the mix, about halfway through this where she said give her a month I asked her if she would move in with me (as this is what i should have done before we broke up but was too chicken!) and she said she would. I found a nice place to look at and shes even agreed to come and see it with me now... im not sure its as friends or what but i get the feeling she is very very tempted. I really dont know what to do and i would really like to live with her. Since we broke up shes been out partying with her girl mates and loads of new guy 'friends' ive never met before. Not that that bothers me at all but i just dont want to lose her. Its snowing outside and she was being real friendly to me earlier on a text or 2. Should i ask her to go out with me for a walk tonight in the snow and have a little play around or should i just break contact completely, what on earth should i do.... Any help is gonna save me... If she wants space,then waants to get together,sounds to me IMHO that she is playing with your heart,and you seem like a sweet guy,try no contact,ask other women out who deserve you. Really give her the space Good luck hun,you just seem to good of a guy to be playing games with,and being hurt.
DenverBachelor Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Should i ask her to go out with me for a walk tonight in the snow and have a little play around or should i just break contact completely, what on earth should i do.... Build two snowmen (ok a snow.man and a snow woman) and put them right next to each other with each holding the other's hand. Then, in the snow, write, "Come melt with me." Write it in yellow so she can see it better. Then "accidently" come across it while walking with her. Get down on one knee and slowly say her name. While she's in shock, pack together a snowball and then when you look up, nail her right in the face with it. Run away laughing like the mad hatter on acid. This *should* work.
sheithappens Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 lol, that is guaranteed to work lol.... go from no contact to limited contact to no contact etc.... if u want to give it one last shot today then do it, but i dont think she is going to be as responsive as you want her to be, but by all means step up to the batters box.....
Author benjo0101 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 Its so hard being on my own and it burns me up not knowing if she's missin me. I have no idea, I end up texting her when I shouldn't and I don't know how to stop. I want her back so bad. How can I stop contacting her to get her back??? I'm always wanting to text her and tell her I love her. I really need advice.
LisaUk Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Tell her right out that you love her, you want to get back together, but she doesn't seem to know what she wants and you feel like you are being messed about. Then walk away. Get on with your life, go complete NC, date other women. If she loves you, she'll be back, if not well then at least you'll know, as hard as that is to deal with you deserve to be with someone who loves you for you, not someone who will mess you around and keep you hanging.
Author benjo0101 Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 Were going to view a couple of places this Friday, why would she say she wants to come with me if she's not interested?
Author benjo0101 Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 One of my friends is goin out with my now ex's friends an he got some info from her, he said she thinks it's proper over and about the whole moving out thing she doesn't think she can afford it. This will be the first time we've lived away from our parents and I worked out that we could definately afford it and have quite a good lifestyle still. Why would she wanna come see the place thinking all these things and how do I show her that not only could we afford it, it would be awesome. Do I wait till the viewing of the place or text her now and explain it? Sorry to keep posting but it's really helping getting everyone opinion and getting it all off my chest. I think she wants to live together, and the affording thing is an excuse. How do I play it?
gaudi Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I honestly think that if this girl doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, (from what you've posted, it sounds like she's unsure at the least) then it could be a REALLY REALLY bad move to get a place together, whether it's as friends or not, given the way you feel that is......
Author benjo0101 Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 I'm just struggling that's all. How can she have changed so fast from never going out drinking or partying to doin it 3/4 times a week. Makes me feel ****...
sugarmomma Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Help me to understand what her reason for breaking up was? Why did she dump you. Sometimes people get dumped for being an azz. Was it because the r wasn't moving forward, i.e. moving in together? Or the way you said nasty things to her?
Author benjo0101 Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 She claimed it was me not spendinG enough time with her, then she changed saying sHe wanted to be able to go out and dance in clubs wiTh anyone she waNts without worrying about me...where's the juStice, she never even asked me To go with her. All this would be fine but why does she keep contact and why does she wanna View the flats together?? I'm tryin so hard to forget aBout it but I can't...
0hpenelope Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 I was going out with this girl for coming up to 3 years, i love her. I really do, this isnt just some young love that comes and goes. Every time i saw her i thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world, every day for 3 years. I started to do a degree course part time as well as my job and some serious physical training and so my week was extremely hectic and busy. We didnt see a great deal of each other but i always tried to make the effort to allwwayysss see her on a thursday and sunday no matter what. Then the other day she text me ( the week before xmas :-((( ) and told me should didnt want to be with me anymore: Your relationship and everything that you went through with her has been reduced to a break-up by way of a text message. Coward. Coward, coward. I've been on the receiving end of a cowardly e-mail break-up and nothing irritates me more. I feel so bad for you. The most respectful thing she could have given you is a face-to-face break-up. Three years... and she gave you a text message. What a class act. This totally ripped my heart from my chest, i just didnt know what to do. judging by the advice on here i did everything wrong, i pleased, kneeled, begged, hoped, wished and cried. I managed to chat to her and she said that she wanted a months space and we could go out again, but over xmas this was soooo hard. She text me first and i replied in the same whining pining way i was trying so hard to avoid. i managed 3 days NC and asked her if she fancied going out, she said yes and i took her to the cinema and we had a very nice meal. Afterwards we ended up sleeping together and i thought (foolishly) she might take me back. No, no, no. To quote one of my favorite analogies of bedding someone with that kind of logic (it's not really logical though, is it?): "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" I'm relieved to see that you are smarter about this. Don't do it again with anyone. It hurts you, not them. They don't care anymore. Living together is a really bad idea. I cant' say anymore than that because it says it all. She claimed it was me not spendinG enough time with her, then she changed saying sHe wanted to be able to go out and dance in clubs wiTh anyone she waNts without worrying about me...where's the juStice, she never even asked me To go with her. All this would be fine but why does she keep contact and why does she wanna View the flats together?? I'm tryin so hard to forget aBout it but I can't... It sounds like it's not about asking you: it sounds more about being free to do what she wants. I just don't like that she was dodgy about the "real reason" of her breaking-up with you. Heck, because of that lie, I don't think I trust the club thing as the "real reason." From a practical standpoint, it's better that she ended things instead of testing the boundaries of what she shouldn't do while in a relationship with you. Being in clubs is a perfect situation for giving in to temptation and being cheated on is a WHOLE different kind of pain. You're hurting right now, man, but you got off easy. Be thankful you're not living with her. Her desire to dance with other males without having to think of you clearly shows that she's not ready for a committed relationship. She wants to have fun. Place your needs first: she placed her needs first by breaking up with you.
Author benjo0101 Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 (edited) Your so right. I just want to tell her how much I love her, cos i do. Always did. But I look pathetic enough as it is. I feel pathetic chasing her like this. I don't think it'll change her mind. But for some reason I want to tell her. Thankyou for the awesome advice. I'm sure I'll get through this. Keep the posts coming. Everything you guys have said has made me feel a whole world better. I can't help that I love her. Should I try and get together with her and pour out my feelings? Edited January 8, 2010 by benjo0101
samspade Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 You have one-itis. You think she's your only option. Logically, you know this to be false, but emotionally, this is where you're at. Get some perspective, man. She's one female amongst billions. Go out and find a new one. Write this one off and learn the lessons (no more putting females on pedestals and acting like a whiny beta around them). If you're truly devastated by this, go visit a cancer ward. You'll realize how lucky you are. Delete her from your life. It's the only power you have.
0hpenelope Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 Your so right. I just want to tell her how much I love her, cos i do. Always did. But I look pathetic enough as it is. I feel pathetic chasing her like this. I don't think it'll change her mind. But for some reason I want to tell her. Thankyou for the awesome advice. I'm sure I'll get through this. Keep the posts coming. Everything you guys have said has made me feel a whole world better. I can't help that I love her. Should I try and get together with her and pour out my feelings? Of course you love her. You don't need to tell her that, she already knows. You know... if you do get together with her and you pour out your feelings, you use the time you could've gotten together with buddies and gone out for a little wall-climbing/poker game/whatever it is that you do when you're with friends. You give up the opportunity to do activities that will make you feel a little better, but closer to your "Man, I'm aces" stage.
Author benjo0101 Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 I ended up texting her and telling her, she didnt reply and i knew she wouldnt. I went out, had an awesome night with some mates and i intend to do the same tonight. No more tears, just moving forward.
HeavenOrHell Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 You can cry if you want but keep on getting out with your mates and living your life. I still cry 5 months after my ex left after 18 years together but I'm keeping busy too. Take care I ended up texting her and telling her, she didnt reply and i knew she wouldnt. I went out, had an awesome night with some mates and i intend to do the same tonight. No more tears, just moving forward.
Author benjo0101 Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 Ive had nearly a week NC now, and im still all twisted up. Should i be feeling like this? I cant help but want her back. It takes all my effort not to ring her up and tell her. I know she wont respond, AHHH! i dunno why i cant stop thinking about her lol. Its actually quite funny when i think about it. This is more getting it off my chest, but please post any advice or anything you think about this situation. Anything is better than where i am right now.
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