teanoranges Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I know this is a very stupid thought, but I can't help but think it. I seriously don't believe in the kind of love I believed in before.. I think its a fantasy and a fairy-tale. I don't believe humans are capable of real real monogamous love. Men will always want to have sex with someone else, they'll always have their eyes out for something better. They think of sex as just recreation. I know at this time I'm not ready for a relationship with anyone. And its sad too because I do find men flirting with me, but it makes me uncomfortable to flirt back too long, I feel like I'd be leading them on. And I don't want a relationship. I don't even need to worry about not being ready because I don't want one, for a long time, if ever. I just don't want to feel this again, the drama and the mourning.
sean1970 Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I seriously don't believe in the kind of love I believed in before.. I think its a fantasy and a fairy-tale. I think women (certainly more so than men) often believe it should be a fairytale. It has been my experience that, as they age, their perspective changes to a more realistic view (not to be confused with settling). I don't believe humans are capable of real real monogamous love. Men will always want to have sex with someone else, they'll always have their eyes out for something better. They think of sex as just recreation. Humans or just men? While many have made the argument that males are genetically predisposed to want to mount every female they can, I don't believe it is fair to summarily dismiss all men as incapable of being faithful. While I have two eyes, and could appreciate other attractive women when I was with my ex, I wanted no one but her from the time we were committed. I know at this time I'm not ready for a relationship with anyone. Nothing wrong with that. You will still be in good company; yours. And its sad too because I do find men flirting with me, but it makes me uncomfortable to flirt back too long, I feel like I'd be leading them on. And I don't want a relationship. I don't even need to worry about not being ready because I don't want one, for a long time, if ever. I just don't want to feel this again, the drama and the mourning. I've said this here before, we are not lucky enough not to find ourselves in a relationship again When you are ready, and you find the right one, you will again and you will be better prepared to be really happy from this experience.
USMCHokie Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I don't believe humans are capable of real real monogamous love. Men will always want to have sex with someone else, they'll always have their eyes out for something better. They think of sex as just recreation. Women are no different. And I've come to feel that love isn't what media and the general population portrays it as...it's not about the fairy tale romance BS...it's almost like a business decision...finding someone who you can spend your life with who can provide for a comfortable, fulfilling life (not necessarily money wise, but it can often be the case)...basically someone you can tolerate living with for the rest of your life...
Author teanoranges Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 That's the thing though, 'fantasy/fairy-tale' I don't mean a man to give me flowers everyday or even to cuddle with all the time, but even someone who's willing to deal with low-points, someone who's not going to think you're stupid when you feel bad. Someone who you'll get along with. I guess all love really is is the same feeling you feel for your family.. and in that sense, why bother trying to make it something charming? Why bother loving someone intimately when you can love everyone like family? I mean, I can be in a 'business' with anyone.. I only generalize the 'male' thing because I've read quite a few post bashing females, so I figured why not vocalize my anger at males at the moment since males can bash the females? Fairgame in equality, right? Either way I think both genders have their issues. And I completely understand having eyes for the beauty of others. I did think some guys were cute when I was dating my ex, but like you said, I didn't have any inkling of wanting them.
Kic Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I think we need to marry someone that we'd enjoy staying with even in the unfortunate event that we fall out of love with them. Someone that would still be an excellent friend that shares the same interests. Even if "fairy tale love" exists, perhaps it is only fleeting. When it's gone, compatibility and maximizing time spent together with your spouse through shared interests is what will help keep a marriage strong.
USMCHokie Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I guess all love really is is the same feeling you feel for your family.. and in that sense, why bother trying to make it something charming? Why bother loving someone intimately when you can love everyone like family? I mean, I can be in a 'business' with anyone.. Yes, you can be in business with anyone, but will you be happy? It's finding that person with the characteristics that will help you live a happier life than if you were alone or with a bad partner. And I disagree with your statement that it's the same feeling as with your family...you're 'stuck', for lack of a better term, with your family...but with a partner, they will come and go...I think it's different... And I'm in the same boat as you...I don't want a relationship with anyone...yes, I may find other women attractive, but I don't want to trust them...not yet...
USMCHokie Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Even if "fairy tale love" exists, perhaps it is only fleeting. When it's gone, compatibility and maximizing time spent together with your spouse through shared interests is what will help keep a marriage strong. Agreed. This is what I was referring to when I spoke of the "business" of a relationship...
Ms. Joolie Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I know this is a very stupid thought, but I can't help but think it. This is a great place to express all those thoughts. You will get great feedback. I seriously don't believe in the kind of love I believed in before.. I think its a fantasy and a fairy-tale. I never even thought about love until I was in my early twenties. LOL. Then it was this idea in my head. Then that crashed and burned, and I tried to NOT believe in love. I couldn't run away from it though, couldn't live without it. It wasn't until I was 26 that I decided I'd believe in love again. Since then actually, my life has become so much better and fulfilling. Funny how that is. Love isn't a fairy tale or a fantasy anymore to me. Love is something real for me, something that exists. I feel it. I see what it can do. It's a journey. Whether you believe in love or not and what you do with it is up to you, all part of your journey. I don't believe humans are capable of real real monogamous love. This is definitely a tricky subject, and highly debatable. My own thoughts on this is that it's a matter of fulfillment. What are you going to be fulfilled with, one or many partners? Personally, I just need one. And I want my love, my relationship with the man I love, to be fulfilling enough for my partner to where he doesn't want or need another. Am I, or my partner, going to be capable of this? I believe so, but I suppose I have yet to find out. haha Men will always want to have sex with someone else, they'll always have their eyes out for something better. They think of sex as just recreation. Again, I believe it's a matter of fulfillment. If someone is fulfilled in a relationship with one partner, they won't want something better. However, if one person's fulfillment is in many partners, then I can't argue with that. Can't relate to that either. I know at this time I'm not ready for a relationship with anyone. And its sad too because I do find men flirting with me, but it makes me uncomfortable to flirt back too long, I feel like I'd be leading them on. There may be a fine line between not being ready for a relationship and not opening up to one. Recently, I've crossed that line. I've opened up to one. Maybe you can set a mark and say to yourself, "At such and such date, I will open up for a relationship. I will be ready." Because at some point, whether or not you are going to accept a relationship is a choice. And I don't want a relationship. I don't even need to worry about not being ready because I don't want one, for a long time, if ever. I just don't want to feel this again, the drama and the mourning. Then focus on other relationships... family relationships, work relationships, friend relationships, or your relationship to yourself! It's not all about romantic relationships. A romantic relationship isn't even necessary. I like to think a romantic relationship is a sort of embellishment to one's life but not necessary. Who knows, really? But I do think it's about what's fulfilling for YOU.
Author teanoranges Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 Wow, really thanks all for the replies and the ideas. Its hard to swallow that love is going to be business like and lack any adventure and depth, but that's what happens when you grow up though. I always thought love was wanting to be near someone and working together through problems. I thought it was a potential for two individuals to grow together and experience things (adventure, i guess) and inspire each other. That sexuality wasn't procreation OR recreation, but a kind of meditation that takes you to a whole other place, literally allows you to access the insides of someone. Now that that whole fantasy has come crashing down, haha, it really is true that you only have yourself. You is all you'll ever have. I've never really been interested in relationships all that much. The recent one just happened to me and I'm sure more will, but I have an underlying faith that those will end as well.. haha and I'm an optimist! My relationship with my family and friends is actually really great. I feel extremely comfortable with all of them. honesty and communication play a big role, so I don't know where the difference besides physical intimacy makes a difference (now)... I'm not really down or depressed or anything. I just am starting to question if 'love' is anything at all. If those feelings can come and go and end on a whim, is it ever really love? Or are we (am I, don't want to speak for anyone else) really just living on hope and faith that it is real? Maybe all we really can do is wait for people to spark our interest and wait for that interest to wain before moving on, just to keep our lives exciting. I mean, isn't it strange that we all go through this? We all fall in love, fall out of it, be heartbroken, break others hearts? Its not our faults that love comes and goes, its just how it is. blaaaaaahhhhhh... haha. I don't mean to make this controversial, I really am interested in what others think.
GrayClouds Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 (edited) Men will always want to have sex with someone else, they'll always have their eyes out for something better. They think of sex as just recreation. I can say for a fact not all men. Though it usually takes a mature and healthy woman with high expectations to get and appreciate one. I don't even need to worry about not being ready because I don't want one, for a long time, if ever. I just don't want to feel this again, the drama and the mourning. And the scary thing is someone will come into your life and despite all that you will still take a chance Edited January 6, 2010 by GrayClouds
Ms. Joolie Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 teanoranges, I think that you are going to have to find the meaning of love for yourself. Try and define what love is to you, or perhaps don't give a thought to love at all. However, as you/if you go on that journey don't let your meaning/meaninglessness of love interrupt you having great relationships. How you relate to the people around you, to the universe around you and everything in it is more important than any idea of love. However.... your idea of love is the indicator of your romantic relationships. imho.
Kic Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Love certainly means different things to different people. I believe that there are some out there that have transcended the idea of falling in love again entirely and make peace with themselves. Think of: A celibate monk in a distant temple. The aging housewife with too many ties to her loveless marriage (children, religion, etc) to leave. What has love become to these people? Perhaps they have realized that self-fulfillment does not necessarily need to include the love of a partner.
Author teanoranges Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 Love certainly means different things to different people. I believe that there are some out there that have transcended the idea of falling in love again entirely and make peace with themselves. Think of: A celibate monk in a distant temple. The aging housewife with too many ties to her loveless marriage (children, religion, etc) to leave. What has love become to these people? Perhaps they have realized that self-fulfillment does not necessarily need to include the love of a partner. beautifully said. I think I am coming to that. I really find no point to it. Everyone is right, it will probably happen again and unexpectedly and I won't hesitate... but I also don't really care if it doesn't happen either. oh well. I spent the majority of my life without it, so I know I'll be fine.
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