question for guys. would you be put off dating a woman who has three kids at 31

[Woggle]

This is not about me... when I had my kids I was faithful to my partners.. never cheated on anyone.... I was/still am a good mother.. how can you be so hostile towards women...

 

If I ever become committed to a man... I will NOT cheat... that I know.

 

Yes but yoy still fell out of love and a woman who is on her third family also easily falls out of love. A man who is family minded wants a woman who means it when she commits and follows through on that.

[Lizzie60]

They are about to breakup and maybe he and the others are jerks which means she will get bored with any decent man that tries to make a relationship work with her. She should just stay single and save herself and any future man a lot of heartbreak.

 

 

With that I agree... if I were her.. I would remain single.. raise my kids.. have many lovers.. (not in front of kids)... have fun... but that would be me... maybe she wants a loving relationship...

[carhill]

They are about to breakup and maybe he and the others are jerks which means she will get bored with any decent man that tries to make a relationship work with her. She should just stay single and save herself and any future man a lot of heartbreak.

In light of this post, I tend to agree with Lizzie that she should stay single and perhaps choose a different type of man to expose her children to, or, just stay away from men for awhile and raise her kids. The current BF and father of her most recent child has an apparent track record of drug use, which I presume is illegal in Scotland. Not the best person to have around children, IMO.

 

TBH, exposure to and tacit approval of drug use (the BF has been 'doing it' for 20 years) would likely seriously reduce my desire and/or interest regarding dating a lady in the OP's circumstances. It wouldn't be compatible. Sorry.

[tigereyes1428]

thank you to everyone who has gave an opionion - just to clarify i was in love and tried my hardest with each person - maybe it is me - maybe i am naive cos my first love whom i married and had first child slept with my sister and i tried so hard to forgive him but it tore us apart, 2nd time i was engaged and very happy but he had another fiancee and a child who is 3 weeks younger than our child i knew and suspected nothing again. this time around - i had no idea my current partner used hash/grass... i am devastated again - his excuse for never mentioning was he always wanted to stop and knew i would disapprove??? so i am as low as a person can be right now - i dont know what else i could have done each time - i dont feel i deserved any of the betrayals, and always gave 110% - its all came to a head today - i dont know where to even start trying to pick myself up this time -

[Lishy]

what happened today hon?

[tigereyes1428]

its over - i have been an idiot again!!

he has lied about so much - and i never seen it again - i tried so hard to not punish him for my ex's betrayals by being paranoid and jealous etc -"love like you have never been hurt" etc and it happened again - maybe it is me - i dont know what to do - i have no one to talk to and it hurts like hell i feel a bloody fool

[Lishy]

what has he lied about? I know just how you feel I was in the same position with a liar ... It is mind boggling and soul destroying

[carhill]

He cheated on her...

[tigereyes1428]

everything... it seems

what he wants - how he feels. smoking hash, i am in total shock.. whats the point in telling so many lies? no wonder he is stressed , he cant even remember things we discussed in great length.

[tigereyes1428]

He cheated on her...

 

no - but betrayed by his lies.

[carhill]

I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope my read was premature. Do you have any support? A close girlfriend or family member whom you can be with right now?

 

His drug use changes him. It's the same with an alcoholic. It's like an altered state. Sorry to say that what's really going on in there is likely something you don't want to get close to. Wish I had better news. Take care of yourself and the kids. Call that friend or family member right now. Be safe.

[tigereyes1428]

i will be ok - i have plenty experience remember lol.. my baby is teething and needs his mummy sane and not sobbing, time to dry my eyes and get on with it again - thank you for easing the pain and loneliness tonight carhill and lishy x x

[Truthfulanswers]

The answer depends on the views of the man.

 

I am inclined to believe most men would not want to get involved but there are those that would.

 

What are you looking for?

 

My best to you

[Eve]

just wondered the opinions of men - would you be put off dating a woman who had three children at 31 by three fathers.

 

In light of what has been said I would say it best to focus on yourself and the kids for the time being. Meeting someone new shouldnt be that much of a priority right now.. it will only confuse things.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[tigereyes1428]

thank you everyone - it started as a hypothetical question - i had never thought of peoples opinions on my kids having different fathers before, until very recently someone made a comment and i wondered in general what people thought and what conclusions they jump to when hearing only that about me. I am feeling much better today - and seriously meeting someone new is the LAST of my priorities lol i struggle to get childcare for work, night school and the odd dance class ..

[ralph1319]

in my oppinion it goes booth ways some women wont date a man with 2 kids. As for me i find it better to date a woman who has kids so that way she already knows how important time with family is also less drama on how much time they should spend together .people with kids know how to manage time to be together.

[tigereyes1428]

thank you Ralph - love the positive attitude :-)

[alphamale]

just wondered the opinions of men - would you be put off dating a woman who had three children at 31 by three fathers.

probably...if she had 3 kids by one daddy i wouldn't mind

[tigereyes1428]

a few folk have said that also

Edited January 10, 2010 by tigereyes1428
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[ralph1319]

the bottom line is if the man your with doesnt care how many dads those kids haveand he loves you for who you are. then F what the rest of the world thinks....so good luck with everything.. hey you wanna go on a date... sorry had to throw in that joke couldnt help it..but anyhow hope things work out for you..

[tigereyes1428]

lol - thanks x

[pinklili]

I think initially, I would expect the guy to be wary. If there are two equally attractive women to choose from. One has kids and one doesn't, I would think most would choose to be with the one w/o children.

 

I know if I was faced with the inverse situation. I would lean toward the guy who doesn't have family obligation. So it is very likely that being a single mother is a negative when making the first impression.

 

That said, I think each person's situation is different. Maybe the woman has her reasons for having those children. Maybe the woman is exceptional and have her special qualities that overcomes the initial hesitation. And maybe the children are wonderful. Maybe the man can't have kids of his own and would love to become a father to those children. Keep an open mind. Don't despair. Like everyone else out there, meeting a worthy significant other often is a matter of luck.