tigereyes1428 Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 guys - just wondered if you would date a single mum 31 - 3 kids by 3 fathers - would rather no abuse just constructive honest answers - many thanks
consufedmarriedman Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I think there are a lot of guys that would date a women with kids I know a few of them. Just be protective of who you bring around, make sure they are the real deal and serious about you and your kids first. I think the only hang up guys will have is the 3 kids 3 dads. But really do not make it a big deal and they will not. Make sure the attention is on you and the date/realtionship not how you have 3 kids with different dads. You will find someone!
Author tigereyes1428 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 thank you again - i hope your situation worked out also - did you tell her?
Lishy Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Tiger some men will date you and some wont I have a friend with no children who cant get a date for love nor money and another friend with 4 kids and 3 dads who never remains single for long Its all about you babe and you will find the right guy one day
Bejita463 Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I am not yet mature enough to desire to share my toys with a child. They are MINE! Keep their little carnie hands off! /growl.
bayouboi Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 guys - just wondered if you would date a single mum 31 - 3 kids by 3 fathers - would rather no abuse just constructive honest answers - many thanks I wouldn't for several reasons. I'd prefer not to date a single mom of even one kid because you usually get the whole "my kid comes first" spiel and while I can appreciate that, it's not going to appeal to my needs and desires. Additionally, I tend to date for long-term potential, and I'd like my first child to be with someone whom it's also their first child so we can go through the same "firsts" together. 3 kids by 3 fathers would be a definite "no" for me because my assumption would be that they're only after another paycheck and are unstable in general. Not a personal attack, just my honest answer.
Devil Inside Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 If I were single I would actually prefer to date a woman that is a mother because I have children. I feel that another parent would understand how having children would effect a relationship, and where priorities would be.
phineas Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 It comes down to a few very important things for me. Do you have a job? If not, are you getting 3 child support checks? Are the ex's causing trouble for you? are you hot? j/k. I have two little ones of my own & prefer a woman with kids because they would understand I don't have a lot of free time. It's a bonus if the kids are close in age.
TheLoneSock Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I wouldn't for several reasons. I'd prefer not to date a single mom of even one kid because you usually get the whole "my kid comes first" spiel and while I can appreciate that, it's not going to appeal to my needs and desires. Additionally, I tend to date for long-term potential, and I'd like my first child to be with someone whom it's also their first child so we can go through the same "firsts" together. ^this If I were single I would actually prefer to date a woman that is a mother because I have children. I feel that another parent would understand how having children would effect a relationship, and where priorities would be. ^and this These are two different perspectives you're going to get a lot of for the most part. The reasons I do not date single moms of any number of children are exactly the same as what bayouboi had to say. The other perspective, that of Devil's, is what you are going to be looking for OP. Single fathers are the kind of guys you would mesh with. For a young successful guy, dating a single mom is considered by many people in his life as settling, and rightly so. Why should he date a single mom when there are a plethora of attractive, young women out there he can start his own family with? The answer is he shouldn't. Guys who are single fathers though, that is a different story. A single father is in the same boat as you, OP. He already has his own children, has already gone through the motions, would be more understanding, etc; and therefore would be a better fit more than likely.
Lishy Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 ^this ^and this These are two different perspectives you're going to get a lot of for the most part. The reasons I do not date single moms of any number of children are exactly the same as what bayouboi had to say. The other perspective, that of Devil's, is what you are going to be looking for OP. Single fathers are the kind of guys you would mesh with. For a young successful guy, dating a single mom is considered by many people in his life as settling, and rightly so. Why should he date a single mom when there are a plethora of attractive, young women out there he can start his own family with? The answer is he shouldn't. Guys who are single fathers though, that is a different story. A single father is in the same boat as you, OP. He already has his own children, has already gone through the motions, would be more understanding, etc; and therefore would be a better fit more than likely. and THAT is exactly the advise you should have given on her other thread! That is so true and it is different strokes for different folks! I see you can give well thought out and diplomatic advise if you want to
boogieboy Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Never, ever, ever, ever. I'd never take on someone elses family.
flc Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I did when I was 27, was married for 20yrs now divorced. She had one child age 2 and her child still lives with me. So it worked out just fine. But in your case a women with 3 children from 3 different men, I would take a pass she seems to have other issues than just the children.
DustySaltus Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I dated a single mother when I was in college (I was 19, she was 23). The father came back into her life at one point and although I tried to get along with him it got to the point where one of us was going to have to cause serious harm to each other. So I broke it off. Tried again a few years later but I was at a different place in my life. Now add two more kids with two more fathers to that scenario.....
mushmush Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 3 differnt kids to 3 differnt fathers??? helll no. Is this chick trying to fall pregnant to keep the guy around?? Single mothers, not a problem but 3 KIDS TO 3 DIFFERNT FATHERS??? wow no thanks.
thatguy85 Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I've dated a girl who was a single mom that I liked a lot. Ultimately though we both had too much baggage and chose to be friends.. And we still are. I've also hooked up with a single mom who I'd never actually date. I think a lot of it has to do with the individual. I think the best thing to do is make sure the guy knows you aren't auditioning for potential fathers for your kids, which is pretty obvious, and you will find a guy who works for you. I honestly would be a little hesitent to date someone with 3 kids, all different dads. I'm sure you are aware, but that's 3 other guys you are permanently attached to. It's also difficult to do things when you have to plan for babysitting. I'm also only 24 and incredibly immature, but that's my honest opinion. If I liked you enough; I'd most likely still date you... And you will find that there are a ton of guys who are mature enough to just dive right in.
CaspianDreams Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I'd definitely pass on the situation, regardless of the # of fathers - the 3 kids is the deal breaker, largely because I'd want kids of my own some day, and I don't need 4+. I could probably deal with 1 kid, and 2 at the very most (but that's becoming a pretty significant problem already). The number of father's is also a bit difficult, as it says something about the mother, be it who she dates, her lifestyle choices, her ability to actually stay in a relationship, etcetera. The number of fathers communicates, at least to me, some pretty ugly personality traits, in particular given the age of 31 (if she was 51, it would be easier to swallow). Moreover, at least right now, the mothers of multiple kids are looking for different things in a relationship than I am, so it's hard to get the appropriate connection (I'm 30).
tami-chan Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 If I were single I would actually prefer to date a woman that is a mother because I have children. I feel that another parent would understand how having children would effect a relationship, and where priorities would be. Hey DI, where've yah been? -Anyway, you would date someone with 3 kids from 3 different guys?
meerkat stew Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 3 differnt kids to 3 differnt fathers??? helll no. Is this chick trying to fall pregnant to keep the guy around?? Single mothers, not a problem but 3 KIDS TO 3 DIFFERNT FATHERS??? wow no thanks. This. I would date a woman with children from a single prior marriage provided I didn't get that "human wallet wanted for college fund" feeling, which you see all over the dating sites.
Sam Spade Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Generally - no. It is not inconceivable if she's exceptional in several respects (e.g. personality-, looks-, character-wise but as a general rule - no. But if we're talking about multiple fathers, then hell no...
Author tigereyes1428 Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 in response to mush mush - then no absolutely not - all long term realtionships first was when i married at 19 did not work out both to young and grew apart, second was the love of my life we were engaged to be married but he betrayed me badly. and third is my current partner - just wondered if people automatically jump to negative conclusions
mushmush Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 was drunk when I got home so yeah was my honest response to where I am at this stage of my life.. I'm also going through a bit of a rough time so my mood towards woman in general that I date is not really at all positive.. taking a break in fact. Alot of bad dates and betrayal from girls i trusted. sorry i did come across as being a jackass and was being insensitive. Sober answer now. But for me I can't see myself as dating a single mother. I'm just not ready for that sort of commitment at this stage of my life. Who knows what will happen in the future or who you will meet? My mother would probably relate to you. Had my sister when she was 17, married and was betrayed. Had me to my father who passed away. Is now marred and has been with her current parner for 20 odd years. Love of her life
Devil Inside Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 Hey DI, where've yah been? -Anyway, you would date someone with 3 kids from 3 different guys? Hey Tami...the holidays kind of knocked me out of LS commission. So Tiger...let me address this 3 children by 3 different fathers issue. I do not think it is a deal breaker for me...but it does point to some issues that would be concerning. Let me break it down for you. First, having a child is a big commitment. So if you have had this experience with three different men it makes me wonder if you have a difficult time in a committed relationship. Also, three different fathers means you need to deal with three different men for coparenting issues. This can be a lot of drama! So....I guess it would not eliminate you automatically, but it would make me cautious to over commit until I felt I had a better assessment of your personality. Make sense?
Author tigereyes1428 Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 yes it does thank you - when i had first child i did not realise what commitment meant - i admit that - i was 19/20 years old and thought i knew it all - maturity has set in through pain and experience - i have not commitment issues - my 2nd relationship with my 2nd baby broke my heart badly i thought i would never get over it it took 5 years - my current relationship i am committed fully - i love him but he is unhappy and not adjusting to being a father - but yet cos i have previous children etc if this relationship ends its me that looks like they cant handle the commitment etc- thank you for being honest and open minded , its very m,uch appreciated...
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