Confidence or just being too forward?

[b52s]

With millions of single women proclaiming they just love confidence in a man, would the first sign of this would be asking you out cold turkey be a sign or asking for your # upon first encounter at a BBQ or dinner party or club?

 

I had a friend of mine who we play game nights with at different locations (board/card games) or poker night.

 

And sometimes new faces would show up, eventually people became regulars. There's this one male friend I know that likes this girl....then I said, "You ask her out?"

 

And gives me this, "No, I'm going to wait a little longer, let her get used to me....before I do that"

 

And I said, "Why wait? What's the big deal?"

 

"Well, I don't won't appear too forward or desperate."

 

With me, I really don't see how that has to do with the price of tea in CHINA. How is this too forward??

 

Funny, I used to be like this guy when I was younger, then some other guy would snatch up because I waited too long.

 

BUT, I heard some women don't like it when a guy asks her out TOO soon, but personally, is there even such a thing?

 

But, does this indicate an act of self-confidence? That the had the cajones enough to ask a woman out as quick as he did?.....while the beta male just sat on his laurels while he maintains his chastity.

 

Is there such thing as asking a woman out TOO soon? or asking for her # too soon?

[ordinary_girl]

if you click and you flirt and laugh and have a good time, it's good to ask for her number as soon as you can. if the conversation is awkward, if you can't find anything in common with her, if either of you looks bored then don't.

[Vertex]

In my experience, I've had the best luck asking someone out when there were indicators of interest -- if it seemed clear that someone was either not interested or apathetic, I didn't bother. I'd rather launch from a platform of obvious attraction than perform a total mystery dive, you know?

 

I think trying to apply some silly "gaming" of the contact system is pointless -- contact someone/ask someone out/move forward when the time feels right for you. Everyone's different. Some like to move more quickly, others more slowly; there's no one set guideline. Don't let "ideal paces" of past relationships cloud your judgment with someone new.

[b52s]

In my experience, I've had the best luck asking someone out when there were indicators of interest -- if it seemed clear that someone was either not interested or apathetic, I didn't bother. I'd rather launch from a platform of obvious attraction than perform a total mystery dive, you know?

 

I think trying to apply some silly "gaming" of the contact system is pointless -- contact someone/ask someone out/move forward when the time feels right for you. Everyone's different. Some like to move more quickly, others more slowly; there's no one set guideline. Don't let "ideal paces" of past relationships cloud your judgment with someone new.

 

 

Oh okay, hm, so you have to gauge the level of interest BEFORE even making the attempt at asking them out?

 

I had one woman where I did that with her, and she said she wanted to see me a few times at group events before moving on to that part. She'd say, "You going to be at Bill's party? Cool, I 'll see you there!"

 

So it's only at events she wants to see you , but not alone.

 

Also, I typically ask out a woman if she seems "friendly" to me, just in case she might be interested....because I like asking out friendly women, because....well, I'm attracted to friendliness.

[ordinary_girl]

Oh okay, hm, so you have to gauge the level of interest BEFORE even making the attempt at asking them out?

 

I had one woman where I did that with her, and she said she wanted to see me a few times at group events before moving on to that part. She'd say, "You going to be at Bill's party? Cool, I 'll see you there!"

 

So it's only at events she wants to see you , but not alone.

 

Also, I typically ask out a woman if she seems "friendly" to me, just in case she might be interested....because I like asking out friendly women, because....well, I'm attracted to friendliness.

 

well you don't HAVE to gauge the level of interest so if you want to keep getting smacked in the face by indifference then go right ahead and ask away.

 

the person you are refering to wanted to get to know you better before going on a date with you. that doesn't mean she wouldn't have wanted things to progress. I think you should be more tolerant of other people. as poster here said before, everyone is different.

 

yes, asking friendly people is a good thing.

[GoodOnPaper]

Is there such thing as asking a woman out TOO soon? or asking for her # too soon?

 

It sounds like you have a good handle on how you approach this. There probably isn't one right answer -- I imagine that a lot depends on the guy's personality and level of success with women. Is your friend satisfied with the number of women he attracts and dates? If so, then his more cautious approach is fine for him. If not, then he should speed things up.

 

I was in that boat -- I erred way too much on the side of caution. I was terrible at reading signs of interest -- it basically seemed that no one was interested -- so I felt I needed to get to know a woman to some extent before asking her out. Unfortunately, this approach always got me talking with women who already had bfs or others who would friendzone me on the spot.

 

So for me, the answer to your question would be no. If I could turn back the clock, I would speed things up a lot -- to the point where it might feel like cold-calling to me.

[Yukikazi]

Well you don't just walk up and ask out of the blue.. what motivation could she have to give you a # much less a date..

 

Picture it.. you go ask w/o preamble or intro.. "Wanna go out sometime?" "Can I call you?"

 

Her response.. "Why?"

 

You have to answer that preemptivly before you ask for a #.

[GoodOnPaper]

I suspect that what feels like cold-calling to me would be a normal preamble or intro for most people.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

With millions of single women proclaiming they just love confidence in a man, would the first sign of this would be asking you out cold turkey be a sign or asking for your # upon first encounter at a BBQ or dinner party or club?

 

I had a friend of mine who we play game nights with at different locations (board/card games) or poker night.

 

And sometimes new faces would show up, eventually people became regulars. There's this one male friend I know that likes this girl....then I said, "You ask her out?"

 

And gives me this, "No, I'm going to wait a little longer, let her get used to me....before I do that"

 

And I said, "Why wait? What's the big deal?"

 

"Well, I don't won't appear too forward or desperate."

 

With me, I really don't see how that has to do with the price of tea in CHINA. How is this too forward??

 

Funny, I used to be like this guy when I was younger, then some other guy would snatch up because I waited too long.

 

BUT, I heard some women don't like it when a guy asks her out TOO soon, but personally, is there even such a thing?

 

But, does this indicate an act of self-confidence? That the had the cajones enough to ask a woman out as quick as he did?.....while the beta male just sat on his laurels while he maintains his chastity.

 

Is there such thing as asking a woman out TOO soon? or asking for her # too soon?

 

When the obvious goal is to inspire the woman to say "yes", then of course the one who pauses for a while as the woman becomes more familiar with him, will have a greater potential for success.

 

IF, however, you just want to ask her out cold-turkey, just for the sake of going back to the poker game after the boys witnessed you up there in the batter's box with the hottie at the bar, then by all means, just go to the plate and take your cuts as soon as you can.

 

Just make sure that the more quickly you ask a woman out, the less interested you are in what she'll say in response.

[Boundary Problem]

Is there such thing as asking a woman out TOO soon? or asking for her # too soon?

 

I had a huge answer and deleted it.

 

Short answer: yes ask her out and start hanging out with her.

 

If a woman doesn't like you she'll go out with you etc but you will find she won't reciprocate or want physical stuff with you.

 

So just start slow on the physical stuff. But if she is letting you touch her then chances are she likes you.

 

I'm a woman. My dad says it is the guys job to keep his foot on the gas to keep the physical stuff moving forward and the woman's job to put on the brakes. So as a guy it is your job to keep your foot on the gas, but you don't want to scare her off. What I'm trying to say is keep pressing forward, but go slow. Don't start off just trying to be her friend. She already has lots of friends. Also be flirty right from the start so you stay out of the friend-zone.

 

I'm editing to add this - I disagree with waiting because if she isn't going to suddenly like you because she knows you. Either she likes you or she doesn't. Waiting won't change that.

Edited January 6, 2010 by Boundary Problem