EricaH329 Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 So there was a major discussion at work tonight. Whether or not living with another person is 'acceptable' before marriage. My arguement: You never know someone until you've lived with them. Period. The guy at work was determined to push his opinion of 'marriage first' on me, but I really don't believe it should work like that. What do you think?
tigereyes1428 Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 there is absolutely no way i'd marry someone i had never lived with - his thoughts are very old fashioned where you married someone and had to stay with them if you were happy or not and when woman were not considered equal
Author EricaH329 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 there is absolutely no way i'd marry someone i had never lived with - his thoughts are very old fashioned where you married someone and had to stay with them if you were happy or not and when woman were not considered equal I completely agree with you. His ideas might be old fashioned, but he has never lived with anyone and he is 48 years old. So, his ideas are only that. Ideas. He has no actual experience to back it up.
Chinook Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I was married in my very early 20s (I'm now 40). I didn't live with my exH. I would NEVER do it again. If I had lived with him, I never would have married him. He had a few major problems which he'd managed to keep from me right up to the day of getting married and in typical 'now the ring is on the finger' style... he then showed his true colours. It totally wrecked my world and effectively, I married someone I hardly knew.
Author EricaH329 Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 If I had lived with him, I never would have married him My point exactly! You never really know someone until you live with them. It can save a lot of time, effort, and money.
Ms. Joolie Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I do understand that the person I am dating has negative faults along with all his positive qualities. I pretty much know that living with someone will expose me to another person's life, faults and all. I personally don't feel that I have to move in with someone before marriage. It's not necessary for me. However, I can understand if the guy wants the apparent security of living with each other before marriage. Just a shame that there is that lack of trust and commitment.... or even lack of understanding that yes indeed your partner has faults and imperfections you hadn't noticed before. I can see how living together would protect you from the other person's dishonest or severely disruptive life, something they were able to hide very well, as in drug abuse. I think with discernment and communication this could be weeded out of most cases though. I value marriage, and in my own life would want living together to lead up to marriage but would surely marry the man I love without living together.
Romance Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 I would want to be engaged (ideally) before living with someone. But I would not get married to someone before living with them. I agree, you do not know someone until you live with them. At all.
Author EricaH329 Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 I've known both of my best friends for 10 years. I love them both equally. I moved in with both of them at separate times. Moving in with them ruined our friendship. Now, living apart, we have worked through everything. All i'm saying... is that by personal experience, you never fully know someone else until you live with them. There really isn't any arguing that.
Author EricaH329 Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 And it's so much more than who gets the shower first. It's learning every habit they have. Every flaw that you thought you knew about. You'd be surprised at how much you learn from just living with someone. Someone you thought you knew so well.
Clep Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 If I am going to marry someone I am committed to making it work and I am confident they are doing the same, as their communication skills are showing me that already. When I live with them and things arise that cause conflict we are going to work it out together as divorce is not an option. If my mind is thinking that separation is not an option and my bf and I have the communication skills to work through anything, living together before marriage is not a requirement. People are always changing through life and relationships and the ability to solve the seemingly unsolvable or work around it determines how long a relationship will last. I don't need to live with someone first to be committed to dealing with the unsolvable. I believe the idea of a trial run goes against the idea of commitment. That way of thinking creates a scenario where commitment is only temporary. Just my ideas here.
Ms. Joolie Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 If I am going to marry someone I am committed to making it work and I am confident they are doing the same, as their communication skills are showing me that already. When I live with them and things arise that cause conflict we are going to work it out together as divorce is not an option. If my mind is thinking that separation is not an option and my bf and I have the communication skills to work through anything, living together before marriage is not a requirement. People are always changing through life and relationships and the ability to solve the seemingly unsolvable or work around it determines how long a relationship will last. I don't need to live with someone first to be committed to dealing with the unsolvable. I believe the idea of a trial run goes against the idea of commitment. That way of thinking creates a scenario where commitment is only temporary. Just my ideas here. OMG, yes. Exactly what I was trying to say myself, but you said it much better. This is the kind of commitment and loyalty that I want to give... this is why I value marriage and really need a guy who gets this and has this POV in return.
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